Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 15
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager is Terrifying
While delivering a register to the Directorate of Ceremonial, Liufu ran into Yao Xi, who was just heading back to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens after speaking with Zheng Dayun.
After the incident a year ago, he had never spoken to Yao Xi again. That kid Yao Xi was clever enough to have never sought him out, either. The two people who had mutually altered each other’s fates each harbored their own thoughts, never breathing a word about what had happened a year prior.
Liufu was well aware that Yao Xi was a small pawn in Eunuch Meng’s plan to topple Eunuch Tang. The more distance he put between himself and Yao Xi, the better. After his promotion into the Directorate of Palace Attendants, Liufu had secretly cleaned up all the clues and traces of his involvement in getting Yao Xi into the palace.
It was only after he began working for Eunuch Meng that he understood how careless he had been a year ago. The whole affair had been handled in a hasty, sloppy manner, riddled with holes. Liufu even often wondered if the ever-cautious Eunuch Meng hadn’t gotten rid of himβkilling the donkey after it’s done grinding1βfor the same reason he was keeping Yao Xi around.
Fortunately, Pockmarked Granny Liu had already been silenced, and Liufu had even eliminated the prostitute in Xiyuan who knew he had been looking for someone. The Sun couple’s whereabouts were unknown; he heard they had fled overnight with their silver and belongings to escape gambling debts and probably wouldn’t be coming back.
The only thing that worried Liufu was Yao Xi. His mistake back then was personally showing up to instruct Yao Xi. If he had just arranged for someone else to do it and then silenced them afterward, he wouldn’t have this worry today.
The two were a bit awkward.
Yao Xi recognized Liufu as well and obediently stepped aside to let Liufu and the people behind him pass.
Liufu swept a glance over Yao Xi with his peripheral vision and continued forward without pausing. He was plotting in his mind: how exactly could he protect himself when Eunuch Meng finally closed his net?
The moment Yao Xi returned to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, she was summoned by the manager.
“What time do you call this?” the manager said, his face cold. “The other day, you were on duty in the Empress Dowager’s palace, so it was fine to neglect your duties here. But you’ve been sent back from Ning’an Palace, yet you disappear for half the day. Do you think you entered the palace to be a master? You can just vanish whenever you please?”
Yao Xi meekly endured the scolding. She wasn’t sure if the manager was genuinely angry because she had left without notice, or if he was deliberately making things difficult for her on someone’s orders. She had been on night duty at the Cold Palace last night; by rights, she should have been allowed to rest for half the day.
“Don’t forget your place just because you have Eunuch Zheng backing you. Hurry up and get to the alley entrance behind the bureau to help move the goods.” The manager used to quite like this kid, Yao Xi. He was clever and a sweet-talker. But things were different now. Liao Bing’s leg had been broken because of Yao Xi. If he wanted to get by in the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, he had to give Yao Xi a hard time to help Eunuch Liao vent his anger.
He only dared to give her a hard time, not to go too far. Eunuch Zheng was a ruthless character, too.
Yao Xi had barely left the manager’s room and hadn’t even reached the alley when she ran into more trouble. At a corner, a leg suddenly stuck out and tripped her. When she scrambled up, she saw that the ones blocking her path were several eunuchs who were usually buddy-buddy with Liao Bing.
“Isn’t this Eunuch Yao? Oh my! Look at me, haven’t I caused a huge disaster?” the eunuch who had tripped her said in a bizarre tone. “This leg of mine tripped our Eunuch Yao. I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep it!”
Yao Xi didn’t want to cause trouble and planned to walk around the group. But she had only taken two steps when another foot shot out from somewhere and tripped her again. Luckily, she caught herself on the wall, or she would have fallen again.
“Move!” Yao Xi stood up straight, her face cold. She wasn’t one to stir up trouble, but since they were bullying her to her face, she wouldn’t be a coward and let them walk all over her.
“Ooh! Angry, are we? Go on, run to the Directorate of Ceremonial and tattle!” the first eunuch who tripped her said with a loud laugh. “No matter how formidable Eunuch Zheng is, he can’t break the legs of everyone in the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, can he?”
The other eunuchs beside him started laughing as well.
That eunuch continued, “What do you think you are? If Eunuch Zheng really cared about you, he wouldn’t have left you in the Bureau of Imperial Gardens.” As he spoke, he reached out provocatively and patted Yao Xi’s face. Yao Xi’s skin was delicate, and a red mark quickly appeared. It was hard to tell if it was from the slap or from anger.
