Ex-Girlfriend – Chapter 80
by Little PandaAmusing Ourselves to Death
Manager 17
Queen
When Xin Lan received the script, Shen Yun was at the local TV station for an engagement. When it was about time, Xin Lan drove to the TV station and waited in her car.
When Shen Yun came out, she was wearing sunglasses, with Miaomiao and Zhou Qinqin following beside her.
“Yun-jie, Lan-jie’s car is in the parking lot. She wants you to ride with her,” Zhou Qinqin said while wiping sweat from her forehead as she walked.
“She came to pick me up?” Shen Yun raised her eyebrows, somewhat surprised.
In the past, whenever it was convenient and she had time, Xin Lan would always pick her up, but since that incident happened, she had never come again.
“Shouldn’t she be focusing all her attention on her precious new darling? Yet she has time to care about me.” Shen Yun sneered. Miaomiao and Zhou Qinqin remained silent while her lips pressed downward, feeling rather uninterested.
Walking to the parking lot, Shen Yun immediately spotted the familiar car.
She opened the passenger door and sat down while chewing gum.
“Well, well, busy person, long time no see.”
Shen Yun hadn’t seen Xin Lan for half a month. All instructions had been relayed through Zhou Qinqin. She had been spinning like a top, without any enjoyment, except for that one interesting encounter during her engagements when she hooked up with a young model.
The model had a slim waist and long legs, but the only thing she wasn’t satisfied with was that the runway model was flat as a plain. After they were done, she just blocked the number.
“Well, here we are now,” Xin Lan said as she pulled on her seatbelt and started the car.
She had already arranged for Zhou Qinqin and Miaomiao to return in Ah Kun’s car, so now it was just her and Shen Yun in the vehicle.
“Do you know why I came to find you?”
“It can’t possibly be to rekindle our past relationship.” Shen Yun said with a sneer, removing her sunglasses.
Shen Yun’s attitude had become somewhat sharp. When facing Xin Lan, she wasn’t speaking like someone addressing their manager, nor like someone speaking to their ex. With that prickly demeanor, one might think Xin Lan had wronged her.
In reality, it was because her attempt at reconciliation had failed, and she couldn’t save face. Now she felt awkward no matter how she treated Xin Lan.
It was impossible to say she didn’t have any feelings for Xin Lan at all, but it would also be wrong to say she cared about her.
Xin Lan wasn’t irritated by her tone, turning the steering wheel to make a turn.
“Four days ago, at 11:30 PM, Yihan Hotel…”
“You were following me?”
Shen Yun’s expression changed when Xin Lan mentioned the time, and she interrupted as soon as the hotel’s name was mentioned.
“I’m not that bored. You’d think after being caught cheating once, you’d learn to be smarter.”
Xin Lan took out a photo and tossed it in front of Shen Yun.
In the photo, Shen Yun’s eyes were closed, her face still flushed with color.
There weren’t any explicit parts shown, but the photo was quite clear.
Shen Yun gripped the photo tightly, cursing under her breath.
That day she felt something was off, when she opened her eyes and saw that person stretching their arm, doing something – probably hiding their phone.
“Are there any other photos?”
Shen Yun’s heart sank. No wonder that person had been so eager to get close.
“No more. They wanted some money, not much. I’ll deduct it from your earnings.”
Seeing Xin Lan’s amused expression, Shen Yun felt her face burning with embarrassment.
“Did you come just to tell me about this?”
“There’s something else. An IP drama is planning to start filming. They sent you a script. I think it looks promising.”
Shen Yun responded indifferently.
“I heard Qiu Nan [秋楠 | qiū nán] will be there too.”
Shen Yun’s eyes widened as she sat up straight.
Qiu Nan was an actress who had been in the industry for many years, had won Best Actress, and starred in several screen-dominating dramas. If Qiu Nan was going to the audition, it suggested this drama would be quite good.
When they hit a red light, Xin Lan’s phone chimed with a message notification.
Xin Lan kept one hand on the steering wheel while checking the message with the other.
【Ran An】: Lan, did the 《Xiaoman》 production team send your Shen Yun a script? I just heard someone mention it.
【Xin Lan】: Yes, what about it?
【Ran An】: Tell your Shen Yun not to bother, it’s just a formality.
【Xin Lan】: Is it already pre-decided?
【Xin Lan】: Who?
【Ran An】: I’m not sure either.
【Xin Lan】: Is the source reliable?
