After Being Scummed – Chapter 5
by Little PandaBeing Lonely Alone is Fine.
As the saying goes, “Eating people’s food softens the mouth, taking people’s things shortens the hand.”1 Perhaps because she had accepted the bribe of a single candy, Yin Bai planned to ignore the sounds of playful commotion coming from next door for the rest of the midday.
But the children were simply too noisy, like a flock of incessantly chirping little birds, never stopping their racket. Even with a wall between them, the sounds of their boisterous play gave Yin Bai a headache.
Unable to bear it any longer, she had no choice but to pick up her book and afternoon tea and retreat to the large balcony on the second floor of the villa to bask in the sun. Even across such a distance, the children’s laughter pierced through the layers of obstruction and drifted into Yin Bai’s ears.
Those cheerful sounds seemed to come from another world, capturing Yin Bai’s attention.
Yin Bai sat on the swing on the second-floor balcony, put down the book in her hands, and turned her head towards the source of the children’s laughter. Her gaze passed through layers upon layers of vibrant flowers, through swaying tree shadows, over the vine-entangled dividing wall, and landed on the villa next door.
Unlike her own meticulously decorated courtyard, the neighbor’s yard was an open space covered in green grass, within which a small outdoor soccer field had been built. At this moment, two children holding badminton rackets were chasing a wobbly shuttlecock, running back and forth merrily.
Watching the children chasing each other in the distance, Yin Bai’s thoughts began to wander.
Why were these two children always playing? Was there no one else accompanying them? Could it be that the household helper2 wasn’t home? Had the adults of the house all gone out?
But people who could afford to establish a home here should probably have live-in helpers, right? Did these helpers not supervise the children?
Yin Bai let her thoughts drift aimlessly, then suddenly remembered that her own home was also cold and deserted, with no one else around except for the cleaning lady who came at a scheduled time each week.
Thinking about it this way, it wasn’t so strange that the house next door only had two children as playmates for each other.
Yin Bai’s mind wandered for a moment. She put down the poetry collection in her hands, turned her head to look at 《The Little Prince》3 lying nearby, hesitated for a moment, then picked it up and opened it.
“When I was six years old I saw a magnificent picture in a book, called 《True Stories from Nature》, about the primeval forest…”4
Among all the books Yin Bai had read, this 《The Little Prince》 was her favorite. Whether her mood was good or bad, she liked to pull out this book and have a look.
Even though she knew the book by heart5, to the point where she could even write out the French original from memory, she still felt an inexplicable sense of joy every time she picked it up.
The clamor drifting from nearby gradually dissipated; even the gentle spring breeze seemed to halt its soft steps. Warm sunlight filtered through the thick glass dome overhead, passed through lush vine leaves, and spilled onto the swing.
Nestled in the swing, Yin Bai lay bathed in fragmented sunlight and turned another page: She finally said to the little prince:
“Farewell, please, you must be happy. I wasted so much time, so foolishly, just to hide all my feelings. And now you are leaving, I ask for your forgiveness.”
“I should have told you sooner; all this time, I have loved you deeply.”
“Go, go now… leave right now…”
“Without you, I can adapt to this wind and the cold night too.”
“Without you, I can also deceive myself with the caterpillars and butterflies that I have no worries…”
“Don’t delay any longer, farewell.”6
Yin Bai lowered her gaze, looking at the illustration in the book: the little prince, holding the glass globe, was bidding farewell to the single rose on his planet: “Farewell… please, you must be happy.”
Yin Bai reached out, stroking the little rose’s four thorns in the illustration, and gave a bitter smile. “What ‘farewell’… Your little prince, she has gone wandering, and she’s never coming back.”
“You clearly only have four thorns, yet you think you can protect yourself, even claiming not to fear tigers and alpacas. What exactly are you trying to prove by acting tough? You clearly… clearly couldn’t leave her, so why did you let her go?”
Yin Bai took a deep breath, raised her hand, and covered her face with the book, forcing her tears back. Sounding somewhat wronged, she said, “You were clearly, clearly tamed7 by her, so how could you say farewell so calmly?”
Xiao Nian, you had clearly already tamed me, so why did you have to leave me?
