Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 23
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager is So Wicked
Meng Delai was busy with official business when he looked up and saw Liufu arrive. “Is the matter I assigned you settled?” he asked faintly. He had given Liufu some instructions a few days prior and assumed he was here to report on their completion.
“Reporting to the Director of the Depot, this little one has come to ask for your guidance. The boy who entered the palace to replace Yao Xian went to Ning’an Palace early this morning…” Liufu’s voice was full of worry.
How Eunuch Meng planned to topple Eunuch Tang was none of his business. He just wanted to muddle along in the Directorate of Palace Attendants for a few more years, and once he’d skimmed enough silver, he’d find a chance to leave the palace and live an ordinary life. Skimming money was quite easy in the Directorate of Palace Attendants; they managed the palace’s dowry items and utensils, and unfavored masters who wanted to use fine things couldn’t avoid spending a little extra silver.
Not only that, but the Directorate of Palace Attendants also managed the reassignments of palace eunuchs. Take the recent incident with Yu Gui from Beauty Xu’s palace. Many eunuchs had been sharpening their heads,1 throwing money around in hopes of being assigned to serve Beauty Xu. Beauty Xu was not favored, and the main resident of Zhongling Palace, Concubine Li, was not favored either, but Beauty Xu was generous to her subordinates and had a kind personality. In order to collect more filial piety silver,2 Eunuch Ye, who was in charge of the matter, had been dragging it out. If Zheng Dayun hadn’t suddenly intervened and inserted someone, Eunuch Ye could have delayed it for much longer.
To serve a master like Beauty Xu, one had to hand over silver to the Directorate of Palace Attendants. To avoid serving a certain master, one also had to hand over silver. For example, if a vacancy opened up in Beauty Yu’s palace, the eunuchs would surely be frantically throwing money at the Directorate to save their own skins.
Liufu dreamed that when he had enough money, he would leave the palace, buy a two-courtyard residence, marry a few wives, and buy a few dozen servants to wait on him. He had spent most of his life serving masters in the palace; he wanted a taste of being served himself.
But the prerequisite for this beautiful life he yearned for was, first and foremost, not being dragged down to be buried with that boy, Yao Xi!
Hearing Liufu’s words, Meng Delai’s brush, which had been reviewing official documents, couldn’t help but pause.
Seeing the Director of the Depot’s expression change, Liufu said cautiously, “This little one is worried that Yao Xi is one who hasn’t been cut. What if someone finds out…” When Yao Xi was in the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, he could secretly arrange for him to have his own room, but now that he was in Ning’an Palace, his hands were tied.
Meng Delai swept a cold, mocking glance at Liufu. “Are you brainless? You think the Empress Dowager is going to pull down that boy’s pants to see for herself? Or do you think the palace maids of Ning’an Palace will covet his beauty and make a move on him? If he’s to be found out, it will only be by the eunuchs of Ning’an Palace. And any matter involving palace eunuchs is reported to the Directorate of Ceremonial first. As for whether it reaches the master’s ears, isn’t that for us to decide?”
“The Director of the Depot is right,” Liufu said, nodding hastily.
Meng Delai was the Reporting Scribe Eunuch of the Directorate of Ceremonial and the Commander of the Eastern Depot, making him the second-in-command among the eunuchs. The top man, Seal-holding Eunuch Tang Huaili,3 served before the Emperor day and night and simply couldn’t manage the affairs of the Directorate.
By rights, Meng Delai was practically the man with the real power. The Eastern Depot’s influence was growing daily, and the Emperor valued him.
But Meng Delai was still not satisfied. In the Eastern Depot, everyone called him Director of the Depot. But as soon as he returned to the Directorate of Ceremonial, people called him the second-in-command. This feeling of being suppressed by someone else greatly displeased him.
Furthermore, Tang Huaili and Yao Hezheng were close private friends. Though Tang Huaili seemed to be wholeheartedly serving the Emperor and paying little attention to the Directorate these past years, he had been quite busy behind the scenes. Not only had he installed several of his godsons in key positions within the Directorate, but he was also secretly trying to reverse Yao Hezheng’s case. Tang Huaili had also obstructed his path to wealth on numerous occasions. If he could topple Tang Huaili, his future days would be much more pleasant.