【Ran An】: One hundred percent reliable.
【Xin Lan】: Alright, thanks. I’ll treat you to a meal when I have time.
Seeing the traffic light turn from red to green, Xin Lan put her phone on her lap and continued driving toward Shen Yun’s home.
“Qiu Nan is going too… I haven’t really been following her. What has she filmed recently?”
Shen Yun’s fingers rubbed against each other, a sign of her agitation.
“I haven’t paid much attention either. Look it up yourself.”
Shen Yun took out her phone and started searching Baidu.
“Seems she hasn’t had any works for half a year, tch.”
Shen Yun closed the webpage, feeling much less anxious.
Qiu Nan was already in her thirties. Age-wise, she definitely had the advantage, and she was currently popular. Qiu Nan shouldn’t be much of a threat.
“This drama isn’t pre-decided, right?”
“No,” Xin Lan curved her lips in a smile. “I believe you can definitely secure the female lead role.”
“Of course.”
Shen Yun lifted her chin, like a proud peacock.
“This drama’s director is the one who directed 《One Step to Love》, and the screenwriter is a well-known pen [筆杆子 | bǐ gān zi | meaning a respected writer] in the industry. It should be scheduled for the winter holiday slot.”
As Shen Yun listened to Xin Lan’s words, her smile grew deeper.
She needed continuous works to maintain her popularity, and this drama’s female lead role had to be hers.
Xin Lan watched Shen Yun’s joy, cold indifference hidden beneath her smile.
Be happy now, she thought, wait until you know the results and see how painful it will be.
Shen Yun was feeling proud now, believing she deserved the lead role, not thinking about how she reached this position, how much the original person had sacrificed for her.
When Shen Yun first debuted, showing her sharp edges, many bosses approached the original person, wanting Shen Yun to accompany them for drinks.
The original person refused to let Shen Yun experience such things, preferring to drink until her stomach bled and endure the bosses’ harassment themselves rather than let Shen Yun go.
Shen Yun wasn’t unaware of these things. How could she be as innocent as she appeared? Yet she just watched coldly as others sacrificed for her, ultimately driving someone to death.
Anyone with even a bit of conscience wouldn’t do such things.
Xin Lan drove Shen Yun home and gave her the script.
“Won’t you come up for a while?”
Shen Yun extended the invitation in good spirits.
Xin Lan shook her head, watching as Shen Yun closed the car door.
Indeed, in this situation, watching someone walk into a trap was more satisfying than giving them a beating.
Xin Lan opened WeChat and instructed Zhou Qinqin and Miaomiao to heavily flatter Shen Yun these few days, but not too obviously. They should be clever about it, making sure Shen Yun felt elated and extremely good about herself.
After returning, Xin Lan utilized her connections to investigate the situation with 《Xiaoman》.
This was a big investment by some investor to promote someone, and even Qiu Nan was just there as a supporting role.
When she saw the name of the pre-decided female lead, Xin Lan almost laughed out loud.
This must be fate.
The actress was named Lan Rui [藍蕊 | lán ruǐ], Shen Yun’s former rival, whom Shen Yun herself had called an annoying clown and a defeated opponent.
Actually, Lan Rui had debuted earlier than Shen Yun, but Shen Yun rose quickly with the original person’s help, which naturally made Lan Rui resentful.
Lan Rui had a big thigh before, and Shen Yun was her supporting actress playing the second female lead. Shen Yun couldn’t stand that Lan Rui had bought her way into the production. Since Lan Rui was playing an innocent female lead, Shen Yun deliberately held up filming to torment her.
Lan Rui harbored a grudge and didn’t spare Shen Yun from suffering in the latter half of filming. Shen Yun definitely wouldn’t submit, speaking sarcastically, and even made veiled remarks at the wrap party wishing Lan Rui “success in her sleeping arrangements.”
Later, Shen Yun’s career soared while Lan Rui’s declined. Their Weibo fans had several conflicts, with Shen Yun’s fans ultimately winning overwhelmingly. After winning, Shen Yun naturally didn’t consider Lan Rui worth noticing anymore, but Lan Rui definitely still held a grudge.
If Shen Yun found out that the female lead role she had carefully prepared for was snatched by Lan Rui, who knows how angry she’d become. Xin Lan found it amusing just thinking about it.
She couldn’t wait to see that scene.
After handling Shen Yun’s matters, and with Cheng Zhi already having joined the web drama production, Xin Lan turned her attention back to Qin Yuyan.
