Life is Like a Journey – Chapter 108
by Little PandaVolume 3: Transition
Reunion
Long time no see, Qingshi
After shopping all morning and buying lots of vegetables, fish, shrimp, crab, and meat to take home, Gu Yanzhi was driving while Lu Qingshi fastened her seatbelt. A sharp pain flashed through her head, and she touched her forehead – a subtle movement that didn’t escape the other’s notice.
Gu Yanzhi watched her while backing up the car: “What’s wrong, are you feeling unwell?”
For a long time, she had always endured pain silently, never easily showing weakness, but Gu Yanzhi had seen her writhing in bed from the pain of chemotherapy. Her heart trembled along with her, and sometimes she wished she could transfer the pain to herself to give her some relief.
She had tried to persuade her to stop working and rest at home, but that stubborn person refused with a gentle yet firm attitude.
“A person’s life value has never been measured by its length. Some people are alive yet dead, some are dead yet still live on. I want to do as much as I can in the limited time, save more people, and pass on more knowledge, experience, and skills to young doctors.”
“This way, my life will have been very valuable.”
What could Gu Yanzhi say to that?
She could only cry in secret behind her back, then turn around with a smile on her face.
Lu Qingshi was the same way – she quickly withdrew her hand, her lips curving into a slight smile: “I’m a bit hungry, let’s hurry home.”
“Okay,” Gu Yanzhi reached to the back seat, took out some newly bought snacks, opened them and handed them over: “Have some first, we’ll be there soon.”
It was a type of dried fruit she used to love very much. Lu Qingshi, not wanting to reject her kindness, put one in her mouth and chewed.
Gu Yanzhi shifted gears and started driving: “Mmm, it’s sweet. Let’s buy more next time.”
Sweet?
Lu Qingshi paused for a moment, then took another dried cranberry and put it in her mouth: “Mm, it is quite sweet.”
Some people’s cooking is art, some people’s cooking is a disaster. Gu Yanzhi was the former, while she was the latter. The fingers that were so nimble on the operating table wouldn’t cooperate in the kitchen. After breaking yet another bowl, Lu Qingshi looked at her innocently.
Gu Yanzhi held her forehead: “Alright, alright, go watch TV. The food will be ready soon.”
She half-dragged, half-carried her out of the room, then crouched down to pick up the broken pieces of porcelain. Through the half-open kitchen door, she caught sight of her profile, and for some unknown reason, Lu Qingshi suddenly felt a bit heartache.
The dishes were served, both meat and vegetarian options. She hadn’t had much appetite lately, so Gu Yanzhi specially made her favorite braised yellow croaker, fresh but not spicy, and oil-drizzled asparagus. There were also several seasonal side dishes, and cordyceps flower chicken soup [traditional medicinal soup] that had been simmering since before they left. When the lid was lifted, the aroma of meat and herbs rushed out together.
She served everything onto the table: “Qingshi, dinner’s ready.”
Lu Qingshi was playing with two pets in the study, put down the cat teaser and ran to the bathroom: “Okay, I’ll wash my hands first.”
When the faucet was turned on, several strands of hair fell down, blocking the drain filter densely. A flash of panic crossed Lu Qingshi’s eyes.
Gu Yanzhi called from outside: “Are you done, Qingshi?”
“No… no… I’m using the toilet… don’t come in yet.”
“Okay.” Gu Yanzhi took off her apron. The phone on the tea table lit up, and she answered it. Before she talked long, Lu Qingshi came out.
Hanging up the phone, she looked at her apologetically: “Sorry… there’s a house fire in Changning District. I need to go there.”
“Is it serious? Are there any casualties?” Lu Qingshi asked while taking a coat from the rack and handing it to her.
“No casualties reported so far. They say some children set off firecrackers that ignited some debris. Everyone has been evacuated.”
While she was leaning by the door putting on her shoes, Lu Qingshi’s phone also lit up. She looked at her phone and gave a bitter smile.
“The hospital called for a consultation, I’ll go with you.”
Gu Yanzhi smiled gently: “Okay, it’s just a shame about this meal.”
“It’s fine, we can reheat it when we come back.” Lu Qingshi put the keys in her pocket and covered all the dishes on the table with food covers one by one.
Gu Yanzhi, while wearing her shoes, ran to the kitchen to turn off the stove and electricity, then took her hand and headed out: “Let’s go.”
The security door closed softly. The table full of dishes lay there quietly, the fragrance still lingering in the room, but the people had already gone far.
“What’s wrong with you?” Upon entering the office, Yu Gui thought she was unlucky enough, but didn’t expect someone to look even more dejected.
Hao Renjie sat among a group of women, crying with red-rimmed eyes. Someone kept pulling tissues for him, and he grabbed them, wiping his tears and nose.
Chen Yi took a cup of coffee to drink, staying alert: “Broke up again, huh?”
Yu Gui raised her eyebrows: “The eighth one?”
Hao Renjie sobbed: “The tenth one.”
“*cough cough*…” Yu Gui choked on her water: “In total?”
