Life is Like a Journey – Chapter 38
by Little PandaVolume 1: Rise
Fireworks
This world will not remain dark forever
The night the patient’s family finally agreed to donate the organs, Lu Qingshi stayed alone in the duty room for a long time, lying on her back on the iron-framed bed, allowing her thoughts to empty aimlessly. When she came back to her senses, she felt a coolness on her face and realized that her tears had unknowingly streamed down her face. As she cried, she began to laugh, indulging her emotions and enjoying a moment of ease in the dark room by herself.
A knocking sound started, and Lu Qingshi turned over and got up, wiping the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand before opening the door. As soon as she opened it a crack, a can of the coffee she often drank came into view.
Qin Xuan had both hands lifted over her head, holding up a can of coffee, looking extremely funny: “I’m sorry, Director Lu. I shouldn’t have argued with you. Please be the bigger person and forgive me this time.”
Lu Qingshi’s mouth twitched slightly as she raised her hand to close the door, but Qin Xuan, sensing the situation was not good, quickly inserted her arm: “Hey hey hey, it hurts, it hurts, my arm is going to break…”
Lu Qingshi released her hand, crossed her arms, and stood expressionlessly, watching her perform.
Qin Xuan knew that when she questioned Lu Qingshi in front of so many people, she planted the seed of potential doubt from the patient’s family. However, Lu Qingshi didn’t argue at all, and in order to save Miaomiao, she knelt and apologized in the corridor in front of all those people in the afternoon. This ability to be both flexible and steadfast left her dumbstruck, but what touched her more was Lu Qingshi’s benevolent heart as a physician.
Perhaps in this vast Renji Medical University, only Lu Qingshi can truly embody the saying, “It’s not the disease being treated, but the patient.”
So she stood up straight, bowed slightly: “I’m sorry, Qingshi, I shouldn’t have questioned you in public, and I also delayed your rescue time…”
Lu Qingshi interrupted her: “Really want to apologize?”
Qin Xuan nodded her head like a chick pecking at rice.
Lu Qingshi’s lips curled into a smile that seemed like a smile yet not quite, making Qin Xuan’s scalp tingle with unease. Could this big boss really want her to kneel too?!
A daughter’s knees are precious, kneeling to heaven, earth, and parents…
She gritted her teeth, Lu Qingshi, you’re ruthless!
As her knees slightly bent, Lu Qingshi took the coffee from her hand: “Just one bottle of coffee and you want me to forgive you?”
Qin Xuan nearly stumbled and fell to the ground: “You…”
She was so furious that she ground her teeth, but had no way to deal with this “senior” whose rank was higher, authority greater, medical skills better, and aura stronger. Angrily, she got up, stomped out, cleared out an entire floor’s vending machines, then panted her way back and dumped a big bag of coffee in front of her.
“Here’s a year’s worth of coffee for Director Lu!”
Lu Qingshi nodded in satisfaction: “Leave the stuff, now you can go.”
Qin Xuan wished she could scratch her calm face a couple of times to vent her anger. Once outside, she muttered to herself: “Drinking too much coffee will make you bald sooner or later!!!”
Hao Renjie, with orchid fingers and a drake voice, said: “Oh~ Doctor Qin, who are you cursing to go bald?”
Qin Xuan rushed over and covered her mouth with one hand: “Will it kill you to be a bit quieter!!!”
After trying to walk a few steps, Gu Yanzhi threw away the crutches and refused the nurse’s assistance, moving forward step by step on her own. The rehabilitation room wasn’t very big, just over a hundred square meters. She had only walked halfway before sweat started to form on her forehead, her legs weakening. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to take one more step, but her knees couldn’t support her body’s weight, and she suddenly fell to the ground with a heavy thud.
“Captain Gu!” the nurse cried out, running over.
“Don’t help me!” Gu Yanzhi’s hands clenched into fists on the ground, green veins bulging on her neck. She gritted her teeth and slowly stood up again, continuing to walk forward, then fell, repeating the process over and over.
By the seventh fall, the nurse couldn’t help but have tears in her eyes: “Captain Gu…”
She wanted to step forward to support her, but someone stopped her: “Doctor Lu.”
