Life is Like a Journey – Chapter 103
by Little PandaVolume 3: Transition
Falling Down
Opioid medications can be addictive
This was the second person to die around Yu Gui, the first being Fang Zhiyou’s mother. At that time, she was powerless, yet felt deep empathy.
And now? It’s self-blame.
If she had noticed Director Xu’s problems earlier, would there have been a better chance of survival?
In medicine, every minute widens the gap between life and death. She had never hated her own incompetence this much before.
Only now did she recall many previously unnoticed details. Although Xu Qiankun was glory-seeking and greedy for money and women, compared to other departments’ tight budgets, the emergency department had the best equipment and medicines.
Several times when she went to Lu Qingshi’s office to deliver medical records, he, as the administrative director, would work until late at night.
When the Changping Tunnel collapsed, despite being Lu Qingshi’s sworn enemy, he returned to help. And those words he spoke in the heavy rain once shocked her soul – in that moment, from the bottom of her heart, she truly acknowledged him as a leader.
But she didn’t approve of his character, and the workplace harassment he had inflicted on her was very real.
Yu Gui held her head in her hands, sitting on the rails, silently crying. She couldn’t understand how people could be so complex and changeable.
She didn’t know whether to hate him or respect him.
This contradictory feeling made her young heart feel turbulent like stormy seas.
A patient under her care died again from respiratory failure. An elderly person past prime years knelt on the ground, wailing – a white-haired person sending off a black-haired one [idiom: parent burying child].
Hao Renjie’s eyes also turned red as he rushed over like a madman, grabbing her collar and roaring: “You think we’re not upset that Director Xu died?! Who the f*ck isn’t upset?! You’re a doctor, not an ordinary person! During the time you’ve been upset, several more patients have died, do you know that?! Do you?!”
Looking at her red eyes and dejected appearance, Hao Renjie dejectedly released his hand: “Yu Gui, you’ve really disappointed me.”
“To hell with being a doctor! I’m just an ordinary person! Ordinary person! I don’t have Dr. Lu’s medical skills… I can’t be like Director Xu who endured pain to save so many people… I can’t do anything… can’t save anyone…” Yu Gui choked up, messily wiped her tears with her sleeve, turning away to hide her disheveled state.
Hao Renjie clenched his fist: “I really want to hit you on behalf of Sister Lu.”
He stepped forward, Yu Gui instinctively closed her eyes, but the fist didn’t land on her face.
Hao Renjie picked up the fallen first-aid bag and slung it over his shoulder: “But I have other things to do now. Sister Lu was right, you’re just an unweaned child [idiom: immature/dependent].”
“From now on, we won’t be partners anymore. When we return to the hospital, I’ll apply to transfer to another team. You’re not worthy!”
Medical staff are always one family, especially at emergency scenes. A two-person team’s efficiency best ensures patients’ safety. A good nurse is like adding wings to a tiger [idiom: makes something more formidable] for a doctor.
Yu Gui stared blankly at his departing figure: “Good sister…”
As an excellent nurse in the department, Hao Renjie actually had many choices. Why did he keep following her? Besides Lu Qingshi’s arrangement, there must be other reasons, but it definitely wasn’t because of her skills – she not only had poor technique but was especially troublesome.
So why was it?
Yu Gui bit her lower lip, sniffled, lifted her feet to chase after him, and pulled the two first-aid bags from his back onto her own shoulders.
“Let’s go, we have people to save.”
It was because they held expectations for her – both Lu Qingshi and Hao Renjie hoped she would grow up quickly, and of course, there was also the bond formed from their daily joking and bantering together.
After Yu Gui understood this point, she suddenly felt enlightened [idiom: sudden clarity], and ran ahead carrying the first-aid bags.
No one would hold expectations for someone without potential, and she didn’t want to let down anyone’s expectations.
Director Xu died, died at his post, it was a worthy death, his life wasn’t wasted. She would also live on carrying these expectations, to save more people.
