Life is Like a Journey – Chapter 44
by Little PandaVolume 1: Rise
Ordinary
A mortal fallen from the divine altar
The ice-cold electrode patch was placed on the trembling heart: “Charging 200J, charging complete, clear!”
She pressed the switch and turned to glance at the monitor, which still showed no response.
“Second defibrillation, charging complete, clear!”
“Third defibrillation, charging complete, clear!”
Dean Meng stood up, waiting for a miracle to happen.
Everyone held their breath, staring intently at the display screen, but the green line representing life still did not light up.
Lu Qingshi, panting heavily, threw herself at it again: “Adrenaline 6mg IV push!”
There were many people in the hospital today; those injured in the car accident were continuously being sent here, and the emergency center was so crowded it seemed impassable. The elevator indicator light kept flashing, signaling overcrowding.
Medical staff pushing stretchers ran past her shoulder as Yu Gui dashed into the safety passage. The operating room was on the seventh floor; she glanced at the endless staircase and resolutely rushed up.
Faster, fasterβthe heart that can save Miaomiao is still three floors away. Yu Gui clung to the handrail, sweating profusely, her breathing as heavy as a bellows.
A familiar flame-blue figure ran past her: “Give it to me.”
Yu Gui handed over the incubator she was holding, and that figure quickly disappeared up the stairs.
Panting, Yu Gui supported her knees for a couple of breaths, then continued to climb, watching her back ascend.
Instructor Gu is not medical staff, so she cannot enter the operating room.
“I can only help you this far,” the other person said, handing the incubator back to her.
Yu Gui nodded solemnly, then rushed into the operating room with the incubator in her arms.
“The donor heart has arrived, Teacher Lu!” As soon as she spoke, Lu Qingshi suddenly turned around, and she froze in place.
Before her, Lu Qingshi’s magnifying glasses were splattered with blood, and those once calm eyes had turned blood red. Her surgical gown was soaked with a large patch of blood and sweat, and her gloved hands seemed as if they had been pulled from a pool of blood, no longer exhibiting the calm and composure they once had.
She only glanced back once before reaching her hands again into He Miaomiao’s chest cavity, forcefully pressing the heart, hoping to see a faint glimmer of hope.
This was the thirtieth defibrillation attempt. At Lu Qingshi’s feet, the medical waste box contained twenty empty adrenaline syringes. The resuscitation had already been going on for a full two hours, yet the ECG monitor still showed no fluctuation.
Everyone in the operating room participated in the resuscitation, including the anesthetist and assistant. When Lu Qingshi’s hand cramped, the next person continued performing heart massage, and when they couldn’t continue, the next person took over. Everyone’s eyes were bloodshot as they desperately tried to save He Miaomiao.
Dean Meng removed his glasses, which were fogged over, and slowly walked out of the observation room. He took off his white coat, changed into scrubs, quickly scrubbed his hands, and walked into the operating room.
“I’ll help too.”
Yu Gui turned her head: “Dean!”
She put down the incubator, picked up a surgical gown, quickly put it on, and joined the fray: “I’ll help too!”
When she put her hand into the chest cavity, she felt a chill in her heart; the blood had already started to cool, and the heart, exposed to the air for too long without fresh blood perfusion, had turned pale.
The young doctor bit her lip, tears falling silently: “Teacher Lu! I brought the donor heart backβ¦ nowβ¦ now can’t we transplant?”
Director Zhang, being older, found the high-intensity resuscitation had left him completely exhausted, and he collapsed to the side, panting: “I’ve only heard of doing transplants for the living, never for the dead.”
Yu Gui gritted her teeth: “She will not die!!!”
In the silence of the room, the EEG had also become a straight line.
“Rightβ¦ Teacher Lu⦔ she cast a pleading gaze toward her mentor: “It was so hard to wait for the donor heartβ¦ from Jinzhou to Shanghai we didn’t dare delay a single secondβ¦ the heart came back⦔
She glanced at the lifeless He Miaomiao, desperately shaking her mentor’s wrist: “Teacher Lu, Teacher Lu, save her! Save her⦔
The anesthetist looked at Dean Meng, who nodded, and he stood up to announce the final result.
“The surgery failed, the patient died.”
A lightly spoken sentence that resounded heavily; for any doctor, this is a fatal curse. Lu Qingshi brushed away her hand, staggered back two steps, dropped her hands, fingertips still trembling, yet her face showed a strange smile. She smiled and laughed, then began to cry.
The grief of death appeared on everyone’s face. Hao Renjie squatted on the ground, pounding his head with his hand, shouting ah ah.
The instrument nurse quietly turned her back to wipe her tears; she also has a son about the same age.
After saying that sentence, the anesthetist collapsed into a chair, eyes vacant, staring at the screen, hoping for a miracle.
Meng Jihua glanced at the incubator placed next to him, his voice hoarse: “The donor heartβ¦ cannot be wastedβ¦ arrange for the next waiting patient for immediate surgery⦔
Yu Gui glanced at the heart she had hugged all the way, struggling desperately to bring back, and suddenly dashed over: “No, this is Miaomiao’s heart⦔
“What are you doing, Doctor Yu? Let go quickly!” Several nurses rushed up, trying to grab it back, and they pulled at each other.
