Peerless Beauty – Chapter 118
by Little PandaThe Ending
Have you remembered something?
The bedroom in Lu Yinxi’s place was not spacious, only about 10 square meters. The bed was against the wall on the inner side, next to the window.
Jian Qing was afraid of the dark, so Lu Yinxi didn’t draw the curtains, allowing the moonlight to pour in from outside.
She had also bought string lights in advance, hanging them on the headboard and walls, bathing the room in a warm yellow glow, creating a cozy and romantic atmosphere.
“Can I sleep while holding you tonight?”
Before Jian Qing could answer, Lu Yinxi had already blushed, hooking her arms around Jian Qing’s neck and pressing her body against her.
Being so close, their breaths intertwined. Jian Qing’s pitch-black eyes stared at her, remaining silent.
Lu Yinxi smiled slightly, about to embrace her, when Jian Qing suddenly reached out and pulled her into her arms.
The cool palm resting on her waist startled Lu Yinxi, nearly biting her own tongue. She tried to struggle out of Jian Qing’s embrace, “We agreed that I would hold you…”
Not her being held by Jian Qing.
Jian Qing ignored her, hugging her tightly, pressing her head against her shoulder, then soothingly stroked her hair.
“You bad person…”
Lu Yinxi grumbled, no longer struggling, quietly nestling in Jian Qing’s arms, chattering about this and that.
Jian Qing tried to focus and listen attentively, but with the soft body pressed against her and the fresh scent of the person in her arms, her heartbeat and breathing became irregular.
Unconsciously, she placed her hand on the slender waist, gently caressing it, then suddenly slipped under the nightgown.
Her palm touched warm skin, soft and delicate, like melting mutton-fat jade.
Lu Yinxi bit her lower lip, holding Jian Qing’s hand: “What are you doing? You’re being naughty again…”
Jian Qing didn’t speak, just gently nuzzled her shoulder with her chin.
Lu Yinxi’s eyelashes fluttered, whispering in Jian Qing’s ear: “It’s the New Year holiday, it’s not appropriate… Besides, my mom is next door, and this is an old house with poor soundproofing…”
Jian Qing frowned, confused: “Soundproofing?”
What does soundproofing have to do with anything?
She just wanted to feel that patch of skin.
Hearing her genuinely questioning tone, Lu Yinxi couldn’t tell if this scoundrel truly had no such thoughts, was just teasing her, or if she had completely forgotten about such things.
Such things… couldn’t be forgotten, right?
This is an animal’s instinctive behavior, and humans are animals too, higher animals…
Before she could figure it out, Lu Yinxi, still holding Jian Qing’s hand, felt around her wrist and touched something hard—
She was still wearing her watch.
“You forgot to take off your watch,” Lu Yinxi reminded her.
When they shared a bed, they both habitually removed their watches.
Jian Qing made a sound of acknowledgment, trying to pull her hand back nonchalantly.
Lu Yinxi held onto her wrist, saying softly: “Let me help you take it off.”
She wanted to be more intimate with her.
“It’s fine, I’ll do it myself,” Jian Qing’s voice was even softer, but her motion to withdraw her hand was unequivocal.
Lu Yinxi paused for a second, keenly sensing something amiss. The smile faded from her lips as she caught Jian Qing’s hand again.
Jian Qing tried to pull away, but Lu Yinxi wouldn’t let go, insisting on helping her remove it.
Jian Qing shook her arm, struggling a couple of times.
Lu Yinxi rolled over, straddling her waist. She glanced at her, quickly leaned down to kiss her lips, then took advantage of her momentary daze to lift her arm, undo the watch strap, and remove her watch.
With the strap undone, a stretch of snow-white wrist was revealed.
On the wrist were multiple scars of varying depths.
The old scars were like sharp blades, cutting across Lu Yinxi’s heart, leaving new wounds.
Lu Yinxi stared intently at those scars in the moonlight from outside, remaining silent, trying to determine roughly when the scars had formed.
“From over a month ago,” Jian Qing volunteered, attempting to withdraw her hand.
Lu Yinxi made a sound of acknowledgment, lowering her eyelashes without saying anything. She held onto Jian Qing’s hand, placing a kiss on her palm.
