Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 26
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager is So Wicked
Wan Bi saw all of Yao Xi’s panic and helplessness. The little castrated donkey has a guilty conscience, she thought. If his conscience were clear, why would he be so flustered? It was a real pity, she mused. She had grown quite fond of this little castrated donkey. Not only was he good-looking, but he could be both deathly timid and fiercely spirited. Keeping him around for her amusement was rather fun.
If the little castrated donkey had simply been too careless and miscounted, that would be fine. She didn’t mind if the servants attending her were a bit stupid. Stupidity had its merits; not only were they fun to tease, but they also didn’t lie. In any case, she had plenty of servants. Any tasks that required a sharp mind could be given to the more clever ones.
But stealing was another matter entirely. She would not tolerate anyone with an unclean heart serving her, especially a slave so greedy he’d risk his life for money. Such a person could be too easily bribed by her enemies.
Wan Bi would not place herself in danger just to keep an amusing toy around.
A young eunuch who served outside the hall was summoned inside. Maiden Yuanqian pointed at Yao Xi and ordered, “Take him down and search him thoroughly. Check carefully to see if his clothes have any hidden layers.”
“Your Majesty!” Yao Xi’s cry was tragic. Her eyes filled with tears as she clutched the collar of her robes. “This slave’s body is already mutilated; I have no face to show anyone. I beg Your Majesty to be merciful and allow this slave to prove my own innocence, so that I do not have to display my crippled body before others.”
“Prove your own innocence?” Seeing Yao Xi’s ashamed, alarmed, and panicked expression, Wan Bi felt no inclination to let him off. Instead, a strange impulse arose within her—the urge to strip the little castrated donkey bare herself. The thought of watching the little castrated donkey cry, struggle, and burn with shame in front of her would surely be thrilling. The moment she realized what she was thinking, Wan Bi gave a start. She actually wanted to strip a eunuch’s clothes! She was going mad.
“Ahem—” Wan Bi coughed twice to cover her embarrassment and to banish the terrible thought. “If nothing is found on you, it will naturally prove your innocence. Search him!”
She hoped the little castrated donkey was innocent. Not only was she a little reluctant to lose him, but it wouldn’t do for Ning’an Palace to be constantly stained with blood. It wasn’t long ago that she had executed that night-duty eunuch who tried to assassinate her; the bloodstains on the steps of the hall had only just been washed clean.
The young eunuch who had been summoned into the hall stood to the side, at a loss. He had never entered the hall before. The eunuchs of Ning’an Palace were only permitted to await orders outside; they were not allowed to enter and serve. Even to report something, they first had to speak to the palace maids, who would then relay the message to the Empress Dowager. Only when he heard the Empress Dowager give the order to search did he slowly approach Yao Xi.
Yao Xi scrambled backward helplessly. For every step the eunuch took, she retreated one, until her back was against the wall. She felt like an innocent maiden who had stumbled into a den of debauchery, and the Empress Dowager was the madam1 forcing her to service a client for two thousand taels of silver.
Still kneeling on the floor, she had nowhere left to retreat. She lifted her small face and stared in terror at the approaching eunuch, tears streaming down her cheeks against her will. A body search was a dead end, absolutely. But if she struggled a little more, she might just find a way out. After all, she hadn’t touched a single one of the Empress Dowager’s copper coins. It shouldn’t be hard to prove something she hadn’t done.
“Your Majesty! Although this slave entered the palace and became a eunuch, and can never be a man in this life, I am still a person of flesh and blood, with feelings and integrity, with dignity and face!” Yao Xi pleaded, her voice choked with grievance. “This slave implores Your Majesty to show mercy and give this slave a chance to prove my own innocence.”
Wan Bi watched with a cold gaze. It was just a body search, yet the little castrated donkey was acting like a maiden being bullied by villains. She was also a little curious as to how he intended to prove his innocence. “Fine!” she said. “If you can prove it yourself, this bereaved one will not have you searched.” This was what made the little castrated donkey so entertaining—he had such a glib tongue.
Yao Xi felt as if she had received a great pardon. As long as she wasn’t searched, she would be fine.
She picked up several registers from the floor. “As Your Majesty said, this slave could only have hidden silver notes. Therefore, there is no need to recount all the gold and silver. We need only check the total amount of the silver notes. If the amount of silver notes in the box, the amount on Your Majesty’s three registers, and the amount on the register this slave compiled are all the same, then it must be the silver ingots that are missing. Two thousand taels of solid gold and silver—this slave has no way to hide that without a trace. It can only mean that the contents of the box did not match the amounts on those three registers to begin with.”
“And what if the amounts on the silver notes don’t match?” Wan Bi asked with a small smile.
“Then…” Yao Xi didn’t know the origin of the three registers, but she knew what she had and had not done. She had been meticulous when taking inventory, and had checked the numbers over and over. In truth, the most likely reason for this situation was that the amount of money in the box never matched the three registers in the first place. The person who recorded them either made a mistake and wrote down too much, or they embezzled two thousand taels.
If they had embezzled solid gold and silver, that would be fine. But if the recorder had taken silver notes, she was doomed. If she were a real eunuch, she would have nothing to fear. Let them search. If the Empress Dowager wanted her dead, she would have killed her long ago; there was no need to go to such lengths to frame her. The search was only to see if she was innocent. But she was a fake eunuch! A one-hundred-percent, genuine-imitation fake eunuch!
