Encountering her, is it fortune or misfortune?
Outside the window, the night was deep, and Jiang Huaixi sat on the couch by the window, hugging her knees. She turned her head to the side, gazing at the city that had fallen into silence in the late night. She looked at the few remaining points of light resembling stars from various distant lamps, and her expression appeared even lonelier than the night itself.
She wondered, without her by her side, would Zizheng have insomnia?
The wind blew in through the partially open window, bringing a trace of chilliness that stimulated Jiang Huaixi’s increasingly painful nerves. Unconsciously, she furrowed her brow even more and held her legs tighter, burying her face in her knees.
Time and time again, she recalled the evening when Lu Zizheng had told her, “Having the care and nagging of family, having a home to return to, feels really good. It would be nice if things could stay this way.” She remembered the sweet happiness and longing in Lu Zizheng’s expression, and the feeling of contentment and joy that had bloomed in her heart because of Lu Zizheng’s delight.
In her mind, accompanying this memory was the assertion that had haunted her like a nightmare for years, the sentence she had overheard her attending doctor confessing to her parents, “Even if the surgery is successful now, lifespan will still be affected. If recovery goes well, perhaps fifty years could be reached.” Jiang Huaixi’s hands, which were clutching her own legs, gradually tightened, leaving faint traces of blue and purple on her calves.
A person who can’t even guarantee their own future, are they truly unqualified to pursue so-called happiness, ultimately burdening others without reason?
When leaving, Lian Xuan questioned her, “Jiang Huaixi, what are you afraid of?”
This question has been asked of her by many, including herself. She has asked herself countless times, Jiang Huaixi, what are you truly afraid of?
In fact, the answer is so clear.
Apart from Lu Zizheng, what else is worth caring about? What else is there to fear?
Afraid that Lu Zizheng would regret, afraid that Lu Zizheng would be heartbroken, afraid that Lu Zizheng would be sad, afraid that Lu Zizheng would be disappointed, most of all, afraid of seeing Lu Zizheng’s tears.
After all the effort, she had finally managed to make Lu Zizheng a little happier. After all the effort, she had managed to restore a bit of confidence in life for Lu Zizheng. After all the effort, she had given Lu Zizheng a home again. How could she tell Lu Zizheng that life had played yet another cruel joke on them, delivering another blow?
(Originally translated on littlepandatranslations.com, let's go!)
How could she tell Lu Zizheng, “I’m sorry, I’ve been lying to you all along. In reality, I’ve known for a long time that I can’t promise you forever.”
Zizheng, I’m sorry, how should I tell you? Clearly knowing that you fear losing so much, clearly knowing that you’d rather never start, never possess, someone you knew you would eventually lose, clearly knowing everything, yet I still held onto the hope that I could somehow deceive fate and not be honest with you.
I’m sorry, I’ve been deceiving myself all along, hoping that I could keep it from you a little longer, even longer, extending your beautiful dream a bit more, even more. Ideally, in the end, I could perfectly hide it from you for a lifetime, allowing the dream to become reality.
I’m actually this terrible, this despicable, this cowardly, this weak…
Jiang Huaixi, you’re nothing but a liar…
Crystal-clear teardrops welled up from between Jiang Huaixi’s arms and knees, sliding down her smooth calves, and ultimately, in the dead silence of the night, fading away into a damp patch on the couch.
Without Jiang Huaixi by her side, in this unfamiliar home, Lu Zizheng tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. It wasn’t until after three in the morning that she managed to drift into a fitful slumber.
Early the next morning, just as dawn was breaking, Lu Zizheng awoke with a start. Her initial instinct was to lift her head and look at Jiang Huaixi’s sleeping face. But upon seeing the pillow and blanket neatly arranged and empty, she stared for a while before recalling the fact that Jiang Huaixi wasn’t home. She couldn’t help but chuckle silently. She had even maintained the posture of being held by Jiang Huaixi throughout the night, not moving at all. It seemed that Jiang Huaixi had unwittingly instilled an unusual habit in her.
Just in the morning, Lu Zizheng waited left and right, but Jiang Huaixi never appeared. Evidently, Father Jiang and Mother Jiang didn’t seem to know what Jiang Huaixi was up to either. Knowing that Jiang Huaixi hadn’t returned the previous night, they asked Lu Zizheng with some surprise, “Did Huaixi mention where she went to take care of something?”
Lu Zizheng shook her head, indicating that she had no idea.
Approaching noon, when Mother Jiang saw that Jiang Huaixi still hadn’t returned and noticed Lu Zizheng’s absent-mindedness and restrained demeanor while attempting to make a phone call, she considerately dialed Jiang Huaixi’s number to inquire about her whereabouts and when she would be back.