The other person lightly nodded, standing still, observing her rehabilitation process. When Gu Yanzhi fell to the ground for the tenth time, she lay there for a while, head buried in the ground, neither moving nor speaking.
Lu Qingshi walked over and extended a hand to her: “Are you afraid?”
The person in front trembled slightly: “Am I… useless…”
“No,” Lu Qingshi said, helping her up. She looked into her eyes, where brown pupils held a trace of confusion and a deep fear of the future.
Lu Qingshi held her shoulders and said, word by word: “I am your attending doctor, and if I say it won’t happen, it won’t.”
She doesn’t know if anyone has ever told her, but her eyes are very beautiful, like a tranquil blue lake, or like the stars in the ocean. Her dark pupils reflected her own shadow, shifting from confusion to a gradually determined gaze. Gu Yanzhi gently curved the corners of her lips.
When Qin Xuan came in, this was the scene she saw: one person in a blue and white striped hospital gown sitting on the ground, another half-squatting in front of her with a hand on her shoulder. Gu Yanzhi also reached out to place a hand on her arm, and they exchanged smiles. That warm, gentle aura was difficult for anyone to penetrate, yet it was instantly broken when she spoke, almost making Qin Xuan think it was her imagination.
“Yanzhi, how are you today?”
Gu Yanzhi came back to her senses and smiled at her: “Still the same as usual.”
Lu Qingshi helped her up: “Leg muscle strength training stops here, go try the grip strength device.”
“One, two, three,” under their watchful eyes, Gu Yanzhi gripped the grip strength device with one hand, exerted force for three seconds, then released it, showing a value of five kilograms.
Lu Qingshi noted it down: “Come, switch hands.”
This value was much worse than before, and Gu Yanzhi felt slightly disappointed, but she still followed her words and switched the grip strength device to her left hand, this time achieving four kilograms.
“I…” She looked at her own trembling hands, feeling lost. Qin Xuan suddenly patted her shoulder to encourage her: “Hey, don’t be discouraged. Renji Medical University’s best doctor is personally doing rehabilitation for you. She hasn’t given up, so you need to keep it up!”
Taking a glance at the spirited Qin Xuan, and then another at the doctor holding the medical record folder, who was equally gentle yet firm, Gu Yanzhi nodded and smiled slightly.
“Thank you all.”
“Yes, sign here, write your name, and for relationship, write mother and daughter…” the organ donation coordinator was guiding the patient’s family to sign.
The patient’s family had just written the daughter’s name: Zhou Yuetong.
Then suddenly halted the pen, unable to continue writing in the signature column no matter what, Mother Zhou’s wrist shook like a sieve, and tears fell, wetting the black words on the white paper.
Father Zhou patted her shoulder, comforting her: “Sign it, my dear…”
Mother Zhou cried uncontrollably; once she put pen to paper, it meant giving up any existing treatment and life support system. Although she knew her daughter could not return, this decision was still too cruel for the heartbroken Mother Zhou.
When the medical office informed Lu Qingshi of the family’s final decision, the silent doctor said nothing, turning to gently close the door.
She did not know how to face the disappointed He Miaomiao’s family. She understood how terrifying it was to feel that hope was right in front of you yet ultimately fall into the abyss. She had walked alone for so long, unable to climb out of the abyss.
In all her years of practicing medicine, she never feared failure. She only feared feeling powerless, like now.
The young doctor stood in the sunset, burying her head in her arm, ruffling her shiny, long black hair, biting her lips to stop herself from crying out loud.
Behind her came the crisp click of a lighter, as Gu Yanzhi, leaning on a crutch, walked to her side: “Want one?”
She looked into the clear, bright eyes across from her, seeing her own disheveled appearance reflected in them. In the depths of that gaze, there was something she couldn’t understand.
“If you don’t smoke, I will smoke myself.”
Lu Qingshi gritted her teeth: “You are still a patient.”
After speaking, she snatched it away, and her first time smoking left her choking with tears streaming down. The things that had been accumulating in her eyes suddenly gushed out, like a valve had opened, and more emotions surged out.
Gu Yanzhi said nothing, quietly standing by her side.
