Peerless Beauty – Chapter 86

It’s only you now

Will you also leave me?

Having rushed from the disaster area, covered in dust, to City Hospital One, the first thing Jian Qing did upon entering the neurosurgery ICU was not to rush to her mother’s bedside, but to cautiously put on isolation clothing in the isolation area.

            

Wei Mingming and colleagues from the department rushed over, looking at Jian Qing with concern.

In such a scene, perhaps one should wail loudly, tears flowing incessantly.

However, Jian Qing’s eyes could not muster a single tear. After putting on the mask, most of her face was covered, revealing only a pair of eyes, calm to the point of not seeming like she was there to see a dying family member, but rather to check on patients during rounds.

            

Doctors and nurses in the ICU are accustomed to various kinds of partings in life and death; they have seen such cold indifference before. Yet, she had rushed back from out of town, covered in dust, originally thought to have deep emotions, but instead displayed such coldness, which was truly contradictory.

Having put on the isolation clothes, Jian Qing followed the nurse, quickly walking to Ruan Sheng’s bedside, looking at her thin and weak mother on the sickbed.

The mother and daughter faced each other.

            

Ruan Sheng could somewhat not clearly remember Jian Qing’s face, but upon seeing that pair of eyes, she knew her daughter had returned.

She wanted to extend her hand to touch her daughter’s face, but her limbs no longer obeyed her commands.

It was as if Jian Qing saw through her thoughts; she stepped closer, bent down, took off her mask, held her mother’s icy cold palm, pressed it against her own face, hesitated for a few seconds, and called out: “Ma.”

            

How many years had it been since she heard this title?

Ruan Sheng looked at Jian Qing, her gaze complex, lips moving, unable to produce any sound.

Jian Qing could not express what she felt inside, seemingly unable to feel grief, only emptiness.

            

That year, she encountered Ruan Sheng on the street, followed her for a while, only then daring to confirm that the ragged woman in front of her was indeed her own mother.

She exerted great efforts to send her mother to a mental hospital for treatment.

While studying in a foreign country, she worked several jobs alone, barely supporting her mother’s treatment fees and her own living expenses.

            

After her younger sister left, she lived in guilt all day, like a walking corpse barely surviving in this world. If it weren’t for thinking of the sick Ruan Sheng, perhaps the sensitive and fragile young her would have already leapt from a tall building.

Now, Ruan Sheng was also about to leave, and in this world, she would be the only one left.

Jian Qing met Ruan Sheng’s complex gaze, and after a moment, her eyes swept over the tubes on Ruan Sheng’s body. She was silent for a while, then said, “I will take good care of myself, rest assured.”

            

Rest assured and leave, do not suffer this kind of torment.

The monitor continuously alarmed, and various values gradually tended toward zero. After hearing this sentence, Ruan Sheng gave Jian Qing a deep look, then closed her eyes.

Jian Qing buried her head in Ruan Sheng’s thin shoulder, her arms around Ruan Sheng’s neck, and again softly called out, “Ma…”

            

She suddenly remembered a time when she was very small, and the three of them walked down the road as a family.

There was a very big puddle on the road. Ruan Sheng picked up Ruan Xi, and as she prepared to cross the puddle, she turned her head to glance at her, then squatted down, letting her hug her neck and lie on her back.

The mother and daughters, just like that, one holding, one carrying, crossed over that puddle.

            

The doctors and nurses at the bedside quietly looked at them.

Jian Qing’s eyes still had no tears. She lay on her mother’s body for a while, feeling the last faint carotid pulse disappear, then she got up and looked at the monitor.

Blood pressure, heartbeat, breathing, and blood oxygen were all at 0.

            

The doctor came over, lifted Ruan Sheng’s eyelid, the pupils were dilated, and upon auscultation, the heart and breath sounds had disappeared.

Jian Qing signed the informed consent form to abandon resuscitation.

In these years, besides Ruan Sheng’s poor mental state, her physical condition also worsened with each passing year, and as she aged, she developed a host of chronic illnesses.

            

The doctor announced the clinical time of death and handed over a pile of medical documents for her to sign.

Intracranial artery aneurysm rupture​¹ and subarachnoid hemorrhage​², Hunt-Hess Grade V​³, deep coma, postoperative second rupture​⁴, high blood pressure, arterial atherosclerosis​⁵…

Jian Qing glanced over the medical records filled with numerous medical terms, imagining the pain her mother felt before death.

            

She recalled the last time she met with Fu Yuan, when Fu Yuan mentioned that her mother’s mental state had improved.

At that time, should she have taken her out first?

Taking her out and nurturing her at home for a period of time, perhaps this accident wouldn’t have happened, and there would be no need for her mother to feel this pain.