On the other end of the call, Jiang Huaixi’s voice sounded a bit hoarse. After a slight pause, she told Mother Jiang, “I didn’t sleep well last night, and it seems like I have a pretty bad cold. I went to the hospital just now, and the chief doctor prescribed some medicine. They said there’s been a bit of a flu outbreak recently, so I should be cautious. I’m worried that in a couple of days, things at home will get busy, and it wouldn’t be good to infect you all. I think I won’t come back for the next couple of days.”
While listening to the call, Mother Jiang’s gaze swept over Lu Zizheng, who was eavesdropping on their conversation with her ears perked up. She furrowed her brows and said, “You know you have a weak constitution, yet you don’t take care of yourself. Don’t assume we’re as fragile as you are. Is it your intention to make us worry by not coming back? Aren’t you concerned about worrying us? Aren’t you concerned about worrying Zizheng?”
There was a brief silence on the other end of the phone. Finally, Mother Jiang heard Jiang Huaixi concede, saying, “Then I’ll take the medicine and get some sleep now, and I’ll come back in the evening.”
Mother Jiang was satisfied with this and said, “Alright, we’ll wait for you to come back for dinner.”
After hanging up the phone, Mother Jiang smiled gently at Lu Zizheng and told her, “I called Huaixi. She said not to worry, she has a slight cold and is going to the hospital to get checked. She’ll be back in the evening, nothing to worry about.” Mother Jiang felt sorry for Jiang Huaixi, not wanting to make her rush back without a nap if she was tired. But she also empathized with Lu Zizheng’s anxiety and didn’t want her to feel unhappy if she heard that Jiang Huaixi wasn’t coming back when she was fine. So, she tried to strike a balance in her response.
Seeing Lu Zizheng’s expression, Mother Jiang reassured her in a soothing tone, “It’s okay, just a minor cold. She’ll be fine in a few days.”
Lu Zizheng reluctantly nodded, but there was still a faint trace of worry in her heart. In the past six months, Jiang Huaixi had caught colds too frequently. She felt that she hadn’t been doing well enough in taking care of her. What could she do to make Jiang Huaixi’s body stronger, to improve her immune system?
In the evening, just in time for dinner, Jiang Huaixi finally returned. She was wearing a large medical mask that covered the lower half of her face, revealing only her eyes and brows, which couldn’t hide her weariness. Lu Zizheng, seeing this, felt both worried and compassionate. She quickly went over to greet her and inquire about her well-being.
Jiang Huaixi subtly created some distance between herself and Lu Zizheng, and a faint, gentle smile appeared in the corners of her eyes and lips. She reassured Lu Zizheng, “The doctor said it’s nothing serious, just a common flu. The day after tomorrow, Huaichuan and Qiao Xin are going to get engaged. I was worried about infecting everyone, so I geared up like this. Don’t worry.”
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Lu Zizheng’s worried expression relaxed slightly, and then she tenderly suggested, “Wearing the mask must be uncomfortable. When we’re back in the room and there’s only the two of us, you can take it off.”
Jiang Huaixi shook her head and said, “What if I infect you?”
Lu Zizheng spoke resolutely, “I’m not afraid.”
Jiang Huaixi’s gaze darkened for a moment. After a pause, she sighed and said with a hint of helplessness, “But I’m scared.”
Furrowing her brows, Lu Zizheng pleaded, “Huaixi…”
Jiang Huaixi blinked and smiled, saying, “Wearing the mask does feel a bit suffocating. So, I’ll sleep in the adjacent room tonight. That way, I can take off the mask.”
Mother Jiang frowned slightly and protested, “It’s okay, you can take it off. If you’re uncomfortable like this, it makes us uncomfortable to see you this way.”
Jiang Huaichuan also nodded in agreement.
However, Jiang Huaixi insisted on not taking off the mask. Seeing her determination, Lu Zizheng sighed, not wanting to make things difficult for her. She agreed, saying, “Alright, then.”
Jiang Huaixi’s furrowed brows finally relaxed a bit, relieved.
During dinner, Jiang Huaixi took off her mask, a departure from her usual deliberate pace. Today, she removed it unusually quickly, only ate a small amount of rice, had a bowl of soup, then stopped eating, indicating she was full, and put the mask back on.
Fortunately, they used shared chopsticks for meals at home. After washing the dishes, they were all placed in the sterilization cabinet for disinfection, which eased Jiang Huaixi’s worries.
