Life is Like a Journey – Chapter 73

Volume 2: Inheritance

Affection

She thought she had affection for Gu Yanzhi

“Hello? What’s the matter?” After returning home, Yu Gui went to wash her face and brush her teeth. Fang Zhiyou was speaking softly on the phone with her mother.

            

The other party’s roar was deafening, so she had to hold the phone further away: “Hurry up and get your ass back here from Jinzhou, don’t you care about your mother’s life and death?! You heartless thing!”

Fang Zhiyou composed herself: “I just sent you money yesterday…”

“All you know is money, money, money! Your mother could be shitting her pants and no one would come to check…”

            

Yu Gui turned the faucet to its maximum, scooping up cold water and pouring it over her face handful by handful, waiting for everything outside to return to silence before turning off the tap. The hair in the sink wouldn’t wash away, and there was some between her fingers too. She couldn’t tell if her face was wet with water or tears.

“Xiaogui, come here”

She dawdled out of the bathroom, and Fang Zhiyou beckoned to her, pulling out an egg from her bosom, its shell warm from body heat.

            

“Leftover from the cafeteria at lunch, eat it quickly”

She was always worried about Yu Gui’s nutrition, finding ways every day to save from her own rations to give to her.

Yu Gui knew that if she refused, Fang Zhiyou wouldn’t eat it either, so she peeled the shell and split it in half to share.

            

“You eat the yolk, I’ll eat the white”

“No, no, no, the yolk is nutritious, you eat it,” Fang Zhiyou took the egg white from her hand, divided it in half again and gave it back to her, only then eating the remaining portion herself.

At night, as they slept with their feet touching, Fang Zhiyou, exhausted from the day, slept deeply. Yu Gui, however, lay awake, staring at the clock on the wall in the moonlight from the window.

            

Three more days.

At six in the morning, Fang Zhiyou got up for work. After she left, Yu Gui kept her eyes open waiting for daybreak, but the sky remained gloomy, with rain leaving winding trails on the glass.

“Mom…” she finally mustered the courage to speak, her voice husky: “Could you give me a little more money… I’m in a bit of a tight spot recently…”

            

“Child, didn’t I just send you over two thousand yuan half a month ago? Why are you asking for money again? Oh well, I’ll have your father go to the town post office this afternoon…” Even while scolding her, her mother never refused any of her requests. Yu Gui almost choked up instantly. She wanted to tell her about the possibility of HIV infection, but she didn’t. She held it in.

She knew that two thousand yuan was the income from over three months of farming for her family.

“I’m sorry, Mom. When I get my salary, I’ll transfer it back to you”

            

“Enough, enough, what transfer? You, your mother knows you seem soft on the outside but you’re actually stubborn! When you first started working, you were struggling so much but never asked for money from home. Now you must be facing some difficulty, take good care of yourself, just don’t get beaten up by patients!”

Yu Gui finally broke into a smile through her tears: “That won’t happen, the patients in our department all love me…”

After chatting for a while longer, Mother Yu asked: “Are you coming back for the Mid-Autumn Festival?”

            

Yu Gui looked at the calendar on the wall: “I’m sorry, Mom… I’m scheduled for duty that day…”

Outside the window, the rain poured heavily, tree shadows swayed, lightning split the silent night sky, and a thunderclap boomed near the window, making the entire building tremble slightly.

“Lele!” Lu Qingshi suddenly flipped over in bed, drenched in sweat, her heart pounding like a drum, gasping for breath, her temples throbbing.

            

She stumbled out of bed, pressed the switch on the wall, but light did not dispel the darkness. Another thunderclap sounded in the distance, French Fries was startled awake with a meow and burrowed into her arms, trembling. The tree shadows outside the window moved like ghosts, and lightning illuminated her pale face.

The muffled thunder grew stronger, her heart felt as if it was tightly gripped by something, her throat dry, making it hard to breathe. Her nightclothes were soaked with cold sweat. She tried to calm herself down but found in vain that fear had taken the upper hand. Her limbs were numb and she couldn’t move.

