Human Fireworks
The sense of living in the present
Diseases have certain seasonality; respiratory diseases and cardiovascular diseases are more common in winter.
For sick patients, especially the elderly, the cold winter is a test, and many elderly patients don’t make it to the blossoming spring.
As soon as winter arrives, the number of critical cases in the oncology department visibly increases, and the mortality rate rises significantly, particularly for respiratory diseases like lung cancer, which are prone to concurrent infections.
Jian Qing went to see Old Zhao, then reported the situation to the head nurse, and instructed the doctors in her team to pay special attention and to consult a psychologist if necessary.
After giving instructions, she took a walk around the ward alone.
Usually, whenever she visits the wards, she is almost always accompanied by people—sometimes a few, sometimes a group, and during major rounds with the department head, it’s a large crowd.
Unless patients’ family members proactively seek her out in the office or consultation room, she rarely gives them the opportunity to speak with her alone.
She would spend time reviewing literature, consulting with doctors from other disciplines, and devising treatment plans, but she never engages in small talk with patients about their family matters, nor does she pay much attention to their emotional states. She would bluntly inform the patients’ families about the current condition and the available treatment options.
She is not a warm, compassionate doctor; she is solely responsible for diagnosing and treating diseases.
Walking to bed number 7, Jian Qing greeted the patient lying there.
Bed 7 is occupied by a professor in his fifties, surnamed Li, who has a background in the Chinese Department. He is highly knowledgeable and stubbornly believes he knows more than other patients and even his attending doctors.
However, he cannot articulate his condition fluently, often rambling on about irrelevant topics. He also searches the internet for tumor-related literature, reads the latest treatment guidelines, matches symptoms to diagnoses, and gives himself subjective diagnoses.
Whenever he rambles or talks back, Jian Qing always interrupts him coldly, extracting the necessary information through questions or directly ignoring him with a cold gaze.
Today, she tried to empathize and put herself in his shoes, pondering the reasons behind his behavior.
In a completely unfamiliar field, facing an unknown disease, anyone would feel uncertain and fearful. Searching the internet for information is a normal response.
Specialization exists for a reason; not everyone has studied medicine, and not every patient has medical knowledge.
Patients may emphasize certain points to draw more attention from the doctor.
It’s like a child showing off, wanting to appear better and talk more in front of elders, hoping to become the most special one.
After a brief moment of reflection, Jian Qing stood by the bed and discussed the illness with Professor Li, then started making small talk. She asked him, “Are there any books on humanities and history that you can recommend?”
Professor Li, as if seeing a diligent student, immediately displayed a delighted expression and began to speak passionately in his familiar field.
Jian Qing listened quietly, catching a glimpse of the little girl in bed 8 out of the corner of her eye.
When Sangsang saw Jian Qing, she smiled, her eyes curving into crescents, revealing a row of small white teeth.
She didn’t seem as afraid of her as before.
After exchanging pleasantries with bed 7, Jian Qing walked over to bed 8, took a few pieces of milk candy out of her pocket, and placed them in Sangsang’s palm.
Sangsang thanked her in a childish voice, unwrapped a candy, and popped it into her mouth, showing her gap-toothed smile again.
Jian Qing noticed that she was missing a tooth in her upper jaw. She cupped Sangsang’s little face to inspect: “Open your mouth, ah—”
Sangsang obediently opened her mouth: “Ah—”
“Another tooth lost?”
Sangsang nodded.
Jian Qing said softly, “Brush your teeth well and eat less candy.” She then snatched a candy from Sangsang’s hand and stuffed it back into her own white coat pocket.
Children typically lose their baby teeth between the ages of 6 and 12. Sangsang is 10 years old this year, and Jian Qing hopes to see her finish losing her baby teeth.
Walking through the wards, visiting each patient in her group, Jian Qing rarely discussed their conditions this time. Instead, she observed their emotional states and reminded them to keep warm in winter, ensure indoor ventilation, wear masks when going out, and prevent the flu.
After a brief exchange of a few words about everyday life, she would leave. She wouldn’t give long-winded consolations.
This place was not short of such comforting words. From the moment treatment began, friends and family offered sympathetic looks, and patients and their families had heard many such phrases—
“Although you have this illness, you must remain optimistic.”
“Face it like a normal person, stay positive, and look ahead.”
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“Live well and cherish the present.”
……
Such correct and beautiful nonsense can only truly be understood by the person experiencing it.
When others say too much, it can sometimes have the opposite effect.
Tonight, the on-duty first-line doctor is a junior attending physician from the neighboring group. With abundant clinical experience and fewer patients needing critical care notifications, most of those in critical condition have been transferred to the ICU. Jian Qing decided to be on call from home.
The First Affiliated Hospital of Jiangzhou is located in the prime city center. Jian Qing’s apartment is just across the street from the hospital, only a few minutes’ walk away.
