Fish Meat – Chapter 106
by Little PandaThe Tenth Year of Shenchu
Iron horses and golden spears (8)
Zhen Wenjun, with a heavy heart, paced along the city wall of Xie County. Ah Xi brought two bowls of soup dumplings, grinning from ear to ear:
“Quick, quick, quick, I snatched two bowls of freshly made soup dumplings, let’s eat quickly, there were only ten bowls! After they’re gone, we’ll have to wait until tomorrow!”
Zhen Wenjun took the bowl, Ah Xi squatted beside her and ate noisily, sweating all over. After gulping down more than half a bowl in one breath, she finally had room to exclaim: “In life, one bowl of soup dumplings is enough. Happiness, such happiness. Huh? Why aren’t you eating?”
Zhen Wenjun held the bowl without even realizing what was inside; she was thinking about what Ah Xin had just said.
At that time, on top of the city wall, when Li Ju was about to be shot down by an arrow, the person who grabbed him was indeed Zhen Wenjun.
She knew what would happen if Li Ju fell. For him personally, this fall might be fatal, and if the ruler of Da Yu were to perish, one could foresee the great turmoil that would arise. Her grabbing him was not only an instinctive act to save a person but also brought the doubts hidden in her heart to the surface.
She hated Xie Fuchen and Li Ju, this was undeniable. But in the books her mother had read to her since childhood, in those stories of famous generals, the veteran generals who were praised and loved by the people were all loyal to the monarch and patriotic, virtuous and wise ministers. Those who killed their monarchs were great villains, leaving behind a stench for ten thousand years.
Some of Ah Xin’s words were right; Li Ju was not a tyrant, he was just incompetent. Should he be killed just because of incompetence? But he was not an ordinary person; he was the Son of Heaven. An ordinary fool’s stupidity might get himself killed, but the emperor’s ignorance would lead to more deaths. If he wasn’t killed, he would cause more people to die. So Zhen Wenjun let go.
The so-called right and wrong, if written on paper in a few small seal characters, are very simple, and everyone can say a few words about them. Why are there as many people who can talk eloquently in pure discussions as there are hairs on an ox? It’s because many things are easy to say but different to do.
If Li Ju died here, she would be a murderer, or at least an accomplice.
If Li Yanyi were to ascend the throne afterwards, becoming the first female emperor in history, then she would be a facilitator of a historical turning point.
Zhen Wenjun was worried, Li Ju’s life and death involved too much, she didn’t know what consequences her actions today would cause. Would she also be written into history books many years later, cursed by future generations?
Just as Zhen Wenjun was hesitating, the back of her head was suddenly flicked. At first, she thought it was Ah Xi, but when she looked up, Ah Xi was happily eating the bowl of soup dumplings that she hadn’t had time to eat. Seeing she was being stared at, Ah Xi hurriedly explained:
“I saw you hadn’t eaten for a long time, I thought you didn’t want to eat anymore…”
“It’s fine, eat at ease, just don’t poke my head.”
Ah Xi: “Huh? Oh.”
Zhen Wenjun continued thinking from where she left off about “being cursed by future generations”, plucking a small grass from the ground and tying it into knots, matching her tangled thoughts. Just as her thoughts were starting to flow, the back of her head was flicked again.
“Ah Xi, you!”
“It wasn’t me, I didn’t do it!” Ah Xi denied sincerely, not seeming to be teasing her.
“Who is it?” Seeing a small cloth package fall by her feet, this was the thing that flicked her. Zhen Wenjun threw the grass to the ground, stood up, and went towards the shadow hiding behind the wall.
That shadow was about to run, but Zhen Wenjun’s months of fighting hadn’t been in vain. With a quick stride, she rushed forward and grabbed the person’s belt, pulling them back. That person was quite clever, realizing they were caught, they turned back with a knife-hand strike aimed at Zhen Wenjun’s neck. Zhen Wenjun leaned her upper body back to dodge, her waist flexible and strong, immediately springing back. Her right hand didn’t let go of the belt, her left hand pushed forward, directly pinning that person against the wall.
Zhen Wenjun was already very annoyed, and her head had been flicked a few times, which was particularly painful. She was about to scold the person in front of her, pointing.
