I’m Sorry, Yanyan (Phantom Pain)
On a cool night in the transition from summer to autumn, Ming Qin finally rushed back to the capital city.
After such a long time, she had long forgotten the conflicts in her mind. As soon as the meeting with her master ended, she quickly changed her clothes and flew towards Cangyue Tower, disregarding her senior brother’s calls.
“I’m back!”
Swiftly flipping through the window and entering the room, Ming Qin excitedly searched for the figure of Murong Yan.
“…Ah Qin? Is it Ah Qin?”
A gentle call and a rustling sound came from the bed. Murong Yan anxiously pushed aside the bed cover and was about to get out of bed to find her. However, her body, now without the prosthetic limb, lost its balance and she stumbled forward. Before she could regain her senses, she was caught in the embrace of the person she had longed for day and night.
Ming Qin happily hugged the woman in her arms and was about to speak, but she noticed that Murong Yan’s forehead was sweaty, her body trembling from time to time. Her hands tightly held onto Ming Qin’s waist, and her forehead was pressed firmly against her shoulder, as if she wanted to merge her body into it.
“Is the pain back again?” Ming Qin’s expression changed, and she sat on the bed, gently comforting the woman.
“Mmm.”
Murong Yan muffled her voice.
Although she rarely experienced episodes since the beginning of spring, these past few days seemed different. It was as if Murong Yan knew that Ming Qin was not in the capital and that she was all alone. The hallucinatory pain chose this moment to torment her relentlessly. The excruciating agony, deep into her bones, could only be endured by gritting her teeth, just as she had done in the past.
She had thought that it was this unbearable pain that had caused her to hallucinate, as if she could hear Ming Qin’s voice. It wasn’t until she was truly embracing the person in front of her, feeling the warmth of their body, that Murong Yan realized this wasn’t a dream.
“Ah Qin.”
Murong Yan lifted her head, looking into Ming Qin’s eyes filled with watery light. Their breaths mingled closely, and the distance between them vanished. “It hurts so much, I need Ah Qin to comfort me.”
“Alright.”
Ming Qin, who never refused the person in front of her, felt a soft ache in her heart. She made Murong Yan sit in front of her and softly whispered in her ear, “Yanyan, don’t be afraid. The pain will soon go away.”
One arm tightly embraced her, while the other gently patted the woman’s back, trying to shift her attention. “My dear Yanyan, don’t be afraid, I’m here.”
(Originally translated on littlepandatranslations.com, let's go!)
Murong Yan let out a muffled groan of endurance in Ming Qin’s embrace, trembling in pain throughout her body.
This phantom pain was more intense than before. She tightly pinched Ming Qin’s shoulder with her fingers, leaving behind red blood marks wherever she touched.
“Ah… Qin… Ah Qin…” Murong Yan couldn’t bear to stay silent, but the pain fragmented her voice, leaving her calling out intermittently.
Murong Yan’s white robe seemed to be soaked with sweat, dampening the clean clothes of the shadow guard. However, Ming Qin paid no attention to it. She was only anxious to figure out what she could do for the person in her arms, rather than just helplessly watching Murong Yan suffer alone.
Why? Why did she have to endure such pain?
Why was it that she alone had to bear all this torment while the culprit lived carefree?
It was unfair!
Ming Qin moved her hand, which was placed on her waist, downward and lifted the woman, holding her high in her arms.
Walking back and forth in the room, as if comforting a child, she tried to divert Murong Yan’s attention, while her other hand continued to gently pat her back.
“Yanyan, I’m sorry.”
Ming Qin looked at the person in pain before her, feeling a surge of guilt and despair because she couldn’t help as much as she wanted to.
“I can’t share your burden, I’m sorry, I can’t help you. Yanyan, I’m sorry.”
Whether it was her method or not, Murong Yan, though still gasping for breath, managed to lift her head slightly and gaze down at her.
In the face of Murong Yan’s tender gaze, Ming Qin’s throat tightened, and her trembling lips quivered as she spoke, “This is so unfair… Yanyan. It’s all too cruel to you… I’m sorry… Yanyan.”
“I’m sor… mmm…”
This time, Ming Qin watched as Murong Yan lowered her head and pressed her lips against her own, silencing her apologies for being powerless.
It wasn’t a gentle touch like the first time, but rather a somewhat domineering and deeply affectionate lingering.
Even though she felt suffocated, Murong Yan remained on Ming Qin’s lips until the very last moment before pulling away.
With tears in her eyes, she looked at the stunned Ming Qin and, with a trembling voice filled with sobs, said, “Even if the whole world owes me an apology… Ah Qin, you don’t owe me anything.”
“You’re the… last person who needs to say sorry to me.”
With that, Murong Yan pressed herself against Ming Qin once again.
Unlike before, where there was a gentle restraint, this time it was fierce, as if the end of the world was approaching with no tomorrow, as if she wanted to swallow up all her annoying cries and painful moans.
Ming Qin obediently responded, embracing and accepting the woman who bit and nibbled at her.
In the midst of a sweet taste, she also sensed a bitter saltiness.
But she couldn’t tell whether it was the hot tears streaming from Murong Yan’s eyes or her own pent-up frustration finally bursting forth. She simply obediently swallowed everything, as if by doing so, she could share a fraction of the pain for the person before her.
After a while, feeling the person in her embrace needing to catch her breath, Ming Qin tilted her neck back slightly and parted her lips.
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Murong Yan, with tear streaks on her face, looked somewhat perplexed as she gasped for breath and whimpered.
“Ah… Qin… Do you… despise me?”
Ming Qin smiled, the fragrance of peonies filling her lips and teeth. “How could that be?”
