After all, I love you so much
The affection between Ming Qin and Murong Yan has only grown stronger with time, causing irreparable emotional damage to the perpetually single Song Shuqing.
If not for the extreme double standards of Murong Yan’s glances, which were somewhat chilling, the woman whose eyes were almost blinded would have long ago criticized the sticky couple like rubber bands.
While Murong Yan stepped out of the room to call for snacks due to hunger, Song Shuqing boldly wrote the word 『dog』 on the hand of the person next to her, leaving her junior sister puzzled.
“Sister, I have a question for you.” Ming Qin looked at the hand holding hers and quietly asked in a low voice, “Tomorrow is Yanyan’s birthday. What do you think I should give her? It seems like Yanyan doesn’t lack anything.”
“I’m about to be blinded by those flashes and you still dare to stab me?” Rolling her eyes, Song Shuqing placed her hand on Ming Qin’s hand, writing helplessly.
『You young lovers can just casually give her a few kisses, and she’ll be very happy.』
Ming Qin looked at the palm of her hand, puzzled. “What is a young lover?”
Song Shuqing had a stomach ache, but seeing the eager expression of the person next to her seeking knowledge, she compromised and explained.
『’Lovers,’ it means.』
“But I don’t know if Yanyan and I are lovers. Are we lovers?” Ming Qin pondered, her ears turning slightly red. “So in Sister’s eyes, we are lovers…”
“Are you an idiot?!”
With widened eyes, Song Shuqing looked incredulous, wanting to shout but realizing that the person in front of her couldn’t hear, so she swallowed her shock and hastily wrote:
『You’re not going to tell me you haven’t confessed, are you?』
“What does ‘confess’ mean?” Frowning, Ming Qin tried hard to figure it out.
『It means to express one’s feelings.』
『You donkeyhead』
Song Shuqing cursed in her heart, poking her junior sister’s head firmly with her finger, feeling a sudden sense of great responsibility.
『I know what you’re going to do tomorrow』
『You better remember what you have to do tomorrow…』
With lightning speed, she quickly instructed Ming Qin in the palm of her hand. Before Murong Yan returned to the room, Song Shuqing had already given all her suggestions to her own donkeyheaded junior sister.
On Murong Yan’s birthday, the weather was exceptionally good.
Early in the morning, Ming Qin was acting mysteriously, tiptoeing around the room with a chain in hand even before dawn, making the lightly sleeping Murong Yan feel somewhat strange.
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After lunch, Ming Qin hesitantly said to the woman reading in her arms, “Yanyan, can we go out today?”
“Ah Qin, do you want to leave the palace?” Setting down her book, Murong Yan spoke softly, raising her hand to write:
『Where do you want to go?』
『Who do you want to see?』
“No, no! I don’t want to see anyone…”
Shaking her head in a panic, Ming Qin explained, “There’s a place I want Yanyan to accompany me to, is that okay?” She held the woman’s soft fingertips in her hand, pleadingly kissing the back of her hand.
Seeing her beloved one in this manner softened Murong Yan’s heart. She called for the horseman and reluctantly removed the iron chain from Ming Qin’s right foot.
She stared blankly at the chain on the ground, feeling inexplicably anxious, until Ming Qin draped a cloak over her, gently holding her hand. Only then did Murong Yan snap out of it.
“Shall we go?” Ming Qin tilted her head inquiringly, smiling patiently, waiting for the woman to take the first step.
Murong Yan took a deep breath, tightly holding the hand of the person beside her with calloused fingers, as they walked out of the door of the palace.
Even as they boarded the carriage, Ming Qin continued to whisper to the coachman softly. With the wheels rolling, Murong Yan still had no idea of their destination.
It wasn’t until the carriage stopped at Changshou Street that Ming Qin opened the door and jumped out, and the woman realized they had arrived at Cangyue Tower.
“Yanyan, come.” Extending her hand, Ming Qin held Murong Yan’s somewhat cold fingertips, carefully helping her down from the carriage.
Murong Yan looked at the entrance of Cangyue Tower, feeling a strange mix of emotions being there with Ming Qin this time.
Regarding this place that had imprisoned her for many years, the place where she first met Ming Qin, the place where she almost died, Murong Yan always had an indescribable and inexplicable feeling.
Watching the excited person in front of her, Murong Yan sighed helplessly, ordering the remaining servants to wait outside. She compliantly let Ming Qin hold her, and they ascended the tower in three quick steps.
The room showed no signs of the previous disorder; although it had been uninhabited for a long time, it was spotless, as if meticulously cleaned. Every decoration remained just as it had been originally.