            

Or, by not choosing surgery and opting for conservative treatment, could she have lived longer?

These speculations are already meaningless; death renders everything empty.

Ruan Sheng’s body was temporarily kept in the hospital’s morgue. Jian Qing went to the funeral clothing shop to customize funeral clothes, contacted the funeral home, and arranged for a cemetery, handling the funeral affairs.

            

She did not plan to hold any kind of funeral.

The people on Ruan’s family side despised Ruan Sheng’s madness back then and were unwilling to recognize her.

On Jian’s family side, Jian Zheng had divorced her for many years, and was no longer willing to take care of her.

            

Fu Yuan sorted out the belongings Ruan Sheng left at Third Hospital and drove them to Jian Qing’s home.

Jian Qing looked at the box, took some tape, initially wanting to seal it up directly and send it to the house in the university town to lock it up, when she suddenly remembered the words Lu Yinxi had said to her.

She opened the box and turned over each item one by one.

            

Clothes, shoes, scarves, gloves—outfits for all four seasons, spring, summer, autumn, and winter—were all personally prepared by her.

When Ruan Sheng was young, she was extremely beautiful, had taste, and loved to dress up. When she attended elementary school, Ruan Sheng would go to the parent-teacher meetings, and others would all think she was her sister.

Every time they went to the mall, she carefully selected items, hoping to choose clothes and accessories that fit her mother’s taste.

            

Ruan Sheng became thinner year by year, and the size of her clothes grew smaller and smaller.

Handmade bead flowers, woven Chinese knots, clay teacup cats, and embroidery—these were personally made by Ruan Sheng while in the hospital.

In earlier years, Ruan Sheng was a pampered young lady whose ten fingers never touched spring water. After her divorce while pregnant, she slowly learned to be diligent and thrifty in managing the household. After giving birth, she also learned to sew and mend, and to weave some simple handmade toys to amuse her child.

            

Jian Qing turned to the last item and saw the simple line drawings that Fu Yuan had specially organized and placed in a file bag.

There were more than thirty sheets of drawing paper, some featuring small animals, some little girls, and others birthday congratulation pictures.

Originally, each year’s birthday drawing had only one cake, one adult, and one little girl with braids.

            

At an unknown time, a taller girl with loose hair began to appear in these drawings.

A family of two people became a family of three.

On each sheet of paper, there also appeared a sentence: “Mom loves you all, Mom wants to go home and be with you all.”

            

Behind this was a big heart.

Jian Qing sat on the ground, looking at those drawings one by one, her fingertips gently stroking the lines.

For a long time, she bent her knees, holding the drawings tightly in her embrace, with her head buried on her knees, silently shedding tears.

            

As Jian Qing had expected, the number of people at the gymnasium settlement point increased more and more. Due to the pressure of epidemic prevention, the government established settlement points in every town, beginning to disperse and transfer the disaster-affected people back to their hometowns.

Truckload after truckload of people were continuously sent away, and there was no longer a need for so many volunteers here.

In early June, Lu Yinxi returned to Jiangzhou City.

            

Jian Qing had already settled her mother’s funeral affairs.

When people reach a certain age, they begin to continuously experience farewells. After her mother passed away, her heart felt a large emptiness.

She used work to fill it, and after resting for three days, she returned to the hospital, using time and busyness to heal those wounds.

            

Birth, old age, sickness, death, joys, and sorrows constantly occur inside the hospital.

Jian Qing had passed the age of being sensitive, fragile, and self-pitying. She would not become hysterical and knew that a person must move forward and look ahead.

She only cried briefly that one time, and afterward, as if nothing had happened, she calmly and composedly returned to her post, devoting herself to work.

            

She did not complain or confide, but Lu Yinxi would contact her every day by phone. Sometimes, neither of them spoke; they just did their own things without hanging up the phone, always wearing Bluetooth headsets.

With Lu Yinxi’s companionship, Jian Qing’s life gradually returned to the right track.

After the first three batches of medical teams returned to the hospital, the hospital issued a questionnaire survey to assess their psychological condition and prevent post-disaster stress reactions.

            

After observing Jian Qing for a period of time upon her return to work, Hu Jianjun had the medical department organize a hospital-wide academic lecture on psychological health.

According to Jiangzhou City’s health administrative department regulations, the hospital must organize 1 to 2 training activities on medical staff psychological health every year and fill out questionnaires to survey the psychological health condition of frontline workers. If any problems are found, psychological counseling must be arranged immediately.

Although sometimes it would become a perfunctory face-saving project for superior department inspections, the hospital’s employees, eager to earn hospital credits, were also willing to attend the lectures.