Her finger was already pointing at the tip of the other person’s nose, but she couldn’t scold them.
“Eh?!” Zhen Wenjun stepped back in fright, thinking she had seen a ghost.
The person she had pinned against the wall was none other than Lingbi. Lingbi smiled, her eyes turning into two crescent moons. She covered her face with both hands, holding back for a long time, but finally couldn’t help it and burst into laughter.
“What’s this, little monkey? Haven’t seen you for a while and you’ve become capable, daring to undo sister’s belt as soon as you arrive?” Lingbi put her hands on her hips, taking a step forward as Zhen Wenjun took a step back. She didn’t know why she was retreating. After retreating, her dazed expression finally returned to normal, and then she laughed loudly, stepping forward to hug Lingbi:
“I missed you to death—! Sister Lingbi!”
Lingbi was hugged so tightly she could hardly breathe. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Ah Xi curiously peeking her head out from behind the wall, holding two bowls. Seeing the two of them hugging, Ah Xi revealed a lewd smile.
Lingbi’s face turned red with embarrassment, and she hurriedly pushed Zhen Wenjun away: “You’re suffocating me! Go, go, go!” She pushed Zhen Wenjun out, holding the excited Zhen Wenjun, who was almost jumping on the spot, at arm’s length.
“How did you come here!” Zhen Wenjun asked.
“Isn’t it because I was worried whether you’d caused trouble at the front lines, so I came to see?”
“Where’s Sister Tingxu!”
“Who do you think is behind?”
Zhen Wenjun turned around and saw Wei Tingxu sitting on a four-wheeled cart under the fine snowflakes, wearing a thick fur coat, smiling at her.
“Sister Wenjun, did you miss me?”
Wei Tingxu’s gentle question instantly warmed Zhen Wenjun’s heart like a spring day in the icy snow. Her lips moved, wanting to smile in return, but as soon as the smile began, her eyes reddened, and a sense of grievance unexpectedly arose in her heart. She knelt on one knee in front of Wei Tingxu, holding her hand:
“Missed… I missed sister so much. I never thought I’d live to see sister again, I…”
Wei Tingxu stroked her head, comforting her: “You’re already a big child who can lead troops and fight in battles, how can you still cry so easily? Come, let me have a good look at whether you’re injured.”
“I am! My whole body is injured!”
Lingbi teased her: “Your whole body is injured yet you can shout so loudly, quickly go find a doctor to check.”
“There are no doctors, all the doctors have been killed.”
“The Grand Princess is considerate of everyone, she had me bring doctors to treat the soldiers at the front lines, you should also go get checked.” Wei Tingxu saw that her clothes were all stained with blood and she hadn’t changed, pulled up her sleeve to look, and saw not only untreated wounds that had already scabbed over on her arm, but also many bruises.
Wei Tingxu said with heartache: “You’re half a doctor yourself, how could you not treat your own injuries? Do you want to worry me to death?”
Zhen Wenjun was already used to these injuries and didn’t think much of it. There were many people who were more severely injured than her. Everyone who came to the front lines was here to fight and kill enemies, as long as their head was still attached, there was nothing to complain about. Wei Tingxu’s words and worried expression instantly made the wounds on her body unbearably painful, and her heart was overwhelmed with a strong desire to be pampered. She held Wei Tingxu’s hand and wouldn’t let go:
“I wanted to treat the wounds, but there’s a shortage of medicinal materials, there’s simply no medicine to use. There are too many people who are more severely injured and in greater need of treatment than me, so I didn’t get around to treating myself.”
“Does it hurt?” Wei Tingxu’s fingertips gently brushed over her wounds.
“It hurts!” Zhen Wenjun bit her lip and said, as if making a vow.
“Come with me,” Wei Tingxu said mysteriously. “Actually, before I came, I learned some pharmacology from Doctor Xu, I can treat some external injuries now.”
“Really?”
“We’ll find out when we try.”
Zhen Wenjun looked at Wei Tingxu, whom she had been thinking about day and night, right in front of her eyes, feeling somewhat unreal, and had a belly full of words she wanted to say to her. Wei Tingxu’s words and expressions made her heart feel as if it was being clawed by a cat, wanting to immediately find a place where only the two of them could talk for three days and three nights.
