Distance
A few beats out of time
On the day of stitch removal, Lu Yinxi still went to the stomatology department, handing herself over to a trainee.
In the teaching hospital, primary tasks like stitch removal are no longer done by attending or chief physicians; they are handed over to trainees, who might even be more skilled than the senior doctors in these basic tasks.
Jian Qing had just finished her clinic hours and detoured to the stomatology department to take Lu Yinxi to the cafeteria for a meal.
She stood beside Lu Yinxi, arms crossed, watching the trainee’s operation.
Seeing her, the trainee nervously greeted, “Hello, teacher…”
Trainees are at the bottom of the hospital’s food chain, and they must address any doctor or nurse from any department as “teacher.”
Jian Qing glanced at the trainee and responded politely, “Hello.” Seeing him so nervous that his hands were trembling, she walked away, turning to catch up with an old classmate.
After she left, the trainee visibly sighed with relief and quickly finished the stitch removal.
Lu Yinxi got up from the dental chair, rinsed her mouth, and politely said, “Thank you, sorry to delay your off-duty time.”
“No problem, no problem…” The trainee took off his gloves to wash his hands, nervously rubbed his face, then took a deep breath and pulled out his phone from the pocket of his white coat, mustering up the courage to ask for her contact information: “I’m sorry about last time… the stitching wasn’t very skillful. Can we add each other on WeChat? I’ll buy you bubble tea…”
The sudden stroke of luck caught Lu Yinxi off guard. She subconsciously glanced in Jian Qing’s direction, covering her cheek.
Jian Qing was buried in cases of oral and maxillofacial tumors, seemingly not noticing the commotion here.
Lu Yinxi, uninterested in these paper people, politely declined the request.
The trainee opened his mouth to say something, but before the words came out, Jian Qing stood up and walked over.
“Let’s go, time to eat.”
Lu Yinxi waved goodbye to the dentist and the trainee.
Walking along the road, she asked Jian Qing, “Cafeteria or home?”
“Cafeteria.”
“Any more clinic hours this afternoon?”
“No.”
“Will you be in the ward this afternoon?”
“Yes.”
After asking a few questions in a row, Jian Qing’s responses were all concise.
Lu Yinxi could tell she wasn’t in the mood for conversation.
It’s not that she is bad at communication; in fact, she has excellent communication skills and can gently hint to patients to bring family members along for later discussions of unfavorable test results.
Now, her indifferent attitude was purely because she didn’t want to chat.
Lu Yinxi pursed her lips and wisely stopped talking.
When she was sick, she felt that Jian Qing wasn’t so cold, and the distance between them wasn’t so far.
Perhaps, caring for patients and getting close to them is just a doctor’s professional habit.
Lu Yinxi, no longer in that clingy, soft state of illness, regained her rationality, and her brain occasionally warned her to maintain a certain distance from this person.
Knowing that keeping a distance is best, she still felt a bit aggrieved by Jian Qing’s inconsistent attitude.
After finally suppressing that grievance, Lu Yinxi realized belatedly—
——She had started to care about Jian Qing’s attitude.
The carefully constructed psychological defense had collapsed a bit because of the reliance during her illness.
Actually, Jian Qing’s attitude toward her had never been warm.
During work hours, it was all business, treating everyone equally; outside work hours, their interactions were almost zero, like strangers living under the same roof.
Except for that first night and the night she was sick.
The first night was the closest physical distance; she bristled with thorns, hurting Jian Qing till she bled.
The night she was sick was the closest psychological distance; she let down all her defenses, approached, relied on, and acted spoiled, and Jian Qing accepted it all.
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Then, she began to crave the peace and warmth of their closeness.
Caring or not is a very personal emotion, and keeping personal emotions out of work is a basic professional ethic.
Having been through ups and downs in society for a while, Lu Yinxi understood this. In the afternoon, she still honestly followed Jian Qing around like a little tail.
She tried not to care.
She just wanted to reacquaint herself with the medical environment, get into character, finish filming the medical drama, take the money, and leave far away.
But she couldn’t help looking at Jian Qing more often.
Jian Qing lowered her head to roll up her sleeves, her eyelashes drooping with her gaze.
Her eyelashes were long and curled, and when she lowered or closed her eyes, it softened her aloofness and distance.
Watching her, Lu Yinxi couldn’t help wanting to get closer, to count and touch her eyelashes.