            

Jian Qing silently calculated her own credits, realizing she still hadn’t gathered enough this year, so after work, she went to the academic hall in the administrative building to attend the lecture.

In the evening, Lu Yinxi returned to Jian Qing’s home, dragging her luggage.

She did not tell Jian Qing, planning to secretly give her a surprise, and even hid the shoes at the doorway.

            

The arrangement inside the home hadn’t changed much; it was still clean and tidy, except for a few more handicrafts that had appeared.

Lu Yinxi looked at the handwoven coaster on the tea table, guessing these were relics left by Ruan Sheng.

Jian Qing was not yet off work; Lu Yinxi guessed she might be working overtime, so she stood by the window, gazing at the white building across the road, silently missing her.

            

These days, Jian Qing’s mood had always been very calm.

She seemed calm and mature enough, not needing herself to do anything, able to perfectly handle everything alone, gracefully tidying up her emotions, not relying on anyone…

Lu Yinxi thought for a moment, realizing that she herself didn’t have much worth relying on

            

—physically and psychologically younger than her, still a student without a fixed job in this world, indecisive and ambiguous about feelings, unable to firmly promise a future, fundamentally unable to bring any sense of security to anyone…

The more she thought, the more inferior she felt. Lu Yinxi pressed her forehead against the glass window, reaching out to scratch the window glass, feeling deeply self-disgusted, not knowing what Jian Qing saw in her.

Perhaps she benefited from resembling her sister…

            

Feeling sour with inferiority for a while, Lu Yinxi’s stomach grew hungry. She tidied up her emotions and went to the kitchen to make dinner.

After finishing dinner alone and with Jian Qing not yet home, Lu Yinxi kept the dishes warm.

Weary from traveling all day, she took a bath and then watched a movie on the sofa, waiting for Jian Qing to come home from work. As she watched, she fell asleep.

            

The academic lecture ended at 8:30 in the evening. After leaving the hospital, Jian Qing went to the supermarket to buy some fruits and carried them home.

Due to her childhood experiences, she was very suspicious. When living alone, she would place a standing toothpick in an inconspicuous spot on the door hinge when going out. If the door was opened, the toothpick would fall.

There was also a carpet at the doorway, with blue carbon paper and white paper placed underneath. If someone stepped on it, it would leave footprints.

            

Jian Qing returned to her doorway and saw the fallen toothpick. She turned over the carpet and also saw a footprint.

A female’s footprint.

She had a general guess in her heart, but she still opened her phone’s surveillance, retrieved the home video, and only after seeing the person lying on the sofa did she open the door and enter.

            

She tiptoed in, not willing to wake Lu Yinxi.

Lu Yinxi, having been in the disaster area, hadn’t had a good sleep for many days. Returning to a familiar place, she slept very deeply.

Jian Qing sat beside her, bending her slender fingers, and gently scraped her face with the back of her finger, quietly watching her.

            

She wore a white robe, lying on her side, her exposed neck white and slender, as if one pinch would break.

Jian Qing liked her when she was asleep, her unconscious and fragile appearance seemed as if she could be freely manipulated.

With a mischievous destructive desire, Jian Qing reached out her hand, gently placing it on her neck.

            

Her fingertips touched the beating carotid artery, feeling the warm blood flowing through her veins.

A vivid and strong life.

Jian Qing did not intend to harm the sleeping person; she just leaned down, gently kissed her cheek, and quietly asked, “I only have you, are you still thinking of leaving me?”

            

She had always been waiting for her to willingly stay, sincerely remaining by her side, and she had waited a long time, her patience nearly exhausted.

If she still wanted to escape now, she would resort to any means necessary to keep her confined by her side.

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The author has something to say:

            

The charm of the older, yandere lies in their outward appearance of being rational, calm, restrained, perfectly strong, with paranoia and flaws deeply buried in their heart. Clingy, soft, and able to act spoiled and obedient, they are suitable for a younger partner~

Serious note: For ruptured intracranial aneurysm at Hunt-Hess Grade V, the previous mainstream view was not to operate and to adopt conservative treatment. In recent years, some literature indicates that immediate surgery has a probability of recovery, while conservative treatment may delay the chance. In short, it depends on the individual situation, probability, and the doctor’s skill~~~

Reference materials for Chapters 78 to 86:

            

[1] Documentary 《Direct Coverage of the Wenchuan Earthquake》;

[2] Documentary 《The Survivors》;

[3] Documentary 《Ten Days in the Disaster Zone》;

            

[1] and [3] are relatively tragic, with more touching deeds and rescue scenes. [2] 《The Survivors》 is more about everyday life, very realistically showing the lives of ordinary people after the disaster, without sentimentality or embellishment, and rarely tears, just a very plain and real record of their daily lives.

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