Fortunately, there was still French Fries, carefully licking her hand. The warm tongue made her feel a hint of warmth in this cold, rainy night.

            

“Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid…” Lu Qingshi said softly, not knowing if she was comforting it or herself. She tried to stand up, supporting herself against the door. It must be the thunder causing a power trip, it’s okay, it’s okay, just need to flip the circuit breaker back on.

She fumbled for her phone under the pillow, turned on the flashlight, and turned towards the pitch-black living room. The moment she pushed open the door, a ghastly pale face appeared before her eyes.

“You killed me!” The child-sized figure screamed, revealing sharp fangs as it pounced on her.

            

“Ah!” Lu Qingshi fell back onto the floor, the flashlight beam chaotic, French Fries ran from her arms. She covered her head, crying, cold sweat dampening her bangs, threads of fear seeping into her bones.

“It wasn’t me, it wasn’t me…” At some point, physiological tears had covered her face. Her body began to convulse uncontrollably after the shock. Another thunderclap sounded in the distance, Lu Qingshi covered her ears, her face deathly pale. Suddenly, there was violent knocking at the door.

Her body instantly turned cold, fear rendering her motionless, the bone-deep chill making her whole body shiver.

            

The knocking at the door grew stronger, like drumbeats pounding on her heart. Lu Qingshi painfully clutched her head.

“Lele… it wasn’t me… it wasn’t me… Mommy loves you…”

Gu Yanzhi knocked hard on the door: “Qingshi, Qingshi, can you hear me?”

            

In the silence, amidst the wind and rain, faint sobs could be heard from inside. Gu Yanzhi stepped back, took a wire from her pocket, inserted it into the keyhole, fiddled for a while, then pushed the door open.

Lightning split the night sky, the woman in thin nightwear lay on the floor with disheveled hair. Her heart tightened, and she rushed over.

“Qingshi, Qingshi?” She helped her up, placing the flashlight aside to illuminate: “It’s me, it’s okay, it’s okay”

            

The woman in her arms clutched her clothes tightly, hot tears falling into the hollow of her neck: “I saw Lele… I saw him… He said I hurt him… I hurt him…”

From the first time she saw her, Lu Qingshi had always been strong and full of confidence. Whether on the operating table or at an emergency scene, her good psychological quality always allowed her to handle situations with ease. Therefore, she rarely cried, and Gu Yanzhi had only seen her emotionally break down like this once before.

Even when He Miaomiao passed away, she wasn’t as scared and trembling as she was now.

            

Her chest felt sour and astringent, Gu Yanzhi felt extremely distressed: “No, that’s not true. You just had a nightmare, Qingshi. If he were still here, he would surely love you very much”

“Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid, it’s all over” Her low, slightly magnetic voice seemed to have a strange magic, soothing those unknown fears.

The woman in her arms wore a spaghetti strap dress, her black hair falling to her shoulders, forming a stark contrast with her snow-white skin.

            

Those eyes were brimming with tears, her eyelashes wet with teardrops that slid down her cheeks as she blinked.

Gu Yanzhi wiped them away with her index finger, pressed her into her embrace, and stroked her hair: “It’s okay, I’m here with you”

Even though she said she only saw her as a friend, when she actually held her in her arms, there was an indescribable flutter in her heart. If she looked into her eyes again, she was afraid she might really kiss her.

            

Time passed quietly, the wind and rain outside lessened. The electricity still hadn’t come back on. Gu Yanzhi moved slightly, and the person in her arms suddenly clutched her clothes tightly.

She comforted softly: “Don’t be afraid, I’m going home to get candles”

Lu Qingshi, who had calmed down from her fear, also felt that embracing like this was inappropriate, so she loosened her grip slightly, but her eyes were still a bit fearful.

