Alone, Beautifully – Chapter 106
by Little PandaMy Wife (18)
Has a fever.
That phrase “I like you a little bit” when spoken, rather than expressing one’s true feelings, seems more like leaving some room for improvement. However, Xu Jiao didn’t want to waver any further, so she used this invitation as a substitute for her recent feelings, thoughts, and those genuine emotions she was reluctant to voice.
Zheng Zhiyu’s eyebrows raised slightly.
Her pale complexion made her features appear even more delicate, and even her pitch-black eyes, like a deep pool of ink, seemed particularly eye-catching under the moonlight of this deep night. She quietly stared at Xu Jiao like this, waiting until the silence between them had fermented long enough before she spoke:
“Jiaojiao, can I take your words as an invitation?”
Xu Jiao’s face showed little expression, as if this could suppress the stirring in her blood and the passion once etched into her bones through sweat. She was still holding Zheng Zhiyu’s wrist but slightly turned her head away, as if unable to bear the other’s gaze that seemed both cold and burning.
After no longer making eye contact, seemingly in a resistant attitude, she still held the other’s hand but made the next move—
She placed Zheng Zhiyu’s wrist on her own collar.
“You didn’t use to talk this much, did you?”
Today, Xu Jiao was wearing a black and white checkered shirt. The first button at the collar wasn’t designed with a button, so the slightly exposed V-shaped part clearly showed the direction of the collarbones on both sides. Now, the midnight moonlight became very bright, and even a series of halos hung in the sky. The light fell down, illuminating Xu Jiao’s soul into a translucent form, making her collarbones appear even more strikingly white.
Although she was terribly enticed by the other’s sweet-smelling soul, Zheng Zhiyu still had to pretend to be composed on the surface. Hearing Xu Jiao’s words, she smiled and gently pulled her into her arms. The movement was almost effortless, as if with just a slight nudge, this person as light as the wind came before her.
Zheng Zhiyu’s hands encircled Xu Jiao’s waist, her lips approaching Xu Jiao’s light red lips, as if she would open her mouth and swallow this person’s soul in the next moment, exuding an indescribable dominance and sense of possession. Yet she deliberately paused without moving, and then, her lips slowly moved downward.
The faint, cold breath moved from Xu Jiao’s lips to her chin, then to her neck.
Xu Jiao involuntarily tightened the strings in her mind.
Although she wasn’t clear about the difference between her soul state and when she had a body, her instinctive reaction to Zheng Zhiyu’s intimacy seemed to be the same—
She wanted to escape.
It was an inexplicable fear.
Not from pain, but from the fear of “losing control” itself.
Reason sinking, being completely dominated by the senses, and all these sensory reactions coming from the other person, as if being ruled, not knowing what would happen in the next second, to what extent the threshold of happiness would be raised.
In fact, Xu Jiao herself was a type that greatly lacked a sense of security. She had analyzed herself internally many times, and had even thought about why she had belatedly fallen in love with that neighbor sister from years ago. One of the explanations for this psychology was:
She lacked a sense of security and was unwilling to entrust her soul and emotions to a real person, fearing disappointment and betrayal, finding it difficult to easily give trust. So, longing distantly for a person who no longer existed, knowing that person was very kind and had helped her a lot, as long as there was no further contact, all impressions of that person would remain at the most beautiful moment, never changing.
To her, that person was a benefactor, a teacher, and also a spiritual pillar that could comfort her when experiencing life’s setbacks later on.
This was how Xu Jiao defined it.
So she greatly disliked when something escaped her control, and never thought about seeking any true love—
Until now.
All the rationality in her mind and all past experiences were telling her that there were still questionable points about the person in front of her who claimed to love her, and she wasn’t completely trustworthy. If she truly decided to transfer her emotions onto Zheng Zhiyu, it would be best to investigate all of her matters thoroughly, leaving no ambiguities.
Even if it was just a little bit of liking.