Thinking of Qin Yuyan, the smile on Xin Lan’s face paused.
It wasn’t that she was unhappy, she just didn’t know how to respond to that kind of look from Qin Yuyan, so she simply pretended not to see it, letting the matter drift away amid her busy schedule.
As Xin Lan was about to leave the company, Xu Fang called out to her.
Xu Fang didn’t have anything major, just invited her for a meal.
Since the boss had spoken, and Xin Lan happened to be free, she agreed directly.
When she saw Kailin in the car, Xin Lan realized she hadn’t contacted her for half a month.
She had been busy making money on the day of that birthday party and didn’t go, only having Xu Fang deliver a gift on her behalf.
Xu Fang had chosen a Japanese restaurant with a nice ambiance.
Xin Lan greeted Kailin, who nodded back, quiet as always.
Xin Lan only exchanged a few words with Kailin occasionally, not showing excessive concern.
The close sister in Kailin’s heart was the original person, not her. She had no need to maintain this relationship. For Kailin, what she wanted was only the original person, not her.
After eating for a while, Xu Fang received a phone call and went out, leaving only Xin Lan and Kailin sitting across from each other.
“Lan-jie.”
“Mm?”
“What you told me before about ‘doing with joy, accepting willingly’, I’ve thought about it for a long time,” Kailin gazed at Xin Lan, her eyes clear as water. “I had planned to use the birthday party as an opportunity to say what I’ve never been able to say, but that day the person I was waiting for didn’t come.”
Xin Lan met her gaze, feeling a sense of foreboding.
It couldn’t be what she was thinking, could it?
What was wrong with this world – just because the scumbag she was dealing with was female, did everyone have to be into les?
In previous worlds, no one had come forward to confess or express feelings for her.
Though thinking about it, Xin Lan realized such situations wouldn’t have been possible in the campus hunting or haunted house worlds, and in ancient times when she was the deposed empress, her status would have prevented it.
“We’ve known each other for a long time. When you appeared before me then, I was truly grateful. No one had ever accompanied me, encouraged me like that. Many things you said to me, I still remember…”
Kailin took a deep breath, her eyes full of expectation as she looked at Xin Lan.
“I like you, have liked you for a long time, but I never dared to say it. You’re so amazing, while I’m not good at anything. I know you’re very busy, and I didn’t mean to confuse you. I understand your distance from me, I just felt that if I didn’t say it, I’d regret it for life.”
After speaking, Kailin seemed to have shed a heavy burden, her whole person relaxing.
Xin Lan didn’t respond immediately, but thought for a while.
Even though she was prepared and not at all shocked, Xin Lan showed appropriate emotion, not immediately rejecting Kailin’s words.
Kailin had previously been somewhat autistic, only improving gradually thanks to the original person. Xin Lan wouldn’t completely destroy that.
While Xin Lan was calm, someone just a wall away was nearly going crazy with anxiety, almost eavesdropping.
Qin Yuyan hadn’t planned to go out today, but her cousin Qin Susu insisted on meeting her, saying she’d found an incredibly good Japanese restaurant she wanted to share with her.
Qin Yuyan had a good relationship with her cousin. Since Qin Susu had insisted, she naturally couldn’t refuse. Besides, she’d been feeling stuck studying her script lately, so going out seemed like a good idea, and she went along.
The Japanese restaurant’s privacy wasn’t great. Though separated, the door between sections couldn’t properly block sound.
Qin Yuyan and Qin Susu were eating leisurely, not paying attention to who sat next door, until the neighbors changed. When Qin Yuyan heard a familiar voice, she started paying attention to the activity next door.
And so, naturally, she heard some girl confessing to the person she cared for.
Qin Susu hadn’t noticed her cousin’s unusual behavior, eating sashimi while making faces at Qin Yuyan.
“Who’d have thought we’d encounter this while eating? Seems the confessing girl doesn’t have much hope.”
Qin Susu spoke in a low, muffled voice. Hearing this, Qin Yuyan snorted internally.
Better have no hope, she thought. If Xin Lan accepted someone else’s confession, she wouldn’t even know where to cry.
“Sis, why such a fierce expression? You’re about to stab that piece of meat to death.”
Qin Yuyan picked up that piece of meat with her chopsticks, thinking: what do you know, your sister’s love interest is next door receiving a confession, it’d be strange if your sister could smile.
The outcome of this confession – without Xin Lan saying anything, from her initial reaction to the words, Kailin already knew the result.