Yin Bai closed her eyes, but an image surfaced in her mind from eight years ago, the first time she had seen Xiao Nian in the theater. It was June 1st Children’s Day; she held her ticket, sitting amidst a crowd of adults and children, looking up at the stage where a captivating Little Rose in a green dress and red hair was reluctantly bidding farewell to her Little Prince.
On the dimly lit stage, Yin Bai could only hear her own chaotic heartbeat. In that moment, gazing up at the woman whose tear-filled eyes were as vibrant and moving as a rose, she felt as if she herself had become the Little Prince from the story, having found the one and only, unique rose of her life.
Xiao Nian was the sole brilliant color in her otherwise gray and bleak life.
But she was wrong. Terribly wrong.
She had thought she would guard her rose forever, protecting her so she could live without worries. Yet she had never imagined that Xiao Nian was never that “Little Rose” who could be tamed from the very beginning.
In reality, Xiao Nian was the Little Prince, and she herself was the rose—the one with only four thorns, yet who would bare her fangs and brandish her claws, acting affectedly and awkwardly.
So in the end, just as the story goes, her “Little Prince” left her.
Thinking of this, the scene from that night—Lu Qing and Xiao Nian embracing and weeping—irrepressibly surfaced in Yin Bai’s mind again, bringing with it a measure of regret.
If you clearly never loved me, why were you so good to me?
Since you had clearly already tamed me, why did you have to leave me then?
Falling into sadness once more, Yin Bai, nestled under the sun, felt a sense of giving up on herself. She wasn’t someone who easily regretted her choices, but specifically when it came to matters of the heart, she had never managed to handle things well even once, and thus the regrets she tasted were all the more numerous.
Just as she was about to succumb completely, the mobile phone placed on the tabletop began to ring relentlessly.
The ringtone was truly irritating, even more so than the children’s clamor. Yin Bai removed the book covering her face, reached out and fumbled for her phone, lifted it for a look, and saw it was a video call coming from the main gate.
Fine, she guessed it was those two children showing up again.
Yin Bai answered the video call, and sure enough, it was those two children again. Perhaps due to the candy, the two kids seemed much bolder than last time: “Fairy Sister, Fairy Sister, our shuttlecock fell into your yard again, can you please open the gate for us?”
Yin Bai was in a terrible mood and barely managed an “Mm” in response. “The gate’s open for you. Come in.”
“Okay, thank you, Fairy Sister!”
Tongtong thanked her joyfully. Shortly after, Yin Bai hung up the call, opened the main gate, and let the two children in again.
The two small children entered hand-in-hand, giggling. Yin Bai stood on the second-floor balcony, watching the two little ones disappear into the vibrant rose bushes not far away, darting about the yard like two little fish swimming to and fro.
Except these two little fish were rather noisy. Seeing them search the yard in a circle without finding the shuttlecock, Yin Bai truly couldn’t stand the racket any longer, so she went downstairs leaning on her cane, intending to help them look.
As a result, just as Yin Bai reached the entrance to the flower garden, she ran right into the two children running out with the shuttlecock in hand.
Six eyes met. Yin Bai lowered her head to look at the shuttlecock in Tongtong’s hand. Tongtong and Wenwen, meanwhile, raised their eyes to look at the cane in her hand.
The children looked at the cane in Yin Bai’s hand and let out a small sound of surprise. “Ah, Fairy Sister, are you injured?” Tongtong remembered that her maternal grandmother had also used a cane when she was injured a while ago.
Yin Bai froze for a second. The irritation that had been about to flare up mostly vanished, and she could only manage a stiff reply: “Mm.”
Tongtong bit her lip, looking at Yin Bai’s right leg with some sympathy. “Then, Fairy Sister, does it still hurt?”
Yin Bai truly hadn’t expected that after so many years with her leg injury, someone would still ask if it hurt. She pressed her lips together uncomfortably and answered, “It stopped hurting long ago.”
Although she said that, Tongtong still looked at her leg with some worry. To Yin Bai, the little girl’s concerned expression bore a slight resemblance to Zuo Jingyou.
However, Yin Bai didn’t dwell on whether she might be Zuo Jingyou’s child. She put a hand to her lips and coughed lightly. “Speaking of which, doesn’t your family have an indoor sports court? Why do you always like playing outside?”
Tongtong looked up, smiling broadly at her. “We do, but the weather is really nice today, so Wenwen-jie and I like being outside.”
