Life is Like a Journey – Chapter 36
by Little PandaVolume 1: Rise
Regret
If one day, Teacher Lu is no longer here.
One battle had not yet ended when Lu Qingshi was thrown into another. She changed into isolation clothing, put on new gloves, and was at the bedside.
“Consciousness level in three digits, no pupil response to light, 5mg adrenaline slow push, has neurosurgery arrived?” A rapid series of orders were conveyed, making the emergency room atmosphere even more tense.
This was a very young fifteen-year-old girl who encountered an accident on her way home from school, still wearing her school uniform. Due to a severe open abdominal wound, half of her intestines had fallen outside, and fresh blood flowed down from the stretcher, pooling on the ground. After being declared a death sentence at the outside hospital, Renji Medical University was the family’s last hope.
“They have arrived,” the neurosurgery professor said, panting heavily as he ran in. The nurse quickly helped him wear the isolation clothing and fastened the strap.
Lu Qingshi nodded once: “You handle the brain injury, I will handle the abdominal open wound.”
“Forceps,” the nurse handed the instrument to her, and Lu Qingshi clamped the half of the intestine that had fallen outside and placed it in saline.
“There’s too much contamination; at least half must be cut,” Liu Qingyun said, helping at the side.
Saving life is crucial now, and Lu Qingshi didn’t hesitate much: “Scalpel.”
Cutting, stopping the bleeding, tying knots, stuffing the remaining intestine back into the belly—what might seem very bloody and uncomfortable to outsiders is just routine for Lu Qingshi.
“Director Lu, the blood pressure isn’t coming up.”
Lu Qingshi took a moment to glance at the screen: “Get another 2000 units of blood, ten units of cryoprecipitate1.”
The nurse ran out and shortly returned empty-handed: “Director Lu, our hospital’s blood bank is critically low!”
Just now, He Miaomiao’s emergency used up more than half of the stored blood, and Lu Qingshi rarely got angry: “Then have the medical office transfer some from other hospitals, quickly!”
“Yes!” The nurse hurriedly ran out again.
When Gu Yanzhi wheeled herself in, Qin Xuan was sitting in a chair in the corridor, looking lost, and beside her were the equally distraught and tearful members of the He family.
The light in the rescue room was not yet out, and Qin Xuan was covering her face: “Why do you think she did it! Why not save Miaomiao…”
Both rescue rooms were equally busy, and even though everyone knows that all are equal in the face of life, people are emotional creatures, and Qin Xuan could not avoid this sentiment.
Gu Yanzhi was unable to criticize who was right or wrong; all she could do was silently keep vigil outside, accompany Qin Xuan, and wait for Lu Qingshi to come out and announce either death or a new chance at life.
“Sew… sew…” It was just like when we confidently review before every exam, but once in the exam room, either the questions weren’t reviewed, or everything reviewed was forgotten.
Yu Gui experienced both; she took a deep breath, steadied her trembling wrist, passed the sewing needle in, but then suddenly dropped her arm.
“I… I… can’t…” She couldn’t overcome her own fear, as the heart exposed to the air gradually lost its color, beating in front of her eyes, one beat after another.
Lu Qingshi’s devil-like words echoed: “If the suture is not complete, you know, it could lead to death.”
The young doctor bit her lower lip tightly, suddenly placing the sewing needle into the tray, and cried out, “I can’t, call Teacher Lu!”
“Okay, the intestinal anastomosis2 is finished,” Lu Qingshi said, placing the hemostatic clamp into the tray.
“Next, repair the spleen rupture injury with 4.0 absorbable suture,” the excellent doctor, even when facing complex car accident injuries, remained composed, her hand movements never pausing for a moment. As a clinical doctor, clear thinking and superb technique are indispensable.
“Blood is here, blood is here!” the nurse shouted, carrying the incubator from the hospital entrance and rushing into the emergency room. She hung the blood on the infusion stand and began taking deep breaths, supporting herself on her knees.
Over there, the sound of the craniotomy drill began. The patient’s cranial injury was severe, with a portion directly caved in, leaving no choice for the brain department director but to open a hole from above.
“Qingshi, the situation isn’t good; the brainstem damage is severe, and brain edema3 has already appeared,” said the old professor who had previously performed surgery on the Land Rover driver with her. Lu Qingshi pressed her lips together: “Please do your best.”