Xiaohua was originally standing behind Wei Tingxu. Seeing Zhen Wenjun stand up, she tactfully stepped back and handed over the handles of the four-wheeled cart to her.
Today must be a special day, even Xiaohua seemed a bit cuter. Zhen Wenjun pushed the four-wheeled cart and ran, Wei Tingxu almost couldn’t sit steady, hurriedly holding onto the armrest.
“You… slow down! Be careful of the lady’s safety!” Xiaohua angrily pointed at Zhen Wenjun.
Zhen Wenjun turned back and made a face at her, quickly disappearing at the end of the earthen wall.
Xiaohua’s words were a bit loud and she got agitated, she couldn’t help but cough.
Lingbi saw her cover her mouth, coughing and suddenly stopping, opening her palm to look, then closing it again.
“What’s wrong with you?” Lingbi had a bad feeling, stepping forward to ask her, “Has your condition worsened?”
Xiaohua didn’t turn around. Lingbi pulled her, wanting to see her complexion, but she was like an immovable rock, no matter how hard she pulled.
“As the lady’s personal maid, you should understand what you should be concerned about. Apart from the lady, you can’t let anyone else distract your attention from the lady. Although the lady is always kind and close to us, you can’t forget your duty because of this. If negligence leads to an accident happening to the lady, none of us can bear this guilt.”
Lingbi: “What do you mean? You think I’ve been negligent towards the lady?”
“Whether you’ve been negligent or not, you know in your heart.” After saying this, Xiaohua left.
Lingbi felt she could never get along with her in this lifetime, and couldn’t be bothered to waste words with her.
But thinking back, Xiaohua did have a point.
Just now, she had seen Zhen Wenjun standing by the wall with her back turned from afar. Lingbi, who was originally pushing the cart for Wei Tingxu, immediately became excited, handed Wei Tingxu over to Xiaohua, and tiptoed secretly to Zhen Wenjun’s back to tease her. This was indeed wrong of her, after all, staying close to Wei Tingxu and protecting her completely was the entire meaning of her life.
Since being taken into the Wei family and becoming Wei Tingxu’s personal maid, taking care of Wei Tingxu had become the only thing she needed to do in her life. She couldn’t care about other people, and as long as Wei Tingxu didn’t marry, she couldn’t marry either. Since Wei Tingxu joined the power struggle, her life was destined to be unsettled as well. Over these years, she had single-mindedly taken care of Wei Tingxu’s daily life and protected her safety, never thinking about her own affairs, not knowing what “I” is.
At some unknown point, a long-lost joy began to slowly sprout, this was the warmth from family and relatives that she had lost for a long time. She began to feel happy or concerned about her own affairs. She knew this was wrong, if there were any oversights, she would be failing the kindness the Wei family had shown her.
Restraint, she needed to pull back her wandering thoughts.
The only decent residence in Xie County was Li Ju’s temporary palace, apart from the county government office, everything else was dilapidated mud-floored thatched huts. The people of Xie County were very grateful to the heroes who drove away the Chongjin army, fearing these wounded warriors had nowhere to recover, they all offered their own broken houses. Even though shabby, it was at least a place to shelter from wind and snow. The common people themselves went to sleep in cow sheds and horse stables.
Zhen Wenjun originally felt embarrassed to let the villagers sleep where animals sleep, but the locals insisted on moving out. Zhen Wenjun and Ah Xi shared a house, busy with deploying defenses and treating wounds, they had no time to tidy up the house, things were placed randomly everywhere.
Wei Tingxu had come, and she had no good place to entertain her. She pushed Wei Tingxu to the front of the house, asking her to wait a moment, then rushed in and immediately swept all the bowls on the table into a wooden box at the side, kicking it under the bed. Then she gathered all the blood-stained cloths and dirty clothes, turning several circles in the snail-shell-like thatched hut, having nowhere to throw them, she simply opened the window and threw them all out. This also allowed the wind to blow in and disperse the strange smells.
After making sure there was no smell left, she dug through her personal luggage for a long time and finally dug out half a broken incense stick. This incense stick was secretly brought by her when she left Runing, it was the kind most often lit in Wei Tingxu’s room. She had originally thought to let Wei Tingxu’s wood fragrance accompany her, but upon reaching the northern front, she realized that even life might not have a chance to be cherished, let alone lighting incense.
