Life is Like a Journey – Chapter 113

Volume 3: Transition

Master and Apprentice

I’m not a good doctor, but you will be.

“Qingshi!”

            

The man chased after her, but Lu Qingshi didn’t turn around, her hand resting on the elevator button.

Fu Lei’s knees gradually bent, the heavy thud making the doctor clench her teeth, trembling uncontrollably.

No one expected him to kneel in public. Yu Gui ran out after him and froze, standing still with clenched fists.

            

Jiang Jing rushed forward to grab his arm, crying and pleading: “Husband, don’t do this… Please get up! Let’s give up… give up…”

“No,” Fu Lei grabbed her hand and pushed her behind him. “I couldn’t save Lele back then. I can’t just watch Peipei die before my eyes too.”

He bowed deeply, his forehead touching the cold floor: “Dr. Lu, please save Peipei. I’ll do anything you want… but the child… she’s innocent…”

            

Tears fell drop by drop on the floor. Behind him, Jiang Jing covered her lips and cried. In all these years of knowing him, she had never seen him so humble.

“She shouldn’t be a sacrifice in adults’ games. She’s only two years old… She doesn’t know anything… doesn’t know… She’s innocent and pure like Lele… Her biggest wish is to go to kindergarten and eat ice cream… I’m such an incompetent father… I can’t even fulfill such simple wishes…”

He crawled forward on his knees, his head touching the ground, leaving droplets of water where he passed – a man’s most sincere repentance.

            

At that moment, Yu Gui saw Lu Qingshi’s shadow in him.

Once upon a time, she too had knelt in the hallway, crying and begging Zhou Yuetong’s parents to donate organs. At that moment, Lu Qingshi must have felt the same as Fu Lei.

Struggle, helplessness, pain, and powerlessness.

            

Lu Qingshi lowered her eyes. The corridor lights went out, and she stood in darkness, biting her lower lip, her eyes red, silent and trembling all over.

She seemed to have forgotten something, yet also seemed to remember something else.

“Lele, what do you want to do when you grow up?”

            

Back then, the little boy sat in his wheelchair, watching children playing outside the glass window. Groups of boys and girls wearing red scarves [traditional red neckerchief worn by Chinese elementary school students] and carrying backpacks lined up to cross the street.

He was still so young, yet his eyes already held a lonely look.

“I want to go out and play.”

            

“I want to go to kindergarten.”

“I want to be an amazing doctor like mom and dad.”

Lu Qingshi’s eyes quietly welled up as Lele hugged her waist: “But… most of all, I want a younger sibling.”

            

“That way, even when I’m gone, mom won’t be lonely.”

Lu Qingshi clenched her jaw, her hand against the wall forming a fist. She forced herself not to cry out, and indeed, she didn’t cry.

She stood in the darkness, separated from the light, like an eternal, cold statue.

            

No one in this world could move her, no one.

Her heart had been riddled with wounds from repeated cuts, rolled in salt, then left in the desert to dissolve, shatter, and dry in the wind.

Lu Qingshi covered her chest with her hand, gripping her white coat so hard it wrinkled, biting her gums until they bled.

            

What beat there now was nothing but a heart of stone.

“If possible, I’d rather be nothing – not a doctor, not a CEO, not Fu Lei – then I’d at least have the right to beg you as an ordinary patient to save my daughter…”

“Though I know this is difficult for you… but…” he kowtowed deeply again, his forehead swelling.

            

“I’ll do anything as long as she lives… consider it atonement for Lele… I’ll sever my father-daughter relationship with Peipei… if she’s not my daughter… Dr. Lu, please!”

“Husband!” Behind him, Jiang Jing fell to her knees with a thud, the heavy sound seeming to strike everyone present.

Yu Gui’s eyes silently reddened as she watched everything unfold, feeling an impulse growing stronger in her core.

            

“Husband, don’t do this… don’t…” she crawled on her knees to pull at Fu Lei’s sleeve, repeatedly kowtowing to Lu Qingshi.

“Dr. Lu, I beg you, you were once a child’s mother and so am I… I understand your pain…”

She wiped her tears, her beautiful face distorted by crying.

            

“When I first entered Xiehe Hospital, you took care of me so much, I’m truly, truly grateful…”

Back then, she was just an unknown junior nurse, often bullied by senior doctors, but Lu Qingshi repeatedly stood up for her, defended her, and encouraged her never to give up.

She didn’t dislike her, even liked her a bit. She had never forgotten that kindness. As for what happened later with Fu Lei, she wasn’t entirely innocent – it was her life’s sin.

            

She couldn’t argue against that.

“When Lele was born, I held him too… If there’s a third person in this world who can understand your pain, I am undoubtedly that person, both as a mother and as a nurse… I really don’t want to see anyone else die from this illness…”

“Dr. Lu, please!”

            

Tears fell as she buried her head deeply against the ground.

Lu Qingshi remained silent, only trembling slightly. Yu Gui thought she was crying, but when she raised her head, she found her smiling.