            

Unexpectedly, Gu Yanzhi suddenly picked her up horizontally. Even when she was with Fu Lei, she had never enjoyed such treatment. Lu Qingshi let out a surprised cry, instinctively wrapping her arms around her neck.

“What are you doing?!”

“The floor is cold, go lie in bed” Gu Yanzhi put her on the bed and placed the flashlight in her palm.

            

“Hold this, don’t turn it off. Wait for me for a minute”

Fortunately, it was dark and her blushing face couldn’t be seen. Lu Qingshi composed herself: “Gu Yanzhi…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll come back” Knowing what she was worried about, Gu Yanzhi also put French Fries, who had been wandering by the bed, into her arms.

            

“If you’re scared, hug French Fries first”

After she left, Lu Qingshi pinched the soft fur on the back of French Fries’s neck, muttering: “I’m not scared…”

French Fries meowed and rolled comfortably in her arms.

            

The person who reassured her returned as promised with the reassuring light, and Hamburger who was wagging its tail furiously also jumped onto the bed.

The small room instantly became full of life with two people, a cat, and a dog. The darkness was dispelled by candlelight.

Gu Yanzhi shielded the flame and placed the candle on the bedside table, then sat down on the carpet by the bed.

            

Lu Qingshi hugged French Fries, with Hamburger lying by her legs. Sometimes she really envied Hamburger and French Fries, who could be close to her freely without making her uncomfortable.

Gu Yanzhi slightly regretted if she had let her know too early.

But in front of someone as sharp as her, it probably couldn’t have been hidden anyway.

            

Just like now.

“When did you find out I’m afraid of the dark?”

“A long time ago. Remember that time I tapped your shoulder downstairs? Your reaction was very big, like you were going to eat me”

            

“Is that so…” Lu Qingshi smiled bitterly: “I’m sorry…”

“What’s there to be sorry about? Being afraid of the dark is a very normal thing” Gu Yanzhi leaned against the bed, looking up at her: “I’m very afraid of cockroaches in the south too, as big as a palm, scares me to death”

Lu Qingshi hung her head without speaking. The soft candlelight fell on her face, even the fine lines at the corners of her eyes became vivid.

            

She was very beautiful, but it was a beauty that didn’t belong to her.

Gu Yanzhi withdrew her gaze. The two were silent for a moment, with only the wall clock ticking away each minute and second.

“Don’t you have anything you want to ask?”

            

Gu Yanzhi opened her eyes: “I’m waiting for you to tell me voluntarily”

Curiosity aside, she didn’t want to probe into her past. The bits and pieces she had pieced together from others were enough to shock her. If this bloody past were to be uncovered, she couldn’t imagine what Lu Qingshi would become.

The more one cherishes life, the harder it is to forget the past. So she was waiting for her to speak, waiting for her to let go.

            

Spoken pain is not worth mentioning, it’s the unspoken that remains a secret.

For a moment, Lu Qingshi wanted to spill out her past, to the extent that her nails dug deep into her flesh – but she held back.

She never avoided her inner feelings. She thought she had affection for Gu Yanzhi, but this affection wasn’t deep enough for her to entrust both her past and future.

            

It was too heavy. Fu Lei had accompanied her halfway but fled in panic. If that was really the outcome, she chose to remain silent.

The bed sank a little beside her. Hamburger wagged its tail and stood up, making room for its owner.

In the dim candlelight, the flaxen head drew closer. Lu Qingshi looked up questioningly, as the other leaned over.

            

She instinctively closed her eyes, nervously gripping the bedsheet beneath her, but nothing happened. Gu Yanzhi just gently stroked her hair, as if comforting a child.

“Do you know why I don’t ask about your past? Because -” She smiled, her eyes bright, her smile sincere and beautiful.

“I want to own your future”

            

Long past the age of hearing love, her heart still began to beat violently uncontrollably. Fine sweat seeped from her palms, her whole body enveloped by the mint scent mixed with a faint tobacco smell from her body.

