Life is Like a Journey – Chapter 133
by Little PandaLP: Unfortunately, chapter 132 is a locked chapter. Didn’t have any luck finding it somewhere else
Volume 5: Extra
Nian Qing
When the world is dark, I am the only light.
Ten years after my mother’s passing, I went to the attic to sort through her belongings.
My mother’s surname was Lu, a natural beauty. In the photograph, she was still young, wearing a white coat, with a stethoscope around her neck, one hand holding teaching materials, and the other hand holding mine.
The person who took the photo had the surname Gu, my other mother.
We were a somewhat “special” rainbow family, I was mixed-race, but this never hindered their meticulous love for me.
My earliest childhood memories and warmth came from them.
Mother Lu would hold me and sing lullabies to help me sleep, read picture books to me, play with building blocks and puzzles with me. Additionally, I loved when she taught me scientific knowledge – that world was brilliant yet complex. She explained everything eloquently, making it simple to understand yet profound, forming my initial enlightenment about medicine and bioengineering.
My other mother was excellent at cooking, taking charge of our three daily meals. When I brought her prepared lunch boxes to school, they were always popular – this was what made young me happiest.
Mother Lu taught me to read and write, while Mother Gu helped me build physical strength. Every morning we would go running together, play soccer together, running on the green field, sprinkling our laughter and sweat there.
I loved reading, loved sports, but loved them most of all.
The deepest childhood impression was once when I told my kindergarten classmates: “My mother is a superhero, she’s Iron Man, she has saved many people!”
The children burst into laughter; no one believed me.
I went home crying, curled up in Mother Lu’s embrace.
That night, I don’t know what she said to Mother Gu, but until late night, the study room light stayed on.
The next evening, I waited as usual for my mothers to pick me up from school. Because they were busy with work, I was often the last one, idly playing with blocks when there was a commotion at the classroom door.
The children exclaimed: “Look! Iron Man!”
In an instant, all the classmates gathered around.
Iron Man held candies – after distributing them, the last one was saved for me.
She came to me, patted my head, crouched down and handed me the candy: “Nian Qing, mama’s here to take you home.”
The familiar voice came from behind the mask.
I immediately threw myself forward and tightly hugged her neck: “Mama!”
Under the envious gazes of my classmates, I was lifted onto her shoulders, walking past the crowd towards the exit. I was laughing and shouting excitedly, and when some classmates asked to take photos together, mama agreed to all requests.
That day was my happiest moment.
When we walked out of the school gate at dusk, Mother Lu was standing outside chatting with the principal, giving a slight nod in gratitude.
Seeing us approach, she immediately ended her conversation, lifted me down from mama’s shoulders. After we got into the car and Mother Gu removed her helmet, she was completely drenched in sweat in the scorching summer heat.
Mother Lu taught me gentleness, while Mother Gu carried that part representing a father’s fortitude and strength.
Therefore, although I had no father, I received two equally warm and nurturing loves.
I grew up strong under their meticulous care.
At that time, I didn’t yet understand what homosexuality meant.
Or what our kind of family represented.
Until the year I turned ten, when I skipped grades to enter a new middle school.
Strange classmates pointed and whispered, scribbled on my desk, wrote notes behind my back, calling me “pervert”, “child of perverts.”
I couldn’t endure it anymore, raised my fists and charged forward. When it came to fighting, how could I lose after Mother Gu’s teachings? I straddled the male classmate and beat him until his face was swollen, then the teacher called my mother.
Mother Gu rushed to school to get me. I had never seen her like that before, bowing and nodding to the teacher, apologizing to the male classmate’s parents, even buying them fruit and compensating for medical expenses.
The other side’s face showed disdain and contempt: “No wonder a child from this kind of family is so violent and savage. Lucky the injuries weren’t serious, otherwise this wouldn’t be over.”
In that instant, I saw mama clench her fists, her eyes reddening, but she quickly calmed down and walked away holding my hand without a word.
I yanked my hand away: “They’re right, you are a pervert!”
My mama, always so strong and resolute, turned red-eyed, her body suddenly trembling.