Wenwen, standing beside Tongtong, had also become slightly bolder. She nodded her little head and said, “Mhm, it’s more fun outside.”
Yin Bai uttered an “Oh,” then asked again, “So how long are you planning to play? You can’t possibly play badminton all day, right?”
Tongtong answered with a smile, “We’ll stop playing after lunch.”
Yin Bai nodded thoughtfully, lowered her gaze to the children before her, and said to them, “Alright then. In that case, you’d best not play this afternoon. I need to take an afternoon nap, the main gate will be locked, and I won’t be opening it for you.”
Yin Bai paused, then continued in a rather stern tone, “Besides, starting tomorrow, I won’t be home anymore. From now on, you’d better not hit the ball over here again, because there will be no one to open the gate for you to retrieve it.”
Her sudden stern expression immediately left the two children at a loss. Wenwen, who was already a little afraid of her, subconsciously took a step closer to Tongtong, hiding slightly behind her.
Seeing this, Yin Bai raised a long eyebrow and spoke somewhat fiercely to the children, “So don’t come bothering me again, understand?”
Tongtong clutched the shuttlecock and also retreated slightly, pressing her lips together. “Understood. We won’t trouble you again.”
After saying this, Tongtong politely bid Yin Bai farewell: “Then, goodbye, Fairy Sister.”
Yin Bai just huffed in response. The two children quickly took hands and ran towards the gate outside.
Leaning on her cane, Yin Bai watched the two children run hand-in-hand towards the iron gate outside the yard, faintly overhearing them whispering that she was very fierce. Wenwen pulled Tongtong along, saying fearfully8 that the sister was strange, walked differently from them, was fierce, and didn’t seem like a good person.
Tongtong, however, seemed more relaxed, saying it was prejudice, that clearly the Fairy Sister was pretty and spoke nicely, and that it was they who had disturbed her, things like that.
Yin Bai paused where she stood, eavesdropping for a moment, then started walking back towards her villa, leaning on her cane.
The late spring clamor was quickly left behind her. Leaning on her cane, she turned her back to the bright sunlight and entered her slightly cool villa. Hiding in the shadows once more, Yin Bai thought to herself that tomorrow she would leave this place of sorrow, find a house facing the sea where spring blossoms bloom9, and spend a period of quiet, undisturbed days.
Anyway… she wasn’t someone who couldn’t get used to loneliness.
The author has something to say:
The imagery of the Little Prince and the Rose is used here, but the keyword is taming.
Yin Bai is actually a bit like a lonely old person10, not very good at socializing, and feels an indescribable awkwardness when facing children. Kind of like… the 《Selfish Giant》 in Oscar Wilde’s fairy tale.
Please comment a lot!
LP: Re-translated on April 21, 2025
Footnotes
- 吃人嘴軟，拿人手短 | chī rén zuǐ ruǎn, ná rén shǒu duǎn | Meaning one feels obligated or less critical towards those from whom one has accepted gifts or favors.
- 阿姨 | Āyí | Lit. “Auntie”; Commonly used term for a domestic helper, nanny, or woman of similar age to one’s parents.
- 《小王子》 | Xiǎo Wángzǐ | 《The Little Prince》 by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.
- Opening line of 《The Little Prince》.
- 滾瓜爛熟 | gǔnguālànshú | Lit. “like gourds rolling and melons ripening”; Meaning to know something thoroughly, to have memorized it perfectly.
- Source: Lyrics from the French musical adaptation of 《The Little Prince》. Note: This translation aims to capture the sentiment expressed in the original Chinese lines, which seem to be a rendition of the Rose’s farewell.
- 馴養 | xùnyǎng | To tame or domesticate; a key concept in 《The Little Prince》 signifying the creation of ties, mutual responsibility, and affection.
- 心驚膽戰 | xīnjīngdǎnzhàn | Lit. “heart alarmed, gallbladder trembling”; Terrified, panic-stricken.
- 春暖花開面朝大海 | chūn nuǎn huā kāi miàn cháo dàhǎi | Lit. “spring warm flowers bloom face towards the great sea”; Evokes an idyllic, peaceful setting, famously from a poem by Hai Zi.
- 孤寡老人 | gūguǎ lǎorén | Lit. “solitary and widowed old person”; Often used figuratively online to describe someone very lonely or socially isolated.
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