The gentle kisses trailed up her arm – palm, wrist, scars, arm, shoulder – then she released her hand, leaned down to kiss the corner of her mouth, looking into her eyes with a gaze that seemed to hook onto her.
She seemed a bit dazed and reached out to hook her arms around Lu Yinxi’s neck.
Lu Yinxi lowered her head, nuzzling her nose against hers like a small animal, then lightly kissed her chin, moved away, and continued to stare at her.
Being looked at like this, she suddenly felt a bit thirsty. She tilted her head up, unable to resist leaning in, wanting to kiss the person on top of her.
Lu Yinxi smiled and dodged her advance.
Like a little cat, reaching out to scratch and then retreating.
Teasing, coy.
She was stunned for a moment.
Lu Yinxi took advantage of her daze to kiss the corner of her mouth again. Just as she was about to move away, the back of her head was suddenly held firmly.
Then with a roll, Lu Yinxi found herself underneath.
Lu Yinxi clutched the sheets, her face flushed, defiantly saying: “Even from below, I can still take the lead…”
“What’s there to fight over?” Jian Qing pressed down on Lu Yinxi, regaining her familiar sense of control. She covered Lu Yinxi’s eyes and initiated an attack, covering her soft lips.
Lips met lips, carefully savoring every inch of her softness, then gently sucking and nibbling on her lower lip, moistening her lips.
In the darkness, their breaths intertwined, and their tongues followed suit.
The first kiss after their reunion.
Every touch sent electric currents flowing, tender and lingering to the extreme.
After kissing for who knows how long, their lips were numb. It took a while after parting for their breathing to steady.
Lu Yinxi’s fingertips rested on Jian Qing’s wrist, caressing those scars back and forth: “Don’t do this anymore in the future…”
Jian Qing made a sound of agreement, promising in a low voice: “It won’t happen again in the future.”
She would live on well, spending a lifetime with the person before her.
When they woke up the next morning, Gu Mingyu had already gone to work at the hospital.
Jian Qing looked at the breakfast on the table, feeling a pang of guilt.
Lu Yinxi carelessly drank her soy milk, asking her: “Why are you just staring at it without eating? Is it not to your taste?”
Jian Qing shook her head: “I’m reflecting.”
She thought she was diligent enough, but compared to Gu Mingyu, she still fell short.
Lu Yinxi’s eyes darted, guessing what she was thinking. She bit the straw and said: “In that era, students who came out of the mountains didn’t have it easy. For a woman to stay in surgery and achieve something was also not easy. If you weren’t a bit more hardworking, you’d be trampled down by others.”
Jian Qing made a sound of agreement and started peeling her boiled egg.
Lu Yinxi became interested and continued: “Women also sacrificed more for their families. Among her colleagues before, there were also those who did surgery, but after getting married and having children, they basically all transferred to internal medicine or administration, saying they needed to take care of their families. It’s not just in the medical field; in all industries, for women to reach the top, they have to pay a higher price.”
For instance, in their entertainment industry, it’s hard for actresses to get scripts after they turn thirty or thirty-five. Often, they can only play roles like mothers-in-law or mothers. Their prime is short-lived. Male actors, on the other hand, can be fresh meat when young, and even at thirty or forty, they can still be paired with actresses in their early twenties.
Jian Qing responded concisely: “A social problem, a global problem.”
Lu Yinxi nodded: “Yes, it can’t be solved by just a few people. It might take the efforts of several generations.”
As a public figure, what she could do was use her influence to establish some charitable foundations, sponsor female students, and allow more women to receive education.
Education brings not just a diploma, but also the cleansing of thoughts and souls.
After finishing breakfast, Lu Yinxi rode Gu Mingyu’s small electric scooter, taking Jian Qing to tour her elementary school, middle school, and university campuses.
Jian Qing sat on the back seat, wearing a pink helmet, her eyes showing a hint of disdain.
Lu Yinxi, in front, tried to persuade her: “To go to so many places, pedaling a bicycle would be too tiring; driving a car would be a cursory tour, uninteresting, and inconvenient for parking; riding this little donkey is the best choice, we can stop anytime, anywhere. Comrade Jian Qing, please don’t be picky.”