“Wait a moment, Yanyan.” Ming Qin placed the woman in her arms on the familiar bed, biting her lip as she stood by the window, feeling around the outside wall. “…Ah, there it is!”
With a happy raise of her eyebrows, Ming Qin retracted her arm from outside the window, revealing a bundle of flowers wrapped in oil paper.
“Yanyan, today is your birthday.”
She squatted on the window ledge, just like two years ago, climbing walls and towers every day. With a slightly embarrassed grin, she said, “I asked my senior sister, she said you would be very happy to receive flowers and a card. But I can’t see clearly yet, and I still can’t write, so I can only say it…”
Swiftly jumping down to the floor, Ming Qin approached the bed, half kneeling as she handed the bouquet of flowers to Murong Yan. She scratched her head, organizing her words, “Um… Yanyan, I… I always get scolded by my senior sister and master, saying I’m stupid and clumsy, only knowing how to be silly and happy every day… Besides eating something delicious every day, I can’t figure out what I really want.”
“I don’t desire wealth and power, nor do I like dominance. While working as a shadow guard, I’ve seen people fighting ruthlessly for what they want, causing bloodshed when they can’t have it. It’s unbearable to them. I just don’t understand… I’m sorry, I’m too foolish.”
Taking a deep breath and trying to calm her turbulent emotions, Ming Qin continued, “But now, it seems like I understand… No, I fully comprehend that feeling, that yearning for an oasis in the desert, that desperate longing of an empty heart to be filled…”
“Yanyan, my wish is you…”
Unaware of the person in front of her suddenly accelerating her breathing, Ming Qin was immersed in her thoughts, trying to articulate clearly what she wanted to say. “Um… I don’t mean that I want you to be mine like an object…”
“I hope you are happy, I hope to always be with you. Yanyan, you deserve all the beauty in this world, you deserve to soar freely… Oh, I’m not saying you’re a bird! But if you were a bird, you’d be the most beautiful bird…”
“I want to protect you, I want to be with you always…”
As Ming Qin spoke, she felt some self-reproach for her poor choice of words. Her voice grew softer, and she regretted not practicing what to say beforehand. “…I may not be as skilled as before, but I’m still good at fighting. I can carry Yanyan up and down, go wherever you want… So… so…”
For the first time, the dull-witted shadow guard seemed to understand the meaning of hesitance.
“Let me stay by your side… please?”
Ming Qin lifted her head, her throat feeling dry. Against the light, she couldn’t clearly see the expression on the person in front of her, just blinking her eyes forcefully.
“Yanyan… let me be with you, okay… Oh!”
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Before she could finish her sentence, Ming Qin felt her neck securely wrapped and the next moment, she sensed the weight on her body. She tightly embraced Murong Yan, who had fallen forward.
“Yanyan! What’s wrong?” Sensing the woman trembling on top of her, breathing rapidly, Ming Qin couldn’t help but feel anxious. “Is it that you don’t like it here?”
“Let’s go back home, okay? Don’t be afraid.”
Regretting her rash actions, Ming Qin knew about the woman’s occasional nightmares. She had discovered that on one or two occasions when they slept together, Murong Yan would mutter softly in a cold sweat about being imprisoned in the Cangyue Tower for many years.
Originally, the simple shadow guard just wanted to take this opportunity to create even more beautiful memories for the woman she cherished. However, Murong Yan’s unexpected reaction of slight trembling caught her off guard.
Blaming herself for her foolishness, she gathered the woman in her arms, preparing to get up and go downstairs. Yet, she felt her collar being grabbed, and Murong Yan leaned against her neck, shaking her head uncontrollably.
“Yanyan, not leaving? Aren’t you scared?” Ming Qin asked in concern, but she didn’t get any other reaction from the woman. She sat with Murong Yan on the couch, comforting her by gently rocking back and forth. “Let’s stay a little longer, just a little longer.”
With one hand clutching the shadow guard’s collar and the other tightly holding a delicate bouquet of flowers, Murong Yan leaned against Ming Qin’s shoulder, continuously repeating something in her mouth.
Feeling the breath against her collarbone, Ming Qin, unable to hear the words, felt greatly troubled, missing her hearing more than ever before.
She tilted her head and blinked, and in her unexpectedly clearer vision, she saw a bronze mirror used for grooming, reflecting the intertwined figures of the two of them.
In the quiet world, Ming Qin stared fixedly at the woman’s lips moving in the mirror, her body stiffening.