The light in her eyes gradually dimmed. Actually, wasn’t this obvious, regardless of whether she happily tried or not?
“Kailin, look into my eyes. Are you sure what you like is me, and not just the feeling of being accompanied by me?”
Following the words, Kailin looked into Xin Lan’s eyes. It had been a long time since she’d properly looked at this face, these eyes.
When their gazes met, Kailin felt as if she’d wandered into a silent mountain range, that deep remoteness making her heart tremble, without the previous feeling of her heart skipping a beat.
Kailin felt confused. She should like Xin Lan, shouldn’t she? Someone so gentle, how could she not like her?
But meeting those eyes, that face suddenly felt unfamiliarly strange.
“Lan-jie… I…”
Xin Lan smiled at her, and nothing more needed to be said.
“Have you eaten enough?”
Kailin nodded.
“Be careful on your way back.”
“Okay.”
Xin Lan pushed open the door and walked out first. When she went to pay, she was told someone had already taken care of it.
Xin Lan thought it must have been Xu Fang. When she went outside, she saw Xu Fang leaning against the car smoking, who waved at her.
“She wasn’t successful, was she?”
“Are you hoping she succeeded, or just hoping?”
Xin Lan joked with a smile.
“Half and half. It’s good she didn’t succeed. You two aren’t suitable.”
Xu Fang extinguished the cigarette and threw it in the trash.
Xin Lan got in the car with a smile. When she looked back, she seemed to see someone who looked like Qin Yuyan, but it was just a blur. Xin Lan wasn’t sure if it was her, but whether it was or wasn’t, it didn’t matter.
When Qin Susu came out, she saw Qin Yuyan had already paid and was waiting at the entrance.
“Sis, shall we go shopping?”
“Busy, no time.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Study the script.”
“Oh? You got a role? Great, then hurry back to work! Good luck!”
“Mm, see you.”
After saying goodbye to Qin Susu, Qin Yuyan didn’t waste a second, rushing back to study the script.
She was in a great mood now. That unknown girl’s failed confession made her, as a love rival, very happy.
Qin Yuyan wanted to confess too, but her reason remained. Her current situation with Xin Lan truly wasn’t suitable. If she rashly confessed now, while Xin Lan wasn’t familiar with her, she definitely wouldn’t agree, and things would become very awkward.
It wasn’t time to break through yet. Holding the script, Qin Yuyan knew she had to secure this first. If she failed at this, she would disappoint Xin Lan’s expectations of her.
Everything was on track. Xin Lan was busy maintaining connections and exchanging information with various contacts.
When Qin Yuyan had two or three days left before her interview, Xin Lan knocked on her door, intending to check on her progress.
When Qin Yuyan opened the door, the room was very dark. The living room curtains were drawn, without a trace of light. Though it was daytime, it seemed like night.
“Ah Lan?”
Qin Yuyan’s voice carried uncertainty. She turned on the light, her expression somewhat dazed.
Qin Yuyan’s complexion wasn’t good, her whole person looking wilted.
“Why have you made yourself like this?”
Xin Lan frowned – this was far from Qin Yuyan’s usual beautiful, radiant self.
“Trying to understand the character’s inner world.”
This was what Qin Yuyan did when she couldn’t find the right feeling – blocking all light sources, immersing herself in darkness, then gradually getting into character to find the feeling, how the character should appear, how she should express it more appropriately.
She’d practice the smooth parts in front of the mirror, but there was one point she still couldn’t quite grasp.
“Not going smoothly?”
“There’s one part where I can’t find the feeling.”
Thirteen days was actually quite rushed. Some actors would need one to two months to prepare, to immerse themselves in their characters. Qin Yuyan had actually been unsatisfied with that part from the beginning, but rather than stubbornly staying stuck on one point, she’d sorted out the other parts first before tackling the most difficult one.
“Let me see the script, show me where you’re having trouble.”
When the script first came, Xin Lan had only looked it over briefly, thought there were no issues and gave it to Qin Yuyan. To understand the character’s inner world, she’d need to read it carefully again.
Qin Yuyan handed over the script and went to open the curtains.
Sunlight filled the room brightly. Qin Yuyan turned off the lights, saw Xin Lan reading the script, and went to the kitchen.
“Ah Lan, what would you like to drink – coffee, tea, or orange juice?”
“Coffee.”
Qin Yuyan acknowledged and started grinding coffee.