Jian Qing folded her arms, expressionless: “Why give me a pink helmet?”
Lu Yinxi smiled: “Because it’s cute.”
Such a cold and icy person wearing a pink helmet with little pinwheels on top was absolutely adorable to the extreme.
After touring all the major campuses, Lu Yinxi took her back to the hospital near the staff quarters.
When she was ten years old, after her grandmother passed away, Lu Yinxi was brought back to the city by her mother. They lived in the staff quarters near the hospital, separated from the hospital by just a wall. She ended up living there for ten years.
She grew up near the hospital, witnessing premature babies abandoned at the hospital right after birth.
At first, everyone condemned the irresponsible parents, but later it was discovered that the mother was a girl less than 16 years old who had been raped. Not knowing she was pregnant, she eventually gave birth to the child in a bathroom.
A teenage girl who couldn’t even support herself, how could she possibly raise a premature baby? She could only leave the child at the hospital door, hoping the hospital would take care of it.
She also saw elderly patients lingering on their sickbeds with no one to care for them, wearing glasses, kind and friendly.
When trainee nurses struggled to find a vein for injections, they would smile and say it’s okay, take your time.
Despite having many children and grandchildren, when nurses called to urge payment of medical bills, no one came to pay. When doctors called for signatures on surgical consent forms, no one came to sign.
At first, everyone sympathized with him, but later they learned that when he was young, he gambled, drank excessively, abused his wife, and drove her to her death. In the end, he only spent a few years in prison before being released. Now, with his wife gone and children scattered, no one wanted to take care of him.
Later, when she interned in the oncology department, she encountered even more situations.
It was one of the most depressing atmospheres in the hospital. Each bed held a patient with a story of joy and sorrow: young people battling cancer alone, mothers stealing to raise funds for their daughters with cancer…
Later, she left this field, thinking she would never deeply engage with the people and affairs of this domain again. But after twists and turns, she still found a partner who wears a white coat. For the rest of her life, she would still see a doctor at home every day.
Lu Yinxi both sighed and laughed: “Maybe this is fate.”
This fate, she accepted, absolutely accepted.
The small electric scooter stopped at the foot of the staff quarters. Jian Qing jumped off the bike and flicked her forehead, ignoring her long sighs: “Hungry, let’s eat.”
Lu Yinxi rubbed her forehead: “Just thinking about eating, you don’t care about me anymore.”
After the Spring Festival, everyone gradually returned to their work posts.
Lu Yinxi originally lived in Beijing, but after the New Year, she packed her bags and moved to Shanghai.
Her work required her to travel all over the country. Jian Qing had a quiet personality; apart from academic exchange activities that required going abroad or to other cities, she mostly stayed at home.
Besides her own professional research, Jian Qing also began to delve into psychology.
Although Lu Yinxi didn’t mind that she had forgotten the past, she couldn’t let go of that dream.
The advantage of teaching at a university was having access to endless academic resources and close contact with various authoritative interpretations.
Each profession has its specialties. Although both were in the medical field, she had only rotated through the mental health department during her undergraduate years, learning some basic theoretical knowledge. She had never touched research related to the correlation between psychology and dreams.
She found a public lecture by a psychology professor to watch.
“The Hartmann hypothesis theory suggests that dreams are the brain’s process of dealing with complex emotions. Dreams are a place lacking inhibition, with insufficient psychological defenses. Connections that one dares not or cannot establish in reality can be realized in dreams.
To ordinary people, dreams seem like delusions, illogical, but in fact, dreams don’t come from nowhere. For example, if you’ve never seen a book, you absolutely won’t know its specific content in a dream. When you want to know, your brain will wake you up.
The details in dreams come from real life – an inadvertent word, a scene, a guess… Everything you see can become the trigger for a dream.
Dreams can piece together the messy, illogical details of reality. Though seemingly absurd, they are also reasonable. People in dreams won’t notice anything unusual.”
In short, dreams are composed of details from reality.
