Gifts and poison
The days of waiting have never been easy.
Lin Qing believed she had the right to speak out about this matter, after all, since meeting Qiao Yu, it seemed like she was always waiting.
At first, she waited for Qiao Yu to fall in love with her, for their hearts to meet, and then for Qiao Yu to resolve the satisfaction issue. Later, she began waiting for Qiao Yu to come back.
She was not someone who was good at waiting, but she was willing to make an exception for Qiao Yu.
She waited alone for a memory for two years – or perhaps more accurately, a year and a half, since she was kept in the dark for the first half-year when Qiao Yu left, feeling puzzled only by the unusual moments of each day.
If I could remain oblivious, maybe I would be happier than I am now.
—At least, this is what Qiao Yu seems to think.
Standing three steps away was that self-righteous person who was so annoying, Lin Qing lowered her eyes, not looking to see what expression she had at that moment, secretly feeling fortunate that she listened obediently without getting closer or speaking.
Lin Qing was very angry, Lin Qing was really mad at Qiao Yu.
Just the words “leave without saying goodbye” alone were enough to brew a pot of bitterness for her in the difficult time.
What’s more, she was completely unaware that this person had already returned.
There’s nothing more offensive than finding out about your lover’s whereabouts from someone else’s mouth.
Should it be said that “old enmities and new hatred” surged in her heart? Lin Qing quickly adjusted her heartbeat that was just disturbed by Qiao Yu’s lack of manners, and calmly spoke up.
“I have something to ask you, can I?”
Without a response, Lin Qing glanced over and saw Qiao Yu obediently nodding, pursing her lips, demonstrating her sincerity in obeying Lin Qing’s command.
Not daring to look too much, Lin Qing quickly shifted her gaze after a glance and said, “Answer my question, don’t say anything else.”
“Mmm.”
Quickly realizing that this was permission for her to speak when asked a question, Qiao Yu obediently made a nasal sound, sounding completely agreeable. But the more she complied, the more complex Lin Qing’s feelings became.
“What exactly happened two years ago.”
This question that had lingered in her heart, unable to be revealed to anyone until now, finally could be spoken to the right person. It felt like a fishbone stuck in Lin Qing’s throat, deeply embedded like it had become a part of her flesh. When it was finally able to be spoken, it came with a tearing pain, reminding Lin Qing that her days and nights with this burden were far from easy.
Lin Qing had her own speculations about Qiao Yu, but they were all unfounded fantasies. At that time, no one could give her a definite answer, and now she was eager to cut open this old wound.
“…”
She heard Qiao Yu take a gentle breath and then slowly speak.
“…I changed the text that was submitted at the time, and then the satisfaction rating turned to zero. I was punished… um, I was basically taken away from this world, almost like being exiled.”
“Now that the satisfaction rating has risen to one, I can come back.”
(Originally translated on littlepandatranslations.com, let's go!)
Her straightforward explanation disrupted Lin Qing’s breathing rhythm.
“So you mean, during this time, you have been in exile?”
She emphasized the word “exile” and couldn’t help but raise her eyes to look at Qiao Yu, who hesitated for a moment and pursed her lips.
“Yes, but the flow of time in the exiled world is different from here—I think… it hasn’t been that long.”
Speaking somewhat awkwardly, she moved her hand back behind her, raised her head to meet Lin Qing’s gaze, her eyes softening. “I made a decision back then… I’m sorry.”
“…At this point, what’s the use of saying these meaningless things.”
Retreating at the first sign of resistance, Lin Qing lightly shifted her gaze away, although her heart was far from the calm exterior she displayed.
She struggled internally, torn between wanting to inquire further about Qiao Yu’s exile and intuitively feeling that it couldn’t be as casual as Qiao Yu portrayed.
Lin Qing was not confident that she could confront Qiao Yu after hearing about the suffering she had endured.
But if she didn’t, it would just be delaying the inevitable—a bit like pretending not to see the huge scar hidden beneath the dust.
Like a festering wound that needs to be cut open to release the pus and slowly heal, if Qiao Yu’s wrongdoing is let go lightly and they continue to interact as if everything is normal, these issues will eventually become a rift between them.
She had a lot more to say, each word requiring her to steel her heart.
“After you left, everyone forgot about you.”
“Do you have any clues about this matter?”
Lin Qing’s voice was calm, continuing to inquire as if it were a routine matter, making the person in front of her suddenly tense up and stiffen.
“…That was the treatment I received in this world after being exiled. Because I am ultimately an outsider…”
“You knew it would turn out like this, didn’t you.”
Pushing relentlessly, Qiao Yu closed her eyes and heavily lowered her head, preparing for the possibility of being reprimanded.