Since Jian Qing was on call from home, Lu Yinxi naturally didn’t need to stay on duty and excitedly went to the playground to run a few laps.
She began a regular fitness routine, strictly controlling her diet, avoiding spicy food, and maintaining her weight in preparation for a shoot in two months.
However, once a person starts planning to get fit, it seems that various unexpected events come rushing in to disrupt the plan.
——The next afternoon, Zhang Yue invited her to a gathering: “It’s not a department-wide gathering. I’m just inviting a few interns under my supervision for some barbecue and karaoke nearby. Want to join us?”
Lu Yinxi thought she should socialize a bit and happily nodded in agreement.
In the evening, while she was at home putting on makeup and dressing up, Jian Qing saw her and casually asked, “Where are you going?”
“A gathering. Aren’t you going?”
Jian Qing, accustomed to being alone, never participated in junior doctors’ gatherings. As usual, she had declined Zhang Yue’s invitation.
“You really aren’t going? I thought you’d come along.” Lu Yinxi moved closer to Jian Qing, shaking her wrist, “How about coming with me? Just consider it as keeping me company.”
Jian Qing hesitated for a moment, then nodded and called Zhang Yue to tell him she had changed her mind.
Zhang Yue was so startled he almost dropped his phone.
He had only asked out of politeness and didn’t expect Jian Qing to actually come. His interns weren’t prepared for this either, each one wailing like ghosts and howling like wolves—
It was bad enough having to worry about their superior’s cold demeanor at work, who’d want to be around the boss during a social gathering?
Zhang Yue arrived early at the barbecue restaurant to check its hygiene conditions.
His interns had also arrived early. A group of young people sat around the noisy, crowded little barbecue shop, complaining about their studies, the hospital, and their teachers, gossiping enthusiastically.
“The head nurse is really fierce. I almost got scolded into depression today!”
“The hospital is so stingy, treating us as free labor, not even giving us any hardship pay. No holidays during the New Year either! At least Brother Zhang is nicer to us; he gave us two weeks off for the postgraduate entrance exam last month. I heard the neighboring group didn’t get any time off.”
“We all get through it like this; we’re late bloomers, developing slowly.” Zhang Yue laughed heartily, “But remember, it’s okay to say this among ourselves, but don’t let it slip outside. If the Medical Education Department finds out, I’ll be called in for a talk.”
“Don’t worry! We studied in the demonstration room those days, not in the dormitory.”
“Have you heard? Lin xx from the class next door cheated! He’s juggling three relationships! Such a scumbag!”
“Damn! Even someone like that has a girlfriend? Why am I still single since birth?”
“Three relationships? Where does he find the time? Every day I just want to crash in bed when I get back to the dorm.”
“Bring on the beer! Bring on the meat! Let’s drink and talk!”
When Lu Yinxi brought Jian Qing to the barbecue restaurant, the lively atmosphere instantly felt like it had been doused with a bucket of cold water. The young students sat upright at the long table, each becoming reserved and modest, as if time had slowed down to a peaceful standstill, loving to study, loving the hospital.
“Let’s order some drinks; everyone shouldn’t drink too much alcohol.”
“Yesterday I almost fainted from low blood sugar, and the head nurse gave me two pieces of candy. She didn’t scold me all day; she’s really nice.”
“I remember the department exit exam is next week, right? I’m still not very proficient in doing lumbar punctures.”
(LP: Lumbar puncture, also known as a spinal tap, is a medical procedure in which a needle is inserted into the spinal canal, most commonly to collect cerebrospinal fluid for diagnostic testing. The main reason for a lumbar puncture is to help diagnose diseases of the central nervous system, including the brain and spine.)
“Let’s team up and practice together this week.”
The smoke from the barbecue swirled around Jian Qing. She lightly waved it away and casually asked, “What are the precautions for a lumbar puncture?”
In an instant, the air turned deathly silent. The students lowered their heads, some drinking, some eating meat, not daring to meet Jian Qing’s eyes.
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The silence felt like an eternity.
Only Lu Yinxi saw through the teasing look in Jian Qing’s eyes. She poured a small half-cup of plum wine for her and said with a smile, “Teacher Jian, it’s rare for us to gather and chat. Let’s not turn it into a lesson. Have a drink.”
Zhang Yue also stepped up, “Yeah, yeah, Senior Sister, I haven’t really gotten the chance to treat you to a drink. Come on, cheers to you.”
Jian Qing clinked glasses with Zhang Yue.
“Teacher Jian, it seems you don’t have a shift tomorrow. Cheers to you!” said one of the more cunning students, initiating a toast to Jian Qing.
Others quickly followed suit, and Jian Qing did not refuse.
The students became even more enthusiastic, taking turns to toast her, trying to get her drunk.
Jian Qing only had a few drinks before stopping. She stood up and reminded everyone present, “Don’t drink too much, don’t stay out too late. Zhang Yue, Mingming, you two send the students back to the dormitory and text me afterwards.”
