Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 25

by Little Panda

The Empress Dowager is So Wicked

Beauty Yu had no intention of moving out of Yixiu Palace. After being caned, she was helped back to Yixiu Palace. Logically, she should have obeyed Her Majesty the Empress Dowager’s decree and immediately packed her things to leave.

She did not.

She had someone summon Emperor Ming Cheng. Without changing her clothes or applying medicine, she lay sprawled on the bed, smeared with blood, playing the victim.

Emperor Ming Cheng fell for it completely. When he arrived at Yixiu Palace and saw her beaten to such a state, his expression immediately changed. After asking what had happened, he went straight to Ning’an Palace to find the Empress Dowager. Beauty Yu was immensely pleased. The Emperor, who had always been deferential to the Empress Dowager, was willing to confront her for her sake. She felt that she probably wouldn’t have to be a Shuren for long. Perhaps the Emperor, in a fit of pity, would even promote her. She could become a Zhaoyi¹ or something, and even the rank of Jieyu wasn’t out of the question.

As a palace maid applied medicine, she reminded Beauty Yu uneasily, “Her Majesty the Empress Dowager ordered you to move out of Yixiu Palace today, Master. It’s already noon. If you don’t start packing, you won’t make it in time.”

The maid meant well, but Beauty Yu found the slave to be incredibly unlucky. Lifting her pale, pained face from the pillow, she said sharply, “Move? As long as the Emperor’s heart is with me, what can the Empress Dowager do? She can’t touch me either. In the end, everything in the palace depends on the Emperor’s will. What does the Empress Dowager’s decree count for?” After speaking, she let out a disdainful scoff.

While Beauty Yu was lost in her pipe dream,² His Majesty the Emperor was staring at the “delicacies” in Ning’an Palace with a sickly expression.

“Why must the Empress Dowager be so frugal?” The eighteen dishes on the table did little to whet Emperor Ming Cheng’s appetite. As the saying goes, food cannot be too fine, and mince cannot be too detailed.³ Having been born into the imperial family, his palate had been spoiled since childhood.

Wan Bi smiled and placed a slice of bamboo shoot in his bowl. “April bamboo shoots sprout after the rain. Your Majesty, have a taste. They’re quite fresh. And these green, leafy vegetables—spring is the best time for wild vegetables. You won’t be able to taste these seasonal dishes in a few days.”

Wan Bi served Emperor Ming Cheng several more portions before saying, “But no matter how fresh they are, one can’t stand eating like this for every meal, can one? Your Majesty should have a word with the Empress. Fiddling around like this won’t save more than a few taels of silver. Besides, the deficit in the National Treasury has already been covered by her Zhu family.”

“We are aware that the Empress has cut the expenses of the various palaces. She meant well…” Emperor Ming Cheng reluctantly tasted the food Wan Bi had personally served him. The Directorate of Imperial Cuisine had done its best; though the ingredients were coarse, the flavor wasn’t terrible. By chewing a little more and washing it down with tea, he could manage to swallow it.

Wan Bi was stunned. Good intentions? Heavens! Are all men this easy to fool? The Emperor just accepted three million taels of silver from the Zhu family’s stolen tax revenue, and he still has the gall to say something like that? If the Empress truly had good intentions, she should have paid the money herself instead of dragging all the women in the palace down to suffer for her own selfish interests.

“Good intentions, my ass!” Wan Bi’s face suddenly turned cold. “Even with the expenses of the other palaces cut, the Empress still lives in luxury. Her maternal family is right here in the Capital City, so it’s easy for them to send silver into the palace. But what about the others? What about those from humble families⁴ or those who are a thousand li from home? All their expenses depend on that little monthly allowance from the palace. After her deductions, are they supposed to survive? The palace isn’t just the Empress, Concubine Kang, and Shuren Yu. There are plenty of women the Emperor has never even met. But even if you’ve never seen them, they are all Your Majesty’s women for life. In this palace, they can only rely on you. If they are bullied and exploited, Your Majesty must stand up for them.”

Emperor Ming Cheng felt Wan Bi’s words were reasonable, but he was still a little displeased. “Empress Dowager! If you have something to say, say it calmly. Don’t scold Us as if you’re scolding a son.” He was the dignified Ninth-Five Sovereign,⁵ and being berated like this by a little brat he had watched grow up inevitably left him feeling irritated.

Wan Bi didn’t like hearing that. I am the Emperor’s stepmother! But she only dared to entertain such thoughts in her mind; there was no need to say it out loud and offend him. Emperor Ming Cheng was probably still not over the fact that the Grand Consort had not been posthumously honored as an Empress Dowager.