Lu Qingshi stood up from the corner, walked over, and directly slapped her, then lifted her collar and said, word by word: “He Miaomiao is already dead. I need to operate on the next patient, get out!”
She saw her bloodshot eyes, but no tears hung on her lashes, and the expression on her face was indifferent yet unfamiliar.
It was as if the person who had just died was not her cherished, valued patient, despite having so many happy times with Miaomiao, despite being willing to publicly kneel and plead for her, despite risking the world’s great disapproval to perform a surgery no one else dared toβ¦
Lu Qingshi’s slap, not light nor heavy, seemed to hit her heart.
Yu Gui immediately burst into tears on the spot; as soon as she let go, she fell sitting on the ground.
Lu Qingshi took off her gloves and threw them into the trash can, slowly stepping out of the operating room without turning her head, her always upright figure slightly hunched over.
She didn’t even dare to face He Miaomiao’s family, instead, she plunged into another operating room as if escaping.
For the same heart transplant project, she changed into a brand-new surgical gown, a new magnifying glass, and put on sterilized gloves. The bloodstains were swept away from her body, as if they had never existed.
She stood in the assistant’s position, and after the baptism of tears, her gaze became even sharper and clearer.
She is Lu Qingshi, the Lu Qingshi who can forget all pain as long as she picks up a scalpel.
What do dead people count as?
Which doctor hasn’t killed a few people while saving others?
Having walked all the way through thorns and hardships, she has long become accustomed to it; each patient’s death is the nourishment that promotes her growth.
Yu Gui was right, she is not a doctor, she is an executioner wearing a white coat.
She never loved Miaomiao; she only treated her as an ordinary patient.
If she had the chance again, she definitely would not publicly kneel to beg Zhou Yuetong’s parents to donate organs.
If she had the chance again, she should have given up during the first emergency rescue and would not have let Miaomiao suffer so much.
If she had the chance again, she would not accept that piece of milk candy from He Miaomiao.
That was the root of all the trouble.
This was a troublesome surgery, having been carried out for a full seven hours. The students observing the heart surgery beside them were already leaning against the wall asleep.
However, she and the main surgeon worked like a precise machine, seamless, without blinking once.
Finally, the anesthetist stood up and announced the surgery was successful.
Lu Qingshi placed the cut thread into the tray, making a noise that was neither big nor small, and the main surgeon opposite her raised his head: “Doctor Lu, what’s wrong?”
Across from him, Lu Qingshi’s face was unknowingly full of tears.
Today, as a member of the OPO team, Yu Gui received her second task: to take He Miaomiao’s eye/cornea, liver, and kidneys for organ donation, as the waiting transplant patients have already been urgently transferred.
The matter cannot be delayed. Yu Gui, while crying, used a scalpel to cut open her abdominal cavity.
Blood immediately gushed out. The young doctor bit her lower lip tightly, her chest heaving violently. She was suppressing herself from crying out loud to avoid affecting the whole surgery atmosphere.
“Here, hold this,” the main surgeon handed the muscle retractor to her.
Yu Gui used her clean shoulder to wipe away tears, sniffled, “Okay.”
“Come, basin, basin, quickly,” the fresh liver was taken out from He Miaomiao’s body and placed into saline.
Other team members checked the organ’s activity and condition, confirming that if it can be transplanted, they will immediately pack it and send it into another operating room.
Yu Gui kept staring as Doctor Zheng continued separating the kidney tissue: “If you can’t bear it, then go out.”
She shook her head: “No, I want to stay here.”
The kidney she took out still held warmth in her hand. Clearly a bloody mess, yet it inexplicably felt warm and sacred, a gift from He Miaomiao to another life.
Finally, the β‘β‘ was also removed.
Yu Gui followed everyone in bowing: “Thank He Miaomiao for saving others’ lives and for making a great contribution to our country’s organ donation cause, first bow.”
Three seconds of silence.
“Ceremony complete.”
“Second bow.”
“Ceremony complete.”
“Third bow.”
“Ceremony complete.”
As she rose, tears burst out, and looking at He Miaomiao’s sunken belly, she picked up the scalpel again.
“Doctor Zheng, can you ask the family to come in later? I want to do something more for Miaomiao.”
Doctor Zheng looked at her for a moment and sighed, “Then hurry up.”
After speaking, he signaled for everyone to leave, leaving her alone in the large operating room.
Yu Gui picked up gauze, rolled it into a ball, and stuffed it into her empty abdominal cavity, making the sunken skin appear a bit nicer. She then took a cosmetic needle and did the sutures for her, sewing while sobbing, controlling her tears so they wouldn’t fall into the wound. Even though He Miaomiao had already passed away, she still gave her the dignity of being human.
Finally, she used saline to wash the bloodstains from her body, from the chest to the abdominal cavity, inside and out. Yu Gui worked carefully and cautiously, as if treating an artwork.
Half an hour later, the family came in to change her clothes for her final journey. Mother He had long ago cried uncontrollably, so this task was left to the strong Father He to complete.
