The Princess’ Shadow Guard – Chapter 4

I Hate Myself for Wanting to Live

Riding south on horseback, a dark-colored veil loosely wrapped around her head, Ming Qin braved the chilly wind that howled. The scarf tucked into her collar slipped and fluttered behind her in the wind.

On the plain, the figure of a person and a horse was illuminated by moonlight, and Ming Qin’s expression appeared somewhat anxious.

Her current mission was to meet her senior brother Cao Yun in the Min region on their way to Nanyue, and then they would split up and return to the capital with confidential letters.

Seeing the solemn expression on her senior sister’s face before leaving the capital, Ming Qin sensed that the situation, as revealed in Cao Yun’s message, seemed far from optimistic. Despite everyone’s worrisome expressions, Ming Qin remained calm inside.

She had never understood the complexities involved in these missions, but she had one good quality—she never attempted to worry about things she couldn’t comprehend.

As long as she followed her master’s orders and completed the mission, everything would be fine. After all, her master was so intelligent.

However, on the agreed-upon day, there was no sign of her senior brother or the carrier pigeons that were supposed to deliver timely messages. This made Ming Qin uneasy. After relaying a message to the capital, she mounted her horse and headed towards Nanyue.

After a day of relentless riding without rest, the road led to a dense forest, shrouded in an eerie darkness.

Ming Qin halted her horse and listened intently, faintly hearing shouts of rebuke and irregular metallic noises.

She concealed her horse in the shadows and swiftly used her qinggong to disappear into the forest.

Ming Qin concealed her presence and stealthily approached the source of the sound. With cat-like steps, she treaded on the fallen leaves without making a sound, her nose catching a faint whiff of blood.

Straining to identify the elusive scent, she navigated through the dark forest. As the smell of blood grew stronger, she lowered her voice and called out, “Senior brother, senior brother, Brother Ah Yun.”

A muffled groan emanated from behind a large tree. Ming Qin hurriedly approached, brushing aside the branches and leaves strewn on the ground, and saw Cao Yun huddled with blood trickling from the corner of his mouth.

Worriedly, Ming Qin checked his internal energy and anxiously retrieved a healing pill from her sleeve, placing it in Cao Yun’s mouth. She then removed his cloak, opened his shirt, and sprinkled medicine powder onto a deep wound on his waist, where white flesh was visible, the bone seemingly turned inside out.

After a few breaths, Cao Yun’s originally darkened face showed a slight recovery of vitality. He weakly opened his eyes and, with great effort, spoke, “Confidential letter, waist belt.”

“The Crown Prince, Gu Dongying’s warriors… kill…” Cao Yun struggled to utter the words, gasping for breath. “Deliver the message… go…”

“I won’t go alone,” Ming Qin interrupted him. “I won’t leave on my own.”

Cao Yun furrowed his brow, looking somewhat helpless at his stubborn junior sister. “Warriors… more than fifty. Your lightness skill… is fast.”

“Master said we should split up and return to the capital,” Ming Qin stared directly at Cao Yun and spoke frankly. “Both of us, we’re both going back.” With that, she placed her palm against Cao Yun’s chest, using her internal energy to alleviate his internal injuries.

“You…” Cao Yun attempted to evade, but he lacked the strength to do so.

“You have a lot to say today, senior brother,” Ming Qin’s lips curved into a smile, her hands never ceasing their movements. “You used to be so sparing with your words.”

After a moment, Ming Qin finally stopped.

She left all the medicine vials she carried close to Cao Yun, then stood up straight. Gracefully, she took off her own outer garment and donned the man’s cloak, placing the confidential letter inside a pouch around her waist.

“I will lead them away,” Ming Qin flexed her wrist, revealing the location where the horse was tethered to Cao Yun. “At sunrise, senior brother should head north and enter the Fujian region, then proceed by waterway.”

Before Cao Yun could speak again, Ming Qin covered him with the outer garment she had just removed and used dried leaves and branches to conceal his figure.

“In that case, senior brother, see you in the capital,” Ming Qin’s tone was light, and she disappeared into the forest with cat-like steps.

Swiftly maneuvering through the thickets of trees, the smile on Ming Qin’s face vanished, replaced by a solemn expression.

Leading the pursuers away was undoubtedly dangerous, but if successful, it would increase her senior brother’s chances of survival.

If both of them managed to escape the perilous situation, that would be ideal.

However, if senior brother couldn’t make it to the capital, at least their master would obtain the confidential letter in her possession. If, by any misfortune, she perished, all she had to do was chew and swallow the letter before taking her last breath. With his knowledge of the situation, senior brother could provide valuable information about the southern region to their master once he arrived in the capital.

Ming Qin took a deep breath and circulated her internal energy.

The mission was simple.

Defeat the pursuers, protect the confidential letter.

Defeat the pursuers, protect the confidential letter.

She repeated the words softly. Her previously silent footsteps intentionally landed heavily in the next moment.

Inside the Cangyue Tower in the capital, cracks appeared on the teacup in Murong Yan’s hand, emitting a crisp sound.

