Goodbye Kiss
Love must be expressed
Lu Yinxi saw Fu Jianshu, and was initially blank for a moment, then bloomed into a gentle smile: “Have you ever visited a film crew? Would you like to come see how we shoot a movie?”
Fu Jianshu also did not expect the opening to be these words, was stunned for a moment, and gladly agreed, taking out a sticky note.
On the paper, she wrote the words “visit a film crew, see stars shoot a movie,” then made a checkmark beside it.
Lu Yinxi leaned over to see the words she wrote.
The handwriting was clear, graceful, and delicate.
“Want to see? I can tell you, skydiving, running a marathon, walking the most feared suspension glass bridge, visiting a nightclub, hiring a companion drink lady…” Fu Jianshu wrote while softly reading her wish list to Lu Yinxi, with a kind smile between her eyebrows, “The first two, when my physical condition was better, I luckily completed. But now, I can’t even run 800 meters.”
Lu Yinxi was somewhat moved and softly persuaded: “If you are willing to accept treatment, you can still fulfill more wishes.”
“No, I’ve played enough, and have no attachments.” Fu Jianshu put away her pen, “Lead the way, little tour guide, let me see how you actors work.”
Lu Yinxi then no longer persuaded her, and led her into the film crew, greeting the producer and director, then took her around the medium-sized studio.
“Filming a movie is about acting out a story, shooting it, and editing it. On television, you may only see two actors, but on the actual set, the actors are surrounded by a bunch of people—photography, art, lighting, makeup, props—all watching the actors. So, in performance, it’s initially about not being timid, not being timid in front of the camera, not being timid being watched.”
“That thing like a train track is the photographer’s shooting track. There’s a small cart placed on it, and the photographer holds the camera while sitting on the cart. The photography assistant pushes and pulls the cart to assist with shooting.”
“Coming to the crew to shoot a movie is just like clocking in at a company for work. Most people are corporate slaves; the director and producer are the bosses. The crew often lacks manpower, so those behind-the-scenes staff have basically all acted as extras. Do you want to try? There’s a scene later where an old man faints, and everyone stands around watching, not daring to help. It needs many extras.”
Fu Jianshu pointed to herself and laughingly asked: “Me? Can I? Are there any lines?”
Lu Yinxi also smiled and said, “We can have the director give you a line to shout for a doctor.”
“Do I need to change clothes or wear makeup?”
“No need, for modern drama, just wear this set of clothes. As for makeup, later the makeup group staff will dab a bit of powder on the extras’ faces. You already have makeup, so you don’t need it.”
It is a scene where an old grandpa, who is alone seeking medical attention, suddenly faints on a waiting chair.
The area is full of extras sitting around, and Fu Jianshu sits beside that old grandpa. The old grandpa falls with a thud, and she exclaims, standing up and shouting, “Doctor! Nurse! Someone fainted!”
The old grandpa is played by a middle-aged man with a graying wig, and the director reshot the scene several times.
“That old man, the falling action should not be slow; it should hit the ground with a thud.”
“That female extra, make your expression more frightened, don’t laugh during the scene.”
“People in the back, don’t secretly laugh, or later it will be clipped out and made into an emoji.”
After several reshoots, the director finally shouted: “Cut, good, prepare for the next scene.”
Fu Jianshu ran to Lu Yinxi’s side, smiling and asked: “How was the shoot?”
Lu Yinxi handed her a bottle of water: “Wait until the people in the editing room finish tomorrow, and I’ll use my phone to record your part for you to see. How did it feel acting for the first time?”
“The first time, I was very nervous, the second time still very nervous, by the third and fourth times, I just wanted to quickly get it over with.”
“Same here, when I acted for the first time, I had almost the same feeling. Let’s go, let’s sit over there.”
Lu Yinxi led her to sit on a stone bench under a phoenix tree, and they chatted casually.
Lu Yinxi asked her: “How did you discover that illness?”
