You must wait for me, but also don’t wait for me
Setting out from the capital and heading west, the night wind in autumn and winter was bitingly cold, the black shawl being fiercely whipped about, fluttering behind in the wind.
On the grassland, the figure of a person on horseback draped in the white light of the moon, even though the horse beneath was somewhat weary, the rider on its back still urged it on without hesitation.
“Good horse, run a bit more, we are almost at the post station, then you can rest,” Ming Qin whispered soothingly.
It had been four days since she left the capital, and this was already the seventh horse she had changed to, the woman dared not slack off for a moment, fearing she might doze off and fall from the horse, she tied herself tightly to the saddle with a belt.
She took out a dry steamed bun and chewed it dryly, in the past, even if the white steamed bun had no filling, she could still taste a bit of sweetness in it, but now she couldn’t taste anything on her tongue, she just chewed and swallowed the tasteless mix with water, merely to survive.
This feeling is so alien, yet Ming Qin neither cares nor fears.
Even as the world she senses becomes utterly silent, or the food she tastes turns flavorless, her resolve remains unshaken.
Before leaving the capital, Ming Qin had one last time entered the sleeping chamber of Murong Yan, quietly observing the woman lying on the bed.
The rising and falling of Murong Yan’s chest was proof she was alive, making her look as if she were merely asleep.
Gently, Ming Qin arranged the stray hairs on the woman’s forehead. Then, kneeling on one knee beside the bed, she rolled up her sleeves and carefully applied lip balm to her.
With devotion, with restraint.
The young shadow guard gazed steadily at Murong Yan, hoping to etch her graceful figure into her heart like a branding iron, deeply enough that if she never sees her again, she could still conjure that image from the depths of her heart, allowing herself to easily sketch it in her mind.
Yanyan.
It will be okay soon.
You have to wait for me a bit longer.
But also, don’t wait for me.
When you wake up, I hope to see you living freely and vibrantly under the sun, like vines growing wildly, like flowers blooming fiercely.
(Originally translated on littlepandatranslations.com, let's go!)
By then, everyone will witness your beauty once more.
They will.
They definitely will.
I’m certain of it, after all, Yanyan, you are so perfect.
The charming yet lazy and bright you, please don’t let the thieves pluck you away again, for I won’t be there.
If there happens to be someone who knows how to cherish you, appreciate you, and submits to you, just as I did.
Even from beneath the nine springs (afterlife), I would pray day and night to the heavens, hoping you and that person could live out the rest of your days in joy.
A sudden dull pain in my chest.
Strangely, I felt an urge to ruin the lipstick I just applied.
Ming Qin chuckled softly, finding this sudden thought somewhat absurd.
In the end, she did nothing but gave one deep, lingering look before decisively turning around and quietly leaving.
When Ming Qin arrived in Jingzhou, looking dusty and travel-worn, she first headed to the inn where she had parted ways with Wang Wei.
Inquiring with the staff, as expected due to the long time that had passed, nobody had any recollection.
However, having anticipated this, Ming Qin wasn’t frustrated. As long as she asked enough people, she was bound to find someone with a clue.
Starting from that inn as a center point, as soon as the sun barely rose, Ming Qin began to knock on doors one by one to ask around. Even if it turned into night, she wouldn’t stop, continuing to wander in the dilapidated side streets, searching meticulously.
Even so, her efforts were still not fruitful.
When Ming Qin passed by the courtyard of the merchant officials, no matter how polite she was, the servants inside always dismissed her perfunctorily, as if she were a beggar. If it was a poor and small household, the people inside would look at this stranger with wary eyes, unwilling to listen more and rejecting Ming Qin outright.
But Ming Qin had no time to be disheartened. For six days, she tirelessly sought information, with each day taking her further and her search broader.
“Excuse me, sir, have you seen a doctor named Wang? About seven feet tall, in the prime of his life, speaks Mandarin.”
Today, Ming Qin, still undeterred, knocked on the door of a luxurious residence, but the gatekeeper inside was very fierce, roaring for her to scram.
Scratching her head, Ming Qin turned around, yet suddenly felt her vision blur as if covered by a layer of fog, as if all light was being swallowed.
Oh no!
This isn’t working.
Ming Qin quickly took out a wooden jar from her pocket, carelessly grabbed a handful, chewed it briefly, and then swallowed.
It’s still not working.
Only her vision remained impaired.
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She blinked hard and pinched the bridge of her nose. Although her vision was still blurry, it was somewhat better than before.
Just as Ming Qin was about to head to the next house, the hem of her garment was tugged by a little girl, about seven years old.
“Sister, sister.”
The girl’s clothes were excessively tattered. She had been observing Ming Qin, who had a scar on her face, and finally mustered the courage to stop her and said, “You wouldn’t happen to be looking for Uncle Wang, would you?”
Ming Qin squatted down, patiently asking, “Good child, is the Uncle Wang you’re talking about a doctor?”
The little girl tilted her head, pondering, “Although others always say Uncle Wang is a crazy old man and tell me not to believe him, Grandpa Wang cured my brother’s illness, so I think Grandpa Wang must be a doctor.”
Hearing the girl’s words, Ming Qin felt as if she had found hope and asked eagerly, “Then can you take me to find Uncle Wang? I also want to ask Uncle Wang to help someone with their illness.”
“But…” The girl seemed troubled by a thought.