In an instant, those rational voices all transformed into millions of restraining hands in Xu Jiao’s mental world, constantly pushing her in the opposite direction from Zheng Zhiyu. Some were advice, some were harsh warnings:
“You still don’t know the real reason why you were chosen by the system this time, nor do you know her true identity. How dare you so easily entrust your emotions to someone you don’t know or understand at all?”
“When emotions overpower your reason, you’ll make foolish decisions. You’ve seen too many such people, and they’ve appeared too often in your writings, haven’t they?”
“Have you considered that perhaps the more you make her yearn without fulfillment, the more she’ll be devoted to you, but once you let her have you, she might not cherish you as much?”
“Don’t become the kind of person you despise the most.”
Xu Jiao closed her eyes briefly, and those voices appeared complex and diverse near her ears, sometimes loud, sometimes soft, as if unwilling to miss any chance to pull her back from the edge of the cliff.
She remained quiet for quite a while, then heard the voice of emotion from a corner of her inner world:
“Why must it definitely be deception?”
“Why must the one you fall in love with definitely be an expert liar, a bastard who manipulates people’s hearts by any means necessary, someone who doesn’t cherish the love they receive and forever pursues what they can’t have like a lowlife, or a type with deep thoughts and unfathomable schemes?”
“You understand human nature, you know where your bottom line is, you always adhere to your principles and bottom lines. Even if you find that you misjudged someone for a moment, if one day you discover the truth, would you really continue to make the same mistake?”
“Be psychologically prepared to bear the consequences of a mistake, don’t be bound by sunk costs, always be mentally prepared to be independent and self-reliant. Under these premises, what’s wrong with boldly liking someone you like?”
Xu Jiao stood still without moving.
Zheng Zhiyu didn’t know why she suddenly closed her eyes, raised her hand to touch the corner of her eye, and said in an ambiguous, low voice, as if it could materialize and entwine her whole being:
“Why so impatient today?”
Xu Jiao had already made a decision in her heart. When she opened her eyes again, her expression had become much more determined. She slightly raised the corner of her lips. Because Zheng Zhiyu was slightly bending over at this moment, from the angle of view, Xu Jiao was looking down on her a bit condescendingly.
This gave Xu Jiao a feeling that she was always in control of the initiative.
She liked it this way.
Hearing Zheng Zhiyu’s words, she unhurriedly provoked: “I’ve always been swift and decisive in my actions, whether refusing or agreeing, it’s always been so. But you—”
“Previously, you always seemed eager to get close to me, but now that I’ve invited you, you’re hesitating. Could it be…”
“You’re not up to it?”
Zheng Zhiyu: “!”
The one playing the aggressive role could be said anything without minding, but just couldn’t bear to hear the words “not up to it”!
At this moment, Zheng Zhiyu didn’t care what Xu Jiao’s psychological activity was just now. She just embraced the other’s light, floating soul and ascended towards the heights together, as if wanting to take Xu Jiao to pluck the stars and moon from the sky, with the silver light becoming increasingly dazzling.
The cold wind gently blew, and the solitary, lofty moon hung in the sky, insisting on being the brightest light in the human world even at night.
Who knows how many lost souls received guidance? Occasional sounds from the forest reached the sky, sometimes the roar of unknown animals, sometimes the sounds of birds out hunting in the middle of the night.
Xu Jiao was truly taken too high by Zheng Zhiyu; those sounds seemed too distant for her to distinguish clearly.
The current experience was truly incredible to describe—
She was taken to the clouds by Zheng Zhiyu.
The vast sea of clouds she had seen through the window while sitting on an airplane, which she thought could only be touched in the world of immortal cultivation or mythology, but Xu Jiao never imagined that touching these clouds in a spiritual state would be so utterly different from when she had a physical body.
The clouds formed by countless water droplets now felt like soft cotton candy when touched. At the first moment her fingertips made contact, there wasn’t any particularly obvious sensation, but when the slight coolness of the water droplets reached her mind, she suddenly realized she had touched a cloud.
But when Xu Jiao raised her hand to look carefully, she found nothing in her hand.
She hadn’t touched ice, nor had she touched water.
Only the sensation remained genuinely lingering.
