Life is Like a Journey – Chapter 91

Volume 3: Transition

Quarrel

It was your arrogance that hurt him

“How are you today?” The nurse was changing her dressings when Qin Xuan knocked twice on the door and entered.

            

“Not bad.” After more than a month of recuperation, she looked much more spirited than when she first woke up. One hand was left for the nurse to give an injection, while the other hand played with Lego on the small bed table.

Qin Xuan sat by the bed as Lu Qingshi attached and pressed firmly on the rescue helicopter’s wings: “What is it, do you have something to tell me?”

Her intuition was still so sharp. Qin Xuan felt embarrassed. Before she could speak, she was interrupted again: “If you’re here as someone’s messenger, then please leave.”

            

Seeing her indifferent attitude toward her own condition, Qin Xuan became anxious and agitated: “I’m not here as anyone’s messenger. I genuinely care about you, and as a friend, I hope you’ll accept this surgery.”

“As a friend, if you were truly thinking of me, you wouldn’t have come,” Lu Qingshi’s movements became agitated, pulling off a piece and unable to find it anywhere.

Qin Xuan grabbed her wrist: “I just don’t understand. Your history with Fu Lei is from so many years ago. What’s so hard to get over? It’s not even him performing the surgery.”

            

“He may have moved on, but I cannot!” The usually detached person always became particularly agitated and angry when matters related to her ex-husband were mentioned.

The pieces scattered across the table as Lu Qingshi, with disheveled hair, red eyes, stared at her while breathing heavily.

Qin Xuan stood up: “Can’t you stop being so selfish?! Think about your grandfather’s feelings, think about Gu Yanzhi’s feelings, my feelings, Yu Gui’s feelings, everyone in the emergency department’s feelings. If you just leave like this, what are we supposed to do?!”

            

Though they had quarreled before, they had never been this hysterical. Both seemed to have gone mad, saying the most venomous words to pierce each other’s hearts.

“You’ve always been this arrogant anyway,” Qin Xuan paced back and forth in the hospital room, pointing at her nose while scolding: “As a doctor, you have such a large tumor in your brain and you didn’t even notice?! Lu Qingshi, all your medical knowledge must have gone to a dog’s belly (a Chinese idiom meaning all education has been wasted)!”

“Still better than you, being a gynecologist who can’t even cure your own infertility.”

            

The words seemed to bypass the brain, and when she came to her senses, the room was silent.

Qin Xuan breathed heavily, her eyes slowly turning red with tears.

She had never seen her look so wronged before. Lu Qingshi turned her face away, gripping the sheets beneath her, her tone slightly cold: “Don’t be so full of yourself. I never considered you a friend. Whether I live or die is none of your business.”

            

The sound of Qin Xuan slamming the door echoed in her mind for a long time. When she came back to her senses, someone had already embraced her.

“You… knew everything?” Lu Qingshi choked up while clutching their clothes.

“I’m really useless… just like she said, as an experienced surgical doctor, I can keenly detect others’ illnesses, yet I’m helpless about my own body…”

            

Sometimes there’s a deep sense of powerlessness, having saved countless lives yet no one can save oneself. Heaven is truly unfair – those who harm others live to be a hundred, while those who save others hang by a thread.

Gu Yanzhi held her tight, gently rubbing her head: “No… you’re amazing… strong, gentle, and lovely… you haven’t been defeated by the disease demon, it’s just…”

Lu Qingshi released her, tears in her eyes, but her gaze turned cold: “Are you also here to persuade me?”

            

She knew she shouldn’t cry at this moment, but still, with reddened eyes, she pulled the person into her embrace, chin rubbing back and forth against their thin shoulder blade, swallowing both the smell of disinfectant and tears into her throat.

“I… respect your decision.”

After all these days, Gu Yanzhi was the only one who had said these words to her. Though clearly heartbroken, with reddened eyes, trembling lips, gritting teeth to hold back tears.

            

Lu Qingshi slowly embraced her back, having craved the warmth of her embrace for so long that she took a deep breath of the mingled scent of mint and tobacco at her neck, sighing as she called her name.

“Gu Yanzhi”

“Mm?”

            

“I want to go home”

“Bed Eleven, Dai Yuchen, time for chemotherapy,” the nurse came in pushing the medicine cart, lifted the blanket, and suddenly broke into a cold sweat.

“Someone come quickly!”

            

Yu Gui and several medical staff rushed in to lift the patient from the floor onto a wheeled bed. Bedside ultrasound and ECG were connected, and the X-ray results came quickly.

Liu Qingyun picked up the film, looked at it, and shook his head: “Send to the emergency room.”

The patient was already unconscious. Chen Yi performed tracheal intubation and connected the ventilator. Yu Gui pressed the slightly deformed leg: “Let’s send to the operating room. Wasn’t this patient scheduled for elective surgery? Who’s the chief surgeon? Someone go call them quickly.”