“Okay, rest assured,” the other responded, continuing with the surgery: “Come, give me the scalp clip.”
“Doctor Lu, Doctor Yu said she can’t do it!” The nurse, clutching the phone, ran in with the phone on speaker, not even raising her head.
“If she can’t do it, then she should write her resignation.”
“Okay, cut the suture,” Lu Qingshi neatly tied a surgical knot. The assistant handed over the surgical scissors, and the thread end was steadily cut.
Over there, Hao Renjie grabbed her collar and lifted her from the ground: “Yu Gui! Wearing a white coat and displaying our Renji Medical University badge makes you a doctor of our hospital! Our First Affiliated Hospital’s emergency department never has cowards! Here, it’s not just Sister Lu who is a doctor; you are too! If one day Sister Lu is not here, who will you rely on?”
After speaking, he looked at He Miaomiao, who was lying unconscious on the hospital bed, his eyes slightly reddened, then glanced at Yu Gui with disappointment, reluctantly releasing her collar. Yu Gui fell sitting on the ground.
“See who’s free, come help lend a hand!”
He took off his mask and ran out, while Yu Gui climbed up from the ground, her trembling hands grabbing the needle holder from the tray.
Would Teacher Lu… really be gone one day?
It turns out that unknowingly, her reliance on Lu Qingshi had already reached this extent; having difficulties and looking for Lu Qingshi had become every emergency department member’s common understanding. Under the ample protection of Lu Qingshi’s wings, even though Yu Gui had learned some superficial things, she hadn’t achieved true growth. Teacher Lu… perhaps had long ago seen through this.
Yu Gui sniffed, not letting her tears fall, as she gently inserted the needle holder into her skin: “The wrist must be steady.”
At this moment, it was as if Lu Qingshi, wearing a white coat with hands behind her back, stood behind her.
“Do not stab it in abruptly.”
Yu Gui repeated, her hand movements becoming much lighter.
“Use upper arm strength to drive the forearm.”
She moved her wrist slightly, guiding the sewing needle through the skin, and with the other hand, gently clamped it out with tweezers.
“Keep the muscles steady, don’t shake,” she took a deep breath, stitching one after another, neatly tying knots. From the initial stumbling to the final suturing, her movements became faster and could barely be called smooth.
“Okay, the spleen rupture repair is complete,” Lu Qingshi put down the surgical scissors and glanced at the old professor, who picked up the suction needle tube to remove the hematoma from the cranial area.
“Hematoma cleaning is complete.”
Lu Qingshi used an electric pen to check the girl’s pupils, shaking her head as the reaction to light still hadn’t returned.
“Director Lu, the blood pressure is continuously dropping.”
After correcting the internal environment for hemostatic shock, the patient’s blood pressure wouldn’t rise, only with large amounts of pressor drugs could it be barely maintained at 40-60mmHg, which is far below the standard value, and the blood oxygen was pitifully low.
“Increase the oxygen flow,” the ventilator had not stopped since the start of the rescue, and the brain department director shook his head, indicating he was powerless.
“The degree of brainstem damage is too severe, unable to repair,” he looked at the EEG beside him, which had already turned to an electrical silence state.
“There’s nothing more we can do, brought in too late, go let the medical office talk with the family.”
Brain tissue, unlike organs, cannot be transplanted. When it suffers irreversible damage, even a Da Luo Jin Xian4 would find it hard to save. Lu Qingshi understood this, but still felt regret, her eyes slightly wistful.
The light in the rescue room went out, and Lu Qingshi was completely surrounded by family members. The doctor slightly bowed her head to express her apologies, then was grabbed by the white coat amidst a burst of wailing. The medical office’s staff hurried in to maintain order, allowing Lu Qingshi to escape. Her figure disappeared into the depths of the corridor, slightly desolate.
The light in another rescue room also went out. Yu Gui came out with tear stains at the corner of her eyes, but her face was full of a satisfied smile.
The family members tightly grasped her hand to express their gratitude. Mother He almost wanted to kneel to her, but she quickly helped her up. Qin Xuan punched her on the shoulder, and the person who had just been despondent now became lively again upon hearing the good news.
