Alone, Beautifully – Chapter 101
by Little PandaMy Wife (13)
“Why are you being so obedient?”
Xu Jiao silently finished her breakfast in hand. In the previous few worlds, with the creator’s halo, not only gourmet food but even roadside stones would come close to her. If it was found that she was short on money, maybe just walking two steps on the road, she could be dazzled by hundred-yuan bills.
Exams, work, debut⦠everything went smoothly, with basically no setbacks encountered. Even when expelling those with impure intentions from her side, there was basically no sign of revenge behavior, as if her entry into that world meant everything should be smooth.
Until recentlyβ¦
In the book γThe Favored Herγ, first, the final god’s true form wasnβt her, and the entire worldβs will no longer favored her. Then, arriving in this world, Xu Jiao lived almost as tragically as the heroine she once wrote about, as if those terrible backgrounds were naturally hers. Even Zheng Zhiyu, the only accident in her life, when reaching her, was filled with a sense of conspiracy.
Xu Jiao was originally unmoved by this, after all, in the previous world, Lilith entangled her by doing everything a lover should do, and she had no significant inner fluctuation. All reactions were merely from physiological familiarity.
But here.
Seeing Zheng Zhiyu no longer easily stick to her, even liking with seriousness, Xu Jiao rarely finds herself somewhat unsure of how to describe her feelings.
All along, her calmness and rationality have been established outside the realm of the crowd. The method for maintaining calm is very simple: never place oneself within the crowd.
Because once people place themselves within the majority, they will easily follow the surrounding voices and those at their ears, gradually losing their own ability to think, drifting with the tide of the sounds they want to hear.
Maintaining calm is not a very simple thing. First, you need a sufficient reserve of knowledge to form your own ideas. But in this world where voices are everywhere, a person who habitually loves socializing or attempts to understand things through media will inevitably bring others’ ideas into their thinking.
Xu Jiao’s ability to maintain her current calmness is inseparable from some of her experiences.
Or rather, she actually has some natural advantages in this aspect.
However.
This kind of advantage is not beneficial for love.
What is love?
From ancient times to the present, the great love that people praise is always deeply moving. It’s either tragically like a moth flying into a flame or enduring like a fresh trickling stream; shallow feelings won’t do.
A person who is too indifferent, lacking much empathy for others’ emotions, has pitifully few feelings of their own, like a shallow pond. How can it hold such deep feelings?
Xu Jiao asks herself if she cannot bear a love affair.
Or rather, she thinks her life doesn’t need the existence of love. Ever sinceβ¦ that person disappeared from her life, she no longer had hopes for emotions between people. She originally planned to grow old alone.
Compared to this, falling in love with characters from her own bookβ¦ such a thing sounds very difficult, with unknown thorns and obstacles along the way. She asks herself if she’s not the type to pursue grand love stories. Just thinking about it feels exhausting, and Xu Jiao doesn’t want to do it.
So even if there’s a little liking, so what?
This little bit can’t change anything.
Then it’s better not to say.
Xu Jiao didn’t make a sound, and Zheng Zhiyu really didn’t ask again. She just quietly watched Xu Jiao finish this breakfast, focusing more on her plate than waiting for her answer.
In the week before the May Day holiday, it was all like this.
Zheng Zhiyu, following her own pace, supervised Xu Jiao’s three meals a day, listening all day to Xu Jiao’s two roommates recommending nearby new restaurants. After Xu Jiao’s morning self-study or class, she always encouraged her to go eat a meal to show her.
Thus, she reluctantly made Xu Jiao gain two kilograms.
The night before the May Day holiday, the dormitory had a slightly warm air. Xu Jiao didn’t want to cover with that thick quilt anymore, so she kicked off half of it, exposing her long legs in neat shorts, even going to hug the iron railing beside her that prevents students on the upper bunk from carelessly rolling down.
This temperature, with the fan or air conditioner, is too cool, but without them, there’s a faint stuffy heat.