Yao Xi had always firmly believed that if someone slaps you, you must hit them back even harder. Even if you’re outmatched and can’t win the fight, you can’t lose in terms of spirit. Bullying easily awakens the evil in human nature; it’s addictive and contagious. Today, this eunuch had only patted her face lightly, but if she acted like a coward and endured it, more people would bully her with increasing intensity in the future.
This was why Yao Xi refused to suffer in silence when her things were stolen, and it was why she now picked up the wooden crate used for packing goods in the corner.
“What? You want to throw a crate at me?” The provocative eunuch pointed at his own forehead with a thuggish air. “Come on! If you’ve got the guts, throw it right here! You little sissyβ¦ Ahβ” The eunuch was still shouting when he suddenly clutched his head and collapsed.
The crate was quite heavy. Yao Xi had to use all her strength just to lift it over her head. Expressionless, she smashed it down on the instigating eunuch. The crates thrown in the corner were all discarded, rotten ones. The wood was bad and very brittle. Though it made a loud noise and the large crate shattered into a pile of wood chips, it couldn’t really hurt anyone.
“You⦔ The instigating eunuch was clearly stunned, sitting on the ground and staring up at Yao Xi in disbelief. He hadn’t expected Yao Xi to actually dare to make a move. He hadn’t intended to seriously hurt Yao Xi either; he just wanted to humiliate the kid to get on the good side of Liao Bing and Eunuch Liao.
“So what if your grandpa here is relying on Eunuch Zheng’s favor? Forget throwing a crate at you, this master wouldn’t even blink while stabbing you with a knife. You dare? Do you?” Yao Xi crouched down and slapped the instigator’s head again and again. “If you dare touch a single hair on this master’s head, you can prepare to spend the rest of your life in the Punishment Room of the Directorate of Ceremonial!”
Yao Xi already had a bellyful of pent-up anger. Last night, she had been tormented half to death by that master in Ning’an Palace. She had finally made it back to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, only to have everyone here tripping over themselves to stomp on her just to please the Liao uncle and nephew. She wasn’t a doormat, so how could she possibly let them walk all over her?
“Scram, don’t block this master’s way.” Yao Xi stood up, shoved the other eunuchs aside, and headed for the alley entrance.
These people were all the type to bully the weak and fear the strong. Liao Bing’s leg had been broken by Zheng Dayun, but who would dare cause a scene at the Directorate of Ceremonial? They just saw her as an easy target and took out all the grievances they couldn’t settle with Zheng Dayun on her.
When she reached the alley entrance, none of her busy colleagues gave her a second glance. But moving the crates required two people. Yao Xi didn’t dare give anyone an excuse to say she was slacking off. These were extraordinary times; if she was caught giving them a reason, they would surely torment her to death.
Yao Xi seized an opportunity. Seeing someone grab one end of a crate, she quickly ran over and grabbed the other.
The person looked up and saw that his partner was Yao Xi. He curled his lip in displeasure but still lifted the crate. However, after just two steps, the person let go. The heavy crate smashed down on Yao Xi’s instepβ¦
“Are you alright? I didn’t do it on purpose. I’ve been working all day, my palms are sweaty. My hand just slipped.” The person explained in a fluster.
Slipped my ass! Yao Xi had clearly seen him let go. If you’re going to feign innocence, could you at least act a little better?
The pain was so intense that Yao Xi sat on the crate for a long time, unable to speak. Her instep burned with a fiery pain. She felt her sock was a little dampβit must be bleeding!
This life was becoming impossible. She had become the public enemy of the Bureau of Imperial Gardens. People tripped her when she walked, and they used dirty tricks when she tried to move things. And this was only the first day after Liao Bing’s leg was broken.
Yao Xi knew that things like this would only happen more and more. For now, these people were still holding back because of Zheng Dayun. If Zheng Dayun were to abandon her, the consequences would be unthinkable.
She didn’t even know if Zheng Dayun had helped her or harmed her. But he was the only one she could rely on. She could only hope that the matter of her transfer to Beauty Xu’s side would be settled soon, so she could leave this hellhole of a Bureau of Imperial Gardens as soon as possible.
“Stop getting in the way here. Are the crates with the masters’ fruits and vegetables for you to sit on?” A junior manager walked over and kicked Yao Xi. “Scram!”
It was already evening when Wan Bi woke up.
“Your Majesty, shall I have the meal served?” Yuanqian had only taken a short nap during the day and was still terribly sleepy. It was because Her Majesty valued her that she was the only one allowed to attend to her personally. So, if the master didn’t sleep, she couldn’t sleep, and she had to be up before the master awoke.