My heart felt sour and bitter, I turned away, wiped my tears, and ran home in one breath.
I knew she was following behind, but I still locked the door.
Mother Lu was waiting at home for dinner, setting out bowls and chopsticks: “Welcomeβ”
Before she could finish speaking, we entered one after another, I rushed into my room, locked the door and began crying.
And my mama also entered the bedroom without a word.
I knew that day Mother Lu wanted to hit me. After hearing the whole story, her eyes also turned red, and I heard quiet arguing from over there.
That was the onlyβtime in my memory they fought.
Finally, somehow Mother Lu seemed to be persuaded.
She calmed down, knocked on my door, called me to come out for dinner.
In this family, though she appeared gentle and soft, I knew she was actually the most decisive person.
I felt guilty, but being at a rebellious age, gender consciousness was just beginning to sprout.
Those people’s words stabbed deeply into my heart. Thinking of Mother Gu bowing and apologizing, my eyes reddened again.
I felt like they were wrong, yet also not wrong. My heart was tangled like a messy ball of yarn.
In the end, of course, it was she who used the key to open the door and pulled me out. Her palm was dry and warm as she pressed me down onto the chair, then went to serve rice.
On the table were chicken legs that I liked. I ate two, but she picked up some vegetables with her chopsticks and put them in my bowl.
I put down my chopsticks: “Maβ”
Her gentle and calm gaze looked at me. By then, her temples had white hair, but time never defeats a beauty, she was still very beautiful.
She didn’t discuss that incident, she only said: “You like eating meat, don’t like vegetables. Some people like vegetables, some people hate meat. Can you say it’s wrong not to eat vegetables? Or hit someone just because they hate meat?”
Looking at her expression, there was a hint of seriousness. She rarely was like this. I tearfully said with grievance: “But… they called me a pervert, and said you both are also…”
I refused to say those two words again. The person sitting opposite didn’t speak for a long time. I looked up, her eyes were slightly red, but she gently placed her hand on the back of mine.
“Nian Qing, do you remember what I told you about the South and North Pole magnetic fields?”
I nodded while sobbing: “Remember, you said like poles repel, opposite poles attract.”
“But there are some people in this world who aren’t like that. They stand in the same magnetic field and still desperately want to embrace each other.”
“Unlike poles can easily attract each other, but when you put North with North, South with South, you’ll find it takes great effort – let go and they separate. Your mama and I are among those, but until today we haven’t let go of each other’s hands.”
“That’s why we have you. You’re not a pervert, you’re the crystallization of your mothers’ love.”
I half-understood, and she gently patted my head again.
“You can eat vegetables, you can also eat meat. You can like pretty clothes and dresses, and also play ball and wrestle. You can keep long hair, or cut it short. You can like biology, geography, and history, and also like politics, philosophy, and computers. You can like boys or like girls. Who we like has nothing to do with who we are.”
“But no matter what, mama hopes that in this life, you’ll do what you like and persist in it.”
My tears fell in big drops into my bowl. She hadn’t scolded me, yet it made me feel even worse.
For my own stupidity and impulsiveness.
This was my life’s first enlightenment about love.
Then, she returned to the main topic: “If you don’t like this school, mama can change schools for you, but no matter where you go, there will be people like this. Think carefully. We don’t care what others say, we only care about what you think.”
I lowered my head and thought for a while, clenching my small fists: “Sorry mama, I was wrong. I’ve decided, I won’t change schools. Today mommy apologized for me, tomorrow I’ll personally apologize to my classmates.”
Only then did she smile, rubbing my head again: “Let’s eat.”
I put down my chopsticks, ran into the bedroom, pulled out red-eyed Mother Gu, pressed her into a chair, served her rice, set out her bowls and chopsticks, and nervously apologized to her.
She quickly forgave me, held me in her arms kissing me again and again, and promised to buy me a new gaming console in a couple of days.
Mother Lu struck her hand with chopsticks, severely warning: “Of all things to buy, why a gaming console? Where did you get the money, hiding personal savings again?”
