Alone, Beautifully – Chapter 144
by Little PandaJust Like the First Meeting (1)
“I love you.”
In ancient times, there was a saying: “If you give me a wooden peach, I will return it with a jade jewel.”
Now, Yu Ye presents the empire and city fortresses as a gift to celebrate Xu Jiao’s ascension to the throne. In return, Xu Jiao endeavors to make her name immortal in history, so that future generations will remember.
She wants to ensure that the chronicles leave behind the legendary story of Yu Ye, even though she understands that no matter how grand the writing, an emperor’s annals are merely a page, a few strokes, and the most colorful life must eventually come to an end.
Yet Xu Jiao wants the future generations to seeβ
Throughout her life, there was such a person by her side. She wants posterity to notice that whenever the chronicles of the Yan dynasty reach this chapter and mention the first female emperor of Yan, the name “Yu Ye” will accompany it.
Indeed, she truly spent her life in this world alongside Yu Ye.
In the thirtieth year of Huaining,
After Yu Ye and Xu Jiao passed the throne to their carefully nurtured successor, they left the palace to explore the vast world. They learned the maritime trade techniques from Korea, and the Yan dynasty built large ships capable of braving the open seas. Their footprints extended to corners of the world that were previously unknown.
By the forty-fifth year of Huaining,
The two gradually aged. Yu Ye accompanied Xu Jiao to live in the imperial mausoleum they had selected early on. In the vast mausoleum, they were familiar with every eternal lamp in each corner, until Yu Ye fell ill before Xu Jiao.
Despite possessing unparalleled martial arts skills, Yu Ye aged faster than Xu Jiao. On the day her life was about to flicker out, Xu Jiao sat quietly by her side, holding her hand, lowering her eyes to meet Yu Ye’s gaze.
Yu Ye held Xu Jiao’s hand, but her face showed little sorrow, as if she had long anticipated this day of parting. She simply kept gazing at Xu Jiao, as if only upon parting did she realize she could never look enough at her. The depth of emotion in her eyes was like a deep pond, unfathomable.
Xu Jiao lifted a smile and asked her, “Next time we meet?”
Yu Ye did not answer but instead asked, “Jiaojiao, have you fallen in love with me?”
Xu Jiao didn’t make a sound.
She just stared at Yu Ye, but her gaze lacked the usual defensiveness when hearing this question. Instead, it was inquisitive, with a hint of probing, as if fearing that if she gave a straightforward answer, Yu Ye would leave without a trace of attachment.
When Xu Jiao realized this, she laughed at herself in her heart.
Afraid…?
So there was a day when she, too, was driven by such emotions.
She was about to speak, to face her feelings honestly, but it was Yu Ye who became fearful. Though she had always been decisive and unwavering, she repeatedly showed her timidity in front of Xu Jiao.
Yu Ye gently moved her fingertips, allowing Xu Jiao to feel her movement. The words Xu Jiao intended to say turned in her throat and transformed into concern for Yu Ye, who suddenly let out a heavy sigh.
It seemed filled with melancholy and reluctance.
There were also many emotions Xu Jiao couldn’t comprehend.
Xu Jiao heard her say, “If next time you don’t see me, just forget me.”
Her tone was light, perhaps due to her frail, elderly state, or because she had turned the same thought over in her mind countless times, making it sound so familiar and fluent. But only Yu Ye knew how much reluctance was behind such a decision.
She heard a hysterical, wild voice in her heart shouting:
No.
Don’t forget me.
Stay with me forever, through life after life. No matter if it’s in this life, the next, or the one after that, wherever you are, be it heaven or hell, I want to follow you.
This is her deity, the one she pursued with great effort.
How could she bear to hand Xu Jiao over to someone else?
Clearly, they were the most special existence for each other.
Yet, Yu Ye dared not gamble.
She didn’t know what her strange memories were truly connected to, and she was afraid to drag Xu Jiao into it. She couldn’t even guarantee that she could live to find Xu Jiao again.
Now, Yu Ye felt a bit of contradictory regret. She thought, if Xu Jiao hadn’t fallen in love with her, would the farewell be less painful for Xu Jiao? But if Xu Jiao didn’t love her, Yu Ye would never be able to unravel the mystery surrounding herself, nor could she ever let her deity truly see her.
Caught in a dilemma, Yu Ye could only painfully pretend to be magnanimousβ
She no longer attempted to etch her name into Xu Jiao’s very being.
She tried to be generous.
She tried to accept that this relationship would ultimately become just a part of Xu Jiao’s long life experience, letting herself become a memory for her.