A cold, sharp, sarcastic smile full of mockery hung on her lips.

            

The young person froze, eyes suddenly reddening, fists clenched.

She reached out to press the elevator button, when a scream came from behind: “Dr. Lu!”

“I’ll give my life back to you, then we’ll be even!!!”

            

Lu Qingshi turned around as Fu Lei reached out to grab Jiang Jing, but the soft fabric slipped through his palm.

He watched helplessly as Jiang Jing crashed into the hard wall before him, falling like a kite with cut strings, blood slowly seeping from beneath her wig.

The grown man burst into tears: “Jiang Jing! Jing Jing!”

            

Lu Qingshi watched everything unfold expressionlessly, without even furrowing her brow, as if the struggles, cries, and prayers had nothing to do with her.

She even disgustedly wiped off nonexistent blood from her body as the elevator arrived.

She walked in and turned around, her beautiful face, usually expressionless, now turning venomous.

            

“If you’re capable, why don’t all three of you jump off a building?”

She smiled – a beautiful smile that sent chills down one’s spine.

“But even then, I wouldn’t save you.”

            

“After all, I hope you all go to hell.”

“Ding-dong—” The elevator stopped at the first floor. Lu Qingshi walked out with her hands in her pockets when a white shadow flashed before her eyes. Before she could see who it was, someone grabbed her collar and slammed her into the fire escape.

The fire door flew open with a “bang,” her back hitting the hard wall. Lu Qingshi winced in pain, her limbs going weak: “Ugh…”

            

Those eyes right in front of her turned red as Yu Gui gripped her collar and roared: “Why won’t you save her? Why won’t you save her?! They begged you like that… they even knelt before you… Teacher Lu… what do you really want?!”

Lu Qingshi coughed lightly twice, opening her emotionless eyes: “I told you, I want them to die.”

She maintained that detached and composed demeanor, making Yu Gui tremble with anger, her eyes reddening as tears welled up.

            

Her lips trembling, she could barely speak: “Teacher Lu… you weren’t like this before… it was you… you taught me… never to give up on any patient… you also said… patients always come first no matter what…”

This wasn’t her first time crying in front of her, but it was the first time she cried so miserably, like a child who had lost their toy.

What Yu Gui lost tonight was her long-held faith.

            

“Why are you doing this… Teacher Lu, I don’t understand,” she shook her head, tears falling like unstrung pearls.

“I’ve always followed in your footsteps, always taking you as my direction and goal… I kept moving forward, working hard, just hoping that one day I could become… become an excellent doctor like you…”

Lu Qingshi remained silent, her hair falling to cover her eyes, her lips curling into a mocking smile.

            

“Although you don’t talk much and are strict with us… I know you’re truly an excellent doctor. You say you don’t want to save Wang Youshi but you still do, you say you hate patients but you worry about their conditions more than anyone else. I know you don’t like me either, but you teach me more carefully than anyone…”

She cried out in anguish: “Teacher Lu, have you forgotten how you once knelt in the hallway begging Zhou Yuetong’s parents to donate organs to save Miaomiao’s life?!”

“Teacher Lu… where did that Dr. Lu who was willing to sacrifice everything for patients go?!”

            

She closed her eyes, breathing heavily, releasing all the grievance, sadness, and disappointment from her chest.

Lu Qingshi tilted her head slightly and smiled, her profile pale as jade in the dim light of the fire escape.

For a moment, Yu Gui saw her eyes redden.

            

However, when she turned her face back, Lu Qingshi gripped her wrist, removing her hand from her collar inch by inch.

Though her words were calm, Yu Gui could hear the grinding of teeth behind them.

“What do you understand? You who have never lost the most important person, who have never tasted that pain, what right do you have to say these things to me?”

            

Yu Gui froze suddenly, and in that moment of hesitation, her wrist was thrown aside. Lu Qingshi used too much force, causing her hand to hit her own name badge, which fell lightly from mid-air.

She pushed her away, stepped on the badge, and walked down the stairs to basement level one, heading into the darkness.

Yu Gui clenched her fists tightly, tears streaming down her face, shouting at her retreating figure: “It’s true I’ve never lost parents or siblings, but do you think I really don’t understand that feeling?! That feeling… of having to save someone you hate most…”

            

She thought of her moment of hesitation that day in the restaurant. If at that moment she had made the opposite choice, perhaps she and Fang Zhiyou wouldn’t have parted ways, and An Ran wouldn’t have become a barrier between them.

“Qin Xuan… even Qin Xuan… when Bao Fengnian’s first wife caused her to lose her job and couldn’t stay at First Hospital anymore… she still saved her… Teacher Lu…”

She covered her face with her hands: “We’re all the same!”

            

Lu Qingshi paused, turning to look at her. Her young apprentice stood in the light, tears streaming down her face, fists clenched, eyes red – looking just like that spring night long ago when she stood before her arguing her case.

That was their first confrontation.

She was still so naive then.

