Changes
Something’s not right
Lu Yinxi stood in front of the hotel wardrobe, feeling a burning sensation in her chest, constantly recalling the scene from last night when she was packing the suitcase.
There were a total of two suitcases, which she had brought to the wardrobe last night and opened both at the same time, taking out the clothes for the two of them. Jian Qing’s clothes were hung on the left side, hers were hung on the right.
They were only on a business trip for two nights, so they each brought only one set of clothes for a change.
Jian Qing’s clothes were mostly black, white, and gray, making them easy to recognize, and the styles were more mature.
Due to her professional habits, Lu Yinxi had clothes in various colors and styles, enough to wear for two weeks without repeating an outfit.
The only similarity in their tastes was that they both liked to buy pure black, complete sets of underwear.
Usually, at home, they each had their own independent bathroom and balcony for drying clothes, so they never discovered that they had bought the same style and color of underwear.
Last night, while she was packing the suitcase, she listened to the sound of water in the bathroom, her mind wandering. She didn’t notice that their bra was exactly the same… Perhaps it was at that moment that she hung them incorrectly.
Lu Yinxi clutched her chest, feeling so embarrassed and ashamed that she wanted to dig a hole in the ground and bury herself in it.
As soon as she returned to the hotel, she took off her underwear, while Jian Qing went directly to the bathroom to shower.
Jian Qing was somewhat of a germaphobe and would always shower after returning from the hospital’s ward.
Today, she was taken by people from the city’s hospital to tour the ward, so she would definitely take a quick shower before going to bed.
Normally, Lu Yinxi wouldn’t think much of it, but now, she couldn’t help but suspect that Jian Qing might be very disgusted by her.
Out of politeness, she said nothing and silently endured it.
Lu Yinxi thought back to the time in the hospital when even a slight touch of Jian Qing’s hand from her would be shaken off. Now, she had caused her to wear her ill-fitting bra, making her endure it for an entire day for no reason.
It must be very uncomfortable.
Lu Yinxi lowered her head, her shame covered by guilt and pity, feeling uneasy in her heart.
She was worried about being disliked and annoying her, but also felt heartache for her discomfort throughout the entire day.
She herself only occasionally loosened up, needing to run to the bathroom to refasten it, but she… she must have been stifled all day…
When Jian Qing came out drying her hair, Lu Yinxi was standing in front of the wardrobe facing the wall, her ears still flushed red. With her back to Jian Qing, she apologized softly, “I’m sorry…”
Jian Qing stood behind Lu Yinxi, using a bath towel to dry her long hair. Hearing the apology, she hung the towel around her neck, reached out to turn Lu Yinxi’s body around, held her shoulders, and calmly looked her in the eye, saying in a soft voice, “I’m not blaming you.”
The blush on Lu Yinxi’s face had not yet faded, still a faint rosy hue. “I just feel like I made you uncomfortable.”
Jian Qing looked at her, raised her hand, and gently rubbed the tear mole at the corner of her eye with the pad of her thumb. Her thin lips moved as if she wanted to say something, but in the end, she pressed her lips together and didn’t say, “If it’s you, I don’t mind.”
“Let me help you dry your hair.” Lu Yinxi noticed that the ends of Jian Qing’s hair were still dripping wet and wanted to help dry it to make up for causing her discomfort all day for no reason.
As soon as she asked, she felt it was somewhat inappropriate. Helping someone dry their hair seemed like something only people with a close relationship would do—except in a barbershop.
Last time she helped her dry her hair was because she had cut her palm and couldn’t touch water. This time, what was bothering her was her chest, not her hand…
Clearly, she was just looking for an excuse to get closer and made such a suggestion.
Realizing her own subtle intentions, Lu Yinxi secretly despised herself.
Jian Qing let go of her hands, picked up the white bath towel from her shoulder again, and while drying her long hair, she softly agreed to let Lu Yinxi help her dry her hair.
The hotel’s hairdryer was fixed to the wall, and Lu Yinxi found it very inconvenient to use her left hand, so she had to switch to holding the hairdryer with her right hand and use her left hand to run through Jian Qing’s hair.
