Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 17
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager is Terrifying
“Will you fucking get over here and give me a hand! Can’t you see this master’s leg is busted?”
The sound of someone being berated came from outside the door. Who else could it be but Liao Bing?
Falling into Liao Bing’s hands meant death, or at least losing half her life. Yao Xi scrambled off the bed, grabbed her shoes, and rushed to the window. She removed the chipped porcelain vase propping it open, pushed the window open gently, and threw one of her shoes outside, tucking the other into her robes. Then, she limped back to the bed, blew out the oil lamp, moved the footstool aside, and hid underneath the bed. Finally, she carefully dragged the footstool back into place, blocking the space in front of the bed.
As she dragged the footstool, the wood scraped against the stone floor with a scrape, scrape sound. By now, the lock on the door had been opened, and Liao Bing’s group was pushing their way in. The sound of the chair propped against the door being shoved aside perfectly masked the noise of the footstool scraping on the floor.
Driven by her will to survive, she had completed this long series of actions all in one breath.
Yao Xi held her breath under the bed, covering her nose with her sleeve. It was dusty under there, and she was afraid she would choke and cough, giving herself away.
The oil lamp was lit again. Liao Bing’s voice came from just above her.
“Shit, we let the kid get away!” Liao Bing entered the room and saw that the bed was empty. The shoes that had been in front of it were gone, and the window was wide open. He guessed that Yao Xi had heard the commotion and escaped through the window. Liao Bing walked to the bed and felt the mattress pad. It was still warm. Yao Xi must have just left.
Limping, Liao Bing went to the window and looked out. A small shoe lay on the grass below. In the entire Bureau of Imperial Gardens, no one’s shoes were as small as that little sissy Yao Xi’s. He must have dropped it in his haste to escape.
“His leg was crushed, so he can’t have gone far. You lot, chase after him. You have to catch him and bring him back to me before dawn. I’ll wait here. The kid might just come back,” Liao Bing ordered his subordinates. With his bad leg, he couldn’t give chase himself, so he sat down on the very chair Yao Xi had used to block the door.
Yao Xi was lying face up under the bed when the bedframe suddenly lurched, showering her face with dust. The wooden frame creaked and groaned—creak, creak—as if some behemoth had just landed on it, threatening to fall apart at any moment.
Liao Bing’s back had started to ache from sitting in the chair, and he was getting sleepy. He decided he might as well lie down on Yao Xi’s bed and get some sleep.
Yao Xi wondered, should she wait for Liao Bing to fall asleep and then escape? But to get out, she’d first have to push the footstool aside. The noise would be loud enough to wake him. And even if she made it out of the room, so many people were outside searching for her. With her injured foot, if she were discovered, she would certainly be caught.
But she couldn’t just stay huddled under the bed forever! If Liao Bing was dead set on getting her, he would surely stake out the room.
For now, it’s best to meet ten thousand changes with no change. Maybe Zheng Dayun would come looking for her tomorrow. She had just asked him to get her transferred to Beauty Xu’s service. If he succeeded, he would definitely come to tell her, and she could get out then. As for what to do after that, she would figure it out once she was out of this mess.
Liao Bing was already sleeping like a dead pig, snoring away—snort, snort. It was the first time Yao Xi had ever heard someone whose snores sounded like a pig eating. She was sleepy too, but she didn’t dare to sleep, afraid she might snore or talk in her sleep and make a noise.
Emperor Ming Cheng was about to retire for the night. The beautiful consort chosen for his bedchamber tonight had already washed herself until she was fragrant and was waiting for him naked under the covers.
Just then, someone from Ning’an Palace arrived to say the Empress Dowager wanted to see him.
“Tell the Empress Dowager that We have already retired! We will go to Ning’an Palace to pay respects to the Empress Dowager tomorrow as always. If there is a matter to discuss, it can wait until then.” Although Emperor Ming Cheng had never truly regarded Wan Bi as a stepmother, he could not neglect the proper etiquette. No matter how bluntly they insulted and hurt each other in private, in front of others, he would always show her respect and deference, partly to help establish her authority.
To him, Wan Bi was less a stepmother and more like a family maid he had watched grow up. As long as she didn’t go too far, he was willing to indulge her. He was also gradually beginning to understand why the Late Emperor had dared to spoil Wan Bi so much. Some women would be ruined by indulgence, but not Wan Bi. Wan Bi was already ruined from the start.
“Her Highness says that if the Emperor does not go, then she will come here,” the palace maid from Ning’an Palace said timidly. Her life was truly bitter, caught between the two most powerful people in the world. Offending either one was a death sentence.
In the end, Emperor Ming Cheng went to Ning’an Palace.