Now it finally had a use. Zhen Wenjun carefully lit it, carefully protected it and inserted it into the corner of the wall, using two stones to clamp it so it could stand up. A thin wisp of blue smoke rose in the room, the fragrance slowly spreading. Zhen Wenjun looked at herself in the mirror for a long time, feeling that no matter how she looked, she resembled a dried and blackened potato, without any moisture, and wondered if sister would dislike her.
Never mind, her face had already been seen anyway, potato it is, she guaranteed she would recover in a month after returning to Runing.
However, now there was a more serious problem.
Zhen Wenjun looked at the clothes in her bundle that she had never had a chance to wear. This was the only complete set of clothes she had left.
The clothes she was wearing were not only stiffened by blood, but also tattered, making her look not only like a potato but also like a beggar. Wei Tingxu had risked coming to the front lines from far away, she should at least change into normal clothes.
But… would changing clothes at this time seem too deliberate?
But… wouldn’t it be more impolite not to change clothes?
So… to change or not to change?
Wei Tingxu waited outside the house until she became drowsy, and finally the door slowly opened again.
Zhen Wenjun was still wearing tattered clothes, and said dejectedly:
“I’m sorry, sister… It’s really too shabby here, and I don’t even have a decent set of clothes. I did have one, but when I just took it out, I saw it had been chewed through by rats. I…” Zhen Wenjun paused halfway and smiled bitterly, powerlessly, “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”
Wei Tingxu looked at Zhen Wenjun, who was scratching her head and ears, at a loss, a bit aggrieved and embarrassed. She didn’t feel uncomfortable at all, but rather found her extremely adorable.
Wei Tingxu pushed her own four-wheeled cart into the house, with Zhen Wenjun following behind her, watching her quietly gaze at the thatched door and crude dwelling, not knowing what to say.
“It must have been hard for sister to live in such a place.” When Wei Tingxu turned back to look at Zhen Wenjun, there was obvious guilt in her expression.
“No, no, it’s not hard at all. But… but I haven’t accomplished the task sister assigned, I’ve failed to meet sister’s expectations.”
“Sister, there’s no need to rush this matter. Any great undertaking cannot be rushed, otherwise it will only backfire.”
“I had a chance.” Zhen Wenjun closed the door and whispered secretly with Wei Tingxu, “When Li Ju was shot by an arrow on the city wall, I had a chance to directly take his life, but I didn’t do it, missing a very good opportunity.”
Wei Tingxu’s eyes flickered for a moment: “I heard that someone on the city wall pulled Li Ju back at that time, and then let go.”
“Yes, that person was me. When I saw he was about to fall, the first thought that popped into my mind was ‘save him’. He’s not the Emperor, nor an enemy, but a person about to lose his life. But when I grabbed him, I remembered he was the very reason I came to the Northern Frontier. My purpose was to take his life! So I let go. After letting go, I regretted it. I should have ended his life directly, but now he’s actually been saved… I truly regret it beyond words!”
“Are you afraid?”
Wei Tingxu’s brief three words summarized her troubles of these past few days, like a needle piercing the acupoint that had been congested and causing her pain for days, opening it to let blood flow, her heart instantly opened.
“Yes, I’m afraid…” Zhen Wenjun admitted, realizing she had always known what she was afraid of, “I’m afraid that once Li Ju really dies, the Da Yu army will completely collapse, and the Chongjin army will slaughter their way through the entire Da Yu. In these days in the Northern Frontier, I’ve personally witnessed how these Chongjin barbarians kill people. If they’re allowed to enter the Central Plains, it’s unimaginable what kind of devastation the common people of Da Yu will suffer. For these bandits, killing isn’t about fighting enemies to protect their country, but for pleasure. They take pleasure in torture and killing, they’re completely different from us.”
Zhen Wenjun thought she had already adapted to the cruel battlefield, but when she explained to Wei Tingxu what she had seen and felt over these few months, she realized her hands were shaking. Anger and fear had never disappeared from her heart, they had even taken root and sprouted, burrowing into the deepest part of her heart.
Wei Tingxu looked at her tightly intertwined fingers, slowly reached in, separated her reddened fingers, and held them in her hand.
