Life is Like a Journey – Chapter 114
by Little PandaVolume 3: Transition
Old Things
She neither had the courage to be a patient, nor retained the courage to be a doctor
Snow was still falling as the doctor sat quietly, letting frost and snow dampen her hair and cover her white coat. Her fingertips, red from cold, held a can of cola, and her eyes were also red.
She was crying.
Hao Renjie walked over and opened an umbrella above her head.
Suddenly no longer feeling snow on her face, Yu Gui looked up: “Lu…”
She lowered her eyes again: “Sister Haoren.”
Yu Gui gripped the can tightly: “I don’t know if what I did was right or wrong. I feel… I might have made a mistake, but…”
She bit her lip, thinking of Lu Qingshi’s resolute departure, and tears fell again.
“Yu Gui, I know you’re upset about Sister Lu leaving, but now isn’t the time to be dejected.”
He scratched his head, also troubled: “Too much has happened lately. Dean Meng is in the ICU and could any time… Director Xu is gone, Sister Lu has left, we’re…”
He paused: “Like stray dogs.”
These words made Yu Gui want to cry again. She wiped her tears with her cold sleeve and stood up.
“Although I hate to admit it, you’re right about one thing – now isn’t the time to be dejected.”
Hao Renjie turned to look at her: “Where are you going?”
Yu Gui waved and ran into the corridor: “To study.”
The surgical team roster was quickly finalized, divided into seven groups of three people each, organized by organ: heart, stomach, liver, pancreas, spleen, large intestine, and small intestine. After the main surgeon removes the tumor-wrapped organ and places it in a tray, they would excise and separate the tumor. Dr. Victor would operate the da Vinci, while Yu Gui and Liu Qingyun were assigned to the first surgical team, responsible for cardiac tumor removal and separation.
This was China’s – no, the world’s top technical exchange and collaboration.
These days, Renji Medical University was filled with an invisible tension as they held English-language meetings with doctors from Xiehe and the University of Toronto to determine surgical plans, removal methods, organ placement procedures, timing, and more…
An anesthesia team composed of national top hospital authorities would safeguard the entire operation.
The nursing team was also actively discussing perioperative care.
Conference rooms of all sizes were packed with doctors of various skin colors, speaking different languages, wearing different hospital badges, but all in the same white coats.
Multiple surgical simulations were conducted intensively, with Renji Medical University’s simulation operating room staying brightly lit during this period.
The operation’s biggest challenge was time sensitivity – organs couldn’t be exposed to air for more than four hours, or they would risk ischemia-reperfusion injury [damage caused when blood returns to tissue after oxygen deprivation]. This meant all surgical teams needed to complete tumor removal and vascular reconstruction, then connect to artificial blood vessels, all within four hours. This required exceptional skill, speed, and extraordinary teamwork.
If even one organ died or one surgical team made a mistake, the operation would fail, and the child patient could die on the operating table.
Everyone was on edge, especially the first surgical team. Their task was to remove the tumor surrounding the heart – one slip, and if the heart stopped beating, everything would be lost, making the other surgical teams’ work meaningless.
“Time’s up!” As the timer sounded, Yu Gui put down her surgical knife, covered in sweat.
She turned to look at the wall clock – four hours and ten minutes. As expected… it was still a bit forced, wasn’t it?
Fu Lei also removed his mask as the nurse wiped his sweat: “That’s enough for today.”
It was 4:30 AM when they left the operating room. Yu Gui walked in the opposite direction of the on-call room, and Hao Renjie caught up with her: “Where are you going? You haven’t slept for two days.”
“I’m going to the records room to review cases,” she waved him off. “I’ll sleep there when I get tired.”
At 5:30 AM, the records room was empty.
The open computer still emitted a blue glow, and the hardcover notebook before her was filled with dense writing. Yu Gui couldn’t hold on any longer and slumped forward.
With a “bang,” her forehead made intimate contact with the hard desk. She rubbed her head, bounced back up, and continued typing on the keyboard.
The first ray of morning sunlight shone through the glass window. The doctor was sleeping soundly at the desk, her features soft, a smile on her lips. Under her arm were two different surgical plans, and a breeze lifted the corner of the white paper, faintly revealing the character “ๆถ” [shรญ, time].
