Morning Longing for Warmth – Chapter 42
by Little PandaKiss Her
Does this count as a kiss?
Before Shiyi came to the Wei family, Wei Hui spent every New Year watching movies at home. On that day, she would give all the servants a holiday and sit alone in the screening room for an entire day. Su Ziyan usually came to accompany her in the afternoon. This year… he smiled and said: “Tomorrow I’m going back to my hometown. On New Year’s Day, you can spend time with Shiyi.”
“This is your first year together.” The words were spoken with ambiguity, making Shiyi blush quietly. Wei Hui’s expression remained unchanged: “What brings you here today?”
Su Ziyan handed her the document folder: “What else could it be? If it weren’t for your health, would I be running here so diligently?”
Wei Hui took his document folder, glanced at it a few times before saying to Su Ziyan: “Let’s go upstairs to talk.”
She instructed Shiyi: “Bring up two cups of tea.”
Shiyi nodded: “Alright.”
Wei Hui led Su Ziyan into the study. As soon as they entered, she closed the door. Su Ziyan asked: “Don’t want that child to hear?”
“Not really.” Wei Hui sat at the desk, opened the document folder, took out the documents inside, and after looking through them several times asked: “What does this mean?”
Su Ziyan took the documents from her hand: “It’s from Doctor Bai.”
Last month, Doctor Bai did a detailed examination of Wei Hui, but the report hadn’t come out. He was pressed for time with two surgeries abroad, so he left the country first. This report only came through yesterday.
“It’s not completely hopeless,” Su Ziyan repeated Doctor Bai’s words: “But surgery would be too risky. The best option would be a transplant.”
After speaking, he sighed. If transplant was possible, he would have done it for Wei Hui long ago, but her blood type was rare – one in ten thousand. Just having such a blood type was already rare, let alone finding the best heart donor within such a rare blood type. The hope was too slim; otherwise, he wouldn’t have gone almost ten years without any news.
Wei Hui listened to his words and remained silent for a few seconds: “If I have the surgery, will I get better?”
Su Ziyan’s expression was grave: “The surgery needs to be done three times. The first time is the most dangerous. If you can survive that, the next two times won’t be much of a problem, but…”
Wei Hui finished his words: “But the risk is too high, right?”
Su Ziyan gripped the document folder: “A four percent chance.”
Four percent. Wei Hui heard this and coughed lightly, her cheeks slightly flushed. She nodded: “I understand.”
Su Ziyan gritted his teeth, wanting to persuade Wei Hui to have surgery as soon as possible. Her condition could worsen at any time. Now there was a four percent chance; maybe tomorrow it would only be three percent. The longer they waited, the higher the surgical risk would become.
Moreover, Bai Mo was the ceiling of the medical field [meaning: the highest authority], the top, the most authoritative. He had visited countless doctors before – forget about surgery, even keeping her alive they found difficult. So now that Bai Mo was willing to take over, it really couldn’t be better.
But he couldn’t bear to rush Wei Hui’s decision. After all, it was only four percent. If she didn’t have surgery now, she could still live a few years with this weak heart, and then switch to an artificial heart later, which would extend her time by a few more years.
This was their previous plan – wait until her condition couldn’t be delayed anymore, then switch to an artificial heart. But given her body condition, even with an artificial heart, she would have five years at most.
By their calculations, following their method, he could keep her alive for about ten years, but that was just ten years. Ten years versus four percent – both choices were too difficult. Not just for Wei Hui, even for him as an outsider, it was a dilemma.
Wei Hui tilted her head: “Will you do the surgery?”
Su Ziyan smiled bitterly: “How could I possibly do it? Doctor Bai will come personally.”
“You—think about it carefully?”
Wei Hui listened as he sat in the office chair, silent. After a moment, there was a knock on the door, and Shiyi entered with a tray. She had brewed a cup of tea and handed it to Su Ziyan. The house was empty as Aunt Liu had gone home for the New Year. Su Ziyan held the cup and asked: “Did you brew this yourself?”
Shiyi had always known how to brew tea. Although she hadn’t done such things since coming to the Wei family, her technique hadn’t grown rusty. The tea’s fragrance spread everywhere. Su Ziyan took a sip and said: “Your skill is really good.”
