Provocation
Stop provoking me.
The gray clouds obscured the daylight, and the bleak cold wind swept up the dead leaves on the ground. The dead leaves swirled and spun at low altitude, drifting to the foot of the bench.
Jian Qing took a step closer, her long boots stepping on the dead leaves, making a slight sound.
She was dressed all in black, her expression indifferent, giving an inexplicable sense of heavy oppression in such weather.
Lu Yinxi stopped crying, sitting on the bench, staring at her blankly, her eyes red beyond recognition.
One sitting, one standing, they silently stared at each other.
No one took the initiative to speak. Jian Qing stuffed the sushi she was holding into Lu Yinxi’s arms, took out a wet wipe from her bag, tore it open, pulled out a sheet, and wiped the tears from her face.
Having been caught in such a miserable state, Lu Yinxi, holding the sushi in her arms, didn’t know how to face Jian Qing.
The cold, moist touch wiped her face. She closed her eyes, her body still instinctively sobbing.
“Didn’t you want to find yourself a cousin-in-law?”
Two days without communication, the first sentence spoken was a mockery.
“I am not!” Being coldly ridiculed, the tears that Lu Yinxi had barely managed to stop overflowed again, “I always wanted to talk to you, but you wouldn’t pay attention to me…” The tail end of her words still carried a grievance-laden sob.
She threw the sushi to the side, stretched out her hands to hug Jian Qing’s waist, and her tears smeared all over Jian Qing’s clothes.
Jian Qing’s body stiffened for a moment, she lowered her eyelids and looked at her with disdain, but did not push her away. Instead, she gently patted her head.
These past two days, her heart had also been hurt, her anger had also been vented. Now seeing her with red, teary eyes, all the cold words were swallowed back into her stomach, unable to bear saying them.
Lu Yinxi held on tightly, not letting go.
Regardless of losing face, the grievance of being ignored and the heartache of unrequited love fermented together, all she wanted was to hold someone and cry it all out.
Her waist was tightly hugged, Jian Qing stood in place, not speaking, sighed softly, raised her hand to look at her watch, and let her hug, patting her shoulder one by one, calming her emotions.
After a while, as the tears gradually stopped, Lu Yinxi sniffed, let go of Jian Qing, grabbed the packet of tissues from her hand, ran a little distance away, wiped her tears, blew her nose, cleaned herself up, and even took out her phone, opened the camera to check if her hair was messy.
On a weekday in the square, the crowd was smaller than usual, the long bench hidden behind the bushes was very quiet.
Jian Qing sat on the long bench, put on a disposable glove on her right hand, opened the sushi box, and slowly and methodically started eating. From a distance, she saw Lu Yinxi with red, teary eyes, like a cat that had just groomed itself clean, slowly walking back to her side.
Jian Qing picked up another transparent glove, handed it to Lu Yinxi, her face still showing that calm and unruffled expression: “Eat well.”
Don’t joke about your health.
The sushi is a double serving, seaweed wrapped around rice, mixed with cucumber, pork floss, and chicken fillet, cut into half-centimeter thick small pieces, still in heart shapes.
Lu Yinxi looked at the heart-shaped pieces in the box and thought that this block of ice probably wasn’t that romantic, specifically buying heart-shaped ones, most likely just randomly picked a box.
Even so, her mood gradually improved a bit.
Lu Yinxi habitually drinks some soup while eating, this time eating sushi dryly, she felt a bit unaccustomed, chewing slowly one bite at a time, swallowing with difficulty.
Jian Qing glanced at her, while disdaining her delicateness, got up and went to the distant drink shop to buy two cups of red date milk tea.
Holding the hot drink in her hands, Lu Yinxi bit the straw, took a sip, and started to tease Jian Qing: “Why didn’t you have lunch either? Didn’t your blind date treat you to Western food?”
She saw her and that Mr. Shen in the Western restaurant, talking happily, looking as if they were going to be together for a lifetime.
Jian Qing gave her a sidelong glance: “Who spoiled my lunch, you’re not clear?”
Receiving her cold stare, Lu Yinxi turned her head away, unable to resist wanting to retort, “Then go back and find him,” but felt that this was too bitter and hurtful, so she bit the straw and didn’t say anything.
Jian Qing saw the little girl beside her turn into a stubborn and withdrawn mushroom, and the chill in her eyes dissipated mostly. She softened her tone and explained: “I wasn’t on a blind date, just having a meal with him. Who would go on a blind date at noon?”
The other party had a deep connection with her mentor Hu Jianjun and was introduced and arranged by superiors, making it hard to refuse directly. It was more appropriate to explain face to face.
Coincidentally, the other party was also a single-ist and had no intention of a blind date. He came due to pressure from department leaders and family elders.
