Alone, Beautifully – Chapter 150

by Little Panda

Just Like the First Meeting (7)

“Can I spend the rest of my life proving this to you?”

Why are you here in my memory?

Both of them had the same question, but since Ye Zhen explained it first, it gave Xu Jiao the space to react—

What do you mean?

Xu Jiao was still pondering what made this world special. At that time, she thought she could start over and fix everything that wasn’t good, providing a bright future for the person who saved her life. Making sure Ye Zhen’s life didn’t end early was the best. But what was the person in front of her saying now?

Why was the heroine she wrote about, her loved one, appearing here too?

It’s fine that she came, but why did she say this is her memory?

Xu Jiao pressed her lips together, feeling a bit confused in her mind. She didn’t know how to connect her life-saving benefactor with the character she created. It seemed like there was something crucial she missed.

Ye Zhen noticed Xu Jiao wasn’t reacting, paused while holding the spoon, and realized Xu Jiao didn’t feel like eating. So she moved the pastry a bit farther away. The spoon made a crisp sound against the porcelain plate, and in this brief moment, she pondered why Xu Jiao wasn’t speaking.

Soon, she guessed something.

Could it be…

Is this not only her memory but also Xu Jiao’s memory?

In this strange memory, did she and Xu Jiao connect early on?

Thinking of this, a hard-to-describe feeling rose in Ye Zhen’s heart. First, she hadn’t figured out the oddness of this memory and didn’t know where to start. Second, she originally thought this was her own issue, not expecting it to involve Xu Jiao…

Moreover, her identity in this memory seemed deeply tied to Xu Jiao.

This inevitably made her recall the thoughts Xu Jiao showed in the previous world. It seemed like someone had long lived in her heart, and she couldn’t forget the person. If not for the deep mark she left on Xu Jiao, she would have thought she had no chance to leave a mark on Xu Jiao’s heart.

The warm fingertips lightly scratched her chin, bringing a bit of itchiness.

Xu Jiao turned her head following Ye Zhen’s movement and saw the somewhat teasing smile on her face, along with the emotions flickering in her eyes. She inexplicably sensed a sour taste in the air.

Before she could ask, Ye Zhen took the initiative:

“Jiaojiao, the person you liked before was ‘Ye Zhen’?”

This question was actually a bit subtle.

It seemed like she didn’t actually agree with this identity.

Xu Jiao raised her hand to try and push away her action, but being a child, she didn’t have much strength. Instead, it made the other person notice her lack of cooperation. The fingertips that were originally just tickling her chin quickly moved to her face, pinching the soft flesh on her cheeks.

The girl, who should be well-fed and chubby, didn’t have any excess flesh on her face. Her body was even frighteningly thin. If Ye Zhen looked carefully, she would find Xu Jiao’s wrists were so thin they seemed like they could break with a little force.

The intention was just to tease Xu Jiao a bit, but after starting, she found that the cheeks were tender but had hardly any flesh. The girl couldn’t help but lighten her touch. Xu Jiao, not feeling pain, let her continue, blinked, and pointed out the problem in her words:

“You’re not Ye Zhen?”

When she asked this, a feeling hard to describe crossed Xu Jiao’s heart.

She didn’t even know if she wanted the other person to be Ye Zhen or not.

She couldn’t imagine that her life-saving benefactor would, after many twists and turns, be a character she created in her writing. If that’s the case, what was the point of her memories starting over?

Is all of this fake? Was it something the system created to comfort her?

Hearing Xu Jiao avoid answering, Ye Zhen gave a soft hum, as if expressing her dissatisfaction, but she didn’t really want to trouble Xu Jiao. After all, the child seemed so frail in her eyes, as if a breeze could knock her over, and she might get hurt if not careful.

She didn’t even have the heart to weave any lies to deceive Xu Jiao and simply said sincerely, “I don’t know.”

Xu Jiao was taken aback, “What?”

The person holding her patiently repeated, “I don’t know, I don’t know if I really am.”

Perhaps to show she wasn’t keeping secrets, the girl seriously thought for a moment and explained in simpler words, “I didn’t expect you to appear here. I made an agreement with the system that if I could get enough of your love, I wouldn’t just be a character in a book anymore—I could have a new life.”

Ye Zhen tilted her head slightly, a smile forming at the corner of her lips, like a spring breeze gently opening a window, bringing warmth: “It’s like being able to appear in your world, right?”

Xu Jiao raised her eyebrows.

Seeing her smile was strange; the memories of her benefactor became more and more blurry in her mind, replaced by the image of the person in front of her.

Those youthful memories were as beautiful as the moon reflecting on the sea, and she was afraid to touch them, fearing she’d shatter that beauty. But the person in front of her was someone she could reach out and touch, someone who seemed like they’d always be by her side.

Only later did a thought pop into her mind:

It seemed like it had been a long time since she saw this person’s stubborn side.

She was smiling genuinely more and more.

Ye Zhen didn’t know what Xu Jiao was thinking inside; she just said everything on her mind: “I originally thought that after finishing the last world, I could come to your world and surprise you, but I felt that this memory that popped into my mind was very important, so I changed my wish at the last minute.”