Yao Xi thought for a moment, then said, “If the amounts on the silver notes do not match, this slave is willing to be searched.” She could only take the gamble—a fifty-fifty chance. But she felt her odds were slim. If someone had embezzled those two thousand taels, they would surely have taken the silver notes. They were light, their value was high, and you didn’t need any credentials to exchange them at a draft bank.2
She was just stalling for time. If the numbers didn’t match, she would think of a new plan then. Every extra moment she stayed alive was a victory. Sigh! How unpredictable life was. She had thought she’d successfully latched onto the Empress Dowager’s thigh and was on her way to the pinnacle of life. Who would have thought she’d run into such a mess in the blink of an eye?
Wan Bi pointed a finger at a nearby palace maid. “Go. Count the silver notes.”
Yao Xi prayed for the palace maid to go slowly, slower still, to not count so quickly. Unfortunately, the maid counting the silver notes couldn’t hear her inner pleas. A short while after opening the chest, she finished counting the stack of notes.
In reality, the palace maid was not counting quickly at all. She had to add up the values as she went, and she double-checked the total twice before daring to report. It only felt fast to Yao Xi because of her own anxiety.
“Reporting to Your Majesty. There are three hundred sixty-seven thousand, five hundred taels in silver notes here.”
Yao Xi vaguely recalled that this was the number she had recorded. But her number matching the box was useless. The crucial part was whether the three original registers matched her own. Only that could prove that the missing two thousand taels were solid gold and silver.
The registers were all in Yao Xi’s hands. Wan Bi looked unhappily at Yao Xi’s deathly pale face. “Eunuch, what is the number on your register?”
Yao Xi spread her register open and glanced at the number she had written with her own hand. “The total for the silver notes is three hundred sixty-seven thousand, five hundred taels.” She hadn’t been mistaken.
Wan Bi then asked, “And what about on those three registers?”
Yao Xi flipped through them and said, “Reporting to Your Majesty, the total is three hundred sixty-nine thousand taels.”
Eh? Yao Xi’s eyes lit up. The difference was only one thousand five hundred taels? Where did the other five hundred taels go?
Wan Bi’s expression softened slightly. The fact that the little castrated donkey’s register matched the silver notes in the box didn’t prove his innocence; he could have stolen the notes and simply changed the number. However, the total discrepancy between his count and the three original registers was two thousand taels, yet the discrepancy in silver notes was only one thousand five hundred. That meant five hundred of the missing two thousand taels had to be solid gold and silver.
Five hundred taels was no small sum! It would make a rather large pile. The little castrated donkey would have nowhere to hide it. Therefore, the most likely possibility was that the Zai County Magistrate and the others had deceived her! Wan Bi’s gaze turned cold.
It was still uncertain whether the little castrated donkey had stolen anything, but the Zai County Magistrate and his cohorts had definitely cheated her. Did they think she wouldn’t bother to count the goods sent to Ning’an Palace before putting them into storage? It was true that women in the palace often didn’t pay much mind to money, and would often just glance at the inventory lists submitted by their subordinates without bothering to verify the contents.
But Wan Bi was, for all intents and purposes, the foremost merchant in all of Daxing! How could she possibly put goods into storage without counting them first? How much chaos would that cause?
Yao Xi had been needing to go to the latrine for a while now, and that desperate feeling was returning. Seeing the Empress Dowager’s cold, silent face, she didn’t dare to speak.
“Take him away and search him!” Without a search, Wan Bi couldn’t be certain that Yao Xi’s hands were clean. The Zai County Magistrate had cheated her, but whether he had cheated her of two thousand taels or five hundred was hard to say. The one-thousand-five-hundred-tael discrepancy in the silver notes could have been falsely reported by the magistrate, or it could have been stolen and hidden by Yao Xi.
Receiving the Empress Dowager’s order, the young eunuch gently grabbed Yao Xi’s arm and began to pull her up from the floor to take her to the back for the search. Yao Xi struggled with all her might, one hand gripping the edge of the large wooden chest beside her, wailing through her tears, “This slave truly didn’t do it! Your Majesty, please spare this slave!”
Wan Bi did not look at Yao Xi’s face, which was twisted with panic. Her gaze rested on the small hand gripping the edge of the chest, its knuckles white with strain. This little castrated donkey, she thought. It’s just a search, yet he’s acting as if I’m taking his life! Wan Bi recalled the fearless Yao Xi who had stood up to Beauty Yu. Perhaps the little castrated donkey truly couldn’t bear being wronged, and considered having his mutilated body searched a supreme humiliation. If she pushed him any further, she might actually drive him to his death.
It would be a real shame if the little castrated donkey died from a false accusation. This slave was extremely spirited; she couldn’t push him too hard.
“Forget it.” Wan Bi decided to investigate the Zai County Magistrate first. Once she had results from that end, it would be clear whether the little castrated donkey was guilty or not. “Yuanqian, have someone watch Eunuch Yao closely. He is not to take a single step out of this hall until the truth of this matter comes to light!”3
Having once again escaped death by a hair’s breadth, a trembling Yao Xi raised her small hand, which had turned a bluish-white during the struggle. “Your Majesty. This slave wishes to relieve myself.”4
Wan Bi shot Yao Xi a disgusted look, then ordered the young eunuch who had been about to search her, “You! Accompany Eunuch Yao! And watch him closely.”
Shit! Yao Xi plunged into despair once more. Everything was back to square one!
Being watched while on the toilet wasn’t much better than being searched!!!!!!
Footnotes
- Original: lǎobǎozi (老鸨子). The female manager of a brothel.
- Original: piàohào (票号). A type of financial institution in historical China that dealt with remittances and exchanging silver notes for physical silver, a precursor to modern banks.
- Original: shuǐ luò shí chū (水落石出), literally ‘when the water recedes, the stones are revealed.’ An idiom meaning the truth will eventually be revealed.
- Original: chū gōng (出恭). A classical and polite euphemism for using the latrine.
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