Alone, Beautifully – Chapter 139
by Little PandaBestowing Upon You the Realm (21)
“Just say it straight.”
“Now that you’ve come before me, everything is complete.”
Xu Jiao was captivated by Yu Ye’s words.
She moved her lips, as if wanting to say something, but in the end could only lower her head to look at the scene within the palace hall – the carved railings and painted pillars, the hollow golden incense burner slowly emitting thin smoke from burning agarwood, and beneath her feet, the beautiful wool carpet that had been sent as tribute from the Western Regions.
Xu Jiao dared not meet Yu Ye’s gaze for a moment, for the emotions within were too intense. They had made love in the hall yesterday, and her legs were still slightly weak today. If she and Yu Ye were to be stirred by passion again, they wouldn’t get anything done today. The Da Yan was not in a peaceful golden age, and whether it was the court, the jianghu, or domestic and foreign affairs, their positions required them to attend to many matters.
So Xu Jiao could only pretend not to hear these words, ignore her suddenly quickening heartbeat, and try not to feel the warmth pressing against her back.
Yu Ye saw through her calm exterior to the turbulence beneath, the smile in her eyes lengthening as she spoke again:
“Let’s not speak of this anymore.”
“I do have another question I’d like Your Highness to answer for me.”
Xu Jiao clutched the gauzy outer fabric at her knees, creasing its color with her grip, then calmly raised her eyes to meet Yu Ye’s gaze, hearing her ask softly:
“Xia Jingzhe, Shen Yelan, Feng Qingyu⦔
“Though there are subtle differences, all these ‘me’s look identical. One or two might be mere preference in appearance, but such consistent similarity suggests an obsession. My dear Highnessβ”
Yu Ye lightly touched her own cheek, her fingertips trailing down from her temple, stopping where her face met her earlobe, tapping it gently before continuing:
“Whose appearance have you placed upon me?”
Who is it whose appearance you’ve bestowed upon me, my god?
The previously intense and heated atmosphere that had made one blush suddenly cooled, as if ice cubes had been thrown into boiling water. Though the temperature remained scalding, the turbulent surface stilled for a moment.
Xu Jiao looked at her, seeing that her beautiful face still held the same smile as before, and her eyes still contained the same devoted attention, still gazing at her with a lover’s gaze.
However.
Sometimes reason and emotion are truly separate matters.
Even though the truth would no longer affect their relationship, some words, once spoken, are like rose thorns – they still prick one’s palm gently when least expected.
Yu Ye waited for two seconds, smiled, and continued on her own: “It’s that person you once mentioned to me, who was both teacher and friend, isn’t it?”
Without waiting for Xu Jiao’s response, Yu Ye added: “You liked her.”
Yu Ye raised her hand to pinch Xu Jiao’s ear, her fingertips kneading the soft flesh of her earlobe, rubbing back and forth until the jade-white ear turned bright red. Xu Jiao tried to dodge, but couldn’t brush away Yu Ye’s hand, and even earned herself a bite on the shoulder, with Yu Ye warning softly:
“If you keep dodging, I won’t stop at just this.”
The palace doors weren’t even closed.
If any servant came to report news, they would see everything happening in the hall as soon as they crossed the threshold. Yu Ye’s threat was essentially the same as taking her in front of everyone.
Xu Jiao sensed intense jealousy in her actions, wondering how the topic had suddenly fermented from perfect sweetness into aged sourness. Enduring the heat and discomfort in her ear, she finally spoke:
“It wasn’t like that.”
She had been young then, still naive. First came attachment, then nostalgia, and as she grew up in an isolated environment, she slowly fantasized love based on that person’s image. She wasn’t even sure if it could be called “liking” someone.
One could only say that sister was the object of her emotional fantasy⦠perhaps?
Xu Jiao said softly: “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done this.”
She shouldn’t have inserted her personal emotional investment as contraband (“η§θ²¨” – personal agenda) into these works, first treating them as copies of her, then due to her insufficient writing skills during the creative process, losing control over character development, leading to plot derailment, then feeling they weren’t perfect enough, and finally destroying the stories in frustrated embarrassment.