Xin Lan lay on the sofa and began reading the script, also looking at the notes marked on it.
The script was titled 《Start Over》.
On the first page of the script were two lines:
‘There are countless chances to start over.’
‘Everything you think is the end is actually just the beginning.’
X was an undercover agent beneath a major drug lord. Devoted to serving his country, he spent ten years undercover, diligently gathering evidence, but ultimately failed at the final step.
This was just the beginning of the script. Before dying, X thought if he could start over, he definitely wouldn’t let the plan have flaws. After losing consciousness, he found himself back before the plan went wrong.
Anxious and confused, he still maintained his composure, executing what had previously gone wrong more perfectly.
However, when submitting the evidence, the informant they’d arranged had already betrayed them, and he again found himself in danger.
This time too, he thought if he could start over, he would definitely choose a different informant.
Amazingly, he woke up again, back on the way to find the informant. Still not understanding why he could start over again, he turned the car onto a different road, passing the intelligence through another informant.
Originally thinking he could succeed this time, but the drug lord wanted to kill him before dying. This time he was terrifyingly calm, starting over before his death, avoided the drug lord, successfully survived, ended his undercover life, and returned to normal society.
Thus, he had started his life over three times.
But the end of being undercover wasn’t the end of everything.
After returning, he discovered his lover, whom he hadn’t had time to bid farewell, had long ago fallen into vice, forced into selling herself.
When they met, makeup couldn’t hide her aging, like a walking corpse. The moment she recognized him, light appeared in her eyes but quickly extinguished.
X felt deep regret. If he hadn’t gone undercover, their lives shouldn’t have turned out this way.
One couldn’t sleep well every night due to ten years undercover, the other forcibly destroyed.
So he wanted to start over again. He chose suicide, successfully returning to before going undercover.
This time he refused the undercover mission, remained a regular police officer, enjoying a beautiful life with his girlfriend.
If it ended here, it would be a happy story, but reality wasn’t so simple.
During their wedding, the bridal procession met with an accident en route to the venue, the bride’s blood staining the white wedding dress red.
When he was full of expectations, he received this terrible news.
Unable to bear it, he broke down and killed himself.
Life rewound, and this time he successfully married his wife.
While investigating a case, leaving his wife home alone, there was a home invasion. When he rushed over, his wife died despite emergency treatment.
He had become numb, numbly killing himself, making life start over again.
Whenever he thought it was the last restart, new misfortunes would appear, so he started over again.
‘Everything you think is the end is actually just the beginning.’
The story ends with him facing an oncoming car, falling into eternal darkness.
At the script’s end was X’s line:
‘At that moment I suddenly felt I might never be able to start over again. Actually, life can never truly be started over.’
The character Qin Yuyan would play was X’s lover.
First time, she was a woman of vice, a decaying, withered soul hidden in a vivid shell.
Second time, she was a simple woman, radiating happiness, dying at her most beautiful moment.
Third and fourth times, she was different in each iteration.
“Coffee’s ready.”
Qin Yuyan placed the coffee in front of Xin Lan, bringing cream and sugar cubes.
Xin Lan added cream and sugar to taste, stirring with a small spoon.
“Is it the first section that’s not working?”
“Yes, that look – I feel I’m not doing it right, can’t capture that feeling.”
That feeling of being alive yet dead.
The first section was actually the most challenging to perform. When the first love saw X, she didn’t recognize him initially. Her face heavily made up, wearing an affected seductive smile to attract customers. When their eyes met, X’s face showed complexity, and she finally realized who stood before her. Her first reaction upon recognition was to hide.
Like something dirty suddenly exposed to light, afraid and panicked.
In that section she had no major action scenes, just a smile and a freeze, all emotions expressed through facial expressions and small hand movements.
She stood in shadows facing sunlight, surrounded by noise, wearing a smile but with empty eyes, like a ghost living in daylight, lonely and without refuge.
LP: Re-translated on February 23, 2025
Who is Lin Yan? Is that supposed to be Xin Lan? I’m so confused.
Yes! It should be Xin Lan! Sorry, There’s a ‘Lin Yan’ in another novel I’m currently translated and may have… become confused. Haha, thank you for pointing it out!
Yes! It should be Xin Lan! Sorry, There’s a ‘Lin Yan’ in another novel I’m currently translated and may have… become confused. Haha, thank you for pointing it out!
Who is Lin Yan? Is that supposed to be Xin Lan? I’m so confused.