Zheng Zhiyu finally found a place where she could shine, hugging Xu Jiao from behind and slipping into her quilt to cool her down. This time, she wasn’t driven out.
Xu Jiao, drowsily about to fall asleep, remembered something and softly said:
“Trouble you at five tomorrow morning.”
Zheng Zhiyu asked her, “Why get up so early?”
Xu Jiao casually said, “Go home.”
Qian Ai, on the opposite bunk, was still playing on her phone, not sleeping at all. Hearing the rustling sounds in the room, she couldn’t help but speak out suspiciously, “Xiaoxu? Are you asleep?”
Xu Jiao didn’t make a sound.
Qian Ai thought of those two sentences that seemed like mumbling to oneself, used her phone’s light to shine on Xu Jiao’s position, found no big change, then said to herself, “Oh my, Xueba, your sleep talk really scared me.”
Xu Jiao silently curved her lips and, with eyes closed, quickly fell asleep.
When she got up, the sky was still not light.
Xu Jiao moved very quietly and didn’t have a big suitcase to pack. After all, she didn’t have many clothes to bringβjust a few items. She packed extra underwear and such, and one or two sets of remaining clothes would be enough. With summer arriving soon, these thin clothes, rolled up, would completely fit into one backpack.
She easily packed her luggage and sent a leaving message to her two roommates. She didn’t even zip her backpack. After quietly closing the door, she checked her luggage while walking down, and the backpack zipper made a huge “whoosh” sound as it closed.
Zheng Zhiyu, as usual, silently merged into her shadow and only asked her a question at her ear when she walked out of the dormitory building:
“Want to eat breakfast?”
Xu Jiao shook her head, “I’m not going. I need to catch the earliest bus to the train station. If I eat breakfast and miss it, I won’t make it.”
Zheng Zhiyu immediately reminded her, “There’s a convenience store on the right side outside the school gate. Buy two pieces of bread and a bottle of milk to take with you on the road.”
Through these past few days of interaction, Xu Jiao also knew that Zheng Zhiyu was always unwilling to make concessions regarding her food. She had tried arguing or silently protesting before, but was ultimately threatened by Zheng Zhiyu in a more rogue way. Now she knows that agreeing is the most trouble-free method, and she quickly responded:
“Mm.”
Zheng Zhiyu was indeed satisfied and no longer spoke to interfere with her.
There weren’t many passengers on the morning bus. After Xu Jiao got on, she felt the temperature inside the bus was lower than outside. There weren’t many people inside, either sitting in the last row with their heads down or at the window seat, wearing wool hats and looking outside. Everyone was dressed warmly, making Xu Jiao vaguely think she might have missed some news about a recent temperature drop.
Her gaze swept over the bus seats and found them somewhat strange. The topmost armrest position was actually fluorescent in color, some orange, some green. Searching through the original owner’s memory for a while, Xu Jiao realized she seemed to have no impression of this.
Could this bus have been recently reformed?
But these two colored stripes, were they an advertisement she didn’t understand?
Xu Jiao’s expression was very calm, but she felt somewhat hesitant inside. Her steps paused as she walked back, stuck at the position just after getting on from the front door. The bus smoothly started to drive, as if no one noticed her just boarding.
Xu Jiao stood for a while before realizing the strangeness of the situation.
The driver turned a blind eye to her and didn’t say a word, showing no reaction even though she was blocking the aisle. There was not even the most basic announcement for station stops, and the bus broadcast was completely silent.
At the same time, Xu Jiao, gripping the two one-yuan coins she found in her bag, realized she didn’t see anything like a conductor or a coin machine.
This bus was too strange.
Realizing this, Xu Jiao vaguely sensed that the passengers sitting in the back row, who seemed delayed for a long time, finally became aware of her presence. One by one, they moved their heads and looked in her direction.
Before Xu Jiao could meet their faces, Zheng Zhiyu suddenly and silently emerged from her shadow. Her blood-red clothes became a glaring bright color in the gray space of early morning. She raised her hand to press Xu Jiao’s shoulder, casually seating her on an orange seat, then stood by her side with one hand on her shoulder.