Wei Hui smiled as she took the cup Shiyi handed her, but discovered it was milky white inside. Her eyebrows drooped and her expression grew much colder. Shiyi wasn’t afraid of her reaction, instead saying: “Doctor Su said you should drink less tea, so I made you milk instead.”
Su Ziyan heard this and quickly said: “Yes, yes, yes, I did say that.”
“Patients should listen to their doctor’s words.”
“Have you ever seen a patient who drinks tea and coffee all day, doesn’t listen at all, oh, and seems to drink alcohol too, tsk tsk tsk.”
Wei Hui watched the two of them playing off each other and shook her head helplessly. Since Shiyi started studying, she had grown much bolder and more concerned about her condition. Though she and Su Ziyan didn’t meet in person, they often spoke on the phone. Last week when she was checking reports late, Shiyi even knocked on her door to make her rest on time.
She felt this child was becoming more and more controlling, yet she could do nothing about it and couldn’t refute it either. When she thought about what she owed her, she was at a loss.
Su Ziyan saw her helpless expression and looked at Shiyi; they both smiled.
A while ago, Su Ziyan had called her, asking her to keep an eye on Wei Hui, especially as New Year approached, and to pay more attention to her health. Wei Hui always struggled particularly in winter, accompanied by chills, often getting fevers and colds. Shiyi felt heartache hearing this but didn’t dare ask directly. Su Ziyan comforted her on the phone, telling her to be bold in managing Wei Hui however she wanted, and if Wei Hui dared not listen, to tell him, the doctor. After hearing these words, Shiyi began managing Wei Hui earnestly, from small things to later knocking on her door on time to make her rest. Sure enough, as Su Ziyan said, Wei Hui never got angry about it.
After serving tea to both of them, Shiyi said: “Third Miss, Doctor Su, I’ll go downstairs to make lunch.”
Su Ziyan watched her retreating figure: “A truly all-talented person.”
“You’ve struck gold.”
Wei Hui lifted her eyelids to look at him, with heavy warning in her eyes. She knew what Su Ziyan was thinking, but it was impossible. Even before knowing Shiyi was that child, she couldn’t develop feelings for her, especially now that she knew Shiyi was the child she had been searching for. The Wei family owed Shiyi; it was about repaying kindness, not seeking revenge.
If she got together with Shiyi, wouldn’t that just be harming her? What else could it be?
Su Ziyan surrendered under her sharp gaze: “Alright, stop staring at me. You know clearly in your heart what should and shouldn’t be done, so why keep looking at me like that?”
“Have the things I asked Shiyi to do bothered you?”
Wei Hui glared at him fiercely: “You’re giving her hope.”
Shiyi was too sensitive; she could read meaning into even the smallest gesture, which was why Wei Hui never dared to reject her too harshly. But Su Ziyan’s words were undoubtedly giving her hope, making her think that Wei Hui was willing to accept her care.
Although she truly didn’t mind, the meaning was different.
Su Ziyan shook his head: “You’re just too rigid.”
Wei Hui didn’t want to dwell on this issue. She lowered her head to look at her legs and said: “Add some more medicine for me recently.”
Su Ziyan frowned: “What’s wrong?” He put aside other thoughts, his handsome face showing worry: “Are there other symptoms?”
Wei Hui didn’t hide it from him – she couldn’t hide it anyway. Since there would be a routine check-up next month where everything would be discovered, rather than waiting until then, she might as well be clear now: “Recently my legs have been weak.”
Su Ziyan walked to her side, crouched down, and pressed her calf: “Can you feel this?”
Wei Hui moved her leg: “A little bit.”
“Come to the hospital tomorrow—”
“After the New Year,” Wei Hui said: “I’ll go after the New Year.”
Su Ziyan nodded: “Alright.”
Actually, he already had the answer in his heart. Wei Hui saw his expression and said softly: “Just tell me directly, I’m already prepared.”
“Leg weakness, frequent fevers, these are late-stage symptoms, and they’ll be accompanied by declining hearing, declining vision, and… inability to walk independently.”
Wei Hui’s face darkened: “What do you mean?”
Su Ziyan said honestly: “You’ll need a wheelchair.”
“No.” Wei Hui shook her head: “Absolutely not.”