Jian Qing’s hair is very soft, which is completely opposite to her cold personality.
It is said that people with soft hair have a good temper.
She doesn’t seem like someone with a good temper.
But she seems to be more patient with me than with others.
Noticing that she was being treated specially, Lu Yinxi couldn’t help but feel a little secretly delighted, and she wanted to behave better in front of Jian Qing, showing her gentle and considerate side.
Fingers slipped into the thick black hair, combing from the roots to the tips: “Teacher Jian, if I’m using too much force and it hurts, just let me know.”
Hearing this, Jian Qing suddenly turned around and gave Lu Yinxi a look, her eyes becoming very strange.
“What’s wrong? Did it hurt? I’ll be gentler.” Lu Yinxi, receiving her gaze, turned off the hairdryer in a fluster and slowly put it down.
Jian Qing’s eyes returned to calm, she turned back and said, “No, continue.”
Lu Yinxi responded with an “Oh,” turned the hairdryer back on to a low setting, and gently swayed it back and forth.
Amidst the black hair, she glimpsed the tips of Jian Qing’s ears, hidden under the hair, faintly turning red.
It must have been reddened by the hot air from the hairdryer.
Lu Yinxi looked at Jian Qing’s ears, recalling their earlier conversation. The first time, she didn’t sense anything wrong, but upon recollecting it again, she vaguely picked up on something amiss.
—In an instant, her own ears turned red as well, and she dared not open her mouth to randomly display any more tenderness or thoughtfulness.
Tonight, Jian Qing didn’t grade assignments but still took out her iPad and started tapping away.
Lu Yinxi asked her, “Are you writing a paper?”
Jian Qing shook her head, “I’m replying to patients who consulted on the internet platform.”
Nowadays, the trend of “Internet+” is popular in various industries. The First Affiliated Hospital of Jiangzhou has also set up an internet hospital. Patients who have been hospitalized there can consult anytime, anywhere, and doctors will take time to respond.
This was something Lu Yinxi couldn’t help with, so she quietly lay on the bed without disturbing her.
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Halfway through replying, Jian Qing suddenly stopped and handed the iPad to Lu Yinxi, “You answer this one.”
Lu Yinxi took a look—
【Director, hello. I would like to ask about the relationship between the growth patterns of tumors and secondary prevention of tumors. Also, what is the clonality of tumors? How is research on tumor clonality conducted?】
The questioner’s information showed that it was a 21-year-old young man.
Lu Yinxi chuckled and typed a reply—
【Student, you need to complete your homework by yourself!】
This wasn’t the first time Lu Yinxi had seen someone on an internet platform asking a doctor to help with homework.
In the past, her roommate also liked to do this.
Jian Qing took back the iPad, saw Lu Yinxi’s reply, smiled slightly, and continued to respond to other patients.
Lu Yinxi lay on her side on the bed, watching Jian Qing’s focused face under the light, and also smiled.
They would be returning to Jiangzhou tomorrow. Tonight was the last few hours they would be sharing a room. Lu Yinxi, as if holding onto the few candies left in her pocket, couldn’t help but let her gaze drift to the neighboring bed, staring at Jian Qing, never seeming to get enough.
With such a cold and indifferent face, she couldn’t help but want to get close.
After replying to all the consultation inquiries, Jian Qing rubbed her wrist, put away the iPad, and turned her head to meet Lu Yinxi’s gaze.
Lu Yinxi smiled gently.
She loved to smile, her appearance was pure, with a bit of delicate and clean scholarly air. When she smiled, it was like a mint candy, fresh and natural, highly infectious, very likable to elders, and also very popular with audiences on the screen.
Jian Qing’s gaze swept over her, lingered on her face for a few seconds, then retracted, looking at the ceiling, and blinked.
Lu Yinxi sat at the head of the bed and obediently sought her opinion, “Dr. Jian, you’ve finished your work, and it’s only 10 o’clock, still early. Can I turn on the TV and watch it for a while?”
Engaged in literary and artistic work, she relied on inspiration, emotions, and knowledge reserves, requiring a considerable input of film and television literary works.