Xu Jiao widened her eyes, looking at her.

Ye Zhen was amused by her surprised look, as it was rare to see Xu Jiao express her inner thoughts so openly in front of her. She noticed the two off-balance pigtails on the child’s head, one tied with a cheap plastic band that tangled the hair. Gently, she helped untangle it, and while re-doing her hair, she continued:

“As for this memory—”

“I’ve never known where it came from. It seemed to appear in my mind from the moment I became aware, blurry at first, but then it got clearer and clearer. After we parted in the last world, I found I could see many scenes clearly. But I could never see the face or know the name of the little child I helped in the memory.”

“It was only coming here and seeing you that I realized, so you can’t think I’m tricking you.”

Xu Jiao felt her fingers passing through her hair. The other person’s actions were so careful that she felt no pain. After untangling the tightly bound hair, she even massaged her scalp, making Xu Jiao feel so relaxed and comfortable that she almost wanted to fall asleep right there.

Her reason kept her awake to hear the whole explanation.

She didn’t know how to judge it, because even the smartest people can act foolishly in matters of the heart. It’s not because they can’t think of certain possibilities, but who can bear to think badly of someone they deeply love?

Now, Xu Jiao could only use her true heart to exchange for the other person’s true heart:

“Sister Ye Zhen was indeed a very important person in my life.”

“But it’s funny to say, I never really spent time with her. During all the time we were together, I was in a daze, unaware of what was happening around me. It wasn’t until the moment she died that I seemed to be able to feel the world—”

“When I began to truly live in this world, I always wondered, was this miracle of awakening in an instant something she gave me? She was the light that lit up my whole life, but when I was finally able to see the colorful world, my sun had already fallen. So, what was my purpose in this world? I could only use my long life to remember, to recall, to think.”

“While living my life, I was also haunted by what happened back then. I wondered countless times, if I were a normal child, if I could wake up a little earlier, would such a tragedy not have happened? But my life doesn’t have so many ‘ifs.'”

“I could only bring these possibilities into my stories. I wanted to let her live again in my world, but…”

“As you can see, at that time, I felt all my attempts had failed.”

“I couldn’t portray her; I could only create one version of you after another, filled with resentment, never ending well…”

Xu Jiao paused a few times.

She tried to reveal the truth in a less cruel way, but both of them knew well that their meeting was never a beautiful, romantic beginning. Almost all the darkness was hidden in the corners where they met.

She once wanted to kill off the “failed” main characters, but she ended up being pulled into the world where the main characters lived, tasked with saving these “failures” and restoring their beautiful lives. Yet her main characters were full of resentment towards her, using every extreme method to try to gain her love. If the main characters had been able to fulfill the system’s wish and enter Xu Jiao’s world, what would they have done?

Anyone who saw this would guess that it wouldn’t just be to say hello to Xu Jiao.

Xu Jiao destroyed the lives of her characters countless times; wouldn’t her main characters want to repay her in kind?

Ye Zhen touched the corner of her eye. She heard Xu Jiao’s voice tremble when she spoke about those things, sounding so sad it was as if she might cry, with so much regret it seemed ready to overflow.

In that moment—

Ye Zhen suddenly felt that the dark feelings that had long surrounded her were leaving.

It was as if the confusion she had clung to for so long finally had a response.

She heard Xu Jiao say, “I’m sorry, those stories weren’t failures; those were your lives.”

“I’m sorry my childhood was so terrible. I didn’t receive much love, yet I still wanted to create perfection for others, only to end up giving you much more pain than I ever knew.”

“I’m sorry, the main character should have had everything—light, justice, happiness—but I destroyed you so many times. You should have received my most beautiful blessings—”

Ye Zhen didn’t let her continue speaking.

She raised her hand to cover Xu Jiao’s lips, resting her forehead on the child’s shoulder, and with her eyes closed, she said:

“I got it.”

Xu Jiao blinked, her eyelashes somehow damp, brushing against Ye Zhen’s fingers.

Ye Zhen gathered her thoughts and looked at her again, her dark eyes filled with light, reflecting only Xu Jiao’s image. She smiled and said again, “I got it.”

“I found my god; she can create everything. By having her, I have the whole world, right?”

Xu Jiao seemed like she wanted to smile, but in the end, she just curved her eyes.

Ye Zhen didn’t want her to stay in that guilty feeling, so she continued, “What should I do? I was just jealous because I look so much like the person you once cared about. But now, even my memories feel like they’ve been picked up from someone else, copied. My heart feels so sour, it’s like it’s dripping lemon juice.”

She felt like she was living as a shadow, a copy from the inside out.

Xu Jiao shook her head: “My benefactor started my life; she let me see this world and ended my past suffering—”

“But you hold my future.”

“You made me feel emotions and desires, taught me what love is, and helped me understand the meaning of living.”

“If it’s possible, can I use the rest of my life to prove this to you?”

She looked at the girl with burning eyes.

In that moment, Ye Zhen seemed to see the whole world bloom with flowers.

And in this fragrance, she heard the pounding of her own heartbeat.