It was as if she enclosed the space between Xu Jiao and the entire seat.
Xu Jiao raised her eyes to look at her and saw her mouth the words “don’t speak.” She didn’t continue to explore this bus and instead rested her head against the seat’s back, slightly pretending to nap and rest.
Zheng Zhiyu lowered her head and could see her appearance, including her beautiful features, finely contoured face, dense eyelashes, straight nose, and those light-colored lips.
Under her eyelashes was a shallow bluish tint.
It made her overall complexion not look too good.
Zheng Zhiyu thought of the width of the waist she hugged last night. Her fingertips slightly moved, as if measuring something, and after a while, she moved her lips and silently sighed:
“Too little⦔
Still not enough.
Xu Jiao is so thin now, the flesh on her body seems to weigh barely a few ounces. Zheng Zhiyu is always afraid that sometimes being too gentle or too rough might hurt her. She has never fully enjoyed being intimate with Xu Jiao.
She licked her crimson lower lip, blocking the gazes of other passengers, and only greedily traced her own person over and over again with her eyes. Until the bus stopped at the train station, she then patted Xu Jiao’s shoulder.
Xu Jiao wasn’t really asleep. After all, although Zheng Zhiyu didn’t have a living person’s hot temperature, that chilly gaze also made her back tense. Moreover, this bus was very strange, and even if she was dull, she couldn’t possibly sleep soundly in such a place.
When she got off the bus and was enveloped again by the city’s slightly hot air, Xu Jiao then discovered her own body was cool. She walked while looking at the shadow beside her and casually said:
“What was that bus just now?”
Zheng Zhiyu slowly answered her: “Hearse.”
Xu Jiao was silent for a second: “What is that?”
Zheng Zhiyu leisurely explained to her: “Simply put, it’s a bus that, after an accident, continuously repeats the same route, with both the driver and passengers being the same. Occasionally, there will be living people who don’t mind getting on this bus, but it’s no problem as long as they quietly get on and off without shouting loudly and disturbing the order; nothing will happen.”
Xu Jiao raised her eyebrows, looking as if she understood.
She didn’t ask further. Instead, Zheng Zhiyu sighed an additional sentence: “I’ve never seen someone like you attract these things. Within a hundred miles, dirty things can line up to touch you. Your soulβ¦ what on earth is going on? Was it always like this before?”
Xu Jiao previously hadn’t looked much at the original owner’s complete memory. Now, hearing Zheng Zhiyu’s sigh, she couldn’t help but start searching from this aspect. After a few seconds, her eyebrows slowly furrowed.
“Seemsβ¦ not.”
Zheng Zhiyu was somewhat skeptical: “Are you sure?”
Xu Jiao nodded and reviewed the original owner’s life of being arbitrarily bullied by family. Only then did she discover some suspicious places. Besides the time when the original owner was young and pushed into the water, almost drowning, she had almost not encountered any particularly supernatural or strange things.
And the events in the river were not clearly remembered due to excessive stress.
Xu Jiao lightly shook her head and came to a definite answer: “I’m sure, I never encountered these things when I was young.”
Except for emotional issues, Zheng Zhiyu was always willing to communicate with Xu Jiao about everything. But now, she suddenly fell silent. Xu Jiao still wanted to ask her what happened, but she had just reached the inspection entrance and had to show her documents while placing her luggage on the conveyor for security check.
This train departs at six thirty. After getting up, Xu Jiao spent more than ten minutes washing and tidying up, walked and waited for the bus for seven minutes. The bus took another fifteen minutes, then she walked to the train station. Excluding the time for the ticket gate closing early, she had just arrived at the station and needed to quickly head to the ticket inspection.
In total, after finally getting on the train, she had bought the cheapest seat ticket. Xu Jiao sat by the window. Beside her sat two middle-aged people with big and small bags, which was fine. In the aisle, someone already used to squeezing in pushed the outermost person, pointed at Xu Jiao, and said:
“I see that girl is quite thin. Your row should still fit another person if you squeeze in, right? Move in a bit and give me a seat, please. Thanks.”