But to her surprise, Lin Qing didn’t react particularly strongly, only gesturing for her to continue.
With a hint of apology in her eyes, Qiao Yu earnestly lowered her head. “It seems that everything went back to normal after I returned… My sudden return must be quite confusing, right? I—”
“If you were going to apologize for this matter, there’s no need.”
Lin Qing’s eyes twinkled, a smile playing on her lips.
“I think I forgot to say something earlier.”
“…?”
Looking at Qiao Yu’s bewildered expression, Lin Qing’s smile was gentle, yet there was a hint of vindictive satisfaction in it.
“After you left, everyone forgot about you—except for me.”
She watched with almost joy as Qiao Yu’s expression turned into uncontrollable panic, a soundless laughter escaping from her throat. Her eyes and brows softened as she curved a smile.
“I did forget about you for over half a year, but one day, it suddenly came back to me.”
“Judging by your reaction, it seems like you had no idea I would remember you at all, well, I guess not.”
“To be honest, at first, I just found it strange. I shouldn’t have been able to remember—want to know why I did?”
Lin Qing no longer looked at Qiao Yu’s expression, a mixture of shock and pain. From her pocket, she took out a neatly folded piece of paper. The paper had become thin from being repeatedly opened and folded, and she carefully unfolded it. Despite maintaining a calm exterior, her trembling hands betrayed her emotions.
Stepping forward quickly, she pressed the paper against Qiao Yu’s chest, looking directly into Qiao Yu’s eyes for the first time tonight, and smiled softly.
“Deceiver.”
Qiao Yu took the paper hesitantly, her hands trembling uncontrollably. After several attempts, she managed to unfold it.
Almost at the sight of the words “Wish List,” she felt a rush of dizziness. The handwriting below, familiar to her, now seemed like shards of glass piercing her eyes.
“Why…”
She muttered anxiously, not even sure herself what she wanted to ask. Why did Lin Qing remember her? Why didn’t this paper disappear along with her departure?
Why did Lin Qing’s eyes look calm and indifferent, yet give the sense that she might cry in the next moment?
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“What’s wrong?”
In a tone that didn’t match the atmosphere, Lin Qing’s voice landed in Qiao Yu’s heart like a heavy hammer.
“Can you accept me forgetting about you, but not being able to handle it when I remember?”
Uncertain how to face her sharp, almost cruel words, Qiao Yu’s eyes turned red as she looked at Lin Qing with a pleading gaze.
“…Don’t look at me like that.”
Her voice trembled for a moment, then turned stern. She reached out and blocked Qiao Yu’s vision, forcing her into darkness.
“Don’t assume it’s a pitiful thing for me to remember you.”
“For me, letting myself forget about you like that is my greatest misfortune.”
When one sense is deprived, the other senses become more acute. Lin Qing’s hand was cold, like ice, covering Qiao Yu’s swollen eyes. Qiao Yu noticed the tremor in her voice that she couldn’t hide.
“…Why didn’t you tell me when making decisions? Why did everything… happen without telling me at that time?”
“Just because you’re a few years older than me, does that give you the right to make decisions for me, thinking it’s for my own good? Do you realize how presumptuous you are, Qiao Yu?”
A painful cry in her heart couldn’t find its way out. Qiao Yu’s throat felt like it was stuffed with cotton, trying to speak in vain, then closing it again.
It seemed like she had done something wrong.
Not wanting to impose unknown burdens on Lin Qing that may never be released, she didn’t consider that maybe it wasn’t a burden for Lin Qing. She had the chance to be honest with Lin Qing, which might have made Lin Qing worry and feel sad, but it would have been better than Lin Qing’s anxious uncertainty about her whereabouts and the constant unease after recovering her memories unexpectedly.
Just the thought of that scene caused her pain—hurting the person she least wanted to hurt in the world because of her momentary lapse in judgment, causing her so much suffering.
“Now, two years have passed, and in this world, I am older than you. Shouldn’t you listen to what I have to say too?”
Lin Qing moved her hand away, and Qiao Yu was suddenly blinded by tears. In a blur, she saw Lin Qing’s face as she hesitated and spoke slowly.
“For the past two years, I haven’t been happy at all, and it’s all—”
At this point, the words couldn’t be continued. Lin Qing’s voice caught in her throat, no amount of deep breaths helping. Hearing her chaotic breathing, Qiao Yu smiled bitterly, finishing the sentence for her.
“It’s all thanks to me.”
Qiao Yu blinked slowly, a tear falling.
Did Lin Qing hate Qiao Yu? Probably.
Lin Qing had thought of countless excuses for her actions, resented her a thousand times, forgiven her a thousand times, only to be shattered by the brutal reality in the end.