Whether it was because she was too light, or because the worldview of the supernatural channel they had suddenly entered was unreasonable, she was actually able to stay with Zheng Zhiyu up here on the clouds, looking at the high moon, as if she could touch it just by reaching out.
The silver light was so bright that it made her eyes feel a bit dazzled.
It must be the moon halo playing tricks on her eyes.
Thinking of this, Xu Jiao raised her arm to shield her eyes, but the light before her eyes, the sparkling fragments of brightness, had not yet dispersed. She let out two barely audible sounds from her throat, like soft words, like moans.
It was only then that she belatedly realized—
The dizziness wasn’t because they were too close to the moon, but because…
She was being shaken too intensely.
Xu Jiao vaguely thought, it must be because her soul was too light, and the wind in the sky was too strong, so she swayed like a small boat under Zheng Zhiyu’s movements, and would fall from the high cloud top if she wasn’t careful.
Originally, the two were in the center of these endless clouds, but as Xu Jiao kept dodging, she reached the edge of the cloud. She herself didn’t have any feeling of acrophobia, but now her vision was full of stars, the whole world blurred between sky and earth, as if everything was spinning in her mind. Xu Jiao naturally and instinctively wanted to grab onto something.
But this cloud bed… seemed more like a water bed.
Her five fingers spread out, frantically grasping at the slightly cool, smooth surface, leaving no trace except for wetness. Instead, because her desire to grab onto something was so strong, when she grasped at emptiness, the feeling of fear in her heart would intensify for a moment.
For a while, it truly seemed as if she was afraid of heights.
Moving backward meant allowing Zheng Zhiyu behind her to understand her more deeply, but moving forward meant falling off the edge of the cloud. Xu Jiao was caught in this dilemma, and before she could clear any choices or thoughts from her muddled mind, Zheng Zhiyu pressed even closer.
A coolness fell on the back of her neck. At first, Xu Jiao thought she was being kissed by the other, but after the starlight in her mind receded and her whole body suddenly tensed and then relaxed, she belatedly felt the pain.
She had been bitten.
This realization dawned on her mind a beat later.
Xu Jiao had little reaction, her gaze somewhat empty as she looked towards the direction of the moon. Her fingers were tightly curled, as if clinging to the edge of the cloud layer and refusing to let go. She exhaled heavily, as if the previous overly excited movements had caused this breath to be held in her chest for a long time, and only now could she truly breathe.
Zheng Zhiyu stroked her hair, leaned in to kiss her cheek, watching as Xu Jiao’s eyes slowly regained clarity from their haziness. Just as the traces of passion and desire were about to largely disappear—
She saw Xu Jiao’s eyes suddenly widen.
Zheng Zhiyu let out a low laugh.
Her tone was full of pleasure.
As childish as a kid who had successfully pulled off a prank.
Xu Jiao’s breath paused for a moment, then her entire being began to tremble uncontrollably. Zheng Zhiyu noticed her trembling, lowered her head to bite her ear, and asked unhurriedly:
“Didn’t you say I wasn’t up to it just now?”
“Aren’t I starting to prove myself now? Why are you so surprised?”
Xu Jiao’s soul was stirred by her words, as if it would turn into water the next moment, only able to flow gently, unable to gather back into human form. Words of begging had already reached the tip of her tongue, but out of some kind of pride, she held them back hard.
Unfortunately, by the time they came out, they were already fragmented and unrecognizable from their original form.
“Don’t… want…”
“Enough…”
“Stop…”
More unspeakable content surged to her lips, and Xu Jiao didn’t know how much willpower she used to swallow those shameful words back into her stomach, only uttering disordered words of refusal.
She could no longer grasp any clouds.
For a moment, it seemed as if the sky was full of moons, or as if stars had fallen all over the sky and earth. Everywhere was dazzling light. Xu Jiao kept shaking her head. She originally thought that being tormented by Zheng Zhiyu to the point of continuous tears was her limit, but now in this more sensitive spiritual state, she discovered that being pushed to the point where she couldn’t even cry was the most terrifying.
