I am not her
Ci Ke only felt a moment of dizziness, and by her side was already a soft bed. Ye Youqing’s arms were terrifyingly strong, blocking all of her struggles.
She suddenly felt a bit panicked, the mosquito net in front of her swaying slowly, creating ripples of light from the candle, making her feel a bit dizzy.
The movements beside her lessened, as if the pain was easing. The woman’s furrowed brows also gradually relaxed.
“Ye Youqing?” Ci Ke asked softly, but there was no response.
Qin Xin, who had already been frightened, hurried forward, half-kneeling down to feel Ye Youqing’s forehead, letting out a long sigh of relief.
“She doesn’t have a fever,” Ci Ke said softly. “Is she usually like this?”
Qin Xin shook her head. “The Eldest Miss hardly ever gets sick.”
After saying this, she seemed to notice their positions and became slightly annoyed with a red face, reaching out to pull Ci Ke up, saying discontentedly, “Get up quickly, this is so improper!”
As she pulled Ci Ke, she stumbled, immediately getting out of Ye Youqing’s now lax grip, while at the same time, the woman’s body behind them suddenly began to shake violently. She abruptly turned over, her slender fingers viciously tearing at herself, almost crashing into the bedpost.
Both of them were startled. Qin Xin hurriedly got up, trying to restrain Ye Youqing’s arms. However, she couldn’t withstand Ye Youqing’s strength and was almost thrown out, ending up hitting the edge of the window table, tears welling up from the pain.
Watching the dark shiny hair being pulled out in clumps, Ci Ke’s eyes filled with increasing anxiety. She gritted her teeth, suddenly stepped forward, and reached out to stand between Ye Youqing’s head and the wall.
A miracle happened. The woman, who had been suffering in pain and delirium moments before, suddenly seemed to calm down, as if under a spell, gradually slowing down her movements and ceasing the tearing.
It seemed that being close to her was effective.
Ci Ke’s face flushed suddenly.
After hesitating for a moment, she reached out and held the woman’s delicate wrist, pulling her arm away from her head. The woman did not resist, her disheveled hair scattered on her fair cheeks, her delicate nose buried in the bedding as if carved from jade.
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Taking a deep breath, Ci Ke dragged her hand and slowly placed it on her own waist.
Qin Xin beside her gasped, muttering something under her breath and covering her flushed face with both hands.
As soon as those hands touched Ci Ke’s waist, they suddenly tightened, making Ci Ke let out a startled cry. She was spun around on the bed, with her back facing Ye Youqing, enveloped in her arms.
Her breathing quickened, feeling the strong and clear heartbeat of the woman behind her.
A faint tingling sensation surged gradually from every corner touched by Ye Youqing, spreading through her limbs and bones.
Ye Youqing’s heartbeat gradually stabilized, and the pain seemed to lessen as Ci Ke approached. However, Ci Ke’s own heartbeat became increasingly intense, as if it wanted to burst out of her chest.
How could this be? Ci Ke’s eyes widened slightly.
“Why don’t you go out!” Ci Ke suddenly spoke, sounding irritated, but upon a closer listen, one could detect a hint of embarrassment intertwined.
“Oh, oh…” Qin Xin covered her face, took two steps back, then turned around and stopped, stuttering, “You, you’re not allowed to do anything to our Eldest Miss.”
“If you had eyes, you’d see who’s actually doing what,” Ci Ke sneered, sarcastically remarking.
Qin Xin glanced around in confusion for a moment, then suddenly let out an unbearable moan, turned and ran out of the room, tightly closing the door behind her.
In the room, only Ci Ke and Ye Youqing remained, and the sound of their heartbeats became even more distinct. Ci Ke bit her lip tightly, trying to move her body but couldn’t budge an inch, so she had to give up.
The woman continued to endure the pain, holding onto her, seeming to alleviate her headache slightly. Ci Ke thought so and resignedly gave up trying to move, allowing herself to be enveloped by the woman’s body heat.
And the fragrance.
Different from the scent of the young girl she had once smelled, the current aroma was as crisp as a late autumn breeze.
And this embrace seemed to bring comfort to Ci Ke.
Ye Youqing stood in a midst of chaos, accompanied by a headache she had never experienced before. It felt as if her soul was gradually detaching from her body. Once fully detached, the headache felt like it was behind a layer of glass, still perceptible but greatly diminished.
In front of her, several young girls sat on chairs and stools in a room elegantly decorated with a tall folding screen displaying blooming pear blossoms, depicted intricately in fine embroidery.
Two young girls sat at the back, one with a round face looking timid and the other with a beautiful appearance, yet neither showed the arrogance typical of privileged families.
They were miniature versions of Ji An’an and Ye Youqing.
Beside them, a white-bearded man set down his book, turned and left. The room suddenly became bustling with chatter among the dozen or so young girls. Some of them, dressed even more elegantly and decently, held hands and quietly slipped out the door, as if they had planned it beforehand.
Ye Youqing seemed to know what was about to happen next, her heart suddenly tight, but her feet felt stuck in place.
After a while, the room was empty, and Ji An’an, who had been restless, finally stood up, pulling little Ye Youqing to run into the courtyard. Little Ye Youqing looked unwilling, but didn’t resist and was pulled all the way to a secluded grove.
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“An’an!” Ye Chengzhu, dressed in a silk dress, appeared out of nowhere and exchanged a few words with Ji An’an. After some hesitation, Ji An’an was forced to leave with Ye Chengzhu.
“A slave servant, how dare she be praised by the master! Look at her, all dolled up like a fox spirit, does she look like a servant?” an older girl was saying as she grabbed the young girl’s twin buns in front of her, harshly tugging and shaking them until all the beads fell to the ground.