If she used a wheelchair, Luo Zhouping would know about her illness. Wei Tian’s stock price, the entire company, Jiangcheng – everything would fall into chaos. Shiyi was still young; she couldn’t handle this situation. She couldn’t fall now, absolutely couldn’t!
Su Ziyan said in a deep voice: “Huihui, have the surgery.”
Wei Hui remained silent.
When Shiyi came to call them for lunch, the study was completely quiet. She knocked and called out: “Third Miss, Doctor Su, lunch is ready.”
Wei Hui and Su Ziyan exchanged a look, and she said: “Don’t tell her anything.”
Su Ziyan sighed: “Let’s go.”
The three went downstairs together. Lunch was made by Shiyi. Unlike before, she now completely understood Wei Hui’s preferences; the taste of the dishes wasn’t off at all, just like what the cook would make. Su Ziyan was about to praise her when Wei Hui said flatly: “Shut up and eat.”
Su Ziyan looked at Shiyi, shrugged, and started eating.
After lunch, Su Ziyan didn’t stay long. After giving Wei Hui a brief examination and leaving medicine, he prepared to leave. Wei Hui called out to him: “I’ll see you out.”
Su Ziyan nodded to her and called to Shiyi in the kitchen: “Shiyi, I’m leaving now, Happy New Year.”
Shiyi poked her head out from the kitchen, her pretty face smiling: “Happy New Year.”
It would be her first New Year, about to be spent with Wei Hui, surely very happy. Shiyi looked at Wei Hui with a sweet smile. Wei Hui felt a tightness in her chest and lowered her head: “Let’s go.”
After leaving the entrance, she put on a thick down jacket. During the New Year period, even with Jiangcheng’s usually mild temperature, snow was falling. The cold wind stung sharply against their faces, and the entire garden was quiet. When Wei Hui walked Su Ziyan to the main gate, she said: “Ziyan, I want to ask you for a favor.”
“I’ll accept anything except taking care of Shiyi.”
Wei Hui said: “After New Year, I want to register her household registration, I want…”
“Register her under the Wei family?”
Wei Hui was silent for several seconds: “I want to register her under your Su family.”
Su Ziyan stared at her, amusement in his eyes and a smile on his face. After a while, he finally spoke: “I thought you really had no feelings. Huihui, you don’t dare to register her under the Wei family because—”
“I like her.”
I like her.
Wei Hui spoke directly and honestly; she was always like this. If she had doubts about something, she would verify it. Once she got results, she wouldn’t question it anymore. That night when Shiyi kissed her, she didn’t push her away. She realized her feelings for Shiyi were different. This child was too lovable, too good, too well-behaved – it was too easy to fall for her. The next day she kissed Shiyi, further proving her thoughts were correct. That chaotic heartbeat wasn’t fake, so she had nothing to hide. She liked Shiyi, openly and honestly.
Instead, Su Ziyan was caught off guard. He took a long time before asking: “If you know it’s impossible with her, why not simply register her under the Wei family and cut off your own hopes?”
Su Ziyan understood Wei Hui better than anyone. If Shiyi was registered under the Wei family, becoming her family member, Wei Hui would never do anything incestuous. She could never accept Shiyi, not even if she died.
In the end, she had softened her heart.
Wei Hui smiled lightly: “You’ve already guessed it, why ask?”
She was just a person, an ordinary woman with seven emotions and six desires [meaning: full range of human emotions]. She certainly knew that registering Shiyi under the Wei family was the best option right now. When she entered her coffin, it would be more legitimate for Shiyi to manage Wei Tian. But she couldn’t bear it. After twenty-seven years, this was her first time liking someone, first time tasting what love felt like, first time realizing her racing heart wasn’t due to illness. How could she easily give that up?
Registering under the Su family was because of her selfish desires, and also because she feared she wasn’t strong enough.
Su Ziyan sighed: “Huihui, Shiyi is very clever, you can’t hide this from her. If it’s because of her father, there’s no need. You did your best back then; not finding her wasn’t your fault.”
Wei Hui argued: “How is it not? If I had found her earlier, she wouldn’t have suffered so much.”
“So you’re taking all the responsibility on yourself?” Su Ziyan shook his head disapprovingly: “Huihui, her father signed the contract without checking if she was still at the orphanage, which shows he never went back. This isn’t your fault. If anyone’s to blame, it’s her father’s fault, and your father’s fault. It has nothing to do with you.”