I might have lost her.
The inevitable thought surfaced, causing a sharp pain just thinking about it.
On Qiao Yu’s second birthday without her, Lin Qing smiled at the birthday candles, closed her eyes, but her heart felt empty.
The wish from the previous birthday didn’t come true. Perhaps things that may not be achievable shouldn’t be wished for.
But I don’t have any other extravagant desires.
During that period, she had nothing but vague memories, like a bird without feet, unable to land. She thought one day she might even forget Qiao Yu, and by that time, Qiao Yu would disappear from this world as if she had never been here, fading away with the wind.
Lin Qing found herself afraid of that future, so she became even more silent, holding on to those diminishing memories, restless all day long.
Did Lin Qing love Qiao Yu?
Lin Qing had never thought she would hesitate on this question one day. Perhaps the emotions in ordinary people are not so abundant, and love and hatred are the two most draining emotions. Most people can only choose one: either passionate love or bitter hatred.
She had once felt like she should hate Qiao Yu out of love. The panic that arose when Qiao Yu was mentioned by others was because the appearance of the person she hated was too sudden. Getting angry because Qiao Yu didn’t invite her was because her resentment was hard to express. Feeling restless at home, she finally changed into inconspicuous clothes and secretly came to the hotel, wanting to see what the person she hated looked like now—yes, perhaps it’s a bit of a stretch, but it makes sense, doesn’t it?
But when Qiao Yu truly appeared and ran towards her, Lin Qing had to speak up and stop her, prevent Qiao Yu from getting closer. She wished she could even stop Qiao Yu’s gaze—if only she could say it out loud.
Just one glance at Qiao Yu, hearing her say, “I’m back.”
Lin Qing’s silent heart, dormant for two years, started beating wildly.
Why, why, Qiao Yu.
And now, as Lin Qing watched the tearful Qiao Yu without a sound, the phrase that still lingered in her mind was this, difficult to express the bitterness, yet it felt like something hard was gradually melting away, allowing whatever was hidden inside to uncontrollably emerge.
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“…Qiao Yu.”
Lin Qing couldn’t even distinguish if her current emotions were annoyance or joy. She gritted her teeth, calling out her name. Seeing Qiao Yu lift her head at the sound, her eyes red and determined. The usually clear amber eyes now had a deep shadow, as if clouded with pain and self-blame.
Was this the outcome Lin Qing desired?
Her mind was gradually becoming muddled, struggling to maintain clarity.
“Why are you crying?”
“Because I… did something wrong.” Still responding promptly, Qiao Yu’s voice was soft, as if she was trying to suppress her sobbing.
“If you did something wrong, does crying help?”
What a line. Lin Qing felt agitated by her own blunt words, sensing her impending loss of control. She took a deep breath to hold back.
Qiao Yu quieted, shaking her head slightly, her damp eyelashes drooping like fluttering raven feathers. “I deserve more punishment.”
Perhaps it was because Qiao Yu looked too despondent now, or perhaps it was because her heart was filled with unknown emotions, Lin Qing couldn’t help herself. Before she realized it, she had grabbed Qiao Yu’s collar, forcefully making her lower her head.
“What punishment then?”
Both in words and actions, it seemed like her body was acting on its own. Lin Qing trembled intensely, but methodically looped Qiao Yu’s long tie around her palm, her delicate fingers gracefully descending, gripping tightly.
She didn’t miss it—the slight movement in Qiao Yu’s throat.
At this point, with things having progressed this far, maybe a slight, just slightly closer remark wouldn’t incur divine retribution.
Like lightning illuminating the dark horizon with a thunderous roar, Lin Qing suddenly understood where her emotions ultimately lay.
Why is it that whenever you appear, I can’t bear it?
In my youth, I thought love was all sweetness, a gift bestowed by the heavens. Who could’ve imagined it was actually bitter medicine coated in sugar, an addictive poison.
All of this is from you. Love or hate, it all comes back to you.
But as long as it’s you, it’s like everything—
“Listen, Qiao Yu, I haven’t forgiven you yet.”
As if speaking to Qiao Yu, yet also to herself, Lin Qing softly uttered, raising her gaze.
“But now, kiss me.”
She saw her teary-eyed lover freeze, blinking in confusion, and couldn’t help but tug at her lover’s collar.
“What’s wrong? Have you forgotten how to do it? Let me show you—”
Even though her heart felt like a kitten scratching, both itchy and anxious, she still had to say a few lines firmly, as if convincing herself that she just suddenly wanted a bit of skin contact, nothing to do with emotions.
Luckily, the obedient person who bent down seemed not so dull after all.
Qiao Yu lowered her head and kissed Lin Qing.