“Have you decided?” The elderly man sitting before her wore a flame-blue uniform [firefighter’s uniform] with two horizontal stripes and four hexagonal stars on his shoulders, speaking with slight regret.
“You’re an outstanding talent, with multiple commendations, and in the organization…”
Gu Yanzhi shook her head and raised her hand to her temple in a military salute: “I’ve made my decision. Please approve it, Commander!”
A resignation letter lay on the desk before them. The elderly man removed his glasses: “Tell me why.”
Gu Yanzhi’s lips trembled slightly, showing a trace of sadness as her hand fell limply: “I want to accompany my loved one through their final journey in life.”
The elderly man leaned back in his chair, rubbing his brow with a long sigh: “All right then. I’ll give you extended leave. Come back whenever you want.”
Gu Yanzhi’s eyes moistened as she raised her hand to her temple again: “Thank you!”
“Want one?” Spiky Head offered her a cigarette.
The two leaned against the railing in the wind, but Gu Yanzhi declined politely: “No thanks, I quit.”
Qingshi couldn’t stand cigarette smoke.
He thought for a moment and put the cigarette back in the pack.
After a while, he still pressed it into her hand, along with the lighter.
“Captain, keep it. This lighter is the one you gave me when I got promoted. Keep it as a memento. If you’re feeling down someday, having a smoke might help. Don’t keep everything bottled up inside.”
His gaze fell to the courtyard below, where new recruits in short-sleeved blue uniforms were drilling in formation, their shouts filling the air. As winter turned to spring, those young faces would eventually become like his, like Gu Yanzhi’s.
Gu Yanzhi clutched the lighter, her eyes reddening slightly. She wanted to say many things, but a thousand words ultimately became just one: “Thank you.”
It was a weekend, and many people had gone home to visit family. She deliberately chose this day, quickly packed up her few belongings, and quietly closed the door.
Unexpectedly, when she turned around, the corridor was filled with young firefighters in uniform and caps, all with reddened eyes, Spiky Head standing at the front.
“Attention! At ease! Salute!”
Hands raised to temples in unison, many stood rigidly with trembling lips. Gu Yanzhi was among them, but she didn’t cry. Wearing her camouflage backpack, she walked away step by step without looking back, leaving her beloved post and the dearest group of people.
When she reached the stairwell corner, she stopped. No one had followed. She quickly wiped her tears with her sleeve, biting her arm to suppress a sob. After a few seconds, she composed herself and strode away into the sunlight.
“Time to go home for dinner!” With neighbors’ calls, the sun sank below the horizon, twilight’s light spread evenly, illuminating the snow on the ground. Children playing around the swing set dispersed.
The swing still swayed gently as Lu Qingshi sat down, with Hamburger obediently lying by its owner’s legs.
Someone blocked half the sunlight, casting a distinct shadow on the ground.
Lu Qingshi looked up, her lips naturally curving into a smile: “You’re back.”
She hadn’t gone upstairs, spotting her playing with Hamburger below at first glance.
“Mm,” Gu Yanzhi nodded, and Hamburger barked “woof,” circling around her.
“Were you waiting long?” One sitting, one standing, she naturally patted her head.
Lu Qingshi smiled: “No, I just came down.”
She looked at her, eyes dark and bright, still smiling.
“So handsome.”
Realizing what she meant, she looked down at her uniform and smiled too.
“How else could I have swept you off your feet?”
She gently pushed the swing intermittently as Lu Qingshi, her hair loose, held the swing frame, moving up and down with her motions. Hamburger played alone, chasing a ball on the nearby lawn.
“Gu Yanzhi.”
“Mm?”
Lu Qingshi kept her head down without looking: “Sometimes I wonder if I’m being too cruel?”
“You mean about that child’s surgery?”
Lu Qingshi shook her head: “No, I mean to you. In this world, I can face anyone with a clear conscience, except you.”
The hand holding the swing frame stiffened slightly. Gu Yanzhi pulled her back, her back pressing against her waist as she leaned against the swing frame.
Lu Qingshi looked up, meeting a pair of gentle amber eyes.
“I know you’re afraid,” she smiled slightly, a faint, gentle, understanding smile.
“Everyone in the world fears death, me included. But more than that, you’re probably more afraid of lying on the operating table, at others’ mercy, suddenly dying without getting to say a word to me.”
Lu Qingshi’s eyes instantly welled up with tears. She pressed her lips together and lowered her head.