He, a big man, holding a pretty floral dress, with the nurse’s help, put it on Miaomiao, and gently combed her hair, just like he usually did at home, kissing her cold cheek.
“Babyβ¦ you sufferedβ¦ may heaven be free of painβ¦ in the next lifeβ¦ we still want to be your mom and dadβ¦ this really is a very happy and blessed thingβ¦ thank youβ¦ my baby⦔
Yu Gui turned away, using her hand to cover her lips.
When Father He pushed Miaomiao’s body out, all the medical staff in the operating room stood on both sides of the corridor to say goodbye. Someone placed a bouquet of flowers on her bed, someone placed a stuffed doll, someone placed a small comb, and someone placed a pencilβ¦
She carried everyone’s beautiful blessings, gradually going further, to another world without pain.
At the end of the corridor stood a handsome and tall firefighter instructor. She raised her hand to her temple, straightened, and watched her leave from her own eyes. When her gaze fell to her palm, tightly gripping the badge, the young firefighter instructor’s throat moved, and her eyes slightly reddened.
Mother He found Yu Gui to say goodbye: “Thank you, Doctor Yu⦔
She quickly helped the bent, bowing middle-aged woman to stand up: “Sorry, we⦔
Mother He shook her head, her temples showing more gray hair, tears glistening: “I knowβ¦ everyone did their bestβ¦ whether it’s youβ¦ or Doctor Luβ¦ or the hospitalβ¦ we do not blameβ¦ this is Miaomiao’s fateβ¦ thank you all for giving Miaomiao much happinessβ¦ letting her leave with a smile at the last momentβ¦ as a motherβ¦ I am really very touched⦔
Yu Gui suddenly did not know what to say. The weight of life, for her now, her shoulders still too thin, stood in place with slightly reddened eyes.
“By the way, please hand this over to Doctor Lu,” Mother He took out a painting from her backpack, tied with a ribbon bow.
“This is a gift Miaomiao didn’t have time to give her.”
From night until morning, then from day until night, Lu Qingshi was busy with many surgeries and didn’t attend He Miaomiao’s final journey. It wasn’t until the last surgery on the recent schedule ended that the doctor locked herself in the dressing room.
Not long after, sobbing like the wailing of a young animal echoed in the dressing room. The invincible Lu Qingshi, who was dominant on the operating table, was at this moment curled up on the narrow chair in the dressing room, holding her head and licking her wounds alone.
Gu Yanzhi’s hand rested on the door, never knocking, but instead turned and walked to the triage desk.
What would be more appropriate to describe Lu Qingshi at this moment, Gu Yanzhi thought, probably a startled bird.
Before she even entered, that person had already wiped away the tears and sat up from the chair, looking at her with the gaze of an uninvited guest: “What are you here for? I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.”
“I know,” the firefighter instructor just walked up to her and handed her the item in her hand.
“Miaomiao’s gift for you.”
Hearing this name, the doctor inevitably felt a dull pain: “Take it away, I don’t want it.”
“You don’t want to take a look⦔ Gu Yanzhi gently coaxed.
Before she finished speaking, Lu Qingshi suddenly erupted, pushing away her hand: “I already said don’t look, get out!”
Pushed aside, the firefighter instructor did not become angry, but quietly watched her, with eyes full of gentle warmth, silently observing as her shoulders began to shake violently, and then tears streamed down her face.
The doctor covered her head, sobbing: “It is meβ¦ it is me who harmed herβ¦ it is me who harmed Miaomiaoβ¦ I am an executioner⦔
Gu Yanzhi’s expression softened, eyes filled with heartache, and she quickly stepped forward to embrace her in her arms, gently patting her back to give silent comfort. At this moment, saying anything was unnecessary.
The helplessness and guilt of watching a life disappear before her eyes cannot be erased with just a few simple words.
Lu Qingshi resisted such closeness, as it made her feel especially weak and incompetent. She pushed away her embrace, never understanding why her temper was never good with Gu Yanzhi.
“You stay away from me! I don’t need your comfort! What do you understand! Get out⦔
Time after time, being pushed away, the stubborn firefighter instructor embraced her again and again, lips tightly pressed, until she had no strength left, lying in her arms yet unwilling to return the hug, only gripping her lapel, biting her lower lip, and softly sobbing.
This kind of crying she had seen in the primeval forest, a young animal abandoned by its mother at birth, pitiful and helpless crying that infiltrated and drilled into her heart, twisting all her internal organs in pain.
Gu Yanzhi squatted down, meeting her gaze, and cupped her face. Tears wetted her fingers, salty and burning.
Her heart suddenly contracted, as she used her rough index finger to wipe away the tears at the corner of her eyes.
Two working days without sleep and rest had left her eyes bloodshot, looking frustrated and downcast.
Those beautiful eyes no longer shone with the brilliance of stars, and Gu Yanzhi felt extreme heartache.
“Cry, let it out, you’ll feel better. Here with me, you are not Doctor Lu, you are just Lu Qingshi.”
My Qingshi.
LP: Why you gotta do this author-san _(:ββΉγβ )_
Ahh noooπ’πππ. I had hope π©