This was the hardest decision Yu Ye had made over several lifetimes. Her seemingly casual tone concealed her unspeakable greed and reluctance, yet she dared not show it at all.
Xu Jiao heard her words and suddenly laughed.
She raised her hand to hold Yu Ye’s hand, then felt it wasn’t enough, so she pinched Yu Ye’s cheek: “You seem a bit arrogant, Lord Yu. You think I can love you when you want, and forget you when you wish? How could things be that easy?”
Xu Jiao lowered her gaze to her and said slowly, “Whether I forget you or start a new life, what does it have to do with you? After all, you are now about to become my ex-girlfriendβoh no, ex-wife.”
Yu Ye: “…”
She was almost so exasperated by Xu Jiao’s words that she nearly closed her eyes and kicked her legs, departing this world right then and there.
Her chest was blocked with frustration, and she suddenly started coughing. Xu Jiao immediately dropped her previously calm demeanor, a flash of concern crossing her eyes. Realizing she shouldn’t have spoken that way, she fell silent for a few seconds and, unusually, took a step back:
“I won’t tease you anymore.”
She quickly said the answer she hadn’t managed to voice before: “I love you.”
It was a statement.
And a confirmation of her own feelings.
In Yu Ye’s moment of stunned surprise, Xu Jiao continued calmly, “As for whether I’ll still love you in the future, if you get the chance, come ask me yourself.”
Yu Ye understood the meaning behind her words.
After a slight curl of her lips, Yu Ye sighed again. This time, the action was much smaller, and the breath dissipated as soon as it was released, just like her waning vitality. She couldn’t bear to persuade Xu Jiao to forget her, nor could she bear to let her wait endlessly. Thousands of words boiled down to one sentence:
“Meeting me again and again in these worlds, being pulled into these stories by me, do you regret it?”
Xu Jiao shook her head.
The light in Yu Ye’s eyes slowly faded away, like dust settling. She murmured, “That’s good…”
That’s good.
She hoped her existence would be a brilliant mark in Xu Jiao’s life.
She didn’t wish for her name to be immortalized in history; from beginning to end, she just wanted to leave a trace in Xu Jiao’s heart.
“Host?”
Seeing the woman sitting in the chair, her hand still in the posture of holding someone’s hand, the system couldn’t help but prompt gently.
Xu Jiao slowly came back to her senses.
She looked around and realized she was no longer in the imperial mausoleum but had returned to the familiar virtual space of the system. Yet, although her consciousness had returned, her soul seemed to have been captured by something, leaving her gaze vacant, even causing her response to the system’s call to be delayed.
“…What is it?”
The mechanical voice of the system, unusually tinged with amusement, said: “Congratulations, Host, for achieving a second consecutive HE outcome. Together with Yu Ye, you united five kingdoms, pacified the seas, and brought peace to the world, creating a flourishing era for the Yan dynasty. The story γRebirth Extra: The Tale of Emperor Yuγ has once again been featured on the GL channel. The main plot is superb, and the emotional storyline is smooth and natural, seamlessly unfolding.”
Xu Jiao showed no reaction to these words of praise.
The system paused, then continued: “Just one more HE outcome, and you’ll be able to go home. Aren’t you looking forward to it?”
Xu Jiao’s eyes moved slightly.
She remembered when the system had thrown her into her own novels, it had told her that if she could achieve three consecutive HEs, or a total of five HEs, it would mean she had successfully understood the essence of a harmonious society and could return to her original world.
The original world…
The world where she waited for someone who could never return.
If she succeeded in going back.
It seemed she would still have to wait for someone.
Only this time, the chance of that person returning might be a bit higher.
She pulled her emotions away from the previous world, forcing herself not to think about the meaning of parting with Yu Ye, and pretended to casually ask the system:
“Well, what is the next world?”
Simultaneously.
In another space.
The long silence was broken by the system’s strangely cheerful voice: “No-prize guessing game! Do you want to know how much the Creator’s affection for you has increased after this world?”
The woman who had long returned was silent for a while.
Just as the system couldn’t hold back and wanted to reveal the answer, she suddenly spoke: “I know.”
The system waited leisurely for her.
But all it got was more silence.
After a long pause, the woman’s voice quietly emerged: “She said she loves me.”
She had always thought that when she finally said this, she would feel triumphant or perhaps reflect on the sweetness after enduring hardship. Yet, on the day she truly said it, her heart was filled with bitterness.