Hearing Jian Qing’s explanation, Lu Yinxi took a sip of her red date milk tea and gradually realized: “That seems to be the case…”
Blind dates are generally scheduled in the evening or during a half-day of free time. Who would squeeze in a blind date at noon when they still have work in the afternoon?
At that time, when Lu Yinxi heard about her going on a blind date, she immediately imagined scenes of her holding hands and hugging someone else and even pictured her in a wedding dress getting married…
Just the imagination brought a piercing heartache, with chaotic emotions overwhelming reason, leaving no energy to think further.
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Jian Qing softly scolded: “Silly.”
Her gaze towards her seemed like melting ice and snow, tinged with a gentle hue.
Lu Yinxi’s eyes were still a bit red and swollen.
She silently averted her gaze, not making eye contact with Jian Qing, quietly eating sushi and drinking milk tea.
How to explain those tears? Tears shed because she saw Jian Qing with someone else.
There is no explanation.
Even the most emotionally insensitive person can guess the clues.
Those subtle little thoughts are exposed under the clear sky, being examined and scrutinized by the person involved.
And she is waiting for judgment.
Is she hoping to ask clearly? Or to pretend not to understand?
She leaves the decision to the other party.
Jian Qing, however, just quietly observed her, asking nothing, saying nothing, habitually silent.
Lu Yinxi let her scrutinize, finishing the last piece of sushi in the silent atmosphere, then clapped her hands, threw the packaging bag and disposable gloves into the trash can.
The milk tea wasn’t finished yet, so she could hold it in her hands to warm herself.
When she cried, she specifically chose a place sheltered from the wind to cry, and when emotions were high, she couldn’t feel the cold.
Now that her emotions had calmed down, the cold from all directions made her face turn pale.
She glanced at Jian Qing’s coat, thinking if she hadn’t taken the wrong one, it wouldn’t be her freezing now…
Jian Qing sat on the long bench, raised her wrist and looked at her watch again.
She thought Jian Qing was in a hurry to leave, and said sarcastically: “Still rushing to meet others? It’s really not easy to find time to see me.”
Jian Qing looked at her, stood up, flicked her forehead heavily, and said lightly: “Speak properly, don’t speak with hidden barbs.”
It felt like punching cotton, Lu Yinxi rubbed her forehead, didn’t retort, looked at her, and asked softly: “Then why do you keep looking at your watch?”
Is she getting impatient staying by her side?
Jian Qing took Lu Yinxi’s wrist and answered her nonsense: “Checking the time.”
It’s two hours until the afternoon class.
Lu Yinxi obediently let herself be led, not asking where they were going.
She suspected that even if Jian Qing sold her at this moment, she would still help count the money.
In the city center, with shops lining both sides of the street, Jian Qing led her into a random clothing store and said: “Go pick out a coat.”
Lu Yinxi thought for a moment, then asked: “Aren’t you going back to the hospital this afternoon?”
Jian Qing: “No, I’ll be going to the university town for class this afternoon.”
The medical school’s holidays are always shorter, and students have already returned to start the new semester.
The old campus of Jiangzhou University is in the university town. It takes more than an hour by bus or forty minutes by subway to get from the city center to the university town. Teachers from the affiliated hospital always have to calculate the time in advance to avoid being late for class.
Being late by 5 minutes is considered a teaching accident, which will be publicly criticized on the academic affairs office website, and qualifications for job promotions and excellence evaluations will be canceled.
Lu Yinxi didn’t dare waste Jian Qing’s time, nor did she want to go back to the hospital with swollen eyes to get her clothes, as she would be caught by acquaintances and questioned thoroughly. So, she casually picked a white down jacket to wrap herself in.
She is a walking clothes hanger, even draping a bedsheet would look good on her.
Jian Qing adjusted her hat for her, looked at her in the mirror, didn’t say she looked good or bad, just let her gaze linger on her face for a few more seconds.
After leaving the store, Lu Yinxi asked: “Are we driving or taking the subway?” She didn’t like taking the bus, as it made her car sick, so she didn’t ask about the bus.
“Subway.” Jian Qing didn’t sleep much last night, nor did she take a nap at noon, so she didn’t want to drive while tired. On the subway, she could even take a nap.
Avoiding the peak commuting hours, the two headed to the subway station to wait for the train.
There were no more words of explanation, no confessions of each other’s thoughts, no dramatic scenes of weeping in regret, just quietly shedding some tears while holding each other, and just like that, they made up, continuing their usual way of interacting as if nothing had happened.
The train hadn’t arrived yet, and they stood one in front of the other in the waiting area.
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Lu Yinxi stood too close to the front, so Jian Qing pulled her back a bit.
She obediently took a step back, standing side by side, and turned her head to look at Jian Qing’s profile.
There wasn’t much expression on Jian Qing’s face.
