Don’t Want a Divorce (27)
“Who do you take me for, a substitute?”
“Who is Shen Yelan?”
Xu Jiao, half-awake and half-fake drowsy, still felt the lingering fatigue from the mischief earlier, but her mind was already on high alert. The previous probing, whether in terms of the naturalness of the tone or from the perspective of body language, showed almost no flaws at all.
However, Feng Qingyu was suddenly startled awake—
Even when asking this question, her eyes flashed with an astonishing sense of obsession.
Xu Jiao gradually woke up, pretending that she had not reacted at all. In her heart, she had already made calculations. Just now, the two of them had emerged from a state of extreme pleasure, the most relaxed moment for a person. Moreover, today’s performance should be enough to convince Feng Qingyu of herself, so her response at this moment was the most genuine.
Now Xu Jiao could be completely at ease. The consciousness of the female protagonists from the previous two worlds had not affected Feng Qingyu.
The words spoken by the other party when pursuing her earlier were merely a well-timed accident.
She opened her eyes; her dark eyes still held a hint of confusion, and her voice was laced with a lazy rasp: “Hmm?”
Xu Jiao replied, “What are you talking about?”
Feng Qingyu fixed her gaze tightly on Xu Jiao. No matter how innocent she appeared, Feng Qingyu did not believe her words.
Today is her birthday, and it is also the best day Xu Jiao has treated her in a long time, gifting her many presents that made her heart feel hot even in her sleep. She felt that the joy of today was difficult to replicate.
Now…
She only felt as if a pot of cold water had been splashed over her head.
That scorching heat and warmth seemed to have hit a metal plate doused in cold water, making a sizzling sound, and then, after that boiling commotion, everything disappeared into silence.
Whether Xu Jiao’s current slip of the tongue was intentional or something else, Feng Qingyu could no longer fall asleep.
Who is this person named Shen Yelan?
Is it a man or a woman?
A or B?
Why did Xu Jiao call out this person’s name in bed?
Have they ever shared a bed together?
…Otherwise, how could she explain the intimacy in Xu Jiao’s earlier actions? That unguarded closeness, even naturally leaning against her, urging her to sleep a little further over, as if Xu Jiao had shared a bed with that person many times before.
Thinking of this, Feng Qingyu felt a wave of sourness in her nose, and it seemed that what was beating in her chest was no longer a heart, but a fresh lemon. With each pulse, it squeezed out the incredibly sour juice into her limbs and bones.
Every cell was clamoring with jealousy.
She desperately wanted to know the story behind this name, to be precise, the story that this name had with Xu Jiao—what secrets lay buried in those times she had not participated in?
Xu Jiao waited a long time without receiving a response from Feng Qingyu and closed her eyes again, as if preparing to continue sleeping.
However, Feng Qingyu pushed on Xu Jiao’s shoulder, shaking her awake.
Xu Jiao had set up so many interconnected schemes but still had not uncovered any flaws in this person. Now she was a bit tired, her eyelids heavy, and she looked at Feng Qingyu with weariness.
Feng Qingyu’s eyes were no longer as deeply affectionate as they used to be. If forced to describe it, those eyes at this moment were not the sparkling surface of the sea on a pleasant sunny day, rolling with small waves, but rather a calmness shrouded in dark clouds, hinting at the brewing of a storm.
Very heavy, devoid of light.
Her tone held no waves of emotion as she simply asked, “You just called me Shen Yelan; I just want to ask, who is this person? Your former lover?”
Seeing that she was determined to ask, Xu Jiao recalled her interactions with Shen Yelan and, after a moment, lightly said, “I guess so.”
Her relationship with Shen Yelan…
Was actually rather ambiguous.
That week of being pretend lovers, could it really be considered a genuine relationship?
Now thinking back, Xu Jiao herself could not come up with an answer, so even her words were this vague.
However, Feng Qingyu felt a suffocating sensation. With Xu Jiao’s attitude, she suddenly realized that she had been completely wrong—
Could this person really be moved by her?
Does she truly like her?
Thinking of the gifts from today and the other person’s behavior, Feng Qingyu suddenly couldn’t dare to affirm this matter. She slowly took a breath, trying to suppress the sourness in her heart, but the heat and dampness unexpectedly welled up in her eyes.
After a long time, as she watched Xu Jiao about to drift off again, Feng Qingyu trembled as she exhaled the air from her lungs. Her voice sounded particularly calm in the room, as if she had not been affected at all.
“Jiaojiao.”
She struggled to control her voice, trying not to tremble: “I haven’t asked you this question in a long time. Don’t lie to me. Answer this question, then you can sleep, okay?”
Xu Jiao opened her eyes again and looked at her. Although Feng Qingyu’s demeanor showed no signs of being inappropriate, she saw right through the other person’s facade, like a tall building swaying dangerously in a storm, ready to collapse with just one more blow.