Ye Youqing couldn’t help but reach out. The young girl was none other than Ci Ke. Though only in her early teens, she already had a beautiful appearance. Even dressed in the cheapest servant attire, she couldn’t hide her inherent elegance.
But she couldn’t move, only able to watch helplessly as the girl was being bullied.
Meanwhile, little Ye Youqing standing outside the grove seemed to want to step forward, but hesitated and didn’t move an inch.
“Yeah, lazy when it’s time to work, instead hiding in the corridor eavesdropping, truly a disgrace to the Zuo family,” another girl of similar age said contemptuously, reaching out to knock something out of Ci Ke’s hand, causing it to clatter to the ground.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” the girl seemed impatient, pointing her foot at Ci Ke, “What trash are you carrying, dirtying my shoes, clean it up now!”
“Sister Yan’s shoes are not something you can afford to compensate for, so get to it!” someone from the side laughed, as if this was all just a fun game.
Ci Ke remained expressionless, as if not hearing the insults, stiffly crouching down to slowly brush away the dust on the girl’s shoe with her small palms. Unexpectedly, the girl suddenly lifted her foot, aimed straight at Ci Ke’s chest, and kicked her to the ground.
Following that, the sole of the shoe pressed onto Ci Ke’s hand, but she endured in silence, her small body almost curled up.
Seeing this scene, Ye Youqing felt a mixture of urgency and anger, wishing she could rush forward and give the girl who bullied others a punch. However, she was unable to move, and little Ye Youqing still hid outside the grove, too scared to step forward.
Ye Youqing wasn’t sure who she was angry at, feeling a sudden wave of helplessness.
After some time passed, everything came to an end, and the girls left contentedly. Ci Ke knelt on the grass, staring blankly into the distance, not crying but extending her wounded hand to pick up the scattered objects one by one.
Ye Youqing suddenly couldn’t bear to watch any longer.
Finally emerging from her hiding spot behind the tree, little Ye Youqing appeared to be sobbing, wiping tears with the back of her hand. She then fumbled in her sleeve for a while, taking out a wrapped piece of candy, and placed it in front of Ci Ke.
Ci Ke was taken aback, then lifted her head abruptly. The two girls locked eyes, one with tears streaming down her face, and the other expressionless. Ci Ke reached out, took the candy, and forcefully stuffed it into her mouth.
The scene kept blurring and clearing, as Ye Youqing watched the two girls go from strangers to acquaintances. Each time Ci Ke was bullied, little Ye Youqing would secretly give her a piece of candy or pastry.
The girls’ friendship hidden and discreet, time slowly flowing. Ye Youqing saw Ci Ke often sitting alone in this place, from dawn till dusk, her expressionless eyes turning into joy and anticipation only when that figure appeared.
She was waiting for her only friend.
Suddenly, the light in front of her vanished, plunging everything into darkness. Ye Youqing couldn’t help but grip her robe tightly, unable to bear watching any longer.
When the light returned, Ci Ke, now grown into her current appearance, was bending over, weaving through the crowd at the banquet, carrying a wooden tray filled with dishes she had personally prepared.
The grown-up Ye Youqing stood not far away, surrounded by several wealthy children, looking like she had just been crying, listening to the teasing remarks from the group.
Ci Ke had already caught their attention, slowing her steps slightly, looking slightly panicked as she gazed at the people surrounding Ye Youqing.
“Look, the fox spirit has arrived. Miss Ye, why don’t you personally ask her if she has won the heart of our little General Qin,” the beautiful woman surnamed Yan from memory covered her lips and chuckled.
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Ci Ke began to retreat, but suddenly she was held down by several maids and forced to kneel in front of them.
“Ci Ke,” Ye Youqing said with a nasal tone, “Is what they’re saying true?”
“Ah You…” surrounded by many people, Ci Ke couldn’t say a word. Her cherry lips trembled for a moment, lifted the tray in her hand slightly, and whispered, “Today is your birthday. This is your favorite dish…”
Suddenly, the expression on Ye Youqing’s face changed, turning pale with a mix of shame and anger. She walked forward, trembling, and picked up the still steaming dish.
“They’re right, you truly are a demon, a fox spirit who steals everything!”
She said, then viciously threw the fragrant dish in her hand towards Ci Ke. Ci Ke couldn’t dodge in time and ended up drenched, surrounded by a chorus of laughter that was like a cold wind in everyone’s ears.
“Ah!” Ye Youqing suddenly let out a soft cry, opening her eyes to find herself sweating profusely. The lingering headache and memories brought along a deep sense of sorrow, as if embedding her into the wall.
The last gaze of the woman in the dream made her heart ache unbearably.
That’s how the original owner was, destroyed by a man, ruining a girl’s reliance on her, and shattering her last bit of trust in this dirty world.
She moved her hand, and the body in her embrace also shifted, seeming a bit cold. The one in her arms turned over and curled up in front of her.
A face much more mature and charming than in the dream unexpectedly met Ye Youqing’s gaze.
Her own actions from last night? How? Ye Youqing blinked, feeling surprised. She looked down and realized that their positions indicated she had trapped the person in her embrace.
She had always known she didn’t sleep well and needed to hold onto something to sleep peacefully. Ye Youqing sighed.
The woman’s face was truly extremely beautiful, every feature perfect. When her eyes were closed, the corners didn’t appear fox-like anymore, very calm, slowly overlapping with the girl from her dreams.
Ye Youqing gently pulled the blanket over Ci Ke, her movements light and quiet. Her hand paused in midair for a while before slowly lowering down, tucking Ci Ke’s stray hair behind her ear.
“I’m sorry,” Ye Youqing murmured softly.
“But I am not her.”