            

Everyone froze for a moment, all looking at her in unison.

“What’s wrong? Hurry up!” She urged: “The tumor has metastasized to the lungs, compressing major blood vessels causing respiratory failure. If we don’t operate, the patient will die. Send them to the operating room and notify the family of critical condition.”

Hao Renjie hesitated: “This is… Sister Lu’s surgery.”

            

Yu Gui’s hand, which was giving an injection, suddenly stopped.

“You can’t be discharged yet. You need consultations from all departments, good physical examination results, and the hospital director’s signature.”

Gu Yanzhi had argued until her lips were nearly worn out, but the nurse at the triage desk wouldn’t release the patient no matter what.

            

“Then how about this – taking leave, surely taking leave is allowed?”

The nurse looked at Lu Qingshi sitting in the wheelchair behind her: “Leave time cannot exceed four hours, and all incidents during the outing are the responsibility of the patient and family members.”

“Alright,” Gu Yanzhi promptly signed and stamped.

            

As they pushed the wheelchair down the hallway with the leave slip in hand, a group of doctors in white coats ran past them.

“Where’s Director Xu?”

“Just got an intestinal obstruction case, emergency surgery.”

            

“Is Director Zhang here?”

“Called for a thoracic consultation.”

Yu Gui bit her teeth, walking with urgent purpose, and stuffed the films into a young nurse’s hands: “Fine then, prepare the liquid nitrogen, we’ll have to bite the bullet and do it.”

            

Lu Qingshi turned her head slightly as the group pushing the hospital bed ran into the distance.

“Qingshi?” Gu Yanzhi stopped her steps.

Lu Qingshi kept her head down, bit her lip, and without much hesitation said: “To the observation room.”

            

“Senior Brother will be the chief surgeon, I’ll be your assistant,” the two changed into their surgical clothes and entered the operating room.

Liu Qingyun nodded, put on his gloves, crossed his hands and gripped them together, and walked to the operating table.

Yu Gui stood opposite to him.

            

The shadowless lamp was turned on, surgical navigation began working, and the anesthesiologist completed the general anesthesia intubation.

The LCD screen on the wall displayed the patient’s name, age, medical history, and latest examination results.

“Sterilization” The blue surgical drapes were laid out, everyone was noticeably tense, even Hao Renjie, who usually loved to talk, kept quiet.

            

“We’ve discussed the surgical plan before, following it should be fine. Anesthesiologist, monitor vital signs constantly.”

This was the first time this young team would perform surgery independently, without senior doctors’ supervision. Everyone felt both expectant and anxious.

Yu Gui made the first incision, opening a cut on the thigh.

            

“Gauze, monopolar electrocautery.”

Lu Qingshi pressed the communication device on the table: “Are you ignoring the metastatic lesions in the lungs? Following the old surgical plan will result in death, you know.”

Everyone raised their heads simultaneously, Yu Gui’s hands trembled from shock: “Teacher Lu… what should we do?”

            

“This isn’t an emergency scene, don’t ask me such stupid questions. You have reliable partners beside you, advanced surgical equipment, and test results hanging on the wall. Use your pig brain to think of a solution.” (a harsh but common Chinese teaching method to provoke critical thinking)

Yu Gui stopped her movements, took a deep breath, looked at Dai Yuchen’s full-body CT and test results on the wall, and an idea naturally emerged.

Liu Qingyun had the same thought, and they spoke in unison: “Perform thoracotomy and bone removal simultaneously.”

            

Lu Qingshi nodded once: “You don’t have much time left, only five hours and thirty minutes remaining.”

“Surgical knife, chest retractor,” Yu Gui immediately sprang into action.

“Forceps, hemostatic clamp,” Hao Renjie swiftly passed the instruments over. Chen Yi stood up.

            

“Don’t worry, I’ll do my best to extend the anesthesia time.”

Time passed second by second, and bean-sized sweat beads formed on Yu Gui’s forehead, but just knowing she was watching from above gave her a natural sense of security.

Strangely, whether on the operating table or in emergency scenes, only Lu Qingshi could give her the courage to forge ahead and the resolve to never give up.

            

Because she knew that Lu Qingshi never failed, nor would she allow others to fail.

“Surgical scissors.” Yu Gui took the artificial blood vessel and cut another section, but it still didn’t fit – it couldn’t be placed in at all. She took a deep breath and looked up.

“Senior Brother, I need one vessel from the leg, the artificial one won’t fit.”

            

“Alright, nurse, prepare some distilled water.” The bone was about to be removed. Liu Qingyun held it with both hands and placed it into the liquid nitrogen basin, causing white mist to rise and the operating room temperature to drop several degrees.

The third assistant placed the removed vessel in saline solution and passed it to her. Yu Gui took it and trimmed it until finally finding a suitable length to insert.