“Well done, truly worthy of being Lu Qingshi’s excellent disciple!”
Yu Gui knew she hadn’t reached that level yet and scratched her head, smiling somewhat shyly: “It was Teacher Lu who completed the crucial part and then handed it to me. The success of the rescue owes much to her…”
“Only…” she glanced at the unconscious little girl on the gurney: “a heart transplant must be performed quickly.”
We all say the world is not black and white, but life is. Life or death is always a single-choice question. Those who haven’t truly experienced death won’t understand how regretful it is to see a life dissipate before your eyes. Lu Qingshi’s time in the profession isn’t considered short, and the cases she’s handled are even more than those of the average expert professor. Yet, when facing death, even though her heart desperately tells her: this is a common occurrence.
But emotion still inevitably holds a trace of wistfulness. A fifteen-year-old young life, which should have had a bright future, can no longer see tomorrow’s sun because of one person’s recklessness.
Lu Qingshi stood up, her hand resting on the railing. The rooftop’s night wind was somewhat strong, blowing her hair into disarray. Below was the city’s continuous and unending lights against the night sky.
Gu Yanzhi turned her wheelchair over: “It’s just a rescue failure, no need to jump off the building, right?”
Lu Qingshi heard the sound and turned around, her lips curving slightly imperceptibly: “I’m not Yu Gui, dealing with life or death situations.”
The firefighting instructor, turning her wheelchair, came to her side with a big smile on her face, watching the moonlight fall on her eyebrows and eyes.
“So, the seemingly unapproachable Doctor Lu is actually a good doctor and a good teacher.”
A moment of unnaturalness flashed across Lu Qingshi’s face as she clenched the coffee can in her hand: “Why are you not sleeping late at night and running here?”
Gu Yanzhi’s intuition told her that if she really said something like “came to see you,” she might be directly kicked off the rooftop, so she blinked her eyes: “Came to see the stars.”
Lu Qingshi looked up; it was a very clear night, with twinkling stars and splendid moonlight.
The doctor pressed her lips together and said nothing more.
“When I was twenty, I went to Yunnan on a mission. That mountain forest had many leftover minefields from the Vietnam War. We waded through the mines in the primeval forest for three days and nights before finding the shadow of the drug dealers.”
Lu Qingshi didn’t know why she was telling her these things, but she still listened very intently.
“And then what happened?”
“Later…” Gu Yanzhi’s face showed a kind of longing, her expression filled with reminiscence, yet her tone was extremely calm as she narrated those thrilling and turbulent years.
“Intelligence was leaked, the infiltration failed, and terrorists captured nearby villagers as hostages. We were helpless and had to retreat first to ensure the hostages’ safety…”
“Gu Yanzhi, what are you doing! Come back!” A teammate grabbed her, but the young and vigorous special forces soldier, believing her marksmanship was unmatched, capable of hitting targets from a hundred steps, thought she could shoot the drug dealer leader from a distance and rescue the hostages. So she shook off her teammate and plunged alone into the dense forest.
The superior’s order was to prioritize ensuring the hostages’ safety, but no one was willing to return empty-handed after finally finding the drug dealer’s lair.
“Captain, what should we do?” Several special forces soldiers, wearing ghillie suits and dressed in camouflage combat uniforms, gathered together.
Her captain at that time has now become a name on the hero monument.
“You all stay put and don’t move, I’ll go find Gu Yanzhi,” hhe said, then plunged into the dense forest.
In the military camp’s shooting range, whether it was a fixed target or a moving target, she never missed. But she overlooked that when truly aligning the sight on a person, the feeling was indeed different from shooting targets.
The young special forces soldier swallowed hard, released the safety pin, and the excellent performance of the Type 88 sniper rifle allowed her to hit targets from eight hundred meters away. As long as she could hit in one strike, the other minions wouldn’t be a problem.
She was waiting for an opportunity, a chance for the suspect to show his head. As long as any part of his body was exposed, she was confident she could hit him. But the cunning drug dealer always hid behind the hostages.
As the sky was about to brighten, the other members of the drug trafficking gang scattered into the dense forest, breaking up into parts, making further searches like finding a needle in a haystack.
With the bullet already chambered, Gu Yanzhi was unwilling to give up. For this capture operation, the Ministry of Public Security had sacrificed many colleagues, including her comrade, who was blown to pieces during demining.