“Psychologists have another conclusion: animals, including humans, have an extremely strong learning ability in dreams.
The Memory Research Institute at the California Institute of Technology once conducted an experiment. During the day, they placed a white mouse in an artificial maze, letting it stay in the maze for a whole day, recording the mouse’s neural impulse states at different positions. At night, during the mouse’s sleep process, they found that the mouse’s neural impulse pattern was similar to that during the day. This is actually the process of the mouse recalling maze details in its dream.
There’s another example: we humans often dream of experiencing crises, including fighting, being chased, being naked, jumping off cliffs, drowning, and so on. This is actually a kind of simulation behavior.
Finnish cognitive psychologist Antti believes that the appearance of a process similar to simulated escape during the REM sleep stage in humans is actually a behavioral remnant.
The evolutionary psychology perspective is that simulating escape in dreams is a human survival instinct that has never disappeared. Dreaming is like being at night, and escaping at night is undoubtedly the safest escape time. It can be considered that dreams are a process of adapting to evolutionary threats. Simulating crises in dreams helps us escape crises in reality.”
Jian Qing listened thoughtfully.
Simulating escape in dreams helps humans escape crises in reality…
Then, does simulating the recurrence of psychological trauma in dreams also help in overcoming psychological trauma in reality?
She went to consult this psychology professor about this question.
The old professor laughed loudly: “Of course it does. Freud said that dreams are the fulfillment of subconscious desires.
Dreams can satisfy human desires and achieve the purpose of venting emotions.
If a person has been wronged, experienced unexpected sorrow, or a certain desire cannot be satisfied, they often meet kind people in dreams who persuade them, thus relieving pain, getting comfort, and fulfilling desires.
For example, during the Cultural Revolution, some people were wrongly labeled as traitors, spies, and so on, suffering extreme grievances and pain emotionally. These people often cried loudly, shouted, stated facts, and explained reasons in their dreams, thus venting their emotions and relieving or partially relieving mental pressure and tension. This is very beneficial for one’s physical health.
Dreams can reveal a person’s true emotional state and psychological state in reality, thus solving psychological conflicts, resolving emotions, and eliminating potential illnesses.”
Jian Qing asked again: “Who is that kind person usually?”
The old professor answered: “Usually it’s someone you’ve met in reality, someone you have a good impression of, someone you feel close to. Even if you don’t know them in reality and have no interaction, you must have seen their face and it’s been remembered by your brain.”
Jian Qing thought of the billboard across from her home.
During that period, she indeed saw Lu Yinxi’s face every day.
“What about dreams that are forgotten after waking up?”
The old professor said: “One view is that dreams hide certain traumas you’ve experienced, resulting in resistance to facts, which is why individuals choose to forget them.
Of course, there are other views. For example, research at Nagoya University in Japan found that a hormone called ‘MCH’ inhibits memory formation. When we dream, we secrete these hormones, inhibiting memory formation, and after waking up, we forget the dream.”
“Is there any way to recall the details of that dream?”
The old professor waved his hand: “I haven’t seen such research yet.”
Jian Qing lowered her eyes in disappointment, thanked him, and prepared to look for other methods.
The old professor spoke again: “But I’ve personally tried, in a half-asleep state, to recall some memorable scenes from previous dreams. After falling asleep, there’s a chance to dream that dream again. Including the emotional fluctuations from that previous dream, they can also be awakened. You can try it.”
The implication was that the method to unseal the dream was to re-enter the dream itself.
But how could she recall when she couldn’t remember any scenes from that dream?
It took Lu Yinxi almost a year to completely draw out what had happened in that virtual world.
The day she finished the drawings, she was still on a business trip in Beijing. She mailed the album to Shanghai, instructing Jian Qing to look through it several times, saying she might remember something.
After almost a year, she didn’t really expect Jian Qing to remember, she just wanted to give their memories as a gift to Jian Qing.
Three days later, Lu Yinxi woke up early and was on the phone with Jian Qing when she heard a snipping sound from the other end. She couldn’t help but ask: “What are you doing?”
Jian Qing, wearing wireless Bluetooth earphones, answered: “I’m at the old house, taking out the medical books that were sealed away before, sorting through my mother’s belongings.”