Mother Gu covered her mouth with her hand: “No-no-no, none-none-none, I didn’t say anything!!!”
I fell back in my chair wailing: “Ma!!!”
Then after that, mama’s health continued to decline. She had suffered too much torture when young, and these symptoms became more apparent as she aged.
Every rainy day, her bones would ache. I witnessed her rolling in bed from pain, while my other mother gripped her hand tightly, kneeling beside the bed with tears streaming down her face.
She was an excellent doctor, yet couldn’t stop her own aging. My other mother took her to major hospitals across the country, seeking famous doctors, but to no avail.
During that period, our home was always filled with the unpleasant smell of Chinese medicine.
I had a premonition, but didn’t expect it would come so quickly.
That was autumn five years ago.
I had just been accepted to university and was preparing to bring home the acceptance letter with good news, but was instead taken to the hospital by neighbors.
“Nian Qing, hurry, your mother is dying!”
“Ma!”
I rushed into the hospital room, saw her lying on the bed barely breathing, silver threads mixed in her black hair. Mother Gu knelt beside the bed holding her hand. Seeing me arrive, she weakly smiled.
“Nian Qing, come here.”
IV tubes were connected to the back of her hand, her skin had lost its elasticity, no longer smooth, becoming rough and worn.
I rushed over. She weakly raised her hand, stroking my eyebrows, my features from top to bottom.
I looked like her, but my personality and temper followed my other mother, with the same spirit in my eyes as her.
She looked at me, yet seemed to be looking through me at someone else.
Finally, she withdrew her hand, tremblingly undid the necklace from her neck – her treasure that she never parted with.
I knew it was the love token Mother Gu had given her.
I was crying uncontrollably. She held my head, and with Mother Gu’s help, hung the bullet shell necklace around my neck.
She said: “Nian Qing, mama… loves you.”
I held her body, letting out sobs from deep in my throat, while she just gazed gently and calmly at her.
I knew she wanted to spend her final moments with her.
That day, I cried outside the door.
They were murmuring inside.
Mother Gu lay down beside her, holding her in her arms as usual.
She asked her: “Do you regret it?”
“Regret…” she said softly, her gaze almost greedily lingering on her face, as if wanting to engrave her features, expressions, smiles, and tears into her marrow along with the memories.
To carry these through reincarnation, eternally undying.
“I’m sorry, I…” she pressed against her forehead, tears sliding into her neck hollow, her whole body trembling. She cried heavily, not hysterically, but heart-piercing.
She knew she would leave her forever.
Her lips gently brushed against hers, tongue tasting a hint of bitterness.
She didn’t cry, she just smiled.
“Regret… not meeting… you earlier.”
“Qingshi, it’s okay, you go ahead first…” she kissed her forehead, holding her tight, feeling her body temperature gradually fading.
“I won’t let you be lonely. When Nian Qing grows up, I… will come accompany you.”
“Next life, next next life, next next next life, you’ll still be Lu Qingshi, I’ll still be Gu Yanzhi, we’ll be together forever and ever.”
Her brief first half of life had suffered too much hardship. I thought she would have regrets and resentment at death, but when I pushed open the door, she was so quiet and peaceful, wearing a smile, gently closing her eyes in her lover’s arms.
Five years later, I inherited her will, joining Renji Medical University First Affiliated Hospital as a resident physician. Coincidentally, her former apprentice became my teaching supervisor.
Perhaps some things are truly predetermined by fate.
Not long after, my other mother also passed away. She died at her post, crushed under a ceiling while saving a child injured in an earthquake. When sent to the hospital, she still had one breath left.
I knew she was holding on to see me one last time.
I knelt before her bed, holding her blood-covered hand, crying soundlessly: “Mama don’t… don’t leave me…”
Like Mother Lu, she looked at me tenderly and lovingly, her trembling hand caressing my face, leaving blood marks.
“You’ve grown up… Nian Qing… I can… can peacefully… go see your mama now…”
Her gaze seemed to look at me, yet also at someone else.
As I grew taller, my features increasingly resembled my mama’s. I knew she hadn’t been happy these years, often looking dazed when watching me.