Wei Hui sighed: “I still can’t tell her the truth. Ziyan, do you think she’ll hate me?”
Su Ziyan smiled helplessly: “Come on, how could she hate you? She likes you, likes you so much that even I can see it. I don’t believe you can’t see it.”
Wei Hui lifted her head to look at the sky. Snowflakes fell on her eyelashes, melting into cool water. She closed her eyes briefly: “She’s still young, and there are many kinds of liking.”
“Enough, can you even convince yourself with this self-deception?”
Wei Hui remained silent.
Su Ziyan continued: “Besides, what’s wrong with being young? She’s just a few years younger than you. You were already taking over Wei Tian when you just came of age. Don’t always treat her like a child. She’s very smart and can distinguish what true liking is.”
“Huihui, I’ve never advised you about anything. Before, I didn’t agree with you being in a relationship. I thought being in love would fast-forward your life, and I didn’t want to see you go. Although I’ve said for many years that I’m used to your illness, I still can’t bear it. Since we were young, I’ve treated you as my sister, so I don’t want to see you suffer – suffering from illness, suffering from love.”
“But after meeting Shiyi, I feel instead that life is so short, you should enjoy the present. If you like someone, you should be together, even if it’s just for a day, an hour, a minute. That kind of mutual affection’s beauty isn’t measured by time.”
“If everything had to be perfectly clear-cut, then wouldn’t those people on the street who meet with accidents be unworthy of falling in love?”
Wei Hui’s voice turned cold: “That’s different.”
“How is it different?” Su Ziyan argued: “For them, how is it any different from you?”
“The books say it well – between accidents and tomorrow, no one can predict which comes first. So why not enjoy your happiness before either arrives?”
“Whether it’s ten years or a four percent chance, don’t you want her by your side?”
Wei Hui’s lips parted slightly, but she said nothing. Su Ziyan patted her shoulder, brushing off the snow, and said gently: “Huihui, Happy New Year.”
After Su Ziyan left, Wei Hui sat on the bench. The cold wind moaned, blowing snowflakes everywhere. When Shiyi walked out with an umbrella, she saw Wei Hui sitting straight on the bench, seemingly unaffected by the cold wind, her profile indifferent and cool. She walked over, holding the umbrella for Wei Hui, and called out: “Third Miss.”
Wei Hui turned her head, hiding her cold expression, and asked: “Why did you come out?”
Shiyi lowered her head: “You and Doctor Su were out for a long time. I was worried, so I came out.”
Wei Hui smiled slightly: “I was discussing some other things with him.”
She stood up: “Let’s go, back home.”
Shiyi followed behind her, looking at her two hands hanging by her sides. She tried to grab one of them, but even until they reached the entrance, she didn’t have the courage, and finally just silently walked beside Wei Hui.
The afternoon snow fell heavier and heavier. Before Aunt Liu left, she had bought many fresh vegetables and stored them in the kitchen. With no studying to do and nothing else to occupy her time, Shiyi busied herself in there. In the afternoon, she made several dishes for Wei Hui to try. Seeing Wei Hui eat a little and smile saying it was delicious made her happy and content.
In the evening, Shiyi made small tangyuan [sweet rice balls] for Wei Hui, slightly sweet in taste. Wei Hui usually didn’t eat much flour-based food, but tonight, whether due to good mood or appetite, she ate more than usual. When Shiyi served her soup, she looked at her with a gentle smile, her beautiful eyes bright and expressive, as if they could speak.
After drinking the soup, Wei Hui put down her bowl and asked Shiyi: “How is your studying going?”
The company was busy, and she couldn’t keep up with Shiyi’s progress, but she received weekly updates from Teacher Yuan about her development. Shiyi put down her bowl and said: “The teacher says it’s going well.”
In fact, it was going very well. Although she lacked foundation and didn’t understand many concepts, she was willing to learn and put in effort. Plus, she wasn’t stupid, so her progress was quite fast. Wei Hui nodded: “That’s good. I’m full, why don’t you eat some more?”
Shiyi also put down her chopsticks: “I’m full too.”
She stood up after speaking: “I’ll clean up.”