Wan Bi was sitting before a small table, using a pair of small flower shears to trim the branches of a camellia plant. “Have a seat, Your Majesty. The rest of you, withdraw!” Wan Bi looked up at Emperor Ming Cheng and pointed to the edge of the heated brick bed.
“You had better have a real reason for summoning Us, Empress Dowager.” Thinking of the beauty waiting for him in his bedchamber, Emperor Ming Cheng felt a surge of frustration.
Wan Bi tossed the shears aside, took out a handkerchief, and wiped her hands. “Zhu Xiangchang is colluding with the Zai County Magistrate. They are using the dock in Zai County to receive merchant ships, then using a secret route to allow goods to enter and exit the Capital Environs, bypassing the tax checkpoints. As for the customs houses1 along the Ping River, which Zai County borders, the merchants’ ships fly the Lord State Uncle’s banner and pass through unhindered. And the silver they pay in tribute to Zhu Xiangchang is merely half of the national tax.”
Emperor Ming Cheng’s mind, which had been drifting away with thoughts of the beauty, snapped back to attention.
“Is this true? How does the Empress Dowager know of this?” Emperor Ming Cheng was shocked that Wan Bi, a woman of the deep palace, could know of this matter in such detail while he, who was busy with state affairs day and night, knew nothing. “We would advise the Empress Dowager not to fabricate baseless charges2 against the Zhu family out of some private grudge with the Empress.”
“The witnesses and the evidence are on their way. Your Majesty will be able to see them tomorrow. As for how this bereaved one found out…” Wan Bi pursed her lips into a smile. “Because this bereaved one is the State Uncle’s biggest client.”
Emperor Ming Cheng was stunned into silence.
Wan Bi continued, “Your Majesty has heard of the Wanfu Silk Manor, correct?”
Emperor Ming Cheng nodded. “The largest silk manor in Jiangnan. It has worked with the Jiangnan Weaving Bureau for many years.”
“It belongs to this bereaved one,” Wan Bi said, returning to the matter of Zhu Xiangchang. “It has always been that officials and merchants collude, and officials shield one another. A pity there is no place that silver cannot reach. If the ministers wish to be corrupt officials, then this bereaved one will send them silver. Whether they are capital officials or local officials, few of them are clean. This bereaved one has their bad accounts in hand—which year, which month, how much tribute was paid—every single transaction is recorded with perfect clarity.”
“Then how long has the Empress Dowager known about the State Uncle’s tax evasion?” Emperor Ming Cheng wanted to calculate roughly how much silver the Zhu family had siphoned from Daxing.
“A little over a year, I suppose,” Wan Bi said with a smile.
“The Empress Dowager lay low for over a year just to gather evidence of the State Uncle’s crimes?” Emperor Ming Cheng hadn’t expected Wan Bi to possess such patience.
Well… the evidence was gathered long ago. The only reason I kept it secret for so long was because using Zhu Xiangchang’s route for Wanfu Silk Manor’s goods was a good deal! The silver that goes into the National Treasury doesn’t go into my private one. The only reason she was bringing this up now was purely because the Empress was being too insolent.
Of course, Wan Bi wasn’t foolish enough to say that out loud. She simply said, “Zhu Xiangchang is Your Majesty’s father-in-law, and a senior minister of the state. Naturally, this bereaved one had to be cautious. I would not dare to tell Your Majesty without ironclad evidence like a mountain.”
“Father-in-law? Heh. When the Son of Heaven breaks the law, he is judged the same as a commoner…” Emperor Ming Cheng felt a little guilty after saying this. Wan Bi had broken plenty of laws, and he had never punished her for any of them. “In any case, if the witnesses and evidence are all present tomorrow, We will certainly deal with Zhu Xiangchang.”
That won’t do. Right now, Zhu Xiangchang was a goose that laid golden eggs for Wan Bi.
“If this matter is investigated further, a great many high-ranking officials in the court will be implicated. Can Your Majesty truly punish them all? In this bereaved one’s opinion, it is enough that Your Majesty is aware of this matter. Let this bereaved one step forward and use this to compel the State Uncle to make up for the deficit in the National Treasury. Isn’t Your Majesty troubled over the silver needed to build the river embankments?” Wan Bi once again revealed a motherly smile.
“Just how many illegal things have you done behind Our back?” Emperor Ming Cheng laughed as well. He truly had to hand it to Wan Bi. This was practically black eats black!
“Then this bereaved one will be frank with Your Majesty.” Wan Bi said with a hint of pride, “In the future, if any minister becomes disobedient, or if the National Treasury is short on silver again, just come find this bereaved one. For any of those ministers, raiding just one of their homes would be enough to handle any natural disaster or man-made calamity.”