So the outermost person automatically squeezed in, finally leaving the smallest Xu Jiao like a sardine in a can. She looked like a little poor thing. Originally clean and tidy, after rushing to catch a green train, she was immediately stained by the messy smells in the carriage.
Zheng Zhiyu felt as if she didn’t have any room to fit even in her shadow.
She leaned close to Xu Jiao’s ear and softly said, “Jiaojiao, should I go and get you a soft sleeper?”
Xu Jiao shook her head slightly, held her bag, and slept. After all, returning from school, the train ride wasn’t very long, just five or six hours to reach the city over there.
After that, she would still need to transfer to a charter bus, motorcycle, and so on.
Xu Jiao was too lazy to fuss, but Zheng Zhiyu was determined to make her sit more comfortably in this place.
About ten minutes laterβ
Xu Jiao noticed the person next to her constantly rubbing their feet, even pulling a smelly blanket from the green nylon bag underfoot to drape over themselves, casually complaining:
“What’s wrong with this train? Why is it so generous today, the air conditioning is freezing me.”
This remark caused people in nearby seats to agree. Opposite, a man enjoying a bowl of spicy beef noodles slurped while talking, causing the instant noodle soup to foam as he spoke:
“Yeah! I think so too! My noodles just soaked for five minutes and already got cold, it’s really strange!”
But they merely complained without taking any significant action, at most putting on their thick clothes or blankets.
After another half hour, a person who couldn’t stand the cold went to find the train attendant, wanting to change seats. The one who had finished eating instant noodles also felt it was too crowded and wanted to buy a hard sleeper, but unfortunatelyβ¦
May Day is originally a peak travel period, with not many extra seats available.
Moreover, there were still some standing ticket passengers around eager to move.
Prepared to upgrade her ticket at any time, Xu Jiao found Zheng Zhiyu’s small actions somewhat funny for no reason. She lifted her eyelids and saw Zheng Zhiyu expressionlessly raising her hand to block the splashing instant noodle soup from the man opposite. The sentence she originally wanted to say, “forget it,” reached her lips, and she temporarily changed it to another:
“Buy a soft sleeper on the return.”
Zheng Zhiyu’s pure black eyes looked at her, seeming not to know how she suddenly changed her mind. She leaned down, one hand supporting by her neck, and made eye contact for a few seconds before quickly speaking:
“Then it’s settled like this?”
Xu Jiao closed her eyes again, nodding slightly.
Zheng Zhiyu then didn’t trouble these people anymore. Not long after, the people in the nearby seats seemed rejuvenated, quickly becoming unbearably hot due to the crowded air, causing most of Xu Jiao’s journey to be spent listening to those people beside her complain that the train’s air conditioning was broken.
Getting off the train was precisely at the hottest time of noon.
Xu Jiao raised her hand to block the sunlight in front of her eyes, standing in front of the station. Following her memory, she went to find the chartered car driver to ask for prices and carpooled with others towards her hometown’s village. In the minivan, she bumped along the winding mountain road for two hours before reaching the town. By the time she waited for a motorcycle back to the village entrance, a few scattered stars were already twinkling in the sky.
She walked on the countryside’s field ridges, turning on her broken phone’s flashlight to carefully illuminate the road beneath her feet. Some places were somewhat wet, and stepping down still had mud sticking. At night, the village people had no entertainment, basically staying at home doing their own things, occasionally visiting others, mostly playing cards or bragging.
At this moment, there were rarely any people seen in the area she was walking.
Zheng Zhiyu then appeared, hugged her around the waist, and lifted her up, passing through the surrounding tall corn stalks in the direction Xu Jiao was walking. Xu Jiao, held up by her, glanced at her and then focused on the nearby environment to detect if there were people around, avoiding the scenario where someone working late at night might look up and see a person floating mid-air.
The effect was magical.
Zheng Zhiyu heard her without a single protest and teased her in a chilly tone: “Why are you so obedient today?”