Fu Jianshu said: “While showering, I was washing my right breast and found a lump. It wasn’t painful when I squeezed it. A friend said it might be mammary gland hyperplasia, so I didn’t pay much attention. After some time, I felt another lump in my armpit, and I felt something wasn’t right. I went to the hospital for a check-up. The doctor arranged for an examination and biopsy, and the result came out malignant. They said surgery was needed to remove it, but I wasn’t willing. I was discharged, resigned from work, and have been playing ever since.”
“Why are you not willing to accept treatment?”
Fu Jianshu smilingly countered: “Why do you all always like to persuade people to seek treatment?”
Lu Yinxi said: “Maybe because, in the hospital, I’ve seen many… desperate seekers of survival.”
They are like being in an endless sea of suffering, clinging to a flat wooden boat, struggling to survive, looking at the doctor with longing eyes, placing their hope of living in the doctor’s hands.
But doctors cannot save everyone; with one careless moment, they themselves might be drowned.
Lu Yinxi continued: “I once had a dream, where the dream and here were different worlds. In the dream, I was also a medical student, but later, I couldn’t continue my studies and went to become an actor.”
Fu Jianshu asked: “Why couldn’t you continue your studies?”
“Because I met someone very much like you, a young female patient with breast cancer, just over 30.”
Fu Jianshu said regretfully: “It’s a pity she was a person in your dream; otherwise, we could have met and been fellow patients sharing sympathy.”
“And there’s one way she’s not like you: she really wanted to live, wanted to be admitted to the hospital by a doctor, and accept treatment.”
“You misunderstand me, I also really want to live, but fate is just like this, not allowing me to live. But, her wanting to live, what does that have to do with you, aren’t you a student?”
“I am a student, a medical student, taking advantage of the summer vacation to intern at a hospital. I followed a very famous oncology expert at the time, shadowed her in consultations every day, helped with errands, and learned a lot.”
“And then?”
(If you're not reading on littlepandatranslations.com, it means this has been stolen)
“And then one day, I encountered that female patient who came for consultation. Her background was very pitiful. Just over thirty, her boyfriend broke up with her immediately after knowing she was sick. She originally discovered her breast cancer two years ago, and it could have been treated with surgery, but at that time, her father had a car accident. She used her saved money for her father’s treatment and delayed her own treatment for two years until she saved enough money, but by then it had progressed to a late stage.”
“That is considered filial. What happened afterward?”
“Later, when it was time for her treatment, her family did not care for her. The car accident insurance money was used to buy a house for the youngest son in the family. Everyone gave up on her, but she did not give up on herself. She was alone seeking treatment at our hospital. I sympathized with her and often accompanied her for examinations, helping her sign some papers. She had no money for treatment, so I searched everywhere for clinical trials she could qualify for, hoping she could receive free examinations and treatment. She was somewhat pessimistic at that time, and I kept encouraging her to persist.”
“Did you find one?”
“Yes, there was a clinical trial she perfectly qualified for, and it was a very reputable international clinical trial. The medication had been proven effective abroad and needed to conduct domestic trials for market approval. I was very happy and told her ‘there’s hope now,’ encouraging her not to give up and to keep going. At that time, she indeed had a bit more hope, and she smiled more.”
“I guessed it, in the end, she didn’t meet the conditions, right?”
“Yes, and also no. Before officially joining the trial, a pre-screening is conducted to check if all conditions are met. She passed the pre-screening and could join the next day. She was very happy that day, came to the clinic to get medicine from the expert, and stopped by to see me. She came from out of town, so I let her rest in the office next door, and when it was her turn, I would personally call her. She waited quietly there for me, not saying a word. After half an hour, when it was her turn, I walked into that office and saw a floor full of blood.”
“Did she commit suicide?”
“No. Her chest lesion ruptured, but she didn’t dare to say anything, afraid that if she did, the clinical trial wouldn’t dare to include her and wouldn’t treat her. So she endured it, not daring to make a noise or call for help; her entire chest was red, and blood flowed from the bench to the floor. When I discovered it, she asked me not to call for help and just to help her stop the bleeding. I was only in my second year of university and had never seen such a scene, and I couldn’t handle it, so I didn’t listen to her. I called the expert next door and sent her to the emergency room for treatment.