Surgery time was running out. Liu Qingyun was busy restoring the cleaned femur to room temperature, Yu Gui was busy connecting the autologous vessel to the pulmonary artery, instrument nurses passed tools back and forth, circulating nurses counted gauze, Chen Yi adjusted the anesthesia dosage again – everything was tense but orderly, and no one looked up again.

            

“Yu Gui, are you done on your side?” Liu Qingyun put the deactivated femoral head back into the patient’s body and secured it with steel plates.

“Almost there. How about you, Senior Brother? How much anesthesia time is left?” Yu Gui was drenched in sweat, her hands never stopping, her back soaked through despite the ultra-low temperature operating room.

“Less than half an hour.”

            

“Okay.”

Both sped up their pace, and when the timer finally sounded, Yu Gui placed the needle holder back on the tray, wiped the sweat from her forehead with her shoulder, feeling completely drained.

At that moment, Xu Qiankun burst in: “Where’s the patient?! Is it done? They didn’t die, did they?!”

            

Liu Qingyun came down from the operating table, took off his cap and threw it in the trash bin, leaning against the wall catching his breath: “No… that was too close. Thanks to Director Lu.”

Yu Gui looked up: “Where is she?”

The observation room upstairs had become empty at some unknown point.

            

Gu Yanzhi pushed her slowly out of the hospital doors: “Now you can rest easy, right?”

Lu Qingshi nodded, allowing herself to be helped into the car: “Mm, they… are all excellent.”

Gu Yanzhi closed the car door for her and sat in the driver’s seat: “It’s just a pity we wasted an afternoon’s leave time.”

            

“It’s alright,” Lu Qingshi stretched her arm from the back seat to reach for her fluffy head: “We…”

“Mm?”

“Will have many more afternoons.”

            

In an instant, the dark clouds hanging over her dispersed, and the already good weather became even better. In November’s Jinzhou, the sky was crystal clear, ginkgo leaves slowly drifted down, carpeting the entire street in gold.

Gu Yanzhi stepped on the gas: “Let’s go, heading home!”

After parking the car in the garage and taking out the wheelchair from the trunk, they could only push it to the bottom of the building. Lu Qingshi looked at the long stairs and hesitated.

            

“Should we…”

Gu Yanzhi crouched down in front of her: “Get on.”

Seeing her not moving, she backed up two steps and lifted her up. Lu Qingshi struggled: “Eh…”

            

“Don’t move, you might fall.” She adjusted her position, placing her palm under her bottom for support before starting to climb the stairs.

“Am I heavy?” Lu Qingshi hesitated for a moment before choosing to hold tight around her neck.

“Not heavy. Remember when I first met you? I carried a big uncle down from upstairs.”

            

“I remember…” Even back then, her physical strength was exceptional. If it hadn’t been for her, that patient wouldn’t have been rescued so quickly.

“However…” Gu Yanzhi paused.

“Mm?” Her muscles were firm, comfortable to lean against, and her steps were steady. Lu Qingshi wasn’t worried at all.

            

“I think we should buy an apartment with an elevator.”

Not ‘I’, but ‘we’.

Her heart skipped a beat at this simple pronoun, and when she finally realized its meaning, she tugged at her short hair, pretending to be angry.

            

“What do you mean, are you saying I’m heavy?”

“No, no, I was wrong! Please, Great Director Lu, have mercy on my hair! If you keep pulling, I’ll go bald!”

Imagining her bald appearance, Lu Qingshi couldn’t help but laugh: “Haha, I’m kind of looking forward to that.”

            

By the time they finished talking, they had reached the sixth floor. When they opened the door, their two little pets pounced on them.

Gu Yanzhi placed her carefully on the sofa. French Fries immediately rolled around in Lu Qingshi’s lap, its meows becoming soft and delicate. Its fur had grown longer, blue eyes round and bright, tongue constantly licking her hand. Hamburger also tried to jump up to lick her face but was pulled back by its collar.

“You can’t do that, you’re too heavy. Back to your cage.”

            

After nearly two months away from home, the furniture was spotless, fresh flowers adorned the tea table, no dust on the carpet, and both the cat and dog’s cages were clean and tidy, with fresh pet food and clean water in their bowls.

“Thank you,” Lu Qingshi scratched French Fries’ chin, expressing heartfelt gratitude.

“What’s there to thank? When I was hospitalized, didn’t you keep my place spotlessly clean too?” Gu Yanzhi brought hot water from the kitchen and placed it in her hands.

            

“Just sit for a while. I’ll make dinner. How about preserved egg and lean pork porridge for tonight?”

“It’s okay,” Lu Qingshi took a sip of warm water and said: “Don’t go to too much trouble, anything simple is fine.”