She hadn’t forgotten that she was an actress and made time every week to watch and analyze film and television works, commonly referred to in the industry as “film study.”
Jian Qing didn’t look at her and nodded, saying, “You may.”
Between the double beds, there was a small cabinet.
On the cabinet were the TV remote control, some magazines, and some condoms.
Almost every hotel room would have condoms available.
Lu Yinxi was not surprised. She took the remote control, but it was Jian Qing who grabbed the condoms and examined the brand.
Lu Yinxi’s gaze stuck to her actions. After a moment’s daze, she turned her head and turned on the TV, randomly choosing a channel to watch.
Her thoughts unconsciously scattered, her mind hanging in mid-air without realizing it. After a moment, it settled back down steadily.
None of them were male creatures, so even if they wanted to do something under the cover of darkness, there was no need for condoms.
The health education work at medical schools is implemented quite comprehensively. Every year on World AIDS Day, students from the preventive medicine major distribute condoms on campus as part of the awareness campaign.
Every year, there are also elective courses on sexual education opened by teachers, discussing matters between men and men, women and women, and men and women. These classes are always packed, and even if students don’t manage to secure a spot in the elective, they are willing to stand at the back of the classroom, brimming with energy, to absorb the knowledge.
Both had similar medical education backgrounds, so they didn’t have any shy or awkward feelings about condoms.
They could even have a serious discussion about it.
Lu Yinxi asked, “Can you guess why hotels always have these?”
Most people would say that hotels are thoughtful and considerate of their guests’ physiological needs.
But anyone with a bit of knowledge about the health department and health policies would know—
“To control diseases and prevent the spread of STDs,” Jian Qing answered without changing her expression. Then she tossed aside the condom and got out of bed to wash her hands.
The health department had issued relevant regulations, requiring hotels and inns to place condoms or install vending machines—this is part of the knowledge in preventive medicine.
Preventive medicine, unlike the individualized treatment of clinical medicine, is aimed at the public.
Some seemingly trivial behaviors of the public, such as wearing condoms during sexual activity or wearing masks during the spread of infectious diseases, can significantly prevent the spread of diseases.
After washing her hands, Jian Qing returned, walked to Lu Yinxi’s bedside, looked at her for a while, then slowly bent over, her left hand propped beside Lu Yinxi’s head, blocking in front of her, and asked, “Have you never had a boyfriend?”
Her behavior was somewhat roguish, but her facial expression was as serious as if she were in a clinic inquiring about a patient’s personal history.
Getting too close, enveloped by an overwhelming cold fragrance, Lu Yinxi looked at the face so near to her and instinctively crossed her arms over her chest: “Why are you asking me this?”
Could it be that she is the type of person who can easily be seen as having only theoretical knowledge without practical experience?
She is not completely ignorant about matters between men and women, it’s just that… the sex education she received was rather crude and straightforward.
When she was 12 years old, her mother, Gu Mingyu, dragged her to the obstetrics department and made her read the obstetrics science pamphlets, which clearly and simply explained the process of sperm and egg cell combination; she learned about contraceptive methods, how women give birth, and saw teenage girls of fifteen or sixteen undergoing abortions and irresponsible boys.
Then her mother told her, “If you dare to get into a relationship or get pregnant early, I will break your legs.”
Lu Yinxi’s high school years were overshadowed by the terrifying fear of giving birth and having her legs broken. She didn’t date early, focused solely on her studies, and got into medical school.
When she went to university and became a medical student, Gu Mingyu, amidst her busy schedule, again dragged her to the gynecology and urology departments, making her see various sexually transmitted diseases. She was told that contraceptive devices and condoms are not only for preventing pregnancy but, more importantly, for protecting oneself and preventing the spread of diseases.
Coincidentally, that year a girl in the medical school got pregnant and took a leave of absence, becoming the center of public opinion and a topic of gossip for everyone.