Hao Renjie watched her silhouette merge into the snowy scene, giving a slight bitter smile, his eyes somewhat melancholic.
Director Xu sacrificed himself, Sister Lu didn’t have much time left. That night when Lu Qingshi’s vulnerability was discovered, it wasn’t just Yu Gui – he was also standing outside, just a wall away from the men’s locker room.
Today’s emergency department is no longer what it used to be, it’s already reached a point where old and new don’t connect well [idiom: gap between generations]. Dummy, you still need to grow up quickly.
Although the process of growing up is so painful.
The operating room lights came on, a little girl lying on a wheeled bed was pushed in, with Lu Qingshi following closely behind.
“Prepare to transfer, one, two, three, lift!”
The accompanying emergency doctor spoke rapidly, like a machine gun: “Girl, six years old, name unknown, parents not found, tempered glass embedded in chest, avoided disaster due to congenital dextrocardia [right-sided heart], Dr. Yu has done basic treatment, we’re counting on you.”
“Alright.”
The instruments connected to the girl were removed, and the anesthesiologist connected new ones.
“Surgical gown” – the nurse helped her put on protective clothing, while Lu Qingshi grabbed and put on gloves herself.
“Bring over the X-ray”
If glass fragments had pierced into the body, it couldn’t be ruled out that other shards might have flowed through blood vessels to various parts of the body, and with this child’s dextrocardia, the possibility of vascular malformations couldn’t be excluded either. This was a complex multi-department joint major surgery.
“Director Lu, Dr. Li says he can’t make it,” the nurse hung up the wall phone.
“What about Dr. Zhao?”
Lu Qingshi didn’t raise her head, using surgical scissors to cut the sutures Yu Gui had sewn, and picked them out with forceps.
“In joint surgery with the cardiac surgery department.”
“Chest retractor,” Lu Qingshi put down the forceps and used the retractor to spread open the ribs.
Her expression remained unchanged, only furrowing her brow almost imperceptibly. Apart from the displaced heart, other organs were normal, but the cardiovascular system had severe malformations. The surgical navigation showed atrial septal defects that needed surgical repair.
“Director Lu…” a young doctor at the same operating table called out weakly – it was their first time seeing such a case, and their legs felt weak.
Lu Qingshi’s forehead broke out in a light sweat: “Why are you standing there stunned? Get to work.”
Just as she finished speaking, Dean Meng ran in wearing scrubs, tying his surgical gown strings himself.
“Heard you were short-handed here, I’ve come to help.”
“Good,” Lu Qingshi nodded once, and was about to give up the lead surgeon position when Meng Jihua stood opposite her.
“You be the lead surgeon, I’ll be first assistant.”
In principle, he had the highest title and most experience, but the two exchanged a glance, and Meng Jihua gave a slight nod.
Lu Qingshi stopped hesitating and grabbed the tissue scissors: “Anesthesiologist, closely monitor vital signs, you must maintain the blood pressure.”
“Don’t worry, Dr. Lu.”
Halfway through the surgery, bleeding still inevitably occurred. Dark red blood rushed into the blood collection container – in the blink of an eye, one thousand milliliters of blood was gone.
“Hemostatic clamp,” Lu Qingshi’s hands looked as if they’d been pulled from bloody water. Sweat beaded on her forehead, and the nurse stood on tiptoes to wipe it away.
“Anesthesiologist, prepare for cardiopulmonary bypass,” Meng Jihua seemed to be losing strength, briefly closing his eyes.
Lu Qingshi glanced at him: “You…”
Meng Jihua shook his head: “Continue, we can’t have any mishaps at this critical moment.”
The anesthesiologist pressed the timer: “Cardiopulmonary bypass, starting.”
The blood pump began operating at high speed, and the anesthesiologist turned the oxygen flow meter to maximum.
“Give me the mosquito forceps.”
“Vascular forceps.”
“Pull a bit more to the left, can’t see where the bleeding is.”
The second assistant used the muscle retractor to pull open nearly half the chest cavity.