A vague thought crept into Xu Jiao’s mind, making her unable to help but wonder:
Is Feng Qingyu’s sadness a reluctance to hide it, or is it that she can no longer conceal it?
Immediately after, she heard the other person ask, “So… do you like me today?”
Xu Jiao remained silent for two seconds. She was not the type to lie lightly, but seeing Feng Qingyu so sad, desperately holding back tears, stirred an impulsive feeling within her.
An impulse to lie.
“Some lies are well-intentioned, Jiaojiao. Not everything in this world is black and white,” that person had once taught her.
At that time, she replied, “But lying itself is a bad thing. Can a good result be obtained on the premise of something bad?”
Now.
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Xu Jiao moved her lips. According to her original plan, regardless of whether today’s probing was successful or not, she was prepared to entangle herself with Feng Qingyu in this world to the very end.
If Feng Qingyu truly shared a soul with Shen Yelan and Xia Jingzhe, then she would investigate this reason thoroughly.
If not, then her actions would amount to inflicting harm on Feng Qingyu on her birthday. No matter what request Feng Qingyu made, she was willing to make amends. Through her experiences in these worlds, she knew that the female lead would develop an obsession with her, so Feng Qingyu’s request would likely be to be together with Xu Jiao.
Xu Jiao was willing to activate her Immersion aura for a lifetime, accompanying Feng Qingyu in performing this perfect play.
Illusions may be dreams, but if this illusion is never broken, it is no different from reality.
Moreover…
This should also yield a happy ending (HE), a win-win situation where both she and Feng Qingyu could get what they desired.
……
Xu Jiao’s words had not yet left her mouth—
“Okay,” Feng Qingyu suddenly interrupted her, her eyelashes trembling slightly, as if she was holding back tears. She said, “That’s enough. I understand.”
In Xu Jiao’s quiet demeanor, Feng Qingyu couldn’t help but ask a second question: “From the past until now… have you ever liked me, even for just a second?”
Xu Jiao slowly blinked.
This silence lasted too long.
Feng Qingyu’s tears finally fell, silently tracing the corners of her eyes and soaking into the side of the pillow, blooming into two small flowers. Yet her lips were curved into a smile, as if mocking her own self-deception and naivety.
She no longer made eye contact with Xu Jiao, as if afraid that her eyes would reveal her heart shattering piece by piece. Her long black eyelashes clung together, glistening even brighter from the moisture in her eyes.
Feng Qingyu’s voice trembled uncontrollably.
“Since you don’t like me…”
She said, “Why did you give me so many gifts and still ask if I liked them?”
Looking back now, Feng Qingyu felt that every sweet declaration of love at that time had turned into a knife, stabbing into her heart, one after another.
They pierced her until she was full of wounds.
Injured all over.
Xu Jiao did not answer. Since Feng Qingyu was not as she had guessed, then saying these words would only hurt her more.
Yet it seemed Feng Qingyu understood something from her silence—
She nodded slightly, quickly raising her hand to wipe the corner of her eye, erasing the trace of tears that had spilled over. Then she looked up at the ceiling light. Although only the warm lamp on the bedside table was lit, her world at that moment felt just like the ceiling light—extinguished.
Feng Qingyu ruthlessly pressed on, “You… those gifts, they weren’t actually meant for me, were they?”
“Xu Jiao, who do you take me for, a substitute for someone else?”
The two of them were clearly lying in the same bed in an intimate posture, having just moments ago been entangled in soft sheets, doing the most intimate things between lovers, as if their souls were melting together.
But now…
Feng Qingyu suddenly realized that she had never really understood this person.
Xu Jiao remained silent.
But Feng Qingyu suddenly moved. She got out of bed, straightened her clothes, and picked up her pillow as she walked to the edge of the bed. After taking two steps, she paused, turned her back to the bed, and suddenly said:
“You’ve always wanted to divorce me, right?”
“Once 《The Palace Wall Willows》 is finished, it should be about time. I will find a lawyer tomorrow to draft a divorce agreement. Half of all my assets will be given to you. In a few days, I will send you the agreement. If you have no objections, just sign it when the time comes.”
Xu Jiao turned to look in the direction Feng Qingyu was leaving.
Just as Feng Qingyu was about to turn the doorknob, she suddenly called out, “Feng Qingyu.”
Feng Qingyu paused for a moment, tilting her head slightly as if waiting for Xu Jiao to say something. In reality, her fingers were gripping the doorknob so tightly that they turned white. She thought that as long as Xu Jiao explained herself or told her that she had ever been moved by her for even a second, then… she would still have the courage to try again.
To shamelessly cling to her, entangling herself until she forgot about that damned white moonlight and accepted her.
But the next words that came from behind were: “This is your room; you don’t need to leave. I can just go back.”