Meng Delai wasn’t worried about Yao Xi’s un-cut status being discovered; he was the one who had deliberately instructed Liufu not to perform the operation. What he was worried about was the boy dying in Ning’an Palace. That place was a mess to begin with, and the Empress Dowager was someone who killed without batting an eye. If that boy died in Ning’an Palace, it would be such a waste…
It was a story full of tears. Meng Delai’s original plan had been very simple. Kill Yao Xian to ensure Yao Hezheng was left without descendants, then find a look-alike to send into the palace. Liufu had been competent enough to actually find a boy who resembled Yao Xian by seventy or eighty percent. Yao Xian had been handsome, but the boy Liufu found was an absolute beauty. Among Tang Huaili’s godsons was one named Zheng Dayun who loved beautiful people, regardless of gender. According to Meng Delai’s predictions, that boy should have been taken in by Zheng Dayun long ago.
Once Zheng Dayun took him in, Tang Huaili and the boy would be inextricably linked. Add to that Tang Huaili and Yao Hezheng’s famously good relationship, and it would be incredibly easy to frame the boy for some major crime and then put the shit basin on Tang Huaili’s head.4
What Meng Delai hadn’t expected was that while Zheng Dayun did indeed take an interest in the boy, he was immediately sent to Zhejiang by Tang Huaili, and he was gone for over a year.
This made things very awkward. Why hadn’t the boy named Yao Xi found a godfather since entering the palace? Because Meng Delai’s own subordinates knew the inside story and wouldn’t get involved with Yao Xi. As for other, uninformed eunuchs, they didn’t dare take him in because of Zheng Dayun’s interest. To take someone Zheng Dayun had his eye on as your godson—wasn’t that like trying to be on equal footing with Tang Huaili? Did they have a death wish?
Zheng Dayun finally returned from Zhejiang, but then Yao Xi somehow ended up in Ning’an Palace!
Meng Delai was deeply melancholic. It was as if he had patiently and meticulously arranged a chess formation, only for the unreasonable Empress Dowager to flip the entire board without a second thought.
Yao Xi walked alone at the back, slowly dragging her injured leg toward Ning’an Palace. She replayed the morning’s events in her mind, summarizing the lessons learned and pondering how she could hold onto the Empress Dowager’s diamond thigh5 more firmly and for longer.
Take, for example, her praise for the Empress Dowager’s rescue. Her Ladyship had clearly hinted at it, and just as she was getting into the spirit of her flattery, Her Ladyship’s expression had changed. The words she used must have been too dry, her grateful expression not vivid enough. She should have seized the moment to squeeze out a few tears and stir up some emotion. Furthermore, the Empress Dowager held such a high position; what kind of flattery hadn’t she heard? To Her Ladyship, her words must have sounded like unoriginal clichés.
Yao Xi made a mental note. The next time she had a chance, she had to perform well. If she could praise the Empress Dowager into a state of comfort, her own days in the palace would become comfortable too.
As she thought, she started to yawn. She had experienced far too much this morning and was physically and mentally exhausted. Right now, all she wanted was to find a place to lie down, empty her mind, and sleep soundly.
She finally hobbled to Ning’an Palace, where a young palace maid was waiting for her at the entrance. Upon seeing her, the maid said, “Her Ladyship said for you to report to the hall once you arrived, Gonggong.”
As the young maid spoke, her eyes darted about, sizing Yao Xi up. She had been serving in Ning’an Palace for over two years and had never seen any eunuch get close to the master. It was a well-known fact that the Empress Dowager despised eunuchs. Yet for this Eunuch Yao, Her Ladyship was not only willing to let him support her but had even permitted him to enter the hall to report… Surprised, the young maid gave Yao Xi a few extra glances.
Yao Xi felt a little self-conscious under the stare. Her skin was sometimes thick, sometimes thin. Hearing the maid’s words, she offered her thanks and limped into the hall.
Inside the hall were several large chests. When Wan Bi saw Yao Xi arrive, she lifted her eyes and asked, “Can you read?”