She was very beautiful. The first time Lu Yinxi saw her, she thought she was as beautiful as a flower in the mirror or the moon in the water, unattainable.
A bit of contact made her feel Jian Qing was gloomy and perverse, corrupt in private conduct, and even her appearance became repulsive.
More contact, and looking at her again today, she suddenly realized that the white coat fit her very well, like a custom-tailored white trench coat, making her look upright and tall, like bamboo or pine, standing out in the crowd.
It was like falling into the three stages of “seeing the mountain as a mountain, seeing the mountain not as a mountain, and seeing the mountain still as a mountain.”
Lu Yinxi lowered her head and smiled.
At Jian Qing’s level, she no longer needed to write medical records herself, a task for trainees, graduate students, and resident doctors.
Except for one type of medical record—
Clinical trial records must be written by the researcher herself.
She had two or three clinical trials under her, often cornered in her office by research assistants, forcing her to write records.
She would complain softly with a blank expression, “I haven’t written this thing for two or three years…”
While complaining softly, she would seriously type on the keyboard.
Lu Yinxi found the forced-to-work Dr. Jian a bit cute, couldn’t help but chuckle.
The smile was so bright that Jian Qing caught her.
Jian Qing looked at her and raised an eyebrow lightly.
Lu Yinxi instantly stopped smiling and lowered her head to silently recite her materials.
Jian Qing had no tasks for teaching trainees, only responsible for teaching graduate students, resident doctors, and advanced trainees.
When she conducted teaching rounds, she never deliberately made things difficult, guiding the junior doctors’ thinking step by step, as if she knew all the difficult and complicated cases, like a walking textbook, attracting countless admiring glances.
Lu Yinxie remembered hearing junior doctors gossiping last time, saying that when Jian Qing was in charge of teaching trainees, almost every batch had trainees who liked her, causing such a stir that the director of the medical education department had to talk to her. Later, when accepting graduate students, she didn’t accept any males.
Wei Mingming was the only graduate student under Jian Qing, considered her first disciple.
Wei Mingming was outgoing and took on tasks like fetching takeouts and delivering materials.
After delivering the materials, she would unceremoniously tell Jian Qing, “Boss, I’m thirsty and want bubble tea.”
Jian Qing, typing at the computer without looking at her, said, “It’s not healthy, drink less.”
Wei Mingming: “You bought it for us last week!”
Jian Qing: “You drank it last week, so none this week.”
Wei Mingming looked at Lu Yinxi for help.
The entire department knew they were acquaintances, seemingly distant relatives.
Receiving the plea for help, Lu Yinxi hesitated for a moment, made an “OK” gesture, and leaned close to Jian Qing, tugging at the hem of her white coat, “Dr. Jian, I want some too.”
Jian Qing glanced at her, turned back to the computer screen, and coldly said, “It’s not healthy, not allowed.”
Directly forbade her.
The next second, Jian Qing took out her phone from the white coat pocket, “Order juice.”
Lu Yinxi made a “Yay” gesture with both hands behind her back.
Wei Mingming stepped forward, took the phone, and skillfully opened the takeout app, “Juice works too, which one to order? I’ll pick the most expensive one. Boss, what do you want to drink?”
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Jian Qing finished typing the medical record, looked at the CT scan on the computer, “Nothing for me, go make me a cup of coffee.”
Wei Mingming, busy ordering, looked up and said, “Boss, is coffee very healthy?”
Jian Qing’s cold gaze swept over.
Wei Mingming put her hand to her mouth and skillfully made the zipping motion.
If she didn’t shut up, she feared Jian Qing might sew her mouth shut.
Lu Yinxi took it upon herself to handle the task, heading to the break room to make Jian Qing’s coffee.
In the hospital, coffee wasn’t about taste, just to dispel sleepiness, and the brewing method was simple and rough.
After putting in the coffee powder and sugar, she poured hot water, and the rich aroma filled the air.
Stirring the amber liquid gently, Lu Yinxi couldn’t help wondering if Jian Qing had overheard her conversation with the dental trainee in the morning, and why she suddenly had an aversion to bubble tea…
She vaguely sensed a slight change in Jian Qing’s attitude toward her.
It seemed she had gained some form of favoritism.
Did this mean that Jian Qing also liked their closeness?
Lu Yinxi didn’t dare to be sure.