            

“Although I’m from a third-rate medical school with third-rate skills, I’ll always remember the Hippocratic Oath I swore the day I put on this white coat. I’m different from doctors like you who ignore dying patients!”

Back then, she was just an impulsive, straightforward young girl. Now she could make such long, reasoned arguments.

Lu Qingshi suddenly felt somewhat emotional.

            

Yu Gui wiped her tears with her arm: “Health in my care, life in my trust, I willingly dedicate myself to medicine… To devote all my strength to relieving human suffering, regardless of whether patients are male or female, poor or wealthy… To do my utmost to save lives and help the injured… Teacher Lu… you recited these words too, didn’t you?”

As if time had slowed down, they were back in that crisp autumn day, golden ginkgo leaves falling on her white coat.

It was her first day at school, young students standing in formation on the playground, taking their oath before the rising national flag and Red Cross flag. She was among them, their unified voices startling white doves from the branches.

            

Whether due to illness or something else, she found herself increasingly recalling past events.

Lu Qingshi pressed her lips together. In the dim light, Yu Gui couldn’t see her expression clearly. She instinctively thought she was smiling, but when she tried to look more carefully, Lu Qingshi had already turned around, descending the stairs.

Just before disappearing into the darkness.

            

She called her name: “Yu Gui”

The young person wiped her tears, hoping she had changed her mind: “Teacher Lu…”

Before her smile could reach her lips, tears welled up.

            

“Since I’ve resigned from Renji Medical University, I’m no longer your teaching supervisor.”

“May your future be as brilliant as brocade.”

She slowly closed her eyes.

            

And hoped Yu Gui would never lose her original aspirations.

I’m not a good doctor, but you will be.

If Fang Zhiyou was an important character in her life’s journey, then Lu Qingshi was the guiding light of her medical career.

            

Even stars have days when they don’t shine or give warmth.

Yu Gui stood in the dark stairwell for a long time before finally picking up her badge and putting it back on. She held the railing as she walked up, while Lu Qingshi walked down.

One headed toward light, the other toward darkness.

            

Cars gradually left the parking lot. Lu Qingshi sat down against the wall in a dark corner where no light reached and no one could see.

She covered her mouth, at first coughing once or twice, then increasingly violently, her head and chest stinging like being pricked by needles.

She clutched her chest, feeling something blocking her throat, followed by another bout of severe coughing, with an iron taste rising in her throat.

            

She released her hand to see spots of crimson in her palm, and slowly closed her eyes.

Gu Yanzhi arrived as promised to pick her up from work, noticing a sesame-seed-sized blood stain on her collar, slightly furrowing her brow.

Lu Qingshi smiled carelessly: “Got it while saving a patient. I’m hungry, let’s go home quickly.”

            

“Alright.” She was about to get the car, but Lu Qingshi had already sat on her motorcycle’s back seat.

“I want to ride this today.”

“Why?”

            

“Want to be closer to you.”

Gu Yanzhi chuckled: “Okay, put on your helmet first. There’s a coat for you in the trunk. Let’s go after you put it on.”

The slim doctor was bundled up like a ball. She reached out from the tight sleeves of her down jacket, slipping her hands into Gu Yanzhi’s coat pockets from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder.

            

“I resigned, Gu Yanzhi.”

While driving, Gu Yanzhi glanced at her deeply through the rearview mirror, but said nothing, only smiled.

“Is that so? That’s great, now we have time to travel.”

            

Lu Qingshi nodded vigorously: “Mm-hmm, we can go skydiving, ride gliders, take a self-driving tour of the Northwest, and travel abroad to see Notre-Dame de Paris, Big Ben at the Thames River, walk in Hokkaido, eat seafood in Hakodate [a city in Hokkaido]…”

She unusually became talkative: “Go to many, many places.”

“Have you been to Japan?”

            

“No.”

“Is it fun there?”

“It’s quite fun, I learned archery there.”

            

“In winter we can go to Hakone [a town in Japan] for hot springs, in spring the mountains are covered with cherry blossoms, the trams look like they’re running out of a fairy tale, in autumn we can go to Arashiyama [district in Kyoto] to see maple leaves, and if we don’t want to walk, we can take the sightseeing train. Summer… um… let’s skip summer, it’s a bit hot.”

“I know you like Slam Dunk [a popular Japanese basketball manga/anime], we can go to Kamakura [a city in Japan] too, the seaside from the final chapter and the Enoden [local railway line] filming locations are all there…”

She kept talking, and Gu Yanzhi kept listening, until Lu Qingshi gave a small yawn and slightly closed her eyes.

            

“Gu Yanzhi.”

“Hmm?”

“Will you stay with me forever?”

            

“Yes.” She held her hand tightly, looking at her profile, her hair spreading smoothly on the pillow, blue veins visible beneath her too-pale skin.

“Will you accompany me wherever I go?”

She kissed her forehead: “Of course, after all, I am your guardian.”

            

“Good.”

Lu Qingshi contentedly closed her eyes, her consciousness sinking into the deep sea.

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