Wei Hui watched her busy figure moving between the kitchen and dining room. Since Wei Changyuan died, she had spent New Year alone. From New Year’s Eve to the first day of the year, she didn’t like visiting others or receiving visitors, so she never experienced what liveliness felt like. But at this moment, she suddenly felt that having one more person added so much liveliness, and so much warmth.
When Shiyi finished cleaning everything, she saw Wei Hui staring at her intently. She scratched her head: “Third Miss?”
Wei Hui came back to her senses: “All cleaned up?”
Shiyi smiled: “Yes.”
Remembering that Wei Hui liked to walk in the garden after meals, Shiyi took the initiative: “Would you like me to accompany you for a walk outside?”
Wei Hui thought for a few seconds: “Alright.”
During the New Year, even the security guards were all on holiday. The garden lights weren’t turned on, leaving the entire yard pitch dark. Wei Hui and Shiyi had walked this path many times and knew it by heart, so they didn’t need the lights. Wei Hui wore her down jacket, while beside her, Shiyi tightened her collar, breathing out white mist. She turned her head and said: “Third Miss, are you cold?”
Wei Hui shook her head: “Not cold, are you?”
Shiyi: “I’m not cold either.”
After speaking, she smiled. Such awkward conversation, Third Miss must find her boring? She secretly glanced sideways at Wei Hui.
The last time they walked like this after dinner was when Wei Hui left work early. After dinner, Wei Hui said she wanted to take a walk, and she had thick-skinned followed along [meaning: tagged along without invitation]. That day, the bright garden lights shone on them, making her too embarrassed to say many things. Tonight was different – no lights and no people. She opened her mouth, her pretty face slightly red, and called out: “Third Miss…”
“Shiyi.”
They spoke simultaneously. Shiyi quickly said: “Third Miss, you speak.”
Wei Hui was curious about what she wanted to say, but didn’t decline to speak, and continued: “After the New Year, I’ve arranged another apartment for you to live in. About half a year later, I’ll arrange for you to study abroad for about two years.”
“Why do I have to go to another apartment?” Shiyi’s originally excited mood was like being doused with cold water, chilling to the bone. Her white breath was hidden in the darkness, unclear: “Did I do something wrong?”
“No.” Wei Hui coughed a few times and said: “Shiyi, your courses will be more intense next year. I’m arranging for you to live in another apartment because I don’t want anyone to disturb you.”
“I’m fine now,” Shiyi hurriedly said: “No one disturbs me.”
“Shiyi.” Wei Hui’s voice turned cold. Although her expression couldn’t be seen clearly, Shiyi obviously sensed the change in her demeanor. In the darkness, she looked up at Wei Hui and said softly: “I don’t want to leave, is that not allowed?”
Wei Hui heard her weak voice and pressed her lips together, saying: “Be good.”
It was a tone used to coax children. Hearing this, Shiyi stood still, looked up, and said firmly: “This time, I don’t want to listen to you.”
“You told me to study, I studied. You gave me a new name, I accepted it. You said all this was for the child, I believed it. But actually, it’s not. Third Miss, you don’t want me to have the child anymore, right?”
Wei Hui stood stunned in place. She knew Shiyi was clever, but hadn’t expected her to be this clever, able to guess her intentions from such small details.
“Back then, you said you used to keep a dog, but because you liked it too much, you gave it away.”
“Now, are you sending me away because you like me?”
In the darkness, Shiyi’s eyes sparkled. This bold guess had formed in her mind for a long time, but she never had the chance to prove it. Tonight, she would be unrestrained just once and ask clearly.
Wei Hui’s red lips moved slightly. She thought of what Su Ziyan had said.
—Life is so short, you should enjoy the present. If you like someone, you should be together, even if it’s just for a day, an hour, a minute. That kind of mutual affection’s beauty isn’t measured by time.
—If everything had to be perfectly clear-cut, then wouldn’t those people on the street who meet with accidents be unworthy of falling in love?
—Whether it’s ten years or a four percent chance, don’t you want her by your side?
“Shiyi.” Wei Hui chose her words carefully: “I admit, using having a child as an excuse to make you do these things was wrong of me, but it was for your own good.”
Shiyi nodded: “I know, I know you mean well. You’re worried that after you’re gone, I won’t be able to live on my own. I know, I know all of it.”
As she spoke, her voice became tearful. Of course she knew Wei Hui’s kindness; she knew it better than anyone.