“Replying to Master, this slave can barely read,” Yao Xi answered quickly.
Wan Bi had only asked casually, wondering what this little castrated donkey could possibly do in Ning’an Palace. He looked so weak he couldn’t withstand the wind; he probably couldn’t handle the heavy labor of an ordinary eunuch. She hadn’t expected him to be literate. “Didn’t they say your family was jinxed to death by you? Did a human trafficker teach you?”
“This slave attended a school for a few days as a child,” Yao Xi replied. Originally, she could only recognize traditional characters, not write them. But after transmigrating, she had read many storybooks, and after reading enough, she learned to write them as well. It was just that her handwriting was… hard to describe in one sentence.
“It’s good that you can read. With the injury to your leg, you can’t do other work, but Ning’an Palace doesn’t support idlers. I’ll give you two days. Catalogue the contents of these chests for this bereaved one.” Wan Bi pointed to the large chests, speaking lightly. She had two reasons for giving Yao Xi this task: one, to test the little castrated donkey’s abilities, and two, to see if his hands were clean.
Some servants had sticky fingers. Seeing a large, jumbled pile of items, they would figure that a couple of gold bars or three small silver ingots wouldn’t be missed and would pocket them. The more cautious ones would even subtract the amount they took from the register, and an inattentive person would never notice.
These chests had been sent by the Zai County Magistrate and two merchants who had been intercepted. Although Wan Bi hadn’t had the items counted, the senders had included an inventory list, so she had a good idea of the total. When the little castrated donkey finished his catalogue, if the count was high, it was a lack of ability. If it was short, it was a flaw in his character. In that case, she couldn’t be blamed for being a ruthless hand that destroys the flower.6
As she thought this, Wan Bi glanced at Yao Xi again. The little castrated donkey was truly eye-catching. If he were a girl, he could probably outshine all the other women in the palace. But a face as beautiful as a flower and a moon can’t compare to an exquisite and transparent heart. Wan Bi was not as superficial as Emperor Ming Cheng. If she wanted to see a beauty, she could just look in a mirror. If this little castrated donkey’s moral foundation was rotten, then he didn’t need to live.
“This slave obeys,” Yao Xi replied with a smile. It was just cataloguing things, and she had two full days to do it. With her injured leg, a task that didn’t require walking was a godsend.
“Do you have the bruise medicine Imperial Physician Fu gave you on you?” Wan Bi asked again.
Yao Xi took the black porcelain bottle from her robes. “I have it. This slave keeps the Master’s gift close to my heart at all times, mindful of your grace.”
Glib. Wan Bi rolled her eyes at Yao Xi, and then her expression darkened. No wonder her chest had hurt when she fell earlier; something hard had jabbed her. With the servants around, she couldn’t say anything and had to grit her teeth and bear it. It still ached faintly. The little castrated donkey’s chest was as hard as a board, and what’s more, he was keeping a hidden weapon on that board.
“Apply the medicine, then get to work.” After giving the order, Wan Bi led Yuanqian and the others into an adjacent Warm Pavilion, leaving Yao Xi alone in the hall with the chests. She wanted to test the little castrated donkey’s character, so she took everyone away, giving Yao Xi the perfect opportunity to commit a crime.
Footnotes
- An idiom meaning to be desperately trying to achieve something, as if one would sharpen their head to squeeze through a crack.
- ‘Filial piety silver’ (xiaojing yinzi) was money given as a sign of respect, but in this context, it functions as a bribe to officials for favors or better positions.
- The ‘Seal-holding Eunuch’ (zhangyin) was the head of a directorate, while the ‘Reporting Scribe Eunuch’ (bingbi) was a powerful deputy responsible for handling the emperor’s edicts. Together, they formed the top leadership of the Directorate of Ceremonial.
- A vulgar but vivid idiom for framing someone or pinning the blame on them for something they did not do.
- A modern Chinese slang term. ‘Holding a thigh’ means to latch onto a powerful person for support. A ‘diamond thigh’ is an exceptionally strong and reliable backer.
- An idiom (lashou cuihua) for cruelly harming a beautiful person, typically a woman.
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