The young face painted with camouflage showed an unclear expression, but tears shimmered in her eyes; she wanted to avenge her comrade.
Gu Yanzhi stood up from the jungle, drew her tactical knife, but before she could step forward, a gunshot suddenly rang out in the dense forest, startling the birds within.
She rolled into action, and the micro-communication device hanging on her ear came to life: “It’s now, Gu Yanzhi!”
Her captain, in order to create a sniping environment for her, silently approached the drug dealer’s rear side and suddenly launched an attack. The gunshot just now was fired in self-defense by the panicking drug dealer. The hostages were rescued by other teammates, and her captain became entangled with the drug dealer.
Gu Yanzhi subconsciously held the gun to shoot, aligning the sight with the back of the drug dealer’s head, and gently pulled the trigger. Just as she released her index finger, she suddenly stood up.
“No!!!”
“Daddy!!!” A little boy, merely five or six years old, suddenly ran out from the house and threw himself toward the injured drug dealer.
At that moment, the blood flower bloomed in her eyes. Her first time executing a mission with live ammunition, she hit not the enemy, but an innocent child.
The mission was successful; the drug dealer was shot dead by the arriving teammates. However, from that day, the genius halo fell from her, as she frequently had nightmares and would tremble all over whenever she touched a gun. Despite undergoing a very long period of psychological counseling, she couldn’t completely solve the problem, and her captain resigned due to this incident.
Not everyone can bear the weight of life, especially a fledgling rookie who is not mentally strong. Lu Qingshi, like her captain, used her seemingly unapproachable exterior to protect Yu Gui’s sensitive and fragile healer’s benevolent heart.
An experienced emergency expert could easily see that the fifteen-year-old girl was already beyond help, yet still insisted on treating her until the last moment. Although giving up treatment earlier would have been better for Miaomiao’s heart transplant, life does not distinguish between high and low status, and she couldn’t let herself act on emotions.
But tonight, Doctor Lu really wanted to act emotionally for once. She buried her head and clenched the coffee can in her hand: “I… I couldn’t save that girl… also couldn’t… save Miaomiao…”
Gu Yanzhi, supporting herself on the wheelchair, stood up and moved step by step to her side, took out a tissue from her pocket, and handed it to her: “Doctor Lu, you’ve already done great. Many people have regained new life through your hands, but this world is full of helpless situations. If you want to cry, then—”
On the rooftop stood a large metal stand with the words “Renji Medical University” written on it, and Gu Yanzhi sat down next to her: “Just look up at the stars.”
The person beside her did not speak, and no one knew what she was thinking about. Two drops of water fell from the back of her hand resting on her knees, and her slender shoulders were slightly trembling. From Gu Yanzhi’s angle, she could see a large silver sea in her eyes, yet she still forced herself to bite her lower lip, not letting any sound escape.
At that moment, her heart seemed to be hit by something, becoming both sour and bitter.
Gu Yanzhi, following her heart, raised her hand and gently embraced her shoulder: “It’s alright, if you want to cry, then cry. I won’t tell anyone that the Chief Emergency Physician of Renji Medical University cried on the rooftop.”
This provoked the other to elbow her in the chest. She pretended to be in pain and bent over, but when she saw the concerned look in her eyes, she covered her chest and laughed, letting that bit of sourness turn into warmth that melted in her chest.
With red eyes, Lu Qingshi grabbed the empty coffee can and threw it at her: “Gu Yanzhi, you’re asking for it!”
Footnotes
- Cryoprecipitate: Also called cryo for short, is a frozen blood product prepared from blood plasma.
- Intestinal anastomosis: A connection that is created between tubular structures, such as blood vessels or loops of intestine. For example, when part of an intestine is surgically removed, the two remaining ends are sewn or stapled together (anastomosed).
- Brain edema: An excess accumulation of fluid in the intracellular or extracellular spaces of the brain.
- Da Luo Jin Xian: A being who has attained the highest level of immortality and enlightenment, far beyond the mortal world, living eternally in a state of perfect wisdom and peace. This is often considered the ultimate goal of spiritual cultivation in Daoist philosophy and is a term frequently found in classic Chinese mythology and literature, such as in Journey to the West.
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