It seemed as though Ming Qin couldn’t understand Murong Yan’s lip movements, or perhaps she wanted to imprint that image in her mind. She hesitantly tilted her head to look for a long time in disbelief.
It was three words.
Murong Yan was repeating only three words.
Yet, those three words made her heart bloom as if in full flower.
In the quiet world, it felt like she could hear the rush of a torrent or the sound of fireworks exploding.
Even though they were unfamiliar words, they left Ming Qin’s hesitant heart feeling warm.
It was that phrase that made her, with her clumsy tongue, find the most perfect expression. She could pour out her tumultuous emotions and endless longing to the woman in her arms.
Feeling the blood rush to her head, Ming Qin opened her mouth and responded.
“Yanyan… I love you too.”
Her voice strained, she didn’t dare to look down at Murong Yan’s expression at this moment. Instead, she kissed her hair repeatedly, saying it tirelessly as if wanting to fill the time they had missed and make up for the time the woman had waited for her due to her confusion.
It was only when she felt the warm tears soaking into her collar that Ming Qin realized.
“Why are you crying?” Feeling helpless, Ming Qin hastily pulled out a handkerchief, gently wiping away the tears streaming down the woman’s face. “Please don’t cry, okay?”
“…Ah Qin, can you see clearly now?” Murong Yan meekly raised her head, gazing at Ming Qin with unwavering eyes, restraining the waves of emotion surging in her chest.
Nodding randomly, Ming Qin replied, “I can see clearly now, so Yanyan, please don’t cry.”
Noticing the rosy blush under the woman’s eyes, Ming Qin spoke softly, “It will make me feel uncomfortable… Today is still Yanyan’s birthday, you should be happy.”
“Is it because today is my birthday that Ah Qin said those words to make me happy? As a birthday gift,” Murong Yan released Ming Qin’s tightly held hand, her eyes still teary, lovingly caressing Ming Qin’s slightly pink left ear as she spoke word by word.
“I wasn’t saying it just to make you happy…”
“The birthday gift is flowers, but Yanyan can have anything she wants.” Straightforward Ming Qin pressed the woman’s hand, her expression incredibly sincere. “As long as Yanyan wants it, I can give you anything.”
Whether it’s flowers, treasures, or even people, as long as she has them, Ming Qin can give her everything.
“Then… I want Ah Qin.”
Pressing their foreheads together, feeling their breaths intertwining, Murong Yan, in a space that once filled her with resentment, now felt a wild joy, “Every year, every year, I just want Ah Qin.”
As her red lips moved silently, she murmured softly,
“Okay.”
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“I give everything to Yanyan, only to Yanyan.”
Faced with such a simple request, or rather, her own desire, Ming Qin unhesitatingly promised, her tone still solemn and sincere.
Unconsciously gazing at the moist lips in front of her, the shadow guard’s eyelids fluttered lightly, hesitating, “Yanyan… Can I also, perhaps…”
Their breaths intertwined.
“Can I…”
Feeling an inexplicable sense of hunger, not from her stomach, but as if it was a cry from the depths of her soul.
“Mm?” Affectionately smoothing the stray strands on the person’s forehead in front of her, Murong Yan encouraged with a light hum.
Subconsciously licking her lips, Ming Qin felt a bit uncomfortable with the strange impulse that suddenly arose in her heart. Hesitantly, she spoke, “I want to touch the lip rouge on your lips.”
Wanting to devour the person in front of her, to fill the emptiness.
“But Yanyan just applied it… it might get ruined, might be consumed.”
“Even so, can I… can I?”
Stammering, her face slightly red, she obediently bit her lower lip in restraint, waiting for her beloved’s permission.
Surprised by the first display of straightforward desire from the person in front of her, Murong Yan blinked her eyes and took a slight breath.
She hooked her hands around Ming Qin’s neck, tilting her head back with a perpetual compliance towards her shadow guard. “Ah Qin, you can do anything you want…”
“After all, I love you so deeply.”
After all, our love is mutual.
The author has something to say:
Hmm…
The two of them didn’t come downstairs until nearly two hours had passed.
The coachman was very confused and didn’t know what had happened, but he didn’t dare to ask.
The author felt relieved and knew what had happened, but she couldn’t say.
Readers are both in pain and happiness because the sacred wood finally bloomed, but the details are left to their own imagination.
LP: Re-translated on April 12, 2024
Basically, they f*cked
God, this has been traumatizing me for a bit, but I’m glad everything is okay again
I feel ya, the arc before this was just so dark as heck. Hoping only lsweet chapters ahead
Aww that’s so cute, she finally confessed!