Many people laughed at the girl for attending medical school yet not understanding contraception. Gu Mingyu, however, cursed the boy, saying he was worthless, and warned Lu Yinxi, “Don’t go gossiping. Whether it’s this incident or anything else in the future, focus on yourself and mind your own business. You are an adult now, you can date and book a room, but make sure to take safety measures. If you have to give up your studies because of pregnancy, I will break your legs!”
Terrified, Lu Yinxi nodded like a pecking chick.
Later on, before she had a chance to meet anyone she liked, she encountered a life-changing event and had to focus on herself. She remained focused until she was 25, still single.
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Feeling that she couldn’t lose face, Lu Yinxi added, “Although I haven’t dated anyone, I’ve acted in several idol dramas. I can’t say I’m very experienced, but I can’t say I have no experience at all.”
Jian Qing looked at her, a hint of amusement flickering in her dark eyes.
Looking at Jian Qing’s smile, Lu Yinxi couldn’t help but reach out, wanting to touch the corner of her lips. Just as she extended her hand, she curled her fingers back and retracted it, saying with a smile, “I just realized you have dimples when you smile. You should smile more often.”
So beautiful.
Jian Qing slowly restrained her smile and gently pinched Lu Yinxi’s earlobe, saying softly, “Silly.”
After speaking, she straightened up and walked away.
Being called silly, Lu Yinxi felt a bit indignant. Covering her ear, she weakly retorted, “The line of people chasing after me could stretch from here to the Great Wall.”
Jian Qing responded with a nonchalant “hm.”
Lu Yinxi continued to add, “There are both men and women.”
Jian Qing still only responded with a single “hm.”
Lu Yinxi rubbed the bridge of her nose.
To continue boasting would be too much, so after hesitating for a moment, she only said, “But I don’t like any of them.”
After saying this, she quietly observed Jian Qing’s expression, hoping to find some trace of emotional change on that indifferent face.
Jian Qing leaned against the headboard, head down, flipping through a magazine. Her jet-black hair was tucked behind her ear, revealing a snow-white ear. There wasn’t the slightest ripple in her eyes, but she was holding the upper right corner of the magazine, not turning the page for a long time.
Lu Yinxi thought, if it were Jian Qing saying those words, she would definitely get to the bottom of it.
Ask her why she doesn’t like them?
Ask her whether she likes men or women more?
Then probe further into what kind of person she actually likes?
If she politely refrains from asking more, it would seem that she is not very interested in herself.
Lu Yinxi pursed her lips, suppressing the slight feeling of disappointment and sourness in her heart. She said no more, withdrew her gaze, looked at the television, shifted her attention, and began channel surfing.
Jian Qing stared at the same page of the magazine for a full three minutes without taking in a single word. She turned her head, her gaze falling on Lu Yinxi on the bed next to hers.
Restrained, she only looked for a few seconds before withdrawing her gaze.
That night, Lu Yinxi slept very deeply and even had a dream.
In the dream, she returned to the night she first met Jian Qing.
The moonlight was like water, flooding the entire room.
She forgot what day it was and where she was. The belt was undone by slender fingers, and the robe slipped off like water. Jian Qing’s gaze instantly melted ice and snow, turning into a pool of spring water.
The next day, the two of them got up before dawn.
The ambiguous scenes from the dream replayed in Lu Yinxi’s mind over and over. From the moment she got up, she didn’t dare to look Jian Qing in the eye.
While brushing her teeth, she kept trying to reassure herself that everyone has physiological needs, that it’s a very normal thing, nothing to make a fuss about.
This morning, the fog was dense, and the north wind was fierce.
After dressing and freshening up, Jian Qing drew open the curtains of the room, stood by the window, gazed at the distant whiteness for a while, then closed her eyes, massaged her temples, and said softly, “I had a dream last night.”
Behind her, Lu Yinxi was packing her luggage. Hearing this, she picked up the conversation and asked, “What kind of dream?”
Jian Qing remained silent for a moment, then turned around, looked at Lu Yinxi, and, in a rare display of literary elegance, slowly recited a line of poetry: “Frost falls, a bear climbs a tree; the forest is empty, a deer drinks from a stream.”
Lu Yinxi didn’t dare look directly at her. She lowered her head slightly and said with a smile, “You dreamt of me?”