People in a soul state are not so easily brought to tears.
But some stimulations washed over the senses even more intensely.
Xu Jiao bit her lip, using her trembling hands and feet to push Zheng Zhiyu away. Due to extreme endurance and suppression, the words that came out were one by one. Zheng Zhiyu noticed her endurance and, feeling somewhat distressed, kissed her lips.
She casually said:
“Shh.”
“Look there.”
Xu Jiao’s attention was diverted, feeling that her movements had slowed down considerably. She obediently shifted her gaze to where Zheng Zhiyu indicated, and saw several rows of birds flying past and away.
They were unidentified small birds.
At first, Xu Jiao couldn’t tell if they were the same flock, until she noticed they flew up and down, coming and going several times, as if focusing their attention on the two of them.
Xu Jiao’s appearance at this moment was not the kind that could be seen by others—
The buttons at the hem of her shirt were undone, not to mention further down. Even though it was just the innocent gaze of animals, it suddenly brought forth an immense sense of shame in her.
She raised her hand and waved, never having been so flustered before, wanting to drive those birds away:
“Go away…”
“Don’t look…”
Don’t look.
It’s extremely embarrassing.
Even though these birds had no idea who she was.
Her hand waved chaotically. At first, the birds were truly startled, flapping their wings and flying far away. But later, out of some unknown curiosity, they made the sounds of flapping wings not too far, not too close.
Unable to drive these birds away, Xu Jiao could only cover her face. This time, she cursed with a hint of a crying tone:
“Scoundrel.”
Seeing that she was truly frightened, Zheng Zhiyu released her well-contained yin energy, which chased away those birds from a great distance. Some even flew crookedly, stumbling as they escaped.
After driving away the spectating birds who wanted to watch the action for free without paying, Zheng Zhiyu good-naturedly responded to Xu Jiao’s words:
“Alright, I’m a scoundrel.”
“Be good, they’re not coming anymore, really. Give me a kiss, hm?”
Xu Jiao refused to lower her hands, so Zheng Zhiyu somewhat deliberately used more force on her.
Until Xu Jiao truly cried out, it was when the stimulation to her senses reached its limit, and her whole being couldn’t bear it anymore, that she could shed tears in her spiritual state.
She closed her eyes, allowing those tears to fall from the corners of her eyes—
At the same time.
The large cloud supporting their actions swayed slightly left and right in the sky, and unexpectedly began to drizzle rain, pattering down onto the forest, splashing traces of moisture onto some green leaves.
At first, this disturbance wasn’t very noticeable.
However, this cloud was not small; it was almost the largest one hanging over these nearby mountains. So, after the first drop of water that couldn’t be contained fell, it was as if a valve had been opened. Thousands upon thousands of water droplets followed closely behind, and a drizzling rain began to fall from the sky.
After Xu Jiao recovered from that brief trance, she heard the pattering sound of rain in her ears.
Zheng Zhiyu held her in her arms, lying on this raining cloud, and said softly to her:
“It’s raining.”
Xu Jiao responded hazily, “Mm.”
Zheng Zhiyu said again, “The ground is all wet.”
Xu Jiao didn’t follow up on this.
So Zheng Zhiyu continued on her own: “I’m also getting wet.”
Just now, Xu Jiao was still immersed in that experience that made it difficult to regain one’s senses. Now, hearing Zheng Zhiyu’s intermittent words, she had no reaction at first, until her ears sent this sentence into her mind, where it circled several times before her nerves finally reacted—
She lazily lifted her eyelids to look at the red-clothed person beside her.
Lying on the cloud layer, unable to be rained on, what could have gotten her wet?
The two looked at each other for several seconds, then Xu Jiao suddenly bit towards the other’s shoulder, using no small amount of force. Zheng Zhiyu didn’t seem to know whether it hurt or not, and one could only hear her laughter.
This time, the pleasure carried a hint of satisfaction.
The more Xu Jiao heard, the more annoyed she became.
What was originally a perfectly normal natural phenomenon, now described by Zheng Zhiyu in this way, seemed as if it was some reaction of hers… that had caused this inexplicable rain to fall on the ground.