“Why did you suddenly think of organizing those…” Lu Yinxi mumbled, then reminded her, “You should look at the stack of drawings your mother drew, there’s your family of three on them.”
Not just her mother and sister, but her existence too.
Jian Qing made a sound of acknowledgment.
She had already seen them.
Lu Yinxi lay on the bed, indulging in romantic imagination: “I remember, in that world, Aunt Ruan fell ill and passed away in May or June, and in the real world, she also passed away around 5 or 6 o’clock, what a coincidence. When I was little, my grandmother said that when people die, they become stars in the sky. Maybe it was your mother and sister who became two stars and brought us to that world, letting us meet. Then, my father and my grandmother became two stars and brought us back to the real world, letting us meet again in reality…”
Jian Qing mercilessly burst her romantic bubble: “If she knew I liked women, she would break my legs.”
“Go away, I’m not talking to you anymore! I’m going out to earn money to support you!” Lu Yinxi grumbled at Jian Qing a few times, hung up the phone, put on her makeup, and went out to discuss work with the director.
It wasn’t until late at night that she remembered she hadn’t asked Jian Qing if she had remembered anything after looking at the album.
As she pondered this, she couldn’t help but wonder if it was because Jian Qing had remembered something that she went to the old house to unseal those books and her mother’s belongings.
With these thoughts, before she even got home, just as she reached the entrance of the residential area, Lu Yinxi kicked the snow at her feet, stepping deep and shallow in the snow, and couldn’t resist calling Jian Qing, asking straightforwardly: “Teacher Jian, did you remember something?”
“Student Lu.”
A cool voice sounded from the other end of the phone.
Suddenly, her heart rate accelerated.
Lu Yinxi raised her hand to cover her chest, feeling her heart pounding under her palm.
Jian Qing had called her by the nickname she only used in the virtual world…
“On a scale of 0 to 10, what level is your love now?”
The numerical rating system that Jian Qing from that world loved to use…
The voice was getting closer, as if someone was standing in front of her, speaking.
Lu Yinxi stopped in her tracks, looking at the figure in front of her, her heart trembling.
“Level 10, Teacher Jian, it’s level 10 now…” Her voice was also trembling as she answered.
Hearing Lu Yinxi’s response, Jian Qing smiled faintly, hung up the phone, and walked towards Lu Yinxi step by step.
Lu Yinxi stood in the snow, tears streaming down her face, also walking towards her.
It happened to be after a fresh snowfall, with a full moon in the sky.
Below was a blanket of moonlight, above was flowing silver.
And she was walking towards her with a smile.
Between the moonlight and the snow, she was a third kind of peerless beauty.
The author has something to say:
Alright, this is the grand finale. The next plan is to revise the text, review and summarize, update extras, practice writing, and create an outline for a new work. I preliminarily estimate that I’ll start a new work in mid-July or late July. Over the past six months, I’ve become familiar with the readers who frequently leave comments and pop up. Thank you for your company and encouragement, and thanks also to those little partners who haven’t popped up but have followed along. Thank you all for helping me promote and recommend. Writing is a very lonely thing, using words to build a strange virtual world brick by brick. Although this world has flaws here and there, gathering strangers from all over to share my world is a very interesting thing. Reading is about finding what suits you, a connection through the internet, cherish this fate.jpg, mwah mwah mwah to everyone!
References for this chapter:
[1] The Interpretation of Dreams. Translated by Xia Jinling, Sigmund Freud. China Coal Industry Publishing House. 2016
[2] Pamela Bernabei. Dreams and Ontopsychology’s Method of Dream Interpretation [A]. World Council for Psychotherapy. Abstracts of the 5th World Congress for Psychotherapy [C]. World Council for Psychotherapy: Chinese Psychological Society, 2008:2.
[3] Li Wenman, Wang Chun. The Cause and Meaning of Dreams [J]. Journal of Hebei University of Science and Technology (Social Sciences Edition), 2004(04):51-54.
LP: Next, the extras~
Bravo! Love a happy ending! Although I did wish it was a bit longer to see more of their happy reunion ^_^