Xu Jiao had once dismissed her, had been disdainful towards her, and casually placated her. But in matters like this, she knew which of Xu Jiao’s words were sincere and which were not.
It is often said that those who are most affectionate are the most heartless, while those who seem heartless are the most devoted.
Xu Jiao, being someone with such indifferent emotions, if she truly spoke the word “love,” her feelings must have already overflowed.
The system didn’t catch the complexity in her tone, or perhaps it did but didn’t mind, and continued with a joyful voice: “That’s right! The Creator’s affection for you has reached 100! You’ve achieved your goal! You can make your wish come true!”
“What wish do you want to make?”
The woman was silent for a long time, as if hesitating or perhaps considering something else.
The system waited patiently.
But this time, the wait was long enough.
So long that it thought the woman was going to give upβ
“What?”
Xu Jiao thought she had misheard for a moment because it was so unusual.
The system repeated: “The next story is rather special. It is a story you created, but it is not part of the bookshelf content. You can choose to accept or refuse it.”
This was the first time Xu Jiao heard that she had the right to refuse something from the system.
She lowered her gaze, a deep sense of caution arising within her.
“What happens if I refuse?”
The system answered truthfully: “Then we will follow the previous process, randomly selecting a story from the bookshelf for you to enter and modify, returning to the original mode.”
Xu Jiao fell into contemplation after hearing this.
If nothing unexpected happens, this could very likely be her last story. The system’s purpose, which had been unclear until now, might be revealed in this final story. Previously, all her travels were through stories she had written, and she was given no choice in selecting the worlds. Now, the system suddenly offered an unusual option…
Something strange is surely afoot when things deviate from the norm.
Should she accept it?
Xu Jiao pondered for a while.
The system didn’t rush her, offering no further clues about the final world, which made Xu Jiao feel as if she were drawing a blind box, uncertain of what she would get. Would it be an excellent, easy-to-clear scenario, or something hiding significant danger?
The latter seemed increasingly likely.
Andβ
What did it mean by a story she created but not part of the bookshelf content?
Xu Jiao cautiously asked, “Did you really dig up my diary and my thesis?”
The system replied sincerely, “No.”
Xu Jiao was stumped.
But since it was something she created, she would surely be familiar with the content. That was her only advantage, although she wasn’t sure if this advantage would surpass her expectations.
To go or not to go?
Xu Jiao looked at the virtual space, thought about the stories she had experienced, the peculiar origins of the heroines, and the mystery of the system. She thought the safest way would be to refuse and then follow the system’s original process. She would enter and clear the story, no matter how difficult. After all, she had already achieved a HE in three worlds, just two more to go, not too far off.
Initially, the conditions were to achieve three consecutive HEs or a total of five HEs, not necessarily in a row.
Xu Jiao thought seriously for a long time, her expression returning to calm.
The system heard her say, “Let’s do it.”
The system: “Hmm?”
Xu Jiao: “I accept, I’ll enter this special story.”
She couldn’t accept missing the truth like this.
Even if sometimes the pursuit of truth might come with an incredibly heavy price.
After the system confirmed, its voice sending her into the world sounded as calm as always, yet there seemed to be something subtly different, though Xu Jiao wasn’t sure if it was just her imagination:
“Preparing to transmit…”
The feeling of dizziness quickly passed, leaving Xu Jiao little room to think.
She opened her eyes, and the first thing she saw was a small red toy car in front of her, along with a long track laid out on the floor.
The dark brown wooden floor was polished, very smooth.
Her hands seemed smaller, and within her field of vision, she saw her small palm holding a yellow building block.
Xu Jiao was initially stunnedβ
Then, she began to tremble uncontrollably.
The next moment, as if she couldn’t face something, yet as if she had already anticipated it, she slowly opened her palm to see the corner of the block, which was missing a piece.
Just like in her memory…
Exactly the same.
A sense of absurdity rose within her, but she couldn’t stop her body from trembling.
Xu Jiao finally understood why the system said this story was one she created but wasn’t on her bookshelf!
The little girl sitting on the floor looked up, her gaze sweeping inch by inch over the leather sofa, the glass dining table in the distance, the crystal chandelier above, knowing even the missing string of glass beads. She matched these items with her long-buried memories, trying to suppress her trembling, and asked word by word in her mind:
“Why… can you let me return to when I was five years old?”
“System, what exactly is your purpose?!”
Ah, I suspected it when the protagonist said she taught someone long ago. It turns out that protagonist is her neighbor sister who βdiedβ. It was all a loop. Dang.