Perhaps to the website and Xu Jiao’s readers, she was just a strange “little pink” author (“ε°η²η΄ ” – refers to young, idealistic writers) who loved turning potentially beautiful stories into tragedies.
But only Xu Jiao knew.
She was a failed creator.
These stories she most wanted to writeβ¦
Were all failures.
She, who made a living through words and created many stories, couldn’t even completely portray the most important person who had once appeared in her life. Perhaps this was life’s greatest cruelty toward her.
Even more terrifying was that these supposed failures gradually developed their own consciousness, originally intending to return these terrible stories that happened to her.
If they hadn’t accidentally fallen in love.
Hearing her apology, Yu Ye just smiled, then lowered her head to kiss the skin on her nape, murmuring hazily: “Do you still like her now?”
Xu Jiao: “⦔
The nape was too vulnerable a spot, and biological instinct kept screaming for Xu Jiao to escape this predicament where her neck could be bitten at any moment. Waves of numbness mixed with pleasure shot from her spine to her scalp, making what should have been a firm answer come out much softer: “No⦔
It sounded more like an insincere excuse.
She meant to say more, but Yu Ye let out an amused snort, catching the skin of her nape between her teeth, caressing her neck and collarbone, gently cupping her neck in her palm, and continued:
“You don’t like her? Then between me and her now, who’s more important in your heart?”
Xu Jiao: “⦔
What kind of deadly interrogation was this.
She took a subtle deep breath, trying desperately to ignore these strange sensations, not wanting to be aroused by Yu Ye. She turned her head to look toward the palace doors and slowly asked:
“Before asking me these things, shouldn’t you first tell me what your ultimate goal is?”
This was a question Xu Jiao had wanted to tease out earlier, but Yu Ye had always avoided it for various reasons, so she assumed it was something Yu Ye didn’t want to reveal.
Using a question the other party didn’t want to answer to cancel out one she couldn’t answer – that was Xu Jiao’s plan.
But Yu Ye gave a soft laugh, her warm breath falling near Xu Jiao’s spine, and then Xu Jiao heard her answer: “To clarify some things.”
Yu Ye pressed Xu Jiao against herself with one hand while gently stroking her neck with the other. After pausing for a moment, Xu Jiao heard her say: “By rights, I should be your creation, but besides the memories related to these stories, I have another strange set of memories.”
“They don’t belong to these worlds.”
“I must figure out what they are, andβ¦ what I am.”
At this point, she stared at Xu Jiao’s smooth skin and the faint teeth mark, and as if possessed, wanted to leave a deeper mark there. As she thought this, she did itβ
Xu Jiao suddenly drew in a sharp breath.
She tried to push away the person behind her, but was only held tighter. Sensing her resistance, Yu Ye regretfully stopped midway, her fingertips brushing over the dark mark she’d left before slowly completing her previous thought:
“Where was I just now⦔
“Ah yes, to obtain a necessary identity, I made a wish to a system – if I could gain your love for me, it would fulfill my wish.”
“Well, that’s my story. Now, let’s return to our previous question – who’s more important, me or her? Hmm?”
Xu Jiao: “⦔
After Yu Ye’s explanation, she felt as if enlightenment had been poured into her head.
But now was clearly not the time to show an expression of sudden realization, as this deadly question was once again hanging over her head.
Xu Jiao tried desperately to keep the water level (“η«―εΉ³ιδΈη’ζ°΄” – to be fair to both sides), raising her hand to rub the spot where Yu Ye had left her mark, striving to make her tone sincere: “Both are important.”
Yu Ye drawled unhurriedly: “Oh?”
Xu Jiao tried to judge from this utterance whether Yu Ye was satisfied with the answer, but in the next moment, Yu Ye suddenly released her embrace and even pushed her forward slightly.
After steadying herself, Xu Jiao turned back to look at her helplessly, wanting to say something but not wanting to lie, her face showing signs of difficulty.
Instead, Yu Ye calmly raised her hand in a stopping gesture: “Alright, I understand. After all, some things follow a natural order of precedence. For me, who came later, to be considered equal to someone who came before is already special treatment from you, after allβ”
“New clothes can’t compare to old ones, just as new people can’t compare to old acquaintances (“θ‘£δΈε¦ζ°δΊΊδΈε¦ζ ” – an idiom expressing that familiar things/people are often preferred), isn’t that right, Your Highness?”
