For The Rest Of Our Life – Chapter 68.2

Smiling, drink □□

She struggled desperately, telling herself, Xiao Wanqing, you can’t, you mustn’t.

She thought that her heart had probably truly broken. How could it be so contradictory, as if placed in the midst of fire and ice, half burning hot and half freezing cold, half exuberant and half silent.

She didn’t know how long had passed, whether it was just a second or an entire century, Lin Xian let go of her and earnestly started handling the live shrimp.

Xiao Wanqing’s back, which had been straight, gradually relaxed and curved backward, as if lingeringly trying to touch the warm air left behind by Lin Xian.

At 6:30, a sumptuous Lantern Festival dinner of freshly cooked sweet dumplings was served. Due to the hot pot blocking the dishes on both sides, Xiao Wanqing and Lin Xian sat side by side instead of facing each other, an uncommon arrangement.

This was the first time in the past week that Xiao Wanqing had leisurely dined with herself. Lin Xian was in a great mood, and words naturally overflowed from her. Just like before, she began to chatter endlessly with Xiao Wanqing about the amusing happenings at school in the past two days. In the midst of their conversation, she suddenly remembered a thought that had occupied her mind for several days and smiled as she asked Xiao Wanqing, “Aunt Xiao, do you think it’s a good idea for me to learn how to drive? Should I enroll in a driving school near our school, or should I choose one near our home?”

She casually mentioned “our home,” causing Xiao Wanqing’s heart to soften once again. Her eyes and expressions couldn’t help but be filled with tenderness. “Why do you suddenly want to learn how to drive? Have you discussed it with your parents?”

Lin Xian pouted, “I haven’t told them yet, but I don’t think they would object.” She raised her gaze to look at Xiao Wanqing, her tone unusually serious. “If I can drive, I can pick you up when you have social engagements or drink. Otherwise, I’ll always worry at home. There are so many bad people outside. Aunt Xiao, you’re so beautiful. What if someone with ill intentions accompanies you or offers to drive for you?”

Xiao Wanqing didn’t expect Lin Xian’s reason for wanting to learn how to drive to be this. She was stunned for a moment. She looked at Lin Xian in a daze, and a sensation washed over her heart, a feeling of either joy or pain, pressing heavily on her chest.

After a while, she lowered her gaze and softly said, “But, Xianxian, you’re a young girl. It would still worry me if you went alone at night to pick me up.”

Unexpectedly, her lips were suddenly brushed by a gentle touch. Xiao Wanqing instinctively turned her head to see the source of the movement, only to find that a bit of brown sauce had stained Lin Xian’s fair and slender index finger.

“The sauce on your lips, Aunt Xiao,” the girl’s eyes sparkled like stars.

Xiao Wanqing awkwardly reached for a tissue to hand to Lin Xian, but unexpectedly, she saw the girl lower her head slightly. A thin layer of sweat appeared on the tip of her nose from the hot pot, giving her a rosy complexion. Lin Xian extended her adorable little tongue and gently, slowly licked off the sauce from her hand.

Tongue, rosy, moist…

“So this is the taste of the sauce you made yourself, Aunt Xiao,” the girl said, naively and brightly smiling at her.

As if recalling what Xiao Wanqing had just said to her, she playfully continued, “In Aunt Xiao’s heart, am I also the kind of person who is beautiful and easily attracts criminals?” It was as if she was shy, a bit coy, yet with a touch of captivating self-confidence.

In Xiao Wanqing’s mind, it felt as if a string had suddenly snapped, replaying uncontrollably the enticing motion of Lin Xian licking her finger. Excitement, embarrassment, and a violent alternation of torment overwhelmed her, thoroughly disrupting her heartbeat and senses.

Xiao Wanqing felt that her voice, as if coming from the heavens, answered Lin Xian, “Very beautiful.”

Easily attracting criminals.

The number one culprit was her, Xiao Wanqing.

She could clearly hear the sound of her defense line on the verge of collapse, a terrifying yet captivating shattering.

She no longer had the intention to listen carefully to what Lin Xian said to her. She didn’t even have the mindset to savor the food that she and Lin Xian painstakingly cooked together. Every minute and every second felt like torment.

She couldn’t sit still.

The phone on the table vibrated, like a savior, rescuing the chaotic thoughts of Xiao Wanqing. She quickly picked it up and saw that it was a message from Wen Tong, asking how her holiday was going. However, the next second, she instinctively lied to Lin Xian, “Sorry, Xianxian, I finished work early this afternoon, but there’s a part of it that I didn’t complete. My colleague just informed me that they urgently need an article from me, so I have to go and revise it. You go ahead and eat, I’ll wash the dishes when I’m done.”

After saying that, she couldn’t wait for Lin Xian’s reaction and hurriedly left, not even daring to look at Lin Xian. She walked to the study, a distance of only a few meters, but it felt unusually difficult. She even stumbled several times on flat ground, almost falling.

She was too panicked, to the point of forgetting what she had planned—spending a good evening with Lin Xian. She even forgot how difficult it would be for Lin Xian to eat alone.

She closed the study door as if seeking salvation. She didn’t even turn on the lights, leaning against the door and slowly sliding down. The phone vibrated again, and she took it out. Seeing that the message was from Wen Tong, she didn’t bother to read what Wen Tong said and mechanically typed out a hundred words.

But in the end, she deleted each word one by one.