After dinner, the table was left for the housekeeper to tidy up. Father Jiang and Jiang Huaichuan retreated to their respective study rooms, busy with their own tasks. Mother Jiang accompanied Grandmother Jiang to the living room to watch TV. Jiang Huaixi mentioned feeling a bit tired, and she, along with Lu Zizheng, went upstairs to their room to rest.
After going upstairs, Jiang Huaixi first accompanied Lu Zizheng to their room. With no one else around, Lu Zizheng finally unabashedly reached out to touch Jiang Huaixi’s forehead, checking her temperature. Her hand continued downward, attempting to remove the mask that made Jiang Huaixi uncomfortable.
However, Jiang Huaixi quickly intercepted her motion, smiling and saying, “Trying to launch a surprise attack?”
Lu Zizheng helplessly remarked, “Huaixi…”
But Jiang Huaixi stubbornly shook her head, indicating that it wasn’t allowed. Lu Zizheng sighed, compromising.
Jiang Huaixi sat on the couch by the windowsill, reaching over to flip through a book that Lu Zizheng had left on the coffee table. She looked at Lu Zizheng, who had taken a seat on the opposite couch. She lightly traced her index finger and thumb over the book pages, then made a proposal, “Zizheng, after our conversation earlier, I reached out to the professor from X University you’ve always wanted to connect with. After Huaichuan and Qiao Xin’s engagement, let’s go back to school and review. How about aiming to take the graduate entrance exam for next year?”
Lu Zizheng’s expression subtly changed as she grasped the meaning, a mixture of surprise and joy. Half believing, half doubting, she asked, “I thought this might require waiting a while longer to come true. Huaixi, is it possible considering both your family’s side and the company’s side?”
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Jiang Huaixi’s eyes softened as she extended a gentle smile. She said, “Just tell me, do you want to or not?”
After a moment of hesitation, Lu Zizheng yielded to her heart’s choice and nodded, saying, “I want to. Let’s go together.”
When Jiang Huaixi heard the phrase “go together,” her heart felt as though pricked by a needle, a sudden twinge of pain that slowly spread. She pretended as if nothing was wrong, lightly tapping the glass of the coffee table with her index finger, and continued, “However, my health hasn’t been great before, and I haven’t had a check-up for a long time. I don’t know if there will be any issues during the medical examination. So, I thought before we go, I’ll go to the hospital for a check-up myself. It’s a good opportunity to see if there are any areas that are suboptimal in terms of health. If there are, I can start making improvements in my health gradually. Would you like to come with me?”
Lu Zizheng had never worried about her health before, so she wasn’t clear about the specific medical requirements for graduate school entrance exams—how strict they were, which illnesses could affect admission. But upon hearing Jiang Huaixi’s explanation, she found it reasonable. Moreover, the prospect of identifying areas where Jiang Huaixi’s health could be improved resonated with her. Thus, she nodded in agreement without hesitation, saying, “Alright.”
Jiang Huaixi pondered for a moment before saying, “Speaking of which, you probably haven’t had a health check-up in a while either. Since we’re going together, let’s both get a check-up.”
Lu Zizheng naturally had no objections and nodded in agreement.
Jiang Huaixi inwardly breathed a sigh of relief without showing it on her face. She took a breath and continued, “How about we go tomorrow? That way, the test results will be ready in a few days. If there’s nothing major, we can depart as soon as possible.”
Lu Zizheng was slightly surprised by the urgency Jiang Huaixi displayed. However, after a brief moment of thought, she found the idea reasonable. She didn’t have any reasons to oppose it, did she? So, she smiled and nodded in agreement.
Leaning her elbow on the coffee table and supporting her cheek with one hand, Lu Zizheng looked at Jiang Huaixi. There was a hint of liberation and mischief in her smile as if she had remembered something. She said to Jiang Huaixi, “Huaixi, it seems like you’ve gotten your wish. In the end, it seems I’m still being taken care of by you.” Evidently, Lu Zizheng was recalling their first official meeting from years ago.
Jiang Huaixi’s thoughts grew heavy as she observed Lu Zizheng’s carefree smile. Her eyes dimmed slightly, but she still managed to force a smile and lightly denied, “Aren’t you mistaken? I did give you a proper status.”
Unable to contain her laughter, Lu Zizheng chuckled and agreed, “Yes, yes, my mistake.”
As she looked at Lu Zizheng’s smiling face, a question formed in Jiang Huaixi’s mind:
Meeting Lu Zizheng was the luckiest thing in her life. But for Lu Zizheng, was meeting her a blessing or a misfortune?
In the end, was she the one who had been wrong all along?
TL I’m back! Sorry, I was sick this entire time. I hope i won’t get sick again for at least a few years, I hate it 🙁