When I got up at midnight to use the bathroom, I would always see her sitting before mama’s memorial photo for half the night.
At mealtimes, she would always set an extra pair of bowls and chopsticks, silently picking up food for her. When I washed dishes, I would eat two bites, then pour it away.
Every weekend she would make good food and visit her at the cemetery, keeping her company talking, fearing she was lonely, not returning until late night.
Her wallet always held her photo.
She had a worn and old keychain she couldn’t bear to throw away.
In these years since mama’s departure, she hadn’t genuinely smiled a single day, like a transparent person, living in mama’s shadow.
Now, she was going to see her, how could she not be happy?
I saw a smile slowly rising at her lips, wearing their engagement ring on her hand – that discarded ring, she had finally found it again.
That night in the desert, Lu Qingshi searched for a long time, but someone searched even longer.
In her other hand, she tightly clutched a keychain, perfectly matching mama’s to form a pair.
She tremblingly raised it to her chest, seeming to see her waving.
She was still so beautiful, wearing a white coat, just like their first meeting, the white hair at her temples gone.
She smiled at her, and in an instant floated into the sky, surrounded by spring warmth and blooming flowers.
“Yanzhi,” she called her name, reaching out her hand.
She gently touched her fingertips: “Ah, I’ve come… to accompany you.”
“You’ve grown old,” she smiled.
“You’re still so beautiful,” she gently brushed her hair behind her ear.
Her gaze lingered almost greedily on her, deep affection flowing in her eyes.
“Qingshi.”
“Mm?”
“I… love you.”
She grabbed her collar, stood on tiptoes to press a kiss.
“I love you too.”
She finally left, with a smile on her lips, quiet and peaceful like mama.
Perhaps in some corner of another world, they’re already tightly embracing each other.
Turning through the album page by page, we left many memories these years. Every New Year’s Eve we would take family photos, I gradually grew up, they gradually aged.
Hamburger and French Fries had puppies and kittens, mama gave one each to Teacher Yu’s family and Auntie Qin’s family, while I kept one cat and one dog.
I think I will live well carrying these memories.
I put the album into the big box beside me, storing it carefully. When getting up, I accidentally bumped the drawer, and a yellowed notebook fell out.
I picked it up – blue cover, old paper, a musty ink smell wafting up. It should be mama’s belongings too.
In my impression, only Mother Lu loved writing and drawing, but unexpectedly upon opening it, it was another person’s legacy.
The handwriting was somewhat messy, but not enough to prevent me from recognizing it.
“2008 year, June 15th day, my father passed away, died in a great fire…”
This was Mother Gu’s diary, I curiously widened my eyes.
The soldier’s narrative style was concise and to the point.
“I saved a doctor, but when I ran back, father had already been swallowed by the sea of fire.”
“I am very sad.”
There were water stains on the paper.
I touched it and felt heartache too.
I had heard Mother Lu mention that she was an orphan, never seeing her father or mother, raised by an adoptive father who later died in the line of duty in a fire.
The diary continued, with some days between entries, she seemed to only record major events.
“2011 year, March 28th day, I met her.”
This ‘her’? Who did it refer to?
I flipped forward, quickly finding the answer.
From then on, almost every diary entry had her shadow.
“Never expected she would be my neighbor.”
“Loutai Apartment fire, went on mission with her.”
“Doctor Lu’s soup tastes awful, but I drank it all, hehe, really want to tell her, besides father she’s the first person to make soup for me.”
“Doctor Lu is so beautiful.”
“Chemical plant exploded, went to scene with her.”
“Doctor Lu saved me.”
“I… seem to… have fallen for her.”
……
Turning through the diary pages one by one, recording their joys and sorrows, unions and partings.
And about the beginning and end of their love story, I finally pieced it together completely.
My mama on her first day after military service saved a doctor, that doctor was named Lu Qingshi, who later became her lover.
Mother Lu on her first day working at Renji Medical Science University First Affiliated Hospital couldn’t save a firefighter’s life, the deceased firefighter’s daughter later became her family.