“I’m a coward.”
She neither had the courage to be a patient nor retained the courage to be a doctor.
Gu Yanzhi moved in front of her, crouched down, and placed her hand over hers, which felt cold, so she gripped it tighter.
“No matter what, I always understand you, and I respect any decision you make. Whatever the outcome, we’ll bear it together.”
“Honestly, I’m also afraid of you leaving without saying a word…”
At this point, her lips trembled, and she almost cried but held back.
The doctor sitting on the swing fell into her embrace, and caught off guard, she held her as they tumbled to the ground, the last rays of sunset falling upon them.
Lu Qingshi held her tight: “Even if I can’t say anything else, there’s one thing I must tell you.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
Gu Yanzhi froze, wanting to both cry and laugh, but finally curved her lips into a smile, held her tight, and stroked her soft hair.
“I love you.”
After a simple dinner, Lu Qingshi went back to the hospital to get her things, with Gu Yanzhi accompanying her. At the hospital entrance, she squeezed her hand tightly.
Gu Yanzhi comforted her: “Don’t be afraid, I’ll go in with you.”
“Okay,” Lu Qingshi nodded, and they walked side by side into the outpatient hall.
She went to her office to pack her personal belongings into a cardboard box: a laptop, some books, two chargers, precious case files, and various small items.
Opening a drawer, a photo fell by her feet. Lu Qingshi picked it up and blew off the dust.
It was taken long ago at He Miaomiao’s birthday celebration, showing a tiny figure wearing a birthday hat, holding a cake, with a dot of cream on her nose, surrounded by adorable cartoon characters like a real little princess.
Her smile back then was truly beautiful.
Those were times that could never return.
“Qingshi, do you want these books?”
Lu Qingshi hastily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand: “Yes.”
“Alright, I’ll get another box from the car,” Gu Yanzhi said as she left the office.
Lu Qingshi placed the photo face down in the box.
As Gu Yanzhi returned with the box, someone called out: “Captain Gu.”
She turned to see Fu Lei, immediately clenching her fists with a crack: “What, didn’t get enough last time?”
Fu Lei stepped back: “No, I have something I hope you’ll pass to Qingshi.”
“What is it?”
“Lele’s belongings.” Seeing her lower her guard, he approached and handed her a hardcover album with a USB drive on top.
Gu Yanzhi hesitated to take it. Though she wasn’t planning to hit him, she wouldn’t easily trust his words.
Instead, Fu Lei smiled, looking relieved: “I’ve been looking for a chance to give these to her all these years, but now with things like this, I’m even more ashamed to face her. So I’m entrusting them to you. These are birthday gifts that Lele never got to give.”
After hesitating, Gu Yanzhi took them. Fu Lei smiled slightly and turned to leave.
“I’ve decided to perform Peipei’s surgery myself. In life, one must take at least one uncertain risk. Thank you, and I wish you both luck.”
As Fu Lei walked away, Gu Yanzhi held the album with mixed feelings. Seeing that figure appear in the hallway, she put the USB drive and album into the cardboard box, ran over to take the things from her hands, and mixed them together at the bottom of the box.
As they finished packing and walked out, a group of doctors rushed past them like the wind.
“Quick, hurry, ICU! Dean Meng is failing!”
Lu Qingshi’s steps faltered as she suddenly turned to look in the direction they were running.
She clenched her teeth and forced herself to take a few steps forward.
“Qingshi,” Gu Yanzhi called her name.
“Mm?” She turned back, her eyes slightly red.
Gu Yanzhi took the things from her hands: “Go say your final goodbye to Dean Meng if you want to.”
After an hour of emergency treatment, using up forty-five epinephrine injections [hormone used in emergency treatment], the life monitor showed a flat line.
Late-stage osteolysis [condition where bone tissue breaks down], with fibrosis [hardening of tissue] throughout all organs – beyond saving.
At least Dean Meng passed peacefully.
Yu Gui covered him with a white cloth as the anesthesiologist announced the time of death.
The young person didn’t cry or make a scene, but walked out silently and quietly.
Through the long corridor, motion-sensor lights turned off one by one, casting Yu Gui’s lonely and desolate shadow very long indeed.
Only after throwing herself onto the narrow bunk bed in the dark on-call room did Yu Gui cover her lips, letting her suppressed sobs fill the room.
0 Comments