Gu Yanzhi tied on an apron and rolled up her sleeves to wash hands: “It’s no trouble. Watch some TV first, or if you want to play with Lego or puzzles, I’ll get them for you.”

            

Just as she finished speaking, there was a knock at the door, and Lu Qingshi’s cup paused at her lips.

She walked out of the kitchen: “Who would come knocking at this time? Could it be a delivery?”

The joking words were followed by opening the door to reveal the person they least wanted to see.

            

Lu Qingshi’s expression darkened: “Show him out, Gu Yanzhi.”

Lu Xucheng came alone, without a caretaker, carrying several gifts including fruits that she liked.

The elderly man had climbed six floors while panting, and seeing who opened the door, he didn’t get angry but said coolly: “You go out first, I want to talk to Qingshi alone.”

            

Gu Yanzhi hesitated, glancing at her, worried the old master might upset her again, especially since this wasn’t the hospital.

“Don’t worry, I’m returning to Beijing tomorrow. Today, I came to take one last look at my worthless granddaughter. I won’t eat her up, why are you so nervous?”

The old master said irritably, shoving the items into her hands: “Alright, get out.”

            

Lu Qingshi remained silent, and only then did she quietly step away from the doorway: “Then I’ll go downstairs to buy some groceries. Grandfather, please stay for dinner. Qingshi, call me if anything happens.”

Gu Yanzhi gently closed the door, listened for a moment without hearing any disturbance, then turned to leave.

“There’s really nothing for us to discuss,” Lu Qingshi stroked French Fries’ head, not sparing him a glance, her tone light and distant.

            

Lu Xucheng walked in with his cane and sat on the farthest sofa, surveying the moderately-sized room.

The clean and bright decoration style matched her taste, but there were many additional items: game controllers under the tea table, tank models made from bullet casings on the TV cabinet, two pairs of slippers placed together by the door, and the shepherd dog crouching vigilantly by the sofa.

Lu Xucheng suddenly pulled his lips into a smile, thinking that if he really started an argument, he wouldn’t need to wait for that ruffian to return – this dog would leap up and tear him apart.

            

But today, he truly hadn’t come to argue.

He and Lu Qingshi had argued too many times in their lifetime, wearing away what little family affection remained.

“Your favorite apples, grandfather will wash one for you,” Lu Xucheng shakily opened the plastic bag and took out a bright red apple.

            

For a moment, time seemed to flow backward: a kindly-faced elderly man crouching before her: “There, there, Qingshi, don’t cry. Your favorite apple, grandfather will wash one for you, okay?”

“Okay!” The little girl had answered in a clear, crisp voice.

The present-day Lu Qingshi just coldly refused: “No need. I can’t eat it. Say what you need to say and leave quickly.”

            

Lu Xucheng paused for a moment, had no choice but to put it back and tie the bag tightly.

“Alright, alright, you can eat it when you’re better.”

He sat on the sunny side, his silver hair painfully bright in the sunlight. Lu Qingshi forced herself to look away, showing impatience.

            

“What exactly do you want to say?”

Lu Xucheng heaved a long sigh: “If you want to remarry, want someone to accompany you, I won’t oppose. But…”

“Are you going to say that Gu Yanzhi is unsuitable? That she’s a woman, earns less than me, has a dangerous job, and is so much younger than me? That we can’t possibly last long together and should break it off early and return to the right path?”

            

Lu Xucheng remained silent, indicating agreement.

Lu Qingshi pulled her lips into a smile: “Fine, I’ve said everything you wanted to say. You can go now.”

Lu Xucheng looked up, gazing deeply at her, his deeply wrinkled face showing pain: “I know you resent me because of what happened to your parents and Lele. I don’t blame you. Because besides being a father, I am a doctor, an academician of the Chinese Academy of Sciences! I had the responsibility to lead my team in developing the SARS vaccine when all other doctors were helpless. Otherwise, do you think you’d still be sitting here today? You would have gone to meet the ancestors like your parents!”

            

Lu Qingshi also became agitated, breathing heavily: “Yes, you’re great and selfless, so you watched my father contract SARS without treating him, just recording his disease progression, experimenting on his body! I endured all that, did I ever say anything about it?! But Lele…”

She covered her face with her hands, her voice choked: “What did Lele do wrong? He was so young… always following you around calling you great-grandfather… Why didn’t you save him… why…”

Lu Xucheng’s lips trembled, tears welling up in his clouded eyes: “You think you’re the only one who lost a son?! I also lost my son! My daughter-in-law, great-grandson, and now even my granddaughter…”

            

“No!” Lu Qingshi screamed, cutting off his words: “If you had performed that surgery back then, Lele definitely wouldn’t have died, definitely wouldn’t have, definitely wouldn’t have…”

Lu Xucheng stood up, tremblingly turning around: “Don’t you understand? It was your arrogance that killed him.”

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