After a while, she stood up, turned on the light, and sat down at the desk. Then she took a blank piece of paper and picked up the pencil from the pencil holder, drawing on the paper bit by bit.

Her father had once laughed at her, saying that she was quick to learn and good at everything, except for drawing. He thought she was clumsy and her drawings never looked like what they were supposed to be. But no matter how clumsy she was, every time she finished a drawing, her father would still find something good about it and praise her.

She didn’t know why, but at this moment, she suddenly remembered her father and the last words he said to her.

The 2B pencil lead was clearly so thick, but she unexpectedly, like a strongman, broke it with a little force. She switched to another one, and as soon as the tip touched the white paper, it broke again.

Xiao Wanqing became even more frustrated and agitated.

After who knows how long, a gentle knocking sound came from the door, and Lin Xian’s cautious voice sounded, “Aunt Xiao…”

Xiao Wanqing, holding a small knife, looked at the table full of pencil fragments and broken pencil tips, and for the first time, she impatiently responded to Lin Xian, “Xianxian, wait until I’m done with my work.”

After a moment, a muffled and obedient response came from outside the door, “Okay.”

She continued to draw, bit by bit appearing on the white paper. The passage of time seemed to slow down, and Xiao Wanqing’s heart calmed down as the pencil tip moved gently.

She stared at the drawing she had just made, and her rationality gradually returned. She finally had the presence of mind to think about how she hadn’t finished dinner with Lin Xian and how could Lin Xian possibly eat well alone. Something seemed to flash through her mind, and suddenly she remembered, did Lin Xian call out to her earlier, and she responded to her in a terrible tone?

All of a sudden, Xiao Wanqing couldn’t sit still anymore. The pain and guilt overwhelmed everything and engulfed her heart. She stood up, feeling sorry and guilty, and quickly walked towards the door.

However, she didn’t expect that as soon as she opened the door, she saw Lin Xian leaning against the wall opposite the study, slightly closing her eyes and standing there.

Hearing the sound, the girl slowly opened her eyes. Seeing Xiao Wanqing, she rubbed her sleepy eyes and smiled gently like an innocent little angel, “Aunt Xiao, are you done with your work?”

Xiao Wanqing felt as if her throat was choked up, making it difficult for her to speak. Had Lin Xian been waiting here all this time?

She bit her lip, nodding with difficulty, which was considered a response to Lin Xian’s question.

Her heart ached, as if it was about to shatter into pieces.

The curve of Lin Xian’s lips lifted even higher, and she tenderly and considerately said, “Aunt Xiao, you didn’t eat much for dinner, and I was afraid you would be hungry after you finished your work. But it’s too late to eat something heavy. So, I cooked some millet and mixed grain porridge. Would you like to have some?”

Her question was so cautious, as if she was afraid of causing any trouble for Xiao Wanqing, and yet also afraid of being rudely rejected by Xiao Wanqing again.

The hope in her eyes was so evident, yet so restrained.

In the past, Lin Xian used to be such a lively and exuberant child.

She must have made Lin Xian feel wronged just now.

She made her girl feel wronged.

Xiao Wanqing’s nose tingled, her eyes welling up, and she almost shed tears.

“If Aunt Xiao, you’re not hungry, it’s okay if you don’t drink it.” Seeing Xiao Wanqing’s prolonged silence, Lin Xian lowered her gaze and softly, with a barely noticeable hint of disappointment, added.

It was like the final straw that broke the camel’s back.

Xiao Wanqing couldn’t hold back anymore.

She wanted to make her happy, make her smile, and the thought of hugging her consumed all her other hesitations and doubts, like a fierce lion finally released from its cage.

Trembling, she reached out her hand and gently embraced the girl’s tender body. She placed a devout kiss on the girl’s smooth forehead and tenderly apologized, “I’m sorry, Xianxian. I was so harsh to you just now and made you worry.”

Her lips pressed against Lin Xian’s warm forehead, and her heart burned with excitement.

She thought, she surrendered.

She liked Lin Xian, whether it was despicable, shameless, or contemptible.

But hurting innocent Lin Xian because of her own mistakes was an even greater mistake.

If her love didn’t require reciprocation, if her love was simply about being good to Lin Xian, if her love could make her happy and bring a smile to her face.

Would her guilt be lighter now?

This was the first time Xiao Wanqing had kissed her.

Lin Xian widened her eyes, surprised and delighted, forgetting to even smile.

Xiao Wanqing gazed deeply into her eyes, and the gentle tenderness in her eyes seemed to overflow. She slowly curled up the corners of her lips and playfully tapped Lin Xian’s nose, gently asking, “Xianxian, do you still want to release the sky lanterns?”

She seemed to see a silhouette on the edge of a cliff, legs dangling in the air, falling rapidly into the abyss, ultimately sinking into the depths of the sea, lifeless.

But she also saw the blossoming of a sweet and radiant smile on Lin Xian’s bright and innocent face, growing wider and brighter.

That was enough.

Xiao Wanqing thought, she was willing.

She was willing to give Lin Xian everything she desired, without holding back a single bit.

She could be satisfied with whatever little Lin Xian wanted to give, without being greedy for more.

As long as Lin Xian was happy.

She smiled and drank the poison.

She embraced it willingly, like a sweet treat.

In the study, hidden among the scattered pencil shavings and papers, was an ugly moth burning fiercely in the candle flame.

Willingly.

Dying without regrets.

LP: Her girl ?!