“Yes.”
“What did you dream about me?”
Jian Qing didn’t answer. She stared at her for a while, then turned around, stood with her hands behind her back, and continued to gaze at the scenery outside the window.
She dreamt of winter, the mountains and forests were silent, frost and snow melted, the air suddenly became humid, a wild bear climbed to the treetop, a young deer broke into a thicket, playing by the mountain stream, with the water babbling.
Frost falls, a bear climbs a tree; the forest is empty, a deer drinks from a stream.
The academic conference started at 9 o’clock, and the experts were already seated by 8:55.
Lu Yinxi made hot coffee for Jian Qing and continued to sit behind her.
Just as Jian Qing was about to mute her phone, a call from Zhang Yue came in.
She got up and went outside to take the call.
The conversation lasted only one minute.
One minute later, Jian Qing walked back in briskly and leaned over to say something to Vice President Lin and Director Zhang of the organizing committee in the front row.
Vice President Lin and Director Zhang immediately stood up, made a phone call, and instructed specialized personnel to arrange a car for them.
Only then did Jian Qing come over and pull Lu Yinxi up, saying, “Something has come up, we need to head back to Jiangzhou first.”
The venue was crowded and noisy. Lu Yinxi guessed it might be something related to the hospital. She restrained her curiosity and didn’t ask further, following Jian Qing back to the hotel to pick up their luggage and leave.
The First City Hospital arranged a special car to take them to the station. Assistant Qian had bought bottled water and tickets for the next high-speed train, personally escorting them through the ticket check.
After boarding the train, Lu Yinxi finally asked, “Did something happen at the hospital?”
Jian Qing glanced at her and told her in a calm tone, “Last night, Teacher Zhao suddenly suffered a brain herniation, was admitted to the emergency room, and transferred to our department. She fell into a coma in the middle of the night, and despite resuscitation efforts, she passed away.”
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Lu Yinxi’s eyes widened instantly, as if struck by lightning, she was dumbfounded and stood frozen in place.
Her mind was like a blank sheet of paper, completely at a loss.
She opened her lips, wanting to say something, but found herself unable to utter a single word.
Shock, bewilderment, helplessness, sorrow… a multitude of emotions suddenly overwhelmed her, a mix of feelings surged up to her heart, causing her fragmented mind to replay scenes from the past—
Just last week, under the bright sun, they were still on the balcony, basking in the sunlight and chatting about everyday life…
The old woman laughed so hard that wrinkles gathered on her face and kept trying to introduce her to potential partners. She wanted to chat with the old woman a bit more and spoke in a roundabout way…
The old woman lay on the hospital bed, her face sallow, revealing a slight thought of giving up on life. She immediately reported it, prompting Jian Qing to take action…
Memories flashed by one after another. Lu Yinxi twisted open the bottle of mineral water beside her, and the cool ice water flowed down her throat and into her stomach, cooling her complex emotions.
She had never anticipated that the farewell would come so quickly, and she hadn’t had the chance to say a final goodbye.
Life and death are unpredictable.
Five years later, Lu Yinxi deeply understood this point once again.
Why, even though they knew she had s*icidal tendencies and had taken sufficient measures, did it still end up like this?
Was there something that wasn’t done well enough?
Normally, after lung cancer metastasizes to the brain, there should still be 3 to 6 months of survival time. Why did it end so suddenly?
Jian Qing held Lu Yinxi’s hand and calmly guided her emotions: “After lung cancer metastasizes to the brain, it can easily cause increased intracranial pressure, leading to brain herniation. You are not her doctor; you are just here for observation and learning. There is no need to blame yourself.”
Lu Yinxi lowered her head, trying hard to control her chaotic emotions: “It’s alright, you don’t need to worry about me… Then, why did you rush back to the hospital in such a hurry?”
Deaths are common in hospitals. During major resuscitations, there are always one or two shifts and other senior doctors from different teams assisting. Typically, when a patient dies, it doesn’t require a superior doctor who is attending a meeting outside to rush back in a hurry.
If Jian Qing is rushing back, something else must have happened at the hospital.