“…Then… Ah Qin, kiss me…” Her voice was low, choked, as if refusing that tear hanging at the corner of her eye would cause it to fall instantly.
Both petulant and domineering.
Ming Qin lifted the woman in her arms a little higher with a slight adjustment of her hand, and she tilted her head reverently to kiss away Murong Yan’s tears.
She gently pressed her lips against Murong Yan’s slightly parted ones, being extremely delicate to allow the woman room to breathe. Her actions were tender, as if handling a fragile piece of glass.
However, this feather-light restrained kiss only made Murong Yan itch with desire. She wanted to hide, yet couldn’t bear to, hoping that the person before her would crush and swallow everything more forcefully.
“Ah Qin…” Murong Yan regained her breath, her cheeks flushed. “Like last time.”
As always, Ming Qin responded to her request.
Tilting her head, Ming Qin kissed Murong Yan’s lips, imitating the way she had seen before. Her tongue slid into her mouth, prying open the already defenseless teeth, gently caressing the softness wherever it touched.
Murong Yan opened her mouth, her hands tightly embracing Ming Qin’s neck, allowing her hesitant exploration. She firmly climbed up the strong waist of the hidden guard, but to her surprise, only her right leg, the only remaining limb, lacked strength.
Ming Qin, who had been caressing her back, thoughtfully clasped the woman’s right leg, securing her onto herself, allowing her to adjust her body effortlessly according to her own will.
With the support, Murong Yan seemed dissatisfied with the invader’s excessive tenderness. She forcefully squeezed the person beneath her in silent protest, even mischievously nibbling on the softness in her mouth.
But no matter how mischievous she was, the powerful shadow guard never retaliated.
After a long time, when the two separated, their lips were both stained with a faint watercolor hue.
“Do you like it?” Ming Qin asked, looking up uncertain if she had done well.
“I like it.”
Murong Yan licked her lips and lovingly rolled up her sleeves to wipe away the tear stains on her cheeks and the watermarks left on her lips, saying, “But Ah Qin is too gentle.”
Gentle to the point of shedding tears for her own experiences.
“I’m afraid of hurting you.” Ming Qin squinted comfortably and then looked at her leg with concern. “Is your leg feeling better?”
Murong Yan lowered her head to assess it and then nodded. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”
It was truly unexpected. She didn’t know whether it was because she was too immersed to notice when the pain subsided or if her own intense focus caused the pain to vanish.
After repeatedly confirming and seeing that she was indeed fine, Ming Qin finally felt relieved and gently set Murong Yan down. Then, with a slightly apologetic look, she averted her gaze and asked, “I’ll temporarily leave. Would you like me to call a maidservant to help you change clothes?”
Murong Yan lowered her head to look at herself. Her white garment had been dampened by sweat and had become somewhat translucent. The red fabric beneath faintly showed through, shaking her heart more than an obvious revelation.
Although her face was red, Murong Yan mischievously stirred up some trouble and deliberately said, “Ah Qin, help me, okay?”
“I… I, I…” Ming Qin stammered, taking a while before finally uttering a complete sentence. “I have never helped someone change clothes before.”
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“Can I teach you?”
Murong Yan observed the person before her, noticing their flustered state. She spoke in a gentle tone, “Is it okay, Ah Qin?”
Reluctantly, Ming Qin nodded in agreement and assisted her in taking off the garment as directed by the woman.
Wanting to close her eyes while undressing Murong Yan, Ming Qin was afraid of hurting her. So she occasionally glanced at her own movements. Even though she had been with a group of shadow guards who bathed together in the nude, Ming Qin couldn’t calm down at this moment.
She held a handkerchief and wiped the sweat off the person lying on the bed. The flickering light of the oil lamp was not enough to illuminate the person beneath her, causing Ming Qin to let out a sigh of relief. However, when she met Murong Yan’s intense gaze, she panicked and quickly averted her eyes.
Despite her nervousness, Ming Qin’s movements remained gentle, carefully wiping as if she were treating a rare treasure.
Perhaps she was too focused and missed the tenderness in the woman’s eyes when she looked at her.
However, when it came time to dress Murong Yan, Ming Qin’s fingers trembled uncontrollably whenever they touched the woman’s skin.
She struggled to tie the sash several times without success, becoming anxious and sweating on her forehead, her mouth pouting in frustration.
Helplessly and indulgently, Murong Yan sighed and said, “Let me do it.”
Turning around, she tried to tie the red ribbon on her own. The silhouette of her back revealed distinct shoulder blades, resembling a butterfly spreading its wings on a pure white spine, captivating Ming Qin’s gaze, making it hard for her to look away.
“Alright.” Not wanting to trouble Ming Qin any further, Murong Yan swiftly dressed herself in a white garment. When she turned around, she saw Ming Qin standing there, gazing up and quietly counting the patterns on the wooden beams.
“Ah Qin?” the woman called out.
“Ah! Hmm?” Ming Qin snapped out of her daze, revealing a guilty smile. “Are you feeling better?”
Murong Yan nodded and reluctantly said, “You have to leave.”
“Yes.” Ming Qin looked at the faint light of the sky and blew out the oil lamp before covering the person on the pillow with a blanket. She said, “I’ll come back soon.”
“I know.” The weary person replied, then took hold of Ming Qin’s arm, urging her to lean closer.
Gently, they shared a perfect goodnight kiss.
LP: Re-translated on February 01, 2024
lessss gooooo
So many kisses Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ
Ming Qin is such a comforting presence for Murong Yan ♡♥♡(´꒳`)♥♡♥
That escalated quickly. I’m not complaining though
Dayumn 😭