Although she had her personal grievances with the Grand Consort, the prohibition against naming her Empress Dowager was stipulated in the Late Emperor’s testamentary edict. It wasn’t her idea. Emperor Ming Cheng had once suggested that Wan Bi propose the posthumous title herself. He could not defy the Late Emperor’s edict, but Wan Bi could. Not only was she a beneficiary of it, but she was also a person who, under the Late Emperor’s protection, stood above the laws of Daxing.

If she were to propose it, it would be justifiable in every sense, and she could even earn a reputation for being magnanimous.

But Wan Bi had not agreed, using the Late Emperor as an excuse. The edict stated that Emperor Ming Cheng’s mother could only be titled Grand Consort. If she were to break that rule, then the other contents of the edict would one day be broken as well.

Wan Bi had to protect the authority of the testamentary edict. It was her protective talisman! Something written in black and white was far more reliable than a verbal promise. In the end, she and Emperor Ming Cheng were not mother and son by blood. There were feelings between them, of course—a mix of familial affection and friendship—but Wan Bi was more inclined to believe that their long-standing relationship was maintained by mutual interests and secrets.

“We will speak to the Empress,” Emperor Ming Cheng said, calming himself. He then resumed the conversation with Wan Bi. “But as for that Yu-shi, what does the Empress Dowager think should be done with her?”

Wan Bi thought for a moment. “Throw her into the Cold Palace!”

“Oh!” Emperor Ming Cheng chuckled mockingly. “The Empress Dowager truly makes Us see you in a new light. We thought you would have her put to death.” He couldn’t bear to kill Yu-shi either. After all, she had served him, and her crime was not an unpardonable capital offense.

Wan Bi’s mood changed in an instant. Just a moment ago her face was cold, but now she wore a malicious smile. “There are quite a few women in the Cold Palace who have suffered at Beauty Yu’s hands, aren’t there? This is what you call karmic retribution! Life won’t be easy for her once she’s in there. The residents of the Cold Palace are all ruthless characters.”

“Karmic retribution? Is the Empress Dowager not afraid of retribution yourself?” Emperor Ming Cheng shot a smiling glance at Wan Bi.

“Afraid of what? Isn’t the fear of retribution a form of retribution in itself? They say the wicked will be punished by heaven. Perhaps this bereaved one is already so bad that even the Lord of Heaven doesn’t dare to take me.” Wan Bi raised an eyebrow at Emperor Ming Cheng. “Besides, if there really is retribution, Your Majesty will have to suffer it with me. Everything I did was for you, after all.”

Emperor Ming Cheng rolled his eyes at her. All for him? Not necessarily! He changed the subject. “When We came in just now, We saw a young eunuch recording many items in a register…”

“Mm. That’s the eunuch who was framed by Yu-shi.”

Emperor Ming Cheng shook his head. “No. We are asking about those items…” Qianqing Palace had just sent over many of the State Uncle’s things, and coincidentally, Ning’an Palace also had several boxes of items. It was too much of a coincidence. He didn’t mind Wan Bi taking the opportunity to line her private treasury with some silver, but she had been a bit too ruthless. The items in the outer hall looked to be at least thirty or forty percent of what Qianqing Palace had received.

“They’re from the storeroom. I had them brought out to air in the sun. They were getting moldy after being stored all winter,” Wan Bi said calmly, her face not red, her heart not pounding.

They say deceiving the sovereign is a capital offense. Judging by the lies Wan Bi had told Emperor Ming Cheng over the years, she had long earned a death by a thousand cuts. And if one were to add the Late Emperor into the count… tsk, tsk.

Emperor Ming Cheng did not dine at Ning’an Palace and returned with an empty stomach.

Yao Xi had finished the inventory. Fearing mistakes, she took everything out of the boxes and checked it against the register again, verifying it a total of three times. A mistake in ordinary work would result in a fine or, at worst, losing one’s job. A mistake in a task assigned by Her Majesty the Empress Dowager would cost one’s life.

She also enjoyed the feeling of being surrounded by immense treasure, even though these things had absolutely nothing to do with her. But when your palm held the heavy weight of a gold bar, when your fingertips gently brushed across priceless antique jade artifacts, the feeling was truly incredible!

Yao Xi’s dream was to save enough silver to leave the palace and open a shop. The silver and jewels she had touched today could buy not just a shop, but half a city! And it would have to be on the most prosperous and bustling street, the shop and all its goods included!

After packing everything away, the finally finished Yao Xi stretched her back with abandon. Then, holding the register, she went to the outside of the Empress Dowager’s bedchamber to report. “The items in those boxes have all been recorded. I invite Master to inspect it.” Yao Xi stood outside the door, not daring to enter.