They saved each other, independent when apart, when together they were beautiful enough to move one to tears.
After reading mama’s diary, it seemed all the answers I had long sought were found.
Their story was magnificent and turbulent.
About life, about love, about faith, about ideals, about peace, about war……
Just as mama once said, where there is light, there is warmth, even though the world won’t become better because of it.
When the world is dark, I am the only light.
I think this is what they wanted to tell me with their lives.
People like my mamas will become more and more numerous.
I firmly believe this.
“Nian Qing, are you ready? The funeral is about to begin,” someone called from downstairs – Uncle Fu’s daughter, my senior apprentice sister.
I wiped my tears, put away the diary: “Ah, coming.”
My mamas were buried together, the burial site was well chosen – green mountains and clear waters, open on all sides. Mama loved wind, loved nature, Mother Gu had chosen this place many years ago.
She finally could be buried like a true soldier, with a flag-draped coffin, just like when Mother Lu passed away, many people came.
Mother Lu’s students, Mother Gu’s teammates, and others they had helped, patients they had healed, even some blue-eyed foreigners.
Everyone bowed and offered flowers in turn, each person’s eyes silently reddening.
I wore black clothes, with a white flower pinned to my chest, standing at the back, watching everything through tear-filled eyes.
Until someone called my name: “Nian Qing, it’s your turn.”
I walked forward in a daze, placed a bunch of white chrysanthemums before the tombstone, fingers touching their photos, tears falling continuously.
“Mama…” I cried uncontrollably.
“Nian Qing,” someone gently placed their hand on my shoulder.
“Nian Qing.”
“Nian Qing.”
More people called my name.
I turned around, there was Teacher Yu, and many many others.
Teacher Yu’s partner Auntie Fang was also there.
Auntie Qin and Auntie Xiang were also there, they had a lovely son, not much younger than me.
Uncle Fu and senior apprentice sister were there too, her eyes red as she looked at me: “Nian Qing, from now on we are your family.”
Uncle Hao was also there, he had spent most of his life wandering, recently married, with a lovely little daughter.
“Nian Qing, come visit often, Ranran really likes you.”
And there were Auntie Chen and Uncle Liu, my superiors, yet also kind and friendly to me.
“Nian Qing, your mamas would be very happy seeing you so excellent and sensible.”
Finally, Teacher Yu reached out to help me up. I took the wine from her hand, poured it before the tomb, my lips curving slightly.
Mamas… I am not alone.
Behind me are many, many people like you.
No matter where I am, I can feel your love – in mountains and seas, currents and flows, earth and lakes, sunlight, air and dew.
Your love exists forever with the world.
These precious memories are enough for me to walk through this long life.
May you live peacefully and happily in another world.
I will inherit your will, take healing and saving people as my duty, contribute what warmth I can.
In the future, someone will hold my hand, or I will fall in love with someone. When that time comes, I will return to your grave, offer you wine, and tell you the story of me and her/him.
End of Text.
The author has something to say:
Finally put down the period, still want to say thank you γbowingγ.
Today while writing, I cried for a long time, feeling somewhat lost, as if putting down a burden, yet also as if losing something.
This is the warmest, brightest, clearest love I’ve ever written.
Don’t know if I’ll write better works in the future, so you’ll have to wait a while for new writing.
Finally, borrowing little angel’s words:
First wish, world peace.
Second wish, to have good companions like Lu Qingshi and Gu Yanzhi by one’s side.
Third wish, everyone be healthy, peaceful, and happy.
Respectfully submitted by the author.
Next series γMy Dear Forensic Ladyγ now starting, welcome to follow – Sharp-tongued foxy forensic doctor x reserved, abstinent criminal investigation team captain.
LP: This novel is now done!
Thank you all for reading and I hope the translations aren’t too bad γ½(*ββ½β*)οΎ
As always, support the author: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=3954726
I searched for chapter 132 since I really wanted to read the rest and managed to find it raw on a website, specifically xszj.org, if you would be able to use that to translate it. It’s listed as Chapter 135 (8) there.
Oh! Thank you! I’ll translate it when I have the time :D