Seeing this, Wei Hui stopped hiding and laid it all out: “Yes, you’re right. I like you…”
“Third Miss…”
“Let me finish.”
Wei Hui interrupted her: “But you know my physical condition very well. I could die at any time. Besides, you’re still young, unable to distinguish between liking and gratitude, which is normal. When I initially took you away from the Wang family, I didn’t have entirely good intentions, so you don’t need to be grateful to me, and especially don’t mistake gratitude for liking.”
Shiyi looked up: “Why do you think your liking is real liking, while my liking is just gratitude? Is it because I’m young?”
Wei Hui met her eyes, holding her breath.
Because this was the only reason she used to convince herself – Shiyi was young, didn’t understand liking, mistook gratitude for love, which was normal. But if she took it seriously, she wouldn’t be human.
She had been using this reason to numb herself. Su Ziyan was right; she was deceiving herself.
Shiyi stepped forward, standing firmly in front of her, saying with certainty: “I have no money, don’t understand grand principles, and I’m quite foolish, but I know what liking is. Doctor Su is also very kind to me, and I like him too, but it’s different from how I like you. I’m happy just seeing you, I want to stay with you, I want to hug you, kiss you, do all intimate things.”
“I like you in the way of liking a heart’s person [meaning: romantic love].”
Wei Hui’s heart was shaken. Her hands behind her back were already tightly clenched, her body rigid. The bitter cold wind couldn’t move her figure. In the darkness, her voice was very deep: “Are you sure?”
“Shiyi, think carefully. Someone like me, with a body like mine, do you still want to like me?”
Shiyi’s vision blurred, tears glistening in her eyes. She bit her lip and suddenly threw herself into Wei Hui’s embrace, answering firmly: “Yes, I want to like you. Even if it’s just for one day, I still want to like you.”
The young girl’s tenderness tightly bound Wei Hui, leaving her unable to move. The person in her arms was crying softly. The consequence of such determination was being unable to look directly at Wei Hui, but fortunately there were no lights here, no people, just the two of them.
Wei Hui’s hands behind her back trembled slightly, her heart stopping for several seconds before beating frantically. With her brain lacking oxygen, she took two deep breaths to steady her emotions, but the immense joy still struck her neural pathways, making her body feel hot in the cold evening!
Neither spoke for a long time. Shiyi stayed buried in her embrace, arms tightly around her, not daring to look up or make any other movement. After her brief breathing difficulty passed and her heartbeat slowly steadied, Wei Hui laughed lightly: “What’s wrong?”
Suddenly, fireworks rose in the sky, bursting with a bang, dazzlingly colorful, lights flashing. Shiyi buried her head even deeper. Wei Hui looked down and said: “Weren’t you just so confident? Now you’re feeling shy?”
Shiyi bit the corner of her lip. Earlier when there was no one and it was dark all around, of course she dared to say anything. But now the fireworks’ light was enough to illuminate their surroundings, so of course, she felt embarrassed.
She didn’t speak. Wei Hui didn’t force her, but instead said: “The New Year has arrived. Close your eyes, I’ll give you a New Year’s gift.”
“What is it?”
Shiyi looked up. Under the fireworks, tears still hung at the corners of her eyes, gleaming crystal-clear, her eyes slightly red and glistening with moisture. Wei Hui said softly: “Close your eyes.”
Shiyi obediently closed her eyes. As everything went dark and the howling wind seemed to retreat from her, she was just about to open her mouth in surprise when a pair of soft lips pressed against hers, like a dragonfly touching water [meaning: gentle and fleeting], carrying both winter’s chill and coolness, along with sweetness and fragrance. Wei Hui’s lips were cool, just like her person, carrying that clear coldness. The fragrance entered Shiyi’s nose, and just as Wei Hui was about to pull away, she wrapped her arms around her waist, stood on tiptoes, and brought their lips together again. Their lips and teeth intertwined, tongues playing, as she drew in the sweetness she had longed for, unable to help kissing deeper and deeper. Wei Hui felt as if she was holding a small heater, warming her heart on such a cold night.
As fireworks rose again, Shiyi released Wei Hui, and in the midst of their breathing asked: “Third Miss, does this count as kissing?”
Glad that they communicate well😭❤