Wan Bi yawned lazily. “After the Empress stirred up such a fuss, how could this bereaved one possibly stomach anything from the Directorate of Imperial Cuisine? Go tell the small kitchen to make something exquisite and tasty.”
Yuanqian quickly instructed a palace maid to go.
“What did the imperial physician say?” Wan Bi couldn’t stop yawning as she was helped into a change of clothes.
Yuanqian paused, thinking for a good while before she understood what the Empress Dowager was asking. “When the imperial physician went, Yao Xi wasn’t at the Bureau of Imperial Gardens. I heard he went to talk with his sweetheart.”
“Sweetheart?” An image of that little castrated donkey’s effeminate appearance involuntarily surfaced in Wan Bi’s mind. “Which blind palace maid actually got with him.”
That little castrated donkey was just a minor eunuch in the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, with neither money nor power. Although he had a cute and well-behaved appearance, he was extremely timid and lacked any trace of masculinity. The palace maids who could enter the palace all had some looks, and most of them harbored hopes of being favored by the Emperor by chance. To become a duishi with a eunuch was to sever any path to becoming a minor master.2
Even if one were to find a duishi, they should at least find a capable eunuch who could serve as a backer.
Wan Bi couldn’t help but wonder, what on earth was that palace maid thinking, getting together with Yao Xi?
“There’s no need to send the imperial physician. Just reward that slave with some medicine to calm his nerves and spirit.” After giving the order, Wan Bi put the matter of Yao Xi aside. Last night, the Emperor had poured out a lot of his troubles to her, mostly about money. With the arrival of spring, the rains had increased, and many river embankments needed reinforcement. Time was of the essence; if they waited until the rainy season arrived to start work, it would be too late. Local officials were constantly submitting memorials3 to the Emperor, asking for silver.
The Emperor also understood that if the National Treasury allocated two million taels to the localities, it would be a good outcome if even half of that was actually spent on reinforcing the embankments. But this silver had to be given; lives were at stake! The officials’ excuses for needing silver were also varied and creative. The Emperor had rejected some, but for others, only silver could shut their clamoring mouths.
If it weren’t for the Empress, Wan Bi wouldn’t have even known that the National Treasury was running a deficit. She had never been one to worry about the country and its people; if there were great matters of the state to worry about, it should be Emperor Ming Cheng’s concern.
Wan Bi decided to intervene, not out of concern for the common people, nor out of pity for Emperor Ming Cheng, but purely to retaliate against the Empress for cutting Ning’an Palace’s expenses. She wasn’t short on that little monthly stipend; the private treasury left by the Late Emperor was more than enough for her. Wan Bi just wanted to teach the Empress a lesson about who in this palace she could afford to provoke, and who she could not.
The Empress thought she was the mistress of the rear palaces, second only to one and above ten thousand? What a joke. The one who was second only to one and above ten thousand was the Emperor.
“Yuanqian. Take this bereaved one’s token and make a trip to the State Uncle’s Residence.”4 Wan Bi beckoned for Yuanqian to come closer and quietly instructed her on what to do.
Empress Zhu’s father was Zhu Xiangchang, the Minister of Works. Don’t be fooled by the Ministry of Revenue’s control over money, taxes, and salaries; among the Six Ministries,5 the one that raked in the most money was still the Ministry of Works. For any minor project, they could ask the National Treasury for a huge sum of silver, and only the ghosts knew how much was actually spent. Zhu Xiangchang was also the greedy type who wasn’t afraid of getting fat. He used his title as Lord State Uncle to send people from his residence to the provinces to conduct business.
The Emperor’s father-in-law, a Senior Second Rank Minister, a Grand Secretary of the Cabinet. Which official or merchant would dare not give him face?
Over the years, the Zhu family had raked in an uncountable amount of silver, both openly and secretly. It was about time for Lord State Uncle to spit some of it back out.
Footnotes
- Lit. to kill the donkey after itβs done grinding. An idiom for discarding a subordinate or ally once they have outlived their usefulness.
- βDuishiβ (ε―Ήι£), literally βpaired eating,β was a term for a pseudo-marriage or romantic partnership between a eunuch and a palace maid in the imperial court | LP: Keeping it in Hanyu Pinying from now on as its awkward to read in English.
- Memorials (ζε, zhΓ©zi) were official reports or petitions, folded in a concertina style, submitted by officials to the emperor.
- βState Uncleβ (ε½δΈ, guΓ³zhΓ ng) was the official title for the father of the reigning empress.
- The Six Ministries were the main administrative departments of the central government in imperial China, typically including Ministries of Personnel, Revenue, Rites, War, Justice, and Works.
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