Her heart skipped a few beats for this uncertain guess.
In the hospital, there wasn’t much time and space to sort out personal emotions.
After brewing the coffee, Lu Yinxi returned to the office, just in time to see Jian Qing talking to an elderly family member.
A young patient in a hospital gown, looking under thirty, sat next to the family member.
Solid tumors are closely related to age, with most oncology patients being middle-aged and elderly. However, in recent years, more and more young patients in their teens and twenties have been appearing.
Cancer is showing a trend of affecting younger people.
“The test results are out. The CT shows that the lesion hasn’t shrunk, and it’s slightly larger than before. The previous chemotherapy drugs may have developed resistance, meaning they’re ineffective. We’ll switch to a new chemotherapy regimen.”
As usual, her tone was calm and composed. Those unfamiliar with the medical environment might think the doctor was too indifferent.
In fact, it already contained a hint of compassion.
Oncology staff, when talking to patients, avoid words like cancer and tumor to protect the patient’s emotions, using terms like ca, cancer, tumor, or lesion. If there’s metastasis, they say M site.
Upon hearing the disease progression, the patient’s face turned ashen, and the family member looked anxious, pleadingly looking at the doctor.
This is the norm in oncology, with doctors repeatedly announcing treatment failures and disease progression to patients, and patients and their families repeatedly facing the verdict, disappointment, and despair.
Jian Qing didn’t stop to comfort them, continuing to calmly discuss the treatment plan.
Hesitation and reluctance couldn’t solve the problem.
An experienced doctor was used to addressing the issue directly, informing the family of the patient’s real condition, and proposing subsequent treatment options.
Facing the problem head-on was the best choice for both doctor and patient, and it was a necessary choice.
“So young.”
After the patient and family left, Lu Yinxi looked at the patient’s lung CT with regret.
“28 years old.” Jian Qing took a sip of her coffee.
“What stage?”
“Stage IV.”
Lu Yinxi lowered her eyes.
At 28, only three years older than her, facing death at such a prime age, who wouldn’t want to struggle for survival?
Jian Qing glanced at Lu Yinxi, then stuffed a book on “Introduction to Oncology” into her arms: “Come to the class with me later.”
She had to give two theoretical classes to students at 4 PM.
Lu Yinxi pulled herself out of the heavy mood and asked, “What am I going to do?”
Do you need someone to serve tea and water for you during class?
Jian Qing: “Listen to the lecture.”
The north wind howled.
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Jiangzhou University Clinical Medicine Department was just a wall away from the affiliated hospital. Doctors could rush to the teaching building after taking off their white coats.
Walking on campus, Lu Yinxi felt like a child forced to go to school by parents, facing the north wind, taking each step reluctantly.
The campus was covered in winter snow. Lu Yinxi stopped in front of a cluster of green plants, pinched a leaf, and gently broke it off, revealing a clear ice leaf.
In her childhood winters in the countryside, she often broke off ice pieces from leaves and would even put them in her mouth to chew, crunching them up.
Recalling childhood memories softened her heavy mood. Holding the ice leaf, Lu Yinxi looked at the tall figure ahead.
Was she afraid that staying in the oncology department would depress her, so she brought her out?
Thinking this, her mood became exceptionally soft.
Lu Yinxi caught up, tugging at Jian Qing’s coat corner: “Teacher Jian, here’s a leaf for you.”
Jian Qing took the crystal-clear ice leaf: “If we keep walking this slowly, the medical education department will catch us being late.”
“Cough, being late for 5 minutes is considered a teaching incident, right? If it’s not the director catching us, other teachers from the medical education department might let it slide, right?”
Many teachers in the hospital’s medical education department were doctors who had retired from clinical work but didn’t want to leave the medical field, so they switched to administrative roles.
Coming from clinical backgrounds, they naturally understood how busy doctors were. Occasionally catching one or two instances of tardiness, they might turn a blind eye.
Moreover, most of the teachers giving lectures to students were associate chief physicians or chief physicians, and doing a favor had no disadvantages. You never knew when a personal connection might be needed for a friend’s or relative’s medical needs.
Jian Qing avoided the question, tapping the ice leaf with her fingers, and asked Lu Yinxi in return: “You seem very familiar with the hospital and medical school, have you studied medicine or stayed in a hospital before?”
The cold and certain tone shocked Lu Yinxi, instantly retracting all her soft thoughts.