“You have many worries. A few years ago, I had the same troubles as you. If we kill the Emperor, will a hole really open in the sky? Will some demons really come out of that hole to eat people? Actually, this question is very simple. You and I have read many books. The classics and scriptures tell us to be loyal to the monarch, loyal to the country, this is what makes a virtuous person, and it’s also the final title that everyone throughout history has sought. But why did the previous dynasty abolish all schools of thought and revere only Confucianism?”
Zhen Wenjun waited for her to continue.
“Since ancient times, the so-called divine right of kings believed that being an emperor was a mandate from heaven, ruling over all people’s life and death as a representative of the gods to manage the human world. And now, Confucianism is no longer just the Confucianism advocated by Confucius back then, but a new Confucianism that integrates many other schools of thought. The way of benevolence and righteousness, the etiquette between ruler and subject, are the life principles we’ve been familiar with since childhood, but what are they actually? They’re just tools of governance, tools to make children obey parents and subjects obey rulers. The benevolent won’t cause trouble, the virtuous won’t rebel, thus the imperial power is firmly grasped in the emperor’s hands. Whether it’s the Lin family of the previous dynasty or the current Li family, they all want to hold onto the empire for generations. But in reality? The previous dynasty still became the previous dynasty, and the Founding Emperor was that most restless ‘villain’. Now, the prosperous era created by this ‘villain’ is coming to an end, to be replaced by a brand new dynasty and principles, this will be an era that has never existed in history and even all the ancients never imagined. Is it because of the existence of traitors like Li Yanyi and villains like us? Of course, it’s not just that. If it were only because of our birth, the wheel of history wouldn’t roll so fast, nor would it crush Li Ju. Why can Li Yanyi stand at the peak and point her sword at the empire? First, Li Ju’s incompetence; second, the weakness of the court; third, the strength of external enemies; fourth, addiction to scattered drugs; fifth, unceasing disasters; sixth, the previous emperor’s paranoia and jealousy of talent! Of course, there are many other reasons weighing heavily. It’s time…” Wei Tingxu rarely spoke so much, and as she said the last sentence in one breath, her cold fingertips lightly traced Zhen Wenjun’s face, gradually drawing in her soul.
“It’s time to dig out what’s already rotten from the root and throw it into the sewers. History has chosen Li Yanyi, chosen us. Li Ju’s death isn’t the death of an emperor, the people and soldiers will fight for Li Ju now, and they will fight again for another emperor. They’ve never cared who the emperor is, what they care about is the reason and courage to put on armor and take up swords again. What Li Ju can give them, Li Yanyi can too, even more so. When we took this step, we already cut off our retreat. If we shrink back now, guess what awaits us? Is it just a delayed failure? No, it’s a complete and utter defeat. By not killing Li Ju, are you preserving the virtue in your heart? No, what you’re preserving is only the butcher’s knife of Li Ju and Xie Fuchen.” Wei Tingxu asked her, “Don’t you understand what kind of people they are? If you still don’t understand, I can tell you.”
Wei Tingxu stood up with difficulty, reached for her waistband, and undid it. She pulled open her robe, baring her body, revealing the horrifying wounds on her body for her to see, wanting her to see clearly with her own eyes.
“You’ve already seen the wounds on my back, but that’s only a small part.” The soft, wide robe hung on her arms that could never heal, Zhen Wenjun only looked for a moment before immediately turning her gaze away. She couldn’t believe what she had seen…
“This is the whole truth.” Wei Tingxu’s tone was very calm, so calm it was chilling, “This is the truth left behind by the previous emperor and Xie Fuchen together. Whenever I want to become a gentle and kind virtuous person, they remind me how ridiculous such thoughts are.”
Zhen Wenjun lowered her head, picked up the clothes from the ground, and put them back on Wei Tingxu. She opened her arms and embraced Wei Tingxu, as carefully as if holding the most fragile treasure in the world, yet also wanting to use all her strength to merge her into her own body.
“I know. I know it all.” Zhen Wenjun closed her eyes, tears rolling into Wei Tingxu’s long hair, “I’m sorry… please don’t be like this. From now on, I, Zhen… I am willing to brave thorns and flames for you, never letting anyone harm you even the slightest bit again.”
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