Seated before her was a young man with jet-black hair. A golden headpiece adorned with a large pearl adorned his head, and a jade hairpin engraved with a dragon was inserted, while he wore a crimson Confucian robe embroidered with a pattern of azure clouds. The white inner lining was intricately embroidered with nine dragons, clearly indicating its extraordinary craftsmanship.

The man seemed oblivious to the woman’s anger, leaning on his hand with narrowed eyes as he looked at her. “It has been several months, yet sister remains as beautiful as ever,” he said with a pleasant tone.

In response, a teacup flew toward his face with a gust of wind. The man tilted his head to evade it, and the cup collided with the bookshelf behind him, shattering with a clattering sound.

Seeing her unwillingness to speak, the man straightened his front and glanced at the bare branches in the distance outside the window. He calmly continued, “Winter has arrived, and the barbarians are encroaching on our borders. Tomorrow, I must have a proper discussion with the grain official about the allocation of provisions in the northern region…”

Before the man could finish speaking, Murong Yan interjected, “Your Highness, not only is your taste in clothing still vulgar,” she flashed a mocking smile, “but your character remains as despicable as ever.”

Prince Murong Xiao didn’t appear angered, instead, he innocently looked at his own sleeve and asked, “Is it really that bad? I wore red because I thought it was your favorite color, sister.”

Unwilling to entertain his pretense, Murong Yan asked impatiently, “Your Highness, what brings you here?”

“I’ve been thinking about my sister whom I haven’t seen in a long time, so I came,” Murong Xiao said with a beaming smile, his tone light. Then he added, “A few days ago, the officials from the capital’s yamen¹ were insolent and bothered my sister. I took care of them personally.” However, his smile didn’t reach his eyes, revealing a chilling shadow.

“Is that so?”

Murong Yan paid no attention to his words, finding his presence irritating and impatiently said, “If that’s the case, Your Highness, you may leave now.”

Upon hearing her words, Murong Xiao’s face suddenly fell, his expression turning cold and menacing.

The man slowly approached Murong Yan, kneeling down on the ground and resting his cheek against the couch. His hands gently caressed the woman’s outstretched thigh through the fox fur, with an earnestness that bordered on reverence.

As his hand reached the empty right leg of the woman, Murong Xiao’s eyes turned bloodshot, filled with madness and obsession.

“Let go,” Murong Yan’s expression remained calm, despite the tingling sensation on her scalp.

Seeing that Murong Xiao remained unmoved, Murong Yan grabbed the hairpin from her hair and pressed it against her own neck, causing a lock of black hair to fall. “Your Highness the Crown Prince!”

Only then did Murong Xiao look up at the woman’s face.

Staring at the red mark on Murong Yan’s neck caused by the hairpin, the man narrowed his eyes and smirked, “You can’t do it.”

Murong Yan exerted pressure on her wrist, and a droplet of blood rolled down her snow-white neck, leaving behind a striking red trail. “Want to try?” she said, watching the corners of the man’s mouth tightly shut with a cold smile.

They locked eyes for a long time, until Murong Xiao slowly withdrew his hand and stood up.

He calmly adjusted his collar, straightened his crown, and then smiled as if nothing had happened. “I will come to visit you again, sister.”

“No need.”

The man didn’t reply, simply turning and leaving without looking back.

The waiting attendants hurriedly approached as they saw the prince’s figure, but his face appeared as if it was caught in a blizzard, completely different from his cheerful demeanor when he ascended the stairs earlier.

“Your Highness, news has arrived from the south,” the leader of the prince’s trusted aides stepped forward and whispered into his ear.

Upon hearing this, Murong Xiao’s expression eased slightly. “It wasn’t in vain to specially send someone to Dongying. Finally, something good has happened today.” He took off his outer robe and climbed into the carriage. “I need to change clothes.”

A young attendant didn’t understand. “But this outfit was carefully chosen by the prince…” He quickly closed his mouth upon seeing the warning gaze from the others.

Fortunately, Murong Xiao, who had an expressionless face, seemed not to have heard. He murmured hollowly, “So ugly. So ugly.”

“She doesn’t like it.”

Up in the Cangyue Tower, Murong Yan waited until the iron chains were secured again and the carriage had gone far before she let go of her forced composure.

She trembled slightly, casting aside the hairpin in her hand, and rubbed the goosebumps that had appeared on her arms, tilting her head as she dry heaved.

Despite not having eaten all day, she still couldn’t control the forceful contractions in her stomach, causing a sharp pain that made cold sweat trickle down her body. Only then did she stop.

A trace of transparent gastric fluid still trickled from the corner of her mouth as Murong Yan trembled, wrapping her arms around herself, curling up.

She loathed him for making her feel disgusted.

And she hated herself.

She hated herself for the screams in her heart, yet being restrained and unable to speak out.

She hated herself for lacking the courage to simply slash her own neck.

She hated herself for those tiny threads of thoughts in her heart, wanting to continue living.

She hated herself.

She wanted to keep living.

LP: Re-translated on December 1, 2023

1. refers to a government office or administrative building, typically used in historical and imperial contexts in China. Yamen served as the headquarters for local government officials, where administrative and legal affairs were conducted.