The emergency room required surgery, and I called her family many times, but no one was willing to come and sign. Finally, it was handled as an anonymous case, and the medical department director signed the surgery consent form.”
“Did she survive?”
“She survived the surgery but couldn’t join the clinical trial. The risk was too high, and they feared she might die during the trial, affecting the entire trial. So, both the doctors and the international pharmaceutical company did not dare to include her. The expert also didn’t dare to admit her because, during the emergency, no family came. Such a patient dying in the hospital would easily cause disputes. She knelt and kowtowed, begging me and the expert to save her, but the expert still didn’t dare to admit her, fearing disputes and that she might die in their hands, risking their reputation. I, as a student, was powerless, begging the expert and the teacher, but no one was willing to help me. The next day, she jumped from our hospital rooftop, dying right in front of me, nearly hitting me. I saw her blood again, flowing everywhere, reaching my feet.”
“Then you stopped studying medicine?”
“Yes, I felt like I became the last straw that broke the camel’s back. After she died, I would faint at the sight of blood. At the most severe point, just seeing blood would make me fall over and lose consciousness. Where in this world is there a doctor who faints at the sight of blood? I couldn’t continue studying, my grades plummeted, and I was very disappointed with this industry. Real clinical practice was not what I imagined, not entirely focused on curing and saving people, not so selfless, not so great. There were many realistic factors: fear of disputes, fear of risks, fear of losing reputation. At that time, I was still too naive, too idealistic. People who are too idealistic are not suited to stay in clinical settings long-term.”
Fu Jianshu listened and commented: “Your dream is so real, as if it were your real experience.”
Lu Yinxi smiled, did not speak, took Fu Jianshu’s sticky notes, and looked at her wish list completion status.
A series of words, all checked at the end.
Lu Yinxi’s gaze fell on the last line with the four characters 【express love (表白愛意)】.
“Have you not completed expressing love yet?”
“It’s about to be completed. My scarf is almost knitted, and when it’s done, I plan to give it and then check it off.” Fu Jianshu blinked, hinting, “She never accepts my things, so as long as I complete this action, it counts as done.”
Lu Yinxi thought to herself that knitting a scarf for a lover is a simple and sincere expression, and compared to roses, Dr. Jian might actually prefer this.
Fu Jianshu observed her expression, seeing she didn’t understand the hint, continued: “Maybe I’ve been accustomed to being reserved and introverted since I was young. I’ve lived so many years, and only now do I understand that love must be expressed. What’s the point of hiding it? You think, if the other person also likes me, hesitating makes both myself and the other person suffer.”
In the next life, she definitely wants to reincarnate as a carefree person, expressing likes and dislikes openly, no longer sensitive, no longer living cautiously by watching others’ expressions.
Lu Yinxi vaguely heard the hint and murmured: “You said, if one day you have to leave, what will happen to leaving the other alone?”
Fu Jianshu said: “I think, if she does not love me and I get sick and leave, she doesn’t lose much.
If she loves me and I leave, at least she knows we love each other, and the last period of time was spent together. It may be painful, but not too regretful, and wounds will heal with time. Saying nothing and leaving her guessing would result in lifelong irreparable regret for both.
Being together for one more day is worth it. It’s better than, at the last moment of leaving this world, still regretting, ah, why didn’t I speak out back then? If I had spoken out, would the result be different?”
Lu Yinxi listened and remained silent for a while, silently digesting these different ideas.
Fu Jianshu clapped her hands and said farewell: “Alright, I’ve played here for a long time, I want to go to other places to explore.”
Lu Yinxi accompanied her to the entrance of the film and television city and once again persuaded: “Sister Jianshu, please reconsider and accept treatment. Medical methods have improved a lot compared to the past. Cancer is not as scary as imagined, and you have a chance to survive.”
Those with a chance should never give up easily.