“Damn it,” Lu Qingshi, wearing magnifying glasses, shook her head slightly, put down the vascular clamp, and directly inserted her hand inside.
“Increase drainage speed.”
“Can we still maintain blood pressure?” As Meng Jihua turned to ask the anesthesiologist, the machine started beeping sharply.
Lu Qingshi pulled out her hand: “Prepare for cardiac arrest, stop blood transfusion.”
“What?! If we stop now she’ll die!” someone loudly objected.
Meng Jihua watched as her lips gradually tightened: “Are you planning to do the atrial septal repair under hypothermic cardiac arrest?”
Lu Qingshi nodded once: “Yes, bring the pericardial patch.”
The instrument nurse quickly ran out.
The anesthesiologist’s palm was sweaty as they gripped the timer: “Three minutes, no more than that.”
Lu Qingshi had already started operating: “No problem.”
The anesthesiologist pressed the machine, and the room fell silent – the heart stopped beating, and the little girl’s face quickly turned pale.
Ultra-low temperature saline solution stored in the temperature-controlled box was brought in, and the nurse hung the fluid.
Everyone has pinched sweat [nervous], this was a very rare, even somewhat extreme surgical plan. In the past, Meng Jihua would absolutely not have agreed to such an outrageous plan, but watching the female doctor’s unchanging expression opposite him, even wearing magnifying glasses couldn’t hide the sharpness and seriousness between her brows.
Standing at the operating table, Lu Qingshi was undisputedly the king.
An excellent doctor like him, or like his teacher Lu Xucheng, had abundant knowledge and skilled technique, but didn’t have Lu Qingshi’s courage.
A doctor with courage would dare to go against the world, like Yu Gui, but didn’t have her level of skill.
Meng Jihua’s wrists started trembling slightly. He sighed deeply in his heart: Teacher, what kind of monster have you actually cultivated?
The continuous high-intensity work made that nerve in her head start aching again. The nurse standing behind her passing instruments noticed her back was completely soaked through.
“Lu…”
“4.0 absorbable suture,” Lu Qingshi couldn’t spare time to let someone wipe her sweat, quickly took the needle holder, her fingertips opening and closing, threading the needle – so fast people’s eyes could barely follow.
Time ticked by second by second, and in the low-temperature operating room, an unnamed anxiety spread, causing sweat beads to appear on everyone’s foreheads.
The anesthesiologist even stood up: “Director Lu, not much time left, only one minute remaining.”
After he finished speaking, five seconds had already passed.
Lu Qingshi blinked once, changed sutures – another five seconds gone.
At first, Meng Jihua could keep up with her speed, but by the end, he was left far behind. Her threading, suturing, and knotting flowed as one, like flowing water, with a kind of cruel beauty.
If not for the increasingly severe pain in her head, she could have gone even faster. Lu Qingshi frowned, her teeth bit her lip under the mask, until that taste of blood gradually brought her consciousness back to clarity.
“Ten”
She heard the anesthesiologist’s voice.
“Nine”
She swore she had never hated an anesthesiologist this much before.
“Eight”
Meng Jihua also increased his speed.
“Seven”
“Damn…” Another stitch failed to pull through the muscle, Lu Qingshi cursed under her breath.
“Six”
This was the limit.
The pain in his chest grew stronger, Meng Jihua’s body swayed slightly.
The electronic numbers on the wall ticked away another second.
“Five”
Both of them were gritting their teeth, persevering.
“Four”
Large beads of sweat rolled down her cheeks.
Lu Qingshi put down the needle holder, breathing heavily: “Suture scissors.”
“Three”
Meng Jihua stepped back slightly, closing his eyes briefly to steady himself.
“Two”
Lu Qingshi cut off the excess suture with one snip of the scissors.
“One!”
The timer went off.
Lu Qingshi put down the scissors and shouted loudly: “Prepare for blood reperfusion!”
Saline solution was first poured into the chest cavity, the blood pump resumed operation, and the pale heart began to regain its color.