Even the rain, which originally moistened things silently, was now tainted by this statement.
The speaker was truly detestable.
Xu Jiao had no strength to scold this thick-skinned person, she could only silently clench her teeth.
Zheng Zhiyu gently touched her cheek with her fingertip, as if teasing or showing affection, allowing Xu Jiao to bite her for quite a while before softly reminding her:
“Are you perhaps the first person who dares to bite a ghost?”
Hearing this, Xu Jiao’s actions paused for a few seconds.
Then she silently released her bite, turned over, smoothed out the slightly wrinkled corner of her shirt, and slowly buttoned it up. Facing away from Zheng Zhiyu, she emphasized:
“I don’t eat wild game either.”
Zheng Zhiyu: “…”
She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, and didn’t argue with Xu Jiao about this strange classification. She just hugged her once more and then brought her down from the cloud.
Her body was still on that rooftop. Although it was a state of soul leaving the body, if she were to be left outside in the cold all night, by the time Xu Jiao returned, she would likely end up with more than just a severe cold, unable to escape feeling top-heavy and weak in the legs.
When Xu Jiao was returned to her body, she was already exhausted and sleepy. As Zheng Zhiyu carried her back to the room, she fell into a deep sleep.
The next day, she was awakened by the neighbors.
Xu Jiao casually changed her clothes and only learned of the situation when she went outside—
It turned out that Xu Dashu had gone out this morning with a carrying pole, telling everyone he met that he was going to kill ghosts. The neighbors were frightened and directly took him to the hospital in town. They originally wanted to notify other family members, but when they came in, they found Mother Xu fainted in the hall, so they sent her too.
Now seeing Xu Jiao come out yawning as if nothing had happened, the neighbors looked at her with somewhat strange expressions.
Someone tentatively asked:
“Ah Jiao, your father and mother seem to have encountered ghosts last night, did you see anything?”
Xu Jiao lowered her hand, concealing the drowsiness and fatigue in her eyes, and politely replied: “No, Uncle Liu, I went to sleep as soon as I got home yesterday. As you can see, I’ve just woken up at this hour.”
After a pause, she added: “There are no such things as ghosts. Uncle Liu, don’t scare yourselves. I think they must have done something unconscionable in the middle of the night and couldn’t get past their own conscience, so they frightened themselves.”
The onlookers: “…”
For some reason, they vaguely imagined a scene from this subtle sarcasm.
For example, the couple might have tried to kill their unfilial daughter in the middle of the night, but saw something that frightened themselves.
Or perhaps Xu Jiao had secretly beaten them both, directly incapacitating one and making the other foolish.
Combined with Xu Jiao’s fierce one-against-three when she first returned home, the villagers felt the latter possibility was quite likely.
For a moment, everyone’s expressions as they looked at her were very complex.
Xu Jiao only glanced briefly before guessing what they were thinking. Seeing everyone’s eager looks, as if they wanted to call the police to remove the unfilial offspring from the Xu family, she voluntarily said:
“However, I do find this matter a bit strange.”
“I think I should ask the police to come and see what’s really going on. If this isn’t clarified, you might think I scared them senseless, and I couldn’t possibly do such a thing.”
Indeed, she hadn’t scared them senseless.
It was all Zheng Zhiyu’s doing.
Xu Jiao nodded inwardly while outwardly maintaining a calm demeanor as she prepared to call the police for self-investigation. With one hand on the phone and the other rubbing her temple, perhaps due to her body being exposed to the wind for too long last night, she now felt somewhat of a headache.
Of course, it could also be due to being woken up so early in the morning.
She dialed the number and had barely spoken a sentence when suddenly her whole world began to spin—
The people around her looked at her in bewilderment, and it took them a while before they scrambled to support her.
“Oh my! This child is so hot! She’s running a fever!”
“Heavens!”
Hearing this, Zheng Zhiyu, who had originally intended to come out of the house to help, stared at her own foot that had stepped forward, unsure whether to advance or retreat.
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