Wei Mingming didn’t want to let her go: “Boss, why are you sneaking off so soon? You don’t have a shift tomorrow, and we’ve just started. There’s still KTV later; I want to sing ‘Grateful Heart’ for you!”
Jian Qing knocked on Wei Mingming’s head lightly: “I have a meeting tomorrow; I need to go back and prepare.”
She was originally worried that Lu Yinxi might not be familiar with them and would have trouble fitting in. But now it seems this kid has great social skills.
In contrast, if she stayed here, the students wouldn’t dare to have fun freely.
After Jian Qing left, Lu Yinxi stared blankly at the plate Jian Qing left behind.
The plate was spotless.
She only had a few drinks and didn’t eat much.
She seemed unable to blend into lively environments, always accustomed to solitude.
Knowing she couldn’t fit in, why did she agree to come?
Just because of her own “accompany me”?
On a winter street, the city lights are just coming on, and the traffic is bustling.
Lu Yinxi walked out of the barbecue restaurant and caught up with Jian Qing ahead, gently tapping her on the shoulder: “Dr. Jian, will you go to the supermarket with me?”
Jian Qing stopped in her tracks and asked, “Why did you come out?”
“I don’t feel like eating barbecue anymore, it’s too greasy and affects my fitness plan. I want to cook myself and make a vegetable salad. Come on, go to the supermarket with me.”
Lu Yinxi took Jian Qing’s hand and led her into the nearby shopping mall.
When they took the elevator down to the basement supermarket, Lu Yinxi looked up at the mall’s name: “Galaxy Plaza? This name seems familiar.”
Jian Qing calmly explained, “It’s a national chain; it’s in all first- and second-tier cities.”
No wonder it looked familiar.
Lu Yinxi nodded and didn’t ask further.
She vaguely remembered this was part of the Jian family’s business chain, but it seemed that Jian Qing’s relationship with the Jian family was quite ordinary.
Spending time together day and night, she never mentioned her family, nor did anyone from her family contact her.
She always seemed to be alone, without family, without friends, solitary and desolate.
A faint ache tugged at her heart, and Lu Yinxi frowned, suddenly tightening her grip on Jian Qing’s wrist, the force making Jian Qing glance down.
Lu Yinxi also looked down, belatedly realizing that she had been holding Jian Qing’s hand for quite a long stretch.
She let go as if scalded.
Raising her head, she met Jian Qing’s probing eyes.
They locked gazes for two seconds before both tacitly looked away, glancing around.
They’re both women; holding hands is no big deal.
Lu Yinxi tried to ignore her suddenly racing heartbeat, looking around, and making small talk: “This supermarket is so big, it’s my first time here.”
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Jian Qing responded with a hum: “If you like it, you can come often in the future.”
Lu Yinxi smiled slightly, “I really enjoy shopping at the supermarket.”
“Why?”
“It has a lively atmosphere.” She expertly pulled out a shopping cart. “Even if I don’t buy anything, seeing the neatly categorized fruits and vegetables makes me happy. I also enjoy watching people come and go, picking and choosing from the shelves. In the hospital, you might get used to suppressing emotions, seeing mostly white and blue. But the supermarket is different; it’s full of colors. Here, you don’t think about life and death. You just practically think about what to eat for dinner, how much money is left in your pocket, whether to buy chips or fruits, and whether to make hot pot in this cold weather. It gives you a sense of living in the moment.”
Listening to the soft, gentle voice beside her, Jian Qing’s eyes swept over the shelves of fruits, vegetables, and grains.
“Have you ever heard of a poem by Haizi—’From tomorrow on, I will be a happy person; feeding horses, chopping wood, and traveling the world. From tomorrow on, I will care about food and vegetables; I have a house, facing the sea, with spring blossoms.'”
Lu Yinxi’s delivery was excellent, her voice soft and magnetic, reciting poetry in a way that easily drew people into her emotions.
Jian Qing shook her head, “No, I haven’t heard it before. It sounds nice.”
For the first time, she felt that those inexplicable and hard-to-understand poems had become approachable.
Passing by the grains section, Lu Yinxi pointed to the bulk noodles, “Teacher Jian, can you guess how long I ate these noodles when I was at my poorest?” Without waiting for Jian Qing to answer, she smiled and answered herself, “Almost half a year. Noodles, sausages, and leafy greens, it was quite economical. If I only ate rice, I’d want soup too. But cooking noodles comes with noodle soup, which is very warming in the cold winter.”
Jian Qing stopped walking, “You said your parents were professors at a medical school.”
Although not extremely wealthy, they were at least from a scholarly family and would not have fallen into such dire straits as drinking noodle soup for sustenance.
These experiences were not from Lu Yinxi’s character in the book, but from the real-life memories of Lu Yinxi.
Lu Yinxi looked at Jian Qing, her eyes smiling, “Do you want to hear about my journey to fame as an actress?”