After Emperor Ming Cheng left, Wan Bi had the small kitchen prepare a new meal. She had just finished eating and was resting in her bedchamber when she heard the little castrated donkey reporting from outside. He was certainly fast. She had given him two days, but the little castrated donkey had finished in half a day.

“Help this bereaved one up!” Wan Bi extended a hand to Yuanqian.

Entering the main hall, she saw the boxes lined up neatly in a row. Wan Bi sat down in a chair and said to Yao Xi, “Present it!”

Yao Xi held the register with both hands and gave it to Maiden Yuanqian.

Wan Bi took the register and flipped through it, her brow furrowing. This handwriting… was truly beyond words.

There was no spirit to it, and the brushwork, structure, and composition were all wrong. Once the rules are lost, the spirit ceases to exist.⁶ The little castrated donkey’s characters were rigid and utterly devoid of aesthetic appeal, but they were very easy to read. Though lacking beauty, its strength was its clarity. A register like this needed to be clear and easy to consult, and the little castrated donkey’s blocky script was perfect for it.

Looking at the detailed list, gold and silver were in one volume, and artifacts in another. It was orderly and, despite its rough appearance, meticulous.

The job was well done. If the numbers also matched, Wan Bi planned to reward the little castrated donkey and assign this task to him in the future. Wanfu Silk Manor was not her only business; her private treasury had a considerable monthly income, not to mention the congratulatory gifts from all quarters during festivals and birthdays, and the tribute sent to the palace from various regions… all of it needed to be entered into the inventory.

Yuanqian presented the registers that had accompanied the goods from the Zai County Magistrate and the two merchants. There were too many items for Wan Bi to inspect in detail. She handed the artifact register to Yuanqian to check, while she herself checked the total sum in the gold and silver register.

!!!!!

Why was it short by two thousand taels of silver?

The registers from the Zai County Magistrate and the two merchants were separate. Fearing she had miscalculated, Wan Bi added the numbers from the three registers again. It was indeed short by exactly two thousand taels! It seemed this little castrated donkey truly had a death wish!

Wan Bi’s face darkened. She threw the registers in front of Yao Xi and demanded, “The numbers don’t match. These missing two thousand taels—did you miscount them, Eunuch, or did you hide them yourself?”

Yao Xi immediately dropped to her knees. A flurry of thoughts raced through her mind.

One: Her Majesty the Empress Dowager was deliberately trying to trick her to see if she had stolen anything.

Two: She had been careless and miscounted. There was a stack of silver notes of varying denominations; perhaps she had made a mistake counting them?

Three…

Yao Xi’s brain suddenly froze. She hurriedly explained, “Replying to Master, this slave did not steal anything. Two thousand taels is a huge amount. This slave has not left the hall since entering. Where could I possibly hide it?”

Wan Bi had kept an eye on Yao Xi for almost half a day and knew he hadn’t left. The silver certainly couldn’t be hidden on his person, but the silver notes were another matter. A thin piece of paper could be tucked into one’s clothes without being noticed. So she said, “This bereaved one will not wrong you. Either you were derelict in your duty and miscounted, and no silver is missing, or you stole the silver notes. Guards! Take him to the back, strip him, and search him! If nothing is found, then open the boxes and recount everything!”

Recounting would be time-consuming and laborious, but a strip-search would only take a moment. Wan Bi ordered Yao Xi to be searched first not because she was particularly suspicious of him, but because clearing his name would be less time-consuming. If they did find something on Yao Xi, there would be no need to make a big fuss and reopen all the boxes to recount.

A strip-search? Tears of panic welled in Yao Xi’s eyes. What kind of fate was this!

Footnotes

Zhaoyi (昭仪) was a high rank for an imperial consort, one of the ‘Nine Concubines’ who were second only to the Empress and the four primary consorts.
Original idiom: chūnqiū dàmèng (春秋大梦), literally ‘Spring and Autumn dream.’ It means an unrealistic fantasy or a pipe dream.
A quote from the Analects of Confucius (shí bù yàn jīng, kuài bù yàn xì), used to describe a refined palate or a meticulous approach to food preparation.
Original idiom: hánmén xiǎohù (寒门小户), literally ‘cold door, small household.’ It refers to a family of humble origins.
The term ‘Ninth-Five Sovereign’ (jiǔwǔ zhī zūn) is a formal title for the emperor, derived from the I Ching (Book of Changes). The number combination represents the most auspicious position, symbolizing the ruler at the peak of his power.
A principle of calligraphy (guījǔ jì shī, shén zé wú cún), suggesting that technical mastery is essential for creating art with soul or spirit.

Footnotes

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