Fu Jianshu waved her hand and left without turning back.
In early May, the weather was somewhat stuffy, and the relationship between Jian Qing and Lu Yinxi had dropped to a freezing point.
Separated by distance, due to sulking, neither of them actively contacted the other.
Jian Qing received anonymous roses in her office once again.
She was just about to casually throw the card into the trash but hesitated for a second and decided to open it and read.
【I thought I really liked you, but actually, after these past few days of interaction, I might not like you as much as I imagined. You are a dream from my youth, a dream with a filter, a regret. I just want to make up for this regret in the last period of my life, to be brave one last time. If I don’t say it now, I will never be able to say it in this life. In this confession process, you are not important, others are not important, my own feelings are the most important. I went to another city to explore. If fate allows, we will meet again in this life.】
The writing style was still very literary. After reading it, Jian Qing had no thoughts and unromantically sent Fu Jianshu breast cancer treatment data, trying to persuade her to accept treatment.
Fu Jianshu did not reply.
So Jian Qing also stopped paying attention.
The weather was unusually stuffy that day. Lu Yinxi sat under a big tree to cool off, while the birds in the tree delayed returning to their nest, and row after row of geese flew south.
Someone was surprised: “It’s not even winter yet, why are these birds already starting to migrate?”
“Who knows, the rats are also moving homes. Today, I saw many rats scurrying on the street, and many were run over by cars.”
Lu Yinxi had no interest in small animals; she was just silently missing Jian Qing.
She ignored Jian Qing, and Jian Qing also didn’t actively contact her.
(If you're not reading on littlepandatranslations.com, it means this has been stolen)
Both were sulking with each other.
She wasn’t originally angry, just wanted to hide for a while, but who knew that ice block wouldn’t care about her emotions at all.
Nearly half a month passed without any active contact.
She then truly became somewhat angry, wanting to see who cared less about whom.
The next day, around noon, after eating a box lunch, everyone rested in place for half an hour, preparing to start the afternoon’s filming.
Lu Yinxi dozed on a lounge chair for fifteen minutes. She just stood up, stretched, and looked down to fold the lounge chair when it started shaking left and right on the ground. She was somewhat curious and touched the handle of the lounge chair.
It shook more and more intensely, and suddenly, there was a tremor that shook the ground and the mountains.
She couldn’t stand steadily and with a “pa” sound, fell back onto the lounge chair.
Around her, people were exclaiming and screaming, accompanied by a distant rumbling loud noise.
Lu Yinxi recalled her poor geography knowledge, and the word “earthquake” flashed through her mind. She quickly stood up and shouted, “It’s an earthquake! Run quickly!” While speaking, she pulled up the still confused companion beside her and ran towards the open ground outside the tent.
Upon reaching the open ground, it was full of people standing all around. Looking into the distance, it seemed no houses had collapsed, but the small cars parked on the open ground were still faintly shaking.
“It’s an earthquake, right?”
“Maybe it’s a small quake.”
“Strange, we don’t often have earthquakes in our area.”
“Did an earthquake happen somewhere else? Were we affected by the shock waves?”
Everyone gathered on the open ground, still frightened, discussing and checking the internet. After checking for a while and finding no information, they were all called back to continue filming.
The whole afternoon, it shook intermittently a few more times. By evening, around 5 PM, the director decided: “We’ll finish early, we’ll finish early. Everyone is not in the right state, don’t return to the hotel, the hotel is tall, just stay here in the square.”
Lu Yinxi checked the internet again, and it seemed that online rumors were spreading about earthquakes occurring in several cities in the neighboring province.
Several cities in the neighboring province border Jiangzhou City.
If there was an earthquake over there, Jiangzhou City would inevitably feel the tremors as well.
In the event of a sudden public health incident, like an epidemic or earthquake, medical institutions would respond faster than ordinary people, directly seeking verification from relevant departments to prepare rescue teams and medical supplies.