Gu Yanzhi felt she wasn’t very good with words, otherwise why would she keep silent, with her lips tightly pressed?

“Qing… Ouch!” A snow-white leg stretched out from under the covers and kicked her off the bed.

            

“Stay away from me!” Lu Qingshi hugged French Fries and turned over to sleep, her voice muffled.

Gu Yanzhi rubbed her bruised knee pitifully: “Oh…”

The temperature dropped at night, the air after rain permeating the skin with moisture. Gu Yanzhi hugged Hamburger and sneezed, rubbing her nose. A blanket was thrown over her head.

            

“Come up”

Lu Qingshi gave her half the bed: “Stay away from me, don’t move around”

Gu Yanzhi pinched the corner of the blanket and rolled to the edge of the bed: “…Okay”

            

As she sank into the pillow, she was surrounded by her scent. If she hadn’t forbidden her to move around, Gu Yanzhi could have been excited enough to roll around on the bed, happy to the point of blurriness.

She tried hard to suppress the corners of her mouth from lifting: “Good night”

“Good night”

            

Listening to the even breathing from the other side, she found it hard to fall asleep for a long time, to the extent that she got up the next day with enormous dark circles under her eyes.

While having breakfast, Lu Qingshi asked: “Didn’t sleep well?”

Gu Yanzhi shook her head nervously like a rattle drum: “No… no… slept very well…”

            

Lu Qingshi drank the last sip of milk from her cup puzzledly: “Let’s go, time for work”

“Okay”

As she got off the back of her motorcycle, it happened to coincide with Qin Xuan wading through the puddles at the gate entrance, umbrella in hand, taking one step at a time. The usually image-conscious person was wearing rubber boots today, paired incongruously with a flamboyant skirt, high heels dangling from her hand. The scene was somewhat comical.

            

Lu Qingshi stiffly turned her head, but Qin Xuan had already spotted her from afar: “Oh~ Today our Instructor Gu is sending Director Lu to work again, eh? Have you two become so close that you’re staying over at each other’s places? Hahahahaha…”

The gazes of surrounding colleagues turned towards them, even the security guard poked his head out from the guard booth. Lu Qingshi wished she could sew Qin Xuan’s mouth shut with sutures.

“Will you die if you don’t speak?”

            

“I would… mmph!” Gu Yanzhi quickly covered her mouth: “The rain is too heavy, you should go in quickly.”

Only after Lu Qingshi disappeared into the corridor with her umbrella did Gu Yanzhi release her. Qin Xuan was about to jump with anger: “Gu Yanzhi, I was helping you pursue…”

“Alright, alright, stop right there,” Faced with someone like Qin Xuan who loved to stir up trouble, even Gu Yanzhi felt a headache coming on: “Sister, I’m begging you, please stop joking about me and her.”

            

“What, given up?” In the short time they had been talking, half of Qin Xuan’s clothes were already wet.

Gu Yanzhi shook her head, then nodded: “Let nature take its course.”

Qin Xuan let out a long sigh and patted her shoulder: “If only… that person had your awareness to know when to give up.”

            

She abruptly stopped herself: “It would be good if that person had your understanding of when to retreat.”

“Xiaogui, I’m sorry, I can’t accompany you to the hospital today,” They said goodbye at the bottom of the apartment building, and Fang Zhiyou stepped out from under her umbrella and opened another one.

Missing a day of work meant earning one day less money. Yu Gui understood and smiled slightly: “It’s okay, I’ll go by myself.”

            

It wasn’t even early winter yet, but she was wearing a mask, scarf, and hat, bundling herself up like a bear. These days, apart from picking her up after work, she rarely went out. She was afraid of people looking at her with strange eyes.

Fang Zhiyou turned to look at her: “Xiaogui, no matter what the result is, I’ll be with you.”

Yu Gui sniffled, giving herself a pep talk: “Mm! I’m sure everything will be fine!”

            

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