She always had this detached and cold demeanor, hiding all emotions, rarely showing strong feelings. Even when conflicts arose, she couldn’t argue, only dealing with them coldly.
Lu Yinxi withdrew her gaze.
She couldn’t see through her.
She was older than herself, with the tolerance and thoughtfulness of an elder, but she never showed her inner world to her.
Her own little thoughts were now exposed completely, yet she didn’t know if she had ever entered her heart.
Standing side by side, the back of her right hand touched her left hand.
Lu Yinxi moved her right hand, using her pinky finger to hook her left pinky finger.
The cold knuckles hooked in her hand, the sound of the subway arriving echoed in her ears, the train rumbled towards them from afar, and the carriages quickly passed by.
Amid the noise, Jian Qing suddenly spoke, softly calling Lu Yinxi’s name: “Yinxi.”
Lu Yinxi turned her head and looked at Jian Qing’s beautiful profile.
Jian Qing said softly, “I am 30 years old, I don’t have the energy to play games with a 20-year-old girl.”
“Don’t provoke me anymore in the future.”
The train stopped, the doors opened, she withdrew her hand and entered the carriage.
Inside the carriage, there were no seats. Jian Qing held onto the handrail and closed her eyes to rest.
Lu Yinxi followed behind her, not speaking.
People stood all around, with no handrails to grab, so she just stood straight.
The stability of the subway was quite good, unlike the sudden braking of buses. One could stand steadily without holding onto a handrail. But during boarding and alighting, the crowd surged, shoulders rubbed together, making it a bit hard for her to stand steadily.
When she was jostled and staggered, Lu Yinxi glanced at Jian Qing, instinctively wanting to hold onto her hand, but remembered her words “Don’t provoke me anymore,” and immediately withdrew her hand.
After Jian Qing said that sentence, Lu Yinxi didn’t explain anything, letting herself be misunderstood as playing games.
How else can I explain it?
Say it’s not playing games, I truly like you, but I can’t be with you, and will leave you sooner or later?
Such a pale and powerless explanation, I’m afraid it won’t even get half a glance from her.
Then let her misunderstand, let her think it’s just a young girl’s momentary crush, after some time it’ll subside.
Feeling desolate for a moment, Lu Yinxi thought about how she revealed her age.
She is 30 years old.
Only 30…
Actually, I’m not 20 either, already 25.
A 5-year age difference…
Not really that much, in the real world, there are couples with ten or twenty years difference.
How nice it would be to meet in reality, then I could actively pursue and openly say I like her.
Unfortunately…
Forget it, can’t be greedy.
Now, it’s already good to get along harmoniously. Regardless of what kind of relationship, regardless of her mindset, Lu Yinxi just wants to change her and her own ending, then return to the original world.
Love is a luxury at the moment, not a necessity.
Between two people, it doesn’t have to be love; friendship is also a kind of bond. Perhaps, friendship is more stable than the love that comes and goes, close yet distant.
Of course, it’s best not to have thoughts of kissing and hugging her, friendship shouldn’t be tainted with desire.
Her chest felt stuffy, Lu Yinxi constantly did mental work on herself, soothing her emotions, and didn’t even care about being jostled and almost losing balance by the alighting crowd when the train braked.
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Jian Qing opened her eyes, glanced at her, said nothing, pulled her over and held her hand, then continued to close her eyes and rest.
The moment their hands touched, skin meeting skin, warmth blending, her ears started to burn, her heartbeat quickened, and seeds of joy sprouted eagerly, her body seemingly uncontrollably secreting phenylethylamine.1
Lu Yinxi stared, and whispered in her ear, “I didn’t actively provoke you…”
Jian Qing, with her eyes closed, replied, “Friendship help, don’t overthink it.”
Lu Yinxi responded with an “Oh,” trying hard to extinguish the bit of joy in her heart.
Spontaneous chemical reactions are beyond rational control. Lu Yinxi could only control her behavior, not looking at Jian Qing, not leaning her body towards her.
After a few stops, as the distance from the city center increased, the number of people in the carriage decreased. Lu Yinxi observed the people in the carriage, identifying those who seemed about to get off from their body language. The moment someone stood up, Lu Yinxi pulled Jian Qing over to sit down.
“You sleep, I’ll wake you when we arrive.”
Jian Qing sat on the seat, closed her eyes to rest, and after less than a minute, Lu Yinxi asked again, “Have you seen a specialist doctor? It’s not good for your health to suffer from insomnia like this every night, right?”
Jian Qing, still with her eyes closed, replied slowly, “Don’t you know who I’ve been losing sleep over these past two days?”
Lu Yinxi was stunned.
Her previously calmed emotions were once again stirred by these words.
The author has something to say:
Lu Yinxi: “Too much! Not letting me flirt with her, she turns around and keeps flirting with me!”
Jian Qing: “Just imitating how you were recently.”