Xu Jiao lazily replied, “In the face of absolute power, all struggle is useless.”
Zheng Zhiyu gave a light laugh, kissed the top of her head, and with a hint of praise in her tone said, “I just like you when you’re this smart.”
Xu Jiao responded with a “mm,” casually adding: “Right, I quite like myself this way too.”
As soon as she finished this sentence, she patted Zheng Zhiyu’s shoulder, signaling her to put her down, because after passing through this cornfield, ahead was the original owner’s home.
Zheng Zhiyu, seeing her obedient recently, was already in a good mood. Naturally, she wasn’t stingy about following Xu Jiao’s wishes and obediently put her down, simultaneously slipping back into her shadow.
Xu Jiao walked step by step to the entrance of the lit-up earthen house, stood watching for a while, then pushed the door open and walked inside.
“Who is it coming over at this late hourβ¦ oh, you’ve decided to come back, huh?”
Xu Dashu, holding a pipe, walked out. His original tone carried a hint of joy, thinking it was his old friends visiting. But upon seeing Xu Jiao, his tone instantly dropped several notches, with clear disdain and contempt.
With this attitude, Xu Jiao naturally couldn’t be bothered with him and simply said, “I promised you I’d come back, so don’t think about causing trouble at my school anymore.”
Xu Dashu tapped his pipe, laughed, and his excessively old face had skin wrinkling together, squinting as he looked at her and said, “I see you’ve gone too long without discipline, feeling itchy, you coming back is right, don’t mention those irrelevant things to me.”
This was not wanting to acknowledge.
Xu Jiao looked at him knowingly, not surprised by his attitude, and prepared to return to her own room based on the original owner’s memory. Suddenly, more people inside heard the commotion Xu Dashu was making outside, and a male voice loudly in the local accent said:
“Father, who are you talking to? Mom’s calling you to come clean the table.”
“You little brat dare to order your father, wings are quite hardβXu Jiao’s back, let her go clean.”
Xu Dashu stared at Xu Jiao’s back and raised his voice in reply.
The curtain of the main house was lifted, and a tall boy who had already grown up saw Xu Jiao, looked her up and down, and teased: “Yo, life at school going pretty well, huh? Found a rich one? Wearing all so fashionable, sister’s so rich, how about giving your brother a bit to spend?”
“What money? If she has money, she must give it to me first.” The sound of the original owner’s mother washing a pan with a brush came from the kitchen.
Hearing this, the boy’s eyes turned, and taking advantage of Xu Jiao passing by his side, he suddenly reached out to grab her backpack. Xu Jiao reacted in time and dodged a bit, but the backpack strap was still grabbed by him.
In the next moment, the boy, relying on his natural strength advantage, suddenly acted and pulled Xu Jiao’s backpack down from her shoulder, saying with a laugh:
“Sister, father’s calling you to wipe the table. Aren’t you going quickly?”
“You worked hard all the way back, so I’ll just watch this bag for you for a while. No need to be so polite.”
Xu Jiao looked at him expressionlessly.
Noticing her gaze, this person in front of her, who didn’t look much like her with a square and broad face, a slightly flat nose bridge, and drooping eyes, said to her:
“Sister, don’t look at me like that; I’m so scared.”
Xu Jiao slightly raised the corners of her lips.
She took a couple of steps into the room, glanced at the mess on the table, and at the pot of bland seaweed egg soup, and unusually replied with this sentence:
“Don’t rush to be afraid just yet.”
The boy turned and looked at herβ
Just that one glance.
Right then, a basin carrying the residual heat of purple and yellow came straight toward his face.
With a swish, soup dripped down from his head, and he subconsciously licked his lips, the salty taste still present.
Seemingly not having processed what happened, the tall boy still held her bag in one hand, with seaweed and egg flower dripping from his hair and neck, making him look utterly ridiculous.
He heard Xu Jiao, unhurriedly, raise her chin towards him and say in a notifying tone:
“Now you can start to be afraid.”
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