Hao Renjie wiped his tears: “This year…”
Yu Gui instantly lost all sympathy for him, and even wanted to go kick him twice.
Chen Yi said through gritted teeth: “Wasn’t this one dating for quite a while? Why did you break up again?”
You call two months a long time?
Yu Gui rolled her eyes and sat at her desk working on medical records.
“Don’t mention it. The reasons for breaking up are all similar – either complaining I’m too busy or that I have no money. They say, ‘Either be rich or have free time – which do you have?'”
Everyone present sighed in unison. Yu Gui put down her water cup.
Medical staff don’t have either. She also wanted to go cry together with Hao Renjie, wuu wuu wuu.
“Speaking of which, even though we’re in the same department, I haven’t had a proper conversation with Qingyun in a month,” Chen Yi held her forehead.
Liu Qingyun had just been promoted to chief resident in the Emergency Department, responsible for critical care throughout the department, busier than a spinning top every day.
“Don’t mention it… I couldn’t even attend my daughter’s parent-teacher meeting. The teacher gave me a good scolding, saying what kind of parents are we, not caring at all about our children’s growth and education!” The head nurse rarely joined in conversation today.
“I wanted to go, but with this pile of work, how could I get away?”
“I’m only thirty, look, look at my patchy baldness,” a young attending physician parted his hair to show everyone: “When I go on blind dates, young girls immediately say ‘Uncle, is your profile fake? You’re so old and still going on blind dates?'”
Everyone burst into laughter, but as they laughed, there was also a hint of sadness.
Xiao Wang from the department, in her thirties with no children, had recently divorced her husband. The reason was they rarely saw each other, and she only had work in her heart, not family.
She sighed deeply: “People like us should find partners in related professions, so no one looks down on anyone else.”
“That’s not necessarily true. Besides having a related profession, they need to be understanding, considerate, and tolerant. Otherwise, who could put up with our schedule?”
“That’s true. I think Director Lu really got what she deserved [or got what one wished for]. When she was in the ICU, you didn’t see how Captain Gu treated her. If I had someone who would stand against the whole world for me and follow me so devotedly, it would be worth dying for.”
Being young, energetic, and all medical students, they were more open-minded about these things. Plus, although Lu Qingshi didn’t talk much, while others won people over with virtue, she won them over with skill. Though frightening, they truly respected her from the bottom of their hearts.
“Ah,” Chen Yi put down her coffee cup: “Listening to you all, I feel like finding a woman too.”
Several people laughed together: “What’s wrong, isn’t Old Liu treating you well?”
Yu Gui’s typing hands stopped on the keyboard, and after bowing her head in silence for a moment, said: “Actually… being homosexual isn’t as good as you all think.”
Everyone’s eyes immediately lit up: “What do you mean? Doctor Yu, are you also…”
Lu Qingshi came down from the cardiac surgery consultation, stethoscope still hanging around her neck. Seeing the conversation trending towards intensity, she knocked on the door: “Nothing to do? Nursing logs, attending physician rounds records, medical records…”
“The boss is here, let’s go, let’s go!”
Before she finished speaking, everyone scattered faster than rabbits.
Lu Qingshi turned back to instruct: “Put them on my desk before leaving work this afternoon.”
Cries of distress came from outside the door. Yu Gui silently hugged her computer, preparing to slip away.
Lu Qingshi took instant noodles from the snack cabinet, tore open the seasoning packet and added hot water: “Is there nothing you want to tell me?”
She turned back stunned, looking at her. Lu Qingshi stuck a fork in the container lid, speaking in a flat tone.
“Your condition isn’t right. Yesterday’s submitted medical records had incoherent sentences and many typos. And that laparoscopy from a week ago – if Liu Qingyun hadn’t been there to remind you, it would have been a serious problem.”
As she spoke to the end, her tone became somewhat stern: “What kind of thing could affect you to this degree? You’re a doctor – even the smallest mistake could lead to a patient’s death, understand?”
Yu Gui pressed her lips together and lowered her head.
In front of her, always like a child who had done something wrong, Yu Gui fidgeted with her fingers and nervously told her about An Ran’s situation.
Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis…1
Lu Qingshi put the noodles in her mouth, still tasteless as chewing wax.
“Let me see the scans and test results.”
Yu Gui opened her phone and handed it to her. Lu Qingshi flipped through several pages, shaking her head: “Dr. Michaelson is my friend. If he can’t do anything, then only…”
Yu Gui became gloomy, but what truly saddened her wasn’t this: “Teacher Lu, if you were Zhiyou, would you agree to An Ran’s request?”
“How to put this,” Lu Qingshi wiped her mouth with a tissue, cleaning the oil stains on the table: “This request is both reasonable and unreasonable. It’s hard to say who’s right or wrong, but using one’s illness to blackmail someone is going too far.”
She looked at her inexperienced apprentice: “It all depends on how your girlfriend thinks, whether she chooses kindness or chooses you.”
She patted her shoulder and stood up to leave: “Even if life has many disappointments, you still need to keep your spirits up and live each day well, because you never know when disaster will strike.”