The sunset sank below the horizon, and the city’s skyscrapers were caught in half brightness and half shadow. The moon rose, and the cigarette in the doctor’s hand flickered before finally extinguishing in the darkness.
“Click—” she lit the lighter again, but this time did not take out a cigarette. The flame danced in her pupils.
She said: “This world will not remain dark forever.”
“If there is a moment when you feel darkness.”
“Then, it must be that you haven’t found your own fireworks.”
She slightly tilted her head to look at her, reaching out to protect the flame: “Actually, for the patients, Doctor Lu is like this small glow of fireflies, using her own light and warmth to fight the vast, boundless disease.”
Lu Qingshi thought, thanking her for the cigarette, which gave her a reason to want to cry.
The early summer night was tranquil and peaceful, moths flying into flames, toward death and rebirth. Gu Yanzhi, seeing a mosquito burned by the flame fall into her palm, thought, perhaps I am the same.
“Come on, Yu Gui, it’s time for lunch,” Hao Renjie said enthusiastically, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, only to be pushed away.
Yu Gui, carrying a bag of eggs, plunged into the simulation operating room without looking back: “Not going.”
A thick pile of textbooks and a densely written notebook were placed beside her hand.
Hao Renjie poked his head in: “Hey, no matter how hard you try, you’ll never catch up to Teacher Lu.”
She opened the surgical machine, put on gloves, and pulled up her mask: “I am not trying to catch up with Teacher Lu; I am doing it for the patients.”
To ensure there are fewer powerless patients like He Miaomiao, and fewer like Zhou Yuetong.
If she could become just a bit more excellent, maybe she could sew He Miaomiao’s wounds better, maybe she could assist in Zhou Yuetong’s rescue, maybe she could stand on Wang Youshi’s operating table, maybe the pregnant woman on her first ambulance call wouldn’t have died.
She always took Lu Qingshi as the goal she pursued, but actually, the most important pursuit should be the patients. For the patients, she must hone her skills through numerous trials to be useful in critical moments.
This is something Lu Qingshi never taught her, yet she hoped she would understand this reasoning.
Hao Renjie looked at her profile, noticing that from the beginning, this rookie had also become somewhat resilient. This truly is good news, knowing that at least next time at an emergency scene, he won’t have to follow her with so much anxiety.
Amen, thank you, Sister Lu.
Even if she didn’t want to face reality, as He Miaomiao’s attending physician, she had a duty to inform the family of the truth. Lu Qingshi stood up, bowed, and apologized: “I’m sorry, the patient’s family has temporarily decided not to donate the organs, and we also…”
“Very sorry,” she lowered her head again and repeated.
Mother He covered her mouth, tears streaming down her face, saying nothing. Father He’s eyes reddened slightly, and he forced himself to stand up and asked her to sit down: “Doctor Lu, don’t be like this, we understand, really understand. You have done everything you could, we know…”
As he spoke, he couldn’t help but use the back of his hand to wipe the corner of his eye: “Every family’s child is the apple of their eye. We really don’t blame you, and we can also understand that family. This is Miaomiao’s fate!”
Mother He cried uncontrollably, taking a piece of paper from her bag and placing it on the table, passing it over: “Miaomiao was a gift from heaven to us… even though the time was brief, her dad and I cherished this fate very much… now the time has come… heaven wants to take her back… we have no choice… just before leaving, Miaomiao has a gift she wants to give to other children tormented by illness…”
On the table was a black and white “Body Organ Donation Consent Form,” with the names of Father He and Mother He signed in the lower right corner. Miaomiao, too ill to sign, had her father hold her hand to press her fingerprint.
Lu Qingshi clenched her fists, her throat moved up and down, and her eyes slowly turned red at the corners.
“Previously, Miaomiao told us if one day she was no longer here, she wanted to donate her corneas to other children. Her mother and I always disagreed because we felt it was inauspicious, but now… not knowing which day Miaomiao would no longer be here… we still want to fulfill her last wish… also for me and her mother… to leave a memory in this world…”
With trembling hands, Lu Qingshi received the informed consent form, bent at the waist and bowed, choked with sobs: “Thank you… and thank Miaomiao… for the great contribution made to our country’s organ donation cause…”
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