Lu Qingshi turned to look at the vital signs monitor, while Meng Jihua still stood holding the scissors.
Everyone nervously stared at the screen, until that green line representing life lit up, and the heart made a faint sound.
“Thump thump—”
Everyone cheered, Lu Qingshi let out a sigh of relief, drenched in sweat, leaning on the operating table breathing heavily.
The person standing opposite her stepped back, seeming to want to smile, but blood seeped through his mask.
“Dean?”
She stood up straight.
“Dean?!” The elderly man past his flower of age [past 60] collapsed like a massive mountain crumbling instantly, falling onto the cold floor.
Lu Qingshi rushed over, her eyes slightly reddening: “Quickly bring a stretcher! Take him to the operating room next door!”
The mask fell from his face, and the elderly man tremblingly grabbed her wrist. The gloves hadn’t been removed yet, and blood stained Lu Qingshi’s sleeve red.
“No… don’t… Lu Qingshi… I order you… continue… continue saving the patient…”
“No!” Lu Qingshi screamed, blue veins bulging on her forehead: “You must listen to me, listen to me, let me do thoracic… thoracic surgery to examine… I’ll operate on you… I’ll operate on you!”
“It’s… useless…” Meng Jihua smiled slightly, then coughed up bloody foam. Lu Qingshi reached out to touch it – it was flesh mixed with internal organ fragments. The young doctor felt like a fishbone is struck on her throat, the shock making her eyes sting, as she gripped his wrist tighter and tighter.
“Why… why?!!! I can do it… I definitely can do it… no matter how complex the surgery, I will definitely succeed… Stretcher! Stretcher!”
“Cough cough… this is a surgery even your grandfather couldn’t do…”
“I don’t believe it! Don’t talk… don’t talk…”
Meng Jihua held her hand – the hands of an old doctor and a young doctor clasped together.
“Listen… Qingshi… go save others… don’t… don’t waste… waste medical resources on me… you’re still young… I’m already old… go save more people… go…”
Watching helplessly as he was sent to ICU after only receiving basic life support, Lu Qingshi leaned against the wall and slowly slid down to sit, supporting her forehead with her hand. Her head had been hurting since earlier – clinically, pain is divided into ten levels, with labor pains and cancer pain tied for the highest level.
Lu Qingshi’s vision began to blur, tears flowing unconsciously, but the remaining trace of clarity told her that at this moment, she absolutely could not collapse.
Absolutely cannot.
She slowly stood up again supporting herself against the wall, inching step by step toward the operating room.
“Are there any more surgeries scheduled?” Lu Qingshi put all her weight on the triage desk, sweating on her forehead, face pale.
The nurse picked up the medical record and looked: “Nothing for now, the next batch of injured hasn’t returned yet.”
Seeing her poor condition, she tried to reach out to support her, but was brushed away: “It’s fine, I’ll go get some sleep, call me if anything comes up.”
“Alright.”
The nurse watched as she supported herself against the wall, hunched over, slowly shuffling into the changing room.
Long-term medication use isn’t a good habit, especially opioid painkillers – developing drug tolerance is one thing, but addiction is also possible, so Lu Qingshi had always strictly controlled the dosage. But now she couldn’t care about that – opening her storage locker, she took out the medicine bottle inside, shakily poured a large handful into her palm, and swallowed them with cold water. Like ice shards sliding down her throat. Outside, daylight was bright, the snow had finally stopped. The doctor leaned against the locker breathing slightly heavily, waiting for the medicine to take effect.
She wanted to just close her eyes and fall asleep, but still fumbled for her phone from her pants pocket, turning the volume to maximum – she was afraid of missing calls from the hospital.
Lu Qingshi put the phone on the chair, and after doing all this, she curled back up, burying her head between her knees, tightly coiled into herself.
She didn’t know when the next surgery would come, she needed to seize the time to rest. They had already lost Dean Meng – she absolutely could not, absolutely could not collapse too.
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