Seeing the hesitation in the person before her, Ming Qin took out two strings of copper coins and placed them in the girl’s hand, earnestly saying, “The person who is sick is really important to me, please.”
Looking at the copper coins in her hand and the sincere gaze of the woman, the girl nodded and led Ming Qin away from the bustling market.
The child didn’t walk slowly, skillfully navigating through secluded alleys and narrow streets, turning left and right so adeptly that even Ming Qin, known for her excellent memory, started to feel a bit lost.
After an unknown amount of time, the two stopped at the foot of a hill. This place was scarcely populated, with just a crooked and skew wooden house standing alone in the distance.
The girl looked disgusted and then let go of Ming Qin’s sleeve to point at the small house, “Uncle Wang lives over there.”
Seeing the child’s odd expression, Ming Qin asked curiously, “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t you smell that?” Covering her nose, the girl made a face of disdain, “Uncle Wang’s home is always filled with strange odors, making everyone reluctant to come near unless necessary. It’s just too smelly, big sister, you go on by yourself! I’m off!”
Ming Qin took a deep breath through her nose but still couldn’t smell anything. She understood in her heart and calmly waved at the girl with a smile, then walked alone towards the wooden house.
『Knock, knock, knock』
No one answered the door.
『Knock, knock, knock』
The door was knocked on again.
『Knock, knock, knock』
Just as Ming Qin was knocking for the thirty-second time, the door was opened.
“I told you to come in yourself! Are you deaf or what’s wrong with you, knocking for what?” an old man, looking somewhat crazy, opened the door grumpily. “I’m in the middle of an experiment and can’t spare a hand to open the door, I’m busy, got it?”
He was wearing a white robe of a novel design, with beige gloves made of some unknown material, and his hair was a wild mess.
If Song Shuqing happened to see him, she might unconsciously exclaim, 『Damn, this old man looks a lot like Einstein.』
“Ah? I was wondering who it could be.” The old man, somewhat shorter than Ming Qin, looked up and seeing the visitor, exclaimed in surprise, “Isn’t this shadow guard Xiaoming?”
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Wang Wei, looking at the long-unseen person who now appeared haggard and had fine scars on her face, couldn’t help but remark, “Truly, being a shadow guard is a hazardous job. So easy to get injured, with no labor insurance nor health insurance, and probably no pension either.”
“When shadow guards reach a certain age and are still alive, they can collect a pension and retire,” Ming Qin replied politely, watching Wang Wei’s mouth move. “I couldn’t hear properly earlier and missed you answering the door, my apologies.”
“And they say it’s not a high-risk job,” Wang Wei took off his gloves, mumbling under his breath while looking at the shadow guard he had taken a liking to, “you can even get a disability certificate and yet still have to work, it’s exploitation! If it were me, I’d definitely protest.”
“What brings shadow guard Xiaoming to me?” he asked.
“Imperial Physician Wang, I need your help. There’s someone in the capital who’s been poisoned and needs your attention…” Ming Qin hadn’t finished her plea when the old man in front abruptly cut her off.
“No, no, no… please don’t call me Imperial Physician Wang!” Wang Wei’s face paled as he frantically waved his hands, hurriedly trying to push Ming Qin out, “And don’t make me go to the capital, not even dogs would go to that sh*tty place!”
Ming Qin, in a panic, clung to the doorframe, resisting fiercely while explaining, “Imperial… Uncle Wang, it’s truly a matter of life and death. Only you can help. I’m begging you, please!”
Ming Qin quickly slipped in before the door could close, and with a thud, she knelt in the cramped entryway.
The tiny space was filled with bottles and jars, stacked with various suspicious herbs. Ming Qin barely found a palm-sized space for her knees, kneeling upright on it.
“Hmph, the Imperial Medical institute is full of those old fogies on their way to the grave. They won’t let me study this, won’t let me study that. Aren’t they great? Now they still need to come and beg me.” Wang Wei crossed his arms, huffily blowing a lock of hair away from his face. “I! Will! Not! Go!”
“Uncle Wang, I beg of you, Ming Qin is truly running out of time,” Ming Qin pleaded earnestly, her voice slightly choked. “That poison is extremely tricky, everyone at the Imperial Medical Institute is at their wit’s end, saying only you could surely have a way. Please come back with me!”
“Trying to flatter me? No way!” Seeing the pitiful Ming Qin before him, Wang Wei turned his head and steeled his heart, “It was them who drove me away, calling me a practitioner of heresy. A bunch of stinking fossils, ignorant of science, stinking fossils! And now they want me back.”
“I’m telling you, no way!” Wang Wei says, huffing with irritation.
“Uncle Wang,” the woman on the ground tries to kowtow, but the clutter around her makes it impossible, so she can only keep pleading with a heart-wrenching tone, “Uncle Wang, Ming Qin is begging you.”
She reaches out, trying to stop the man from turning away.
“You… aren’t allowed in, I’m off to do experiments, just go away.” The stubborn old man hardens his heart, refusing to look back, and walks back into his house, leaving the woman kneeling alone.
The author has something to say:
(I’m worried you all might not have read carefully – Ming Qin has been poisoned, and she’s gradually losing her senses. The decision to set it up this way was because I had a few specific scenarios in mind that I wanted to write, although it seems a bit challenging under the influence of this green app.)
LP: Re-translated on March 23, 2024
Oh noo
Oof rough. Even though I’m sure it’ll all work out somehow I’m still worried