What she didn’t expect was that her words of comfort to Yu Gui would become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That afternoon the weather was nice, with rosy evening clouds. After seeing her last outpatient, Lu Qingshi rose from her chair, rubbed her stiff neck, and prepared to pack up and leave work.
Soft footsteps came from the quiet corridor. Thinking there was another person, she sat back down: “Come in.”
A small, round ball rolled in through the door gap. Lu Qingshi picked it up, and with a soft “creak” of the door, a little girl with pigtails timidly entered: “Auntie… sorry, can you give it back to me?”
The little girl wasn’t tall, at most just over two years old, wearing a puffy dress and clean short down jacket. She spoke very politely. It wasn’t clear whose child she was – she wasn’t wearing hospital clothes, so probably not a patient at their hospital.
Lu Qingshi walked over and handed her the ball. When she crouched down, she saw those eyes and was suddenly stunned, as if trapped in a dream she couldn’t wake from.
It seemed… how could they be so similar.
Lele…
She blinked gently, and the little girl took the ball from her hand and walked out the door: “Thank you, auntie.”
Lu Qingshi watched her walk out, unable to recover for a long while.
Until sobbing sounds came from outside the door, Lu Qingshi’s heart tightened. She ran out to chase after her, finding her at the stairway corner.
“What’s wrong? Where are your mom and dad?”
The little girl hugged the ball and cried heartbrokenly, hiccuping so much she couldn’t speak properly: “I was playing here… can’t find them… they were just here…”
The quiet twilight corridor was empty. Lu Qingshi looked around, and facing such familiar eyes, she couldn’t remain unmoved.
“There, there, don’t cry. Auntie will help you find your mom and dad.”
Just as she crouched down, the little girl threw herself into her arms like grabbing a life-saving straw [or: lifeline], her little fingers tightly gripping her clothes at the chest, as if afraid she would abandon her.
Lu Qingshi’s heart softened. She picked her up and stroked her head: “What’s your name?”
“Peipei…” She lay on the doctor’s shoulder, stopped crying, and looked around curiously, speaking in a baby voice.
What a cute and clever child.
The doctor’s lips curved ever so slightly: “Do you remember your mom and dad’s phone number?”
The little girl counted on her fingers for a while: “153xxxx, no no, it’s 183xxxx…”
Lu Qingshi smiled gently – it was indeed difficult for such a small child to remember such a long string of numbers.
After thinking for a moment, she decided to carry her to the security office, leave her there first, then make a hospital-wide broadcast to find her people.
Strangely enough, though the little girl had been crying anxiously earlier, now she wasn’t afraid of strangers. She nestled in her arms, both hands around her neck, with a natural sense of closeness. Lu Qingshi actually didn’t like children, but at this moment she didn’t mind too much, so she continued carrying her.
When they were nearly at the security office, her headache struck again. She closed her eyes for a moment, fine sweat seeping from her nose.
The little girl moved uneasily, speaking in her baby voice: “Auntie, is Peipei too heavy… Auntie, you can put me down.”
Lu Qingshi sighed in relief, her back completely wet. Afraid of dropping her if she carried her further, she simply put her down.
The little girl dug around in her pocket, pulled out a White Rabbit milk candy [a famous Chinese candy brand], and held out her palm to her.
“Auntie, my daddy said when it hurts, eating a candy makes it not hurt anymore. Auntie, are you feeling unwell somewhere? Eat a candy and you’ll feel better.”
Eyes similar to Lele’s – He Miaomiao had also once given her a candy. As the scenes overlapped in memory, Lu Qingshi was slightly stunned.
Seeing she wouldn’t take it, the little girl became anxious. She unwrapped the candy herself and stood on tiptoes to put it in her mouth.
Lu Qingshi was caught off guard by being fed: “Mmm…”
The sweet taste dissolved on her tongue, her sense of taste…
The little girl smiled sweetly: “See, Auntie? Daddy doesn’t lie to me – eating a candy makes the pain go away!”
Before a smile could spread across Lu Qingshi’s face, someone came running quickly from the end of the corridor: “Peipei!”
The little girl turned around, also opening her arms and running towards him: “Daddy!”
A familiar voice.
A voice that appeared in every nightmare.
Lu Qingshi turned her face stiffly, unable to control her whole body’s trembling. Her head was throbbing with pain, that candy on her tongue turned into bitter medicine, so bitter that all her internal organs began to ache.
She stood up in a daze, her vision blurred, until footsteps came from behind.
Fu Lei stood beside her, holding the child.
“Long time no see, Qingshi.”
Footnotes
- Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) is a serious progressive neurological disease that affects motor neurons (nerve cells) in the brain and spinal cord and causes progressive muscle weakness throughout the body.
Main symptoms include: muscle weakness, muscle twitching and cramping, difficulty speaking, problems with swallowing, and breathing difficulties.
The disease is progressive, meaning it gets worse over time, and ultimately affects the person’s ability to person basic functions like moving, speaking, eating, and breathing.
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