Lu Yinxi put aside her grudge and sent a message to inquire Jian Qing: 【There was a small quake this afternoon, how is it on your side?】
Besides the initial tremor that shook the ground and mountains, the subsequent tremors were not large. A hospital like the First Affiliated Hospital has strict regulations that buildings must have anti-seismic functions, with a higher seismic level than houses in other places, so she could guess that the other side was safe.
Jian Qing delayed in replying.
Only then did Lu Yinxi begin to worry.
She looked around but did not find Chu Yan’s figure, and asked Lan Zhou: “Sister Lan Zhou, where is Doctor Chu?”
Lan Zhou, with a face full of worry, said: “He left at 3 PM, suddenly ended his vacation, and returned to the hospital.”
All vacationing medical staff returned to the hospital.
Lu Yinxi felt a blockage in her heart, vaguely guessing the seriousness of the situation.
“I will return to the city,” she reported her itinerary to the person in charge of the crew. Lu Yinxi returned to the hotel, got in the car, and headed to the First Affiliated Hospital in the city center.
She opened the GPS on her watch and saw that Jian Qing’s location was still in the hospital’s oncology building.
The car drove all the way to the city center, and the road was somewhat blocked, with all of Jiangzhou City’s taxis driving in one direction.
In the direction of bordering with neighboring province, D City.
On the road, one lane was specially separated, and white medical supplies vehicles passed one after another.
Lu Yinxi did not receive a reply from Jian Qing, so she started to call Jian Qing.
The phone was not answered.
Jian Qing’s location had moved from the hospital to home.
Lu Yinxi accelerated her driving, rushed to the residential area opposite the hospital, ran up, pressed the code lock, entered the door, and headed straight to the master bedroom.
Jian Qing stood in front of the wardrobe, pulling her luggage, preparing to leave.
Lu Yinxi stopped her, her face somber, and asked, “You were sent?”
Jian Qing glanced at her watch; there was still time to answer, as it wasn’t yet the gathering point.
“Yes, to B County in the neighboring province, a 7.8 magnitude earthquake.” She has experience in foreign aid and hasn’t started a family yet, with no elderly or children to care for. Compared to others in the department, who either have elderly and children to care for or are too young and lack experience, she naturally was on the first batch of the support list.
Lu Yinxi’s eyes instantly reddened: “Do you have to go?”
Jian Qing looked at her without speaking.
Lu Yinxi couldn’t guess whether, in those few silent seconds, it was hesitation or determination.
“Did you ever think about my feelings? Such a big thing, and you didn’t tell me?”
(If you're not reading on littlepandatranslations.com, it means this has been stolen)
Jian Qing explained: “You would worry.”
“Keeping it from me, and I can be at ease?”
“I will return very soon, at most in half a month.”
One batch of the medical team is absolutely not enough. Subsequently, a second batch and a third batch will be formed. When the third batch departs, their first batch can return.
Lu Yinxi didn’t speak, still blocking the door, not letting her leave, her eyes slowly filling with tears.
Jian Qing couldn’t bear to see her with reddened eyes, quickly released the luggage handle, and hugged her: “Don’t worry, it won’t be very dangerous.”
Lu Yinxi forcefully hugged Jian Qing back, biting her teeth, holding back tears. Suddenly, she released the embrace, cupped her face, slightly stood on tiptoe, and kissed her red lips.
It was no longer a light peck.
With the kiss sealing her lips, she pried open her teeth, ventured her tongue tip, entwined and sucked, with lips and tongue dancing together.
A passionate kiss, filled with fresh sweetness and softness.
Jian Qing was stunned for a second before she reacted and responded to Lu Yinxi’s kiss.
Her heart was still concerned about the gathering time, somewhat absent-minded, so Lu Yinxi took the upper hand.
She embraced Lu Yinxi’s waist, her breath disordered, passively enduring the kiss.
Fifteen seconds later, Lu Yinxi pushed Jian Qing away, pulled up her luggage, her eyes red and holding back tears, and said, “Let’s go, I will see you to the car.”
The author has something to say:
Although she is crying, her actions are still very strong, aren’t they~~~