“Is there not a single clean one?” Emperor Ming Cheng also knew that all men loved wealth, but a gentleman loves wealth and obtains it by proper means.3 Men like Zhu Xiangchang were, after all, scholars who had studied the books of sages for years. How could they engage in such villainous conduct?
“Not many. But there are some.” Wan Bi recalled, “Does Your Majesty remember the Left Censor-in-Chief, Yao Hezheng? The one you exiled to the Southern Frontier? Back when the Late Emperor was still alive, this bereaved one tested him with silver several times. He is a rare, clean one.” Wan Bi felt a twinge of regret. It was a shame that such a rare, upright official had been punished.
Emperor Ming Cheng also sighed. “Of course We remember. The case of Meng Guangshen, the son of the Eastern Depot’s Meng Delai, embezzling army funds was exposed by Yao Hezheng. When the Yao family fell, We suspected he had been framed, but We had no evidence to prove Yao Hezheng’s innocence and could only exile the Yao family to the Southern Frontier.”
Wan Bi fell silent as well.
“Only the Empress Dowager can resolve Our worries!” Emperor Ming Cheng gratefully took Wan Bi’s hand.
Wan Bi pulled her hand back in disgust and said jokingly, “Then Your Majesty should call this bereaved one ‘Mother Empress’ and let me hear it.”
“Madwoman,” Emperor Ming Cheng cursed with a laugh and stood up. “Fine. We are returning.”
Zhu Xiangchang rushed to the Zai County Yamen overnight. The lamps at the yamen entrance were still lit. The front of this yamen was the public court, and the back was the residence of the Zai County Magistrate. Without waiting for anyone to help him, Zhu Xiangchang jumped down from his carriage and hurried inside.
The yamen runners at the entrance had seen the Lord State Uncle before. One of them quickly opened the gate, while the other rushed inside to inform the County Magistrate.
Zhu Xiangchang entered the courtyard and saw a large chest filled with gold and silver bars, silver notes, and various jewels and artifacts. The County Magistrate was standing to the side, directing, “Pack it up! Pack it all up!” When he saw Zhu Xiangchang arrive, the magistrate came over to greet him with a pained expression. “Lord State Uncle, something terrible has happened. I don’t know how, but Her Highness the Empress Dowager found out about the dock.”
“The Empress Dowager’s people have already been here?” Zhu Xiangchang heard his heart give a loud thump.
“Our men who were receiving the ships at the dock have been taken away, along with two of the merchants,” the magistrate replied, all the while ordering the yamen runners, “Hurry up! Stop asking questions, just pack it all up! Pack it all up!”
Zhu Xiangchang’s heart shattered completely. It seemed he really would have to lose money to avoid disaster.4 But it was a full three million taels! He could afford it, but it felt like having a huge chunk of his flesh carved off.
“What are you doing? Fleeing overnight with all your property?” Zhu Xiangchang felt the magistrate was being far too audacious. The entire world belonged to the Emperor; where could he possibly flee?
The magistrate’s fat face was a mask of misery. “Even if you lent this humble official a hundred more guts, I wouldn’t dare to flee! Her Highness the Empress Dowager has ordered this humble official to deliver two hundred thousand taels of silver to the palace gates by tomorrow, or else she will tell the Emperor about this matter.”
“She blackmailed you too?” Zhu Xiangchang truly didn’t understand what Wan Bi wanted with so much silver. What could she possibly lack in the palace? Was she planning to be buried with all that gold and silver?
“From the Lord State Uncle’s tone…” the magistrate asked sympathetically, “did Her Highness the Empress Dowager also ask you for two hundred thousand taels?”
Two hundred thousand taels? If it were only two hundred thousand taels, he, Zhu Xiangchang, wouldn’t be so reluctant. “Three hund…” Zhu Xiangchang was filled with rage.
“The Lord State Uncle is the Lord State Uncle, after all. Her Highness the Empress Dowager is your in-law, so she only asked for three hundred taels as a token gesture. Pity this humble official; my entire family fortune doesn’t even add up to two hundred thousand taels!”
Zhu Xiangchang glared at the magistrate and said, feeling as if he had nothing left to live for,5 “Three hundred taels? In your dreams. The Empress Dowager demanded three million taels from me.”
Footnotes
- A historical term for an office set up along canals or rivers to collect taxes on commercial goods.
- Original term: “moxuyou”. Lit. “perhaps there is.” A famous phrase from the Song dynasty, used by a treacherous official to justify the execution of a loyal general. It has since come to mean baseless or fabricated charges.
- A famous saying from the Analects of Confucius, emphasizing that wealth should only be acquired through ethical means.
- A common Chinese idiom meaning “to lose money to avoid a disaster,” suggesting that a financial loss is an acceptable price to pay for safety.
- A modern Chinese internet slang term meaning to be so dejected or hopeless that one has no will to live.
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