The jealousy hadn’t decreased; if anything, it had grown stronger.
Xu Jiao moved her lips, “That’s not⦔
But Yu Ye had already straightened her clothes and was striding toward the exit: “No matter, I suddenly remembered I need to discuss something with Elder Zhang. Your Highness need not see me out.”
Xu Jiao couldn’t even catch her in time.
She could only watch helplessly as the dark figure departed.
The hall remained silent for a long while. The palace servants dared not return to attend until well after Yu Ye had left. Lan Yan patted her chest and said to Xu Jiao: “Your Highness, it seemed you were not quite satisfied with the palace staff earlier, perhaps⦔
She leaned gently toward Xu Jiao’s ear and offered a new suggestion.
To look outside the palace.
But Xu Jiao shook her head and said to Lan Yan, having thought of something: “Make arrangements to bring the most beautiful courtesans from the capital’s flower houses (“θ±ζ¨” – high-class entertainment establishments) into the palace, preferably those with artistic talents. I want to see them before the hour of Hai (9-11 PM) tonight.”
Lan Yan nodded: “Yes.”
Xu Jiao briefly recalled Nie Yunyue’s preferred types, making a simple outline in her mind. According to schedule, she should have gone to the study at this time, but somehow felt listless. She sat at her desk, supporting her head, thinking about Yu Ye’s appearance when she left.
The Eastern Palace rarely saw a full night of entertainment.
When news reached outside the palace, although Yu Ye knew why Xu Jiao was meeting those women, she couldn’t help but feel jealous (“ζ³θ΅·ι Έζ°΄” – literally ‘acid water rising’). She had been the one who was difficult first, and now she was the one who couldn’t resist wanting to see Xu Jiao.
Pacing in her mansion for a while, Yu Ye’s expression was so poor that the servants dared not hover around her.
It was the old steward who couldn’t help but mention: “My Lord, aren’t you attending morning court today?”
Yu Ye was suddenly reminded.
Right, there was court today, and now that the Crown Prince could attend court sessions, she could legitimately see Xu Jiao.
Thinking this, she hurriedly ate some breakfast and ordered her people to head toward the palace. The old steward watched her hastily departing figure and couldn’t help but shake his head with a smile.
In the Eastern Palace.
Xu Jiao raised her hand to yawn, thinking of the song and dance performances she had watched last night, feeling as if she had pulled an all-nighter at a concert. Though tired, the effort wasn’t wasted – during court, she had already decided which people to select for training.
She wanted to custom-design a “female lead” for Nie Yunyue.
During court, she absently organized her plans in her mind, and when finished, she stared at Yu Ye in the distance until the morning court ended.
Yu Ye had felt her serious gaze throughout the morning session but pretended not to notice. When court dismissed, she naturally turned to leave but was stopped by Xu Jiao:
“Minister Yu, please stay.”
Yu Ye paused, seeing Xu Jiao in her Crown Prince court robes approach. The brilliant red complemented her complexion excellently, with almost no trace of last night’s fatigue on her face, making it seem as if last night’s arrangements had been quite nourishing for her.
Yu Ye couldn’t help but show a fake smile: “Your Highness isn’t rushing back to the palace? Why have you stopped this official?”
Xu Jiao blinked: “Today the small kitchen in the Eastern Palace has made some delicious pastries. I specially came to invite you to try them together.”
Yu Ye calmly declined: “Your Highness is kind, and I appreciate the thought, but there’s no need to trouble yourself.”
Xu Jiao tried several more excuses, but couldn’t move Yu Ye. Finally, looking around and seeing other officials hadn’t gone far, she stepped forward and raised her head to Yu Ye:
“If you don’t come with meβ”
Yu Ye raised an eyebrow, as if asking ‘what will you do?’
Xu Jiao also put on a fake smile: “Then I’ll have to use force.”
Yu Ye was quite surprised by what she meant by ‘force’, and looked at Xu Jiao with composed amusement. The next moment, she saw the Crown Prince openly reach out to take her hand, pulling her toward the Eastern Palace.
This action carried a childlike immaturity, yet it made Yu Ye freeze.
Xu Jiao had never been so intimate with her in public before.
In her momentary stupor, her feet unconsciously took a step toward Xu Jiao.
That one step was as good as consent.
On this day, the palace servants of Da Yan watched as their Crown Prince, the future emperor who would soon ascend the throne, held the Regent’s hand and walked through the long vermillion palace walls toward the Eastern Palace.
The traces of last night seemed not yet fully cleaned by the servants.
Scattered petals, messily strewn silk fabrics, fruit plates, wine, golden bracelets, gauze robesβ¦
When Yu Ye returned to the palace with Xu Jiao, she saw palace servants hurriedly cleaning up, clearly not finished with their work.
Xu Jiao saw no one else, ordered the kitchen to bring out the pastries she had asked to be steamed early in the morning, then looked at Yu Ye and gently pinched her cheek:
“Still angry?”
Yu Ye: “⦔
She was stunned by the pinch.
Mainly because Xu Jiao’s action was so matter-of-fact.
After a moment, she recovered and smiled: “I wouldn’t dare.”
Hearing her sarcastic “I wouldn’t dare,” Xu Jiao sighed softly, then picked up an osmanthus cake from beside her and held it to her lips: “Open your mouth.”
Yu Ye ate it, but under Xu Jiao’s expectant gaze, she calmly said: “The taste is acceptable.”
Xu Jiao raised an eyebrow, tried it herself, and after letting the sweetness spread across her tongue, nodded in agreement: “Indeed, it’s a bit too sweet. Next time I’ll use less sugar.”
Yu Ye’s gaze froze.
It took her a while to understand the meaning behind Xu Jiao’s words: “This isβ¦ this was made by Your Highness?”
Xu Jiao nodded, then glanced at her sideways: “I originally wanted to coax you properly, but since you’ve tasted so many rare and exotic foods, you probably can’t appreciate my crude cooking skills.”
Since coaxing her beloved had failed, she’d need to think of another way.
Yu Ye’s throat moved, and she voluntarily picked up the chopsticks, putting another piece in her mouth, chewing carefully for a long time before swallowing, as if reluctant to eat it. After the osmanthus flavor dissipated, she spoke unhurriedly:
“Earlier I couldn’t taste properly because I hadn’t eaten much this morning.”
“Now that I’ve carefully savored it, this osmanthus cakeβ¦ is very good.”
“Better than all others I’ve ever eaten.”
Xu Jiao’s eyes flickered, understanding this was her way of accepting the apology. She smiled and reached to pinch her cheek again, but this time Yu Ye caught her hand in time. She let Yu Ye hold it, then said:
“Yesterday, I didn’t express myself well.”
“You and her are different.”
“I don’t know if I ever liked her, but I know I like you.”
“This is my first time being in love. If I do anything wrong, tell me, and I’ll change.”
Yu Ye had been looking down eating the osmanthus cake, watching a scattered red silk ribbon on the table edge. Hearing Xu Jiao’s sincere apology, she didn’t want to admit she was appeased, and continued to be stubborn: “Your Highness shouldn’t think I’ll let this go so easily.”
Xu Jiao looked at her amusedly, about to ask what more she wanted, when she suddenly followed her gaze to the red silk ribbon. Her thoughts took a slight detour, and after a long silence, she sighed, bent down to pick up the red ribbon, looked at it from both sides, and suppressing her embarrassment, voluntarily handed the red ribbon over:
“Fine.”
She said: “So this is the kind of apology method you like. I’ll remember for next time.”
Yu Ye: “β¦?”
Her Highness seemed to have misunderstood something.
But soon, Xu Jiao thought of something, looked up at the ceiling beams, went to close the palace doors, then measured the length of the red silk ribbon in her hands. She looked at the ceiling beams again, then at the chair’s armrests, as if unsure how to weigh her options. Finally, she could only look at Yu Ye:
“Just tell me what style you prefer. I can’t guess.”
Yu Ye: “!!!”
Wait, letting Xu Jiao continue with this misunderstanding seemed⦠not bad at all!
Standing, tied to the chair, she liked them all!
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