After saying that, Xu Jiao lifted the blanket, preparing to get out of bed. Although her back and legs were still sore, her face showed no signs of it, as if she didn’t care about such matters at all, truly ready to go back like this.
Feng Qingyu heard the sound of the fabric rubbing from behind her, and before she could even say a “no need,” she suddenly twisted the doorknob and, after stepping out, shut the door behind her with force.
Once inside the guest room, after closing the door, Feng Qingyu leaned against it, and tears streamed down her face like a dam breaking.
The pillow slipped from her arms to the floor. The usually composed and calm Alpha now hung her head like a lost dog, her shoulders shaking continuously, as if something sharp had ripped open her chest, leaving a large hole that she could not plug no matter what.
After a long time, Feng Qingyu softly told herself, “…You really are pathetic.”
Loving so humbly, yet so helplessly.
A piercing chill came from the soles of her feet. After a long time, Feng Qingyu realized that she had run out without even putting on her shoes. Clearly, she was the one who had initiated the divorce, but… the one who was the most heartbroken was still her.
Because Xu Jiao had no heart.
……
In the master bedroom.
Xu Jiao was still sitting there, looking in the direction of the door. After a long while, she asked, “System, what are Feng Qingyu’s current data points in all aspects?”
“Testing in progress—”
“Detected that the protagonist’s favorability toward you is 100, and the blackening value is 100.”
Xu Jiao raised an eyebrow; this data sounded very… familiar.
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According to the developments of the previous two worlds, when the female protagonists reached this data point, they would inevitably start a series of entangled plots like bondage, imprisonment, and other unfulfilled desires. However…
Feng Qingyu told her, “Divorce.”
Xu Jiao thought of this blackening value and couldn’t help but rub her forehead. In the end, she inexplicably asked the system, “What do you think the ending of this world will be?”
System: “You’re the biological mother; why are you asking me?”
Xu Jiao smiled for a moment. What did being the biological mother matter? The plot had already deviated from its original trajectory, so how could she know what the outcome would be?
Upon hearing her complaints, the system suddenly spoke up, “From a certain perspective, the plot has never been out of your control from beginning to end.”
Xu Jiao: “?” What do you mean by that?
The system flatly pointed out, “In the first world, Xia Jingzhe’s life was saved by the Kunlun Sect, only to be ultimately destroyed by it. I arranged for you to enter the Kunlun Sect to change this situation and achieve a successful happy ending. In the end… her life was born from you and ended because of you. You remained a disciple of Kunlun, and in terms of results, this bad ending is not much different from the original plot.”
“In the second world, the tragedy of Shen Yelan’s life originated from her school years. Your identity was arranged to be the school bully at No. 18 High School, originally to help erase Shen Yelan’s shadow and allow her to improve from the source. In the end… you saw it too, she also died because of you and never forgot the stories from her school years.”
“In this book, 《Starlight》, where does Feng Qingyu’s tragic life originate? It comes from her being treated as Shangguan Yan’s white moonlight substitute. Her family and career have all been affected by Shangguan Yan. Now that you’ve entered, she has directly become your white moonlight substitute. It seems that in this lifetime, she won’t be able to escape the substitute trope—”
“You see, Xu Jiao, your control over the plot makes me feel inferior. I suspect our harmonious system can’t shake your belief in maintaining the storyline at all.”
Xu Jiao: “…”
After a two-second reaction, she realized that this system was indirectly mocking her.
Before she entered these books, her keyboard and her plots were the beginning of these female protagonists’ tragedies. After she entered, she directly became the source of their misfortunes.
She raised her hand to rub her forehead and said to the system, “Why don’t you just give me a spoiler about the punishment in the next world? I feel like I can’t handle Feng Qingyu’s blackening value of 100.”
The system pretended to be surprised, “There are still female protagonists you can’t handle?”
Xu Jiao: “When did you become so sarcastic?”
The system replied, “Just now, after you hurt Feng Qingyu and arrogantly thought that if she wanted to be with you, you would use the Immersion aura to accompany her in acting for a lifetime—”
The system continued, “I suggest you better not do that.”
Xu Jiao covered herself with the blanket again. Before going to sleep, she glanced at the completely unlocked bedroom door, stared at the doorknob for a moment, and then closed her eyes.
Then she chatted with the system in her heart, somewhat aimlessly: “Why?”
The system replied, “Because liking someone cannot be faked. If she is deceived by you in the end, it only means she willingly allowed herself to be deceived, not that she truly couldn’t see the truth.”
The system continued, “Everything you’re participating in now will be edited into the book’s content. Do you really think this entire narrative filled with deceptive love can be regarded as a ‘happy ending’ by the readers?”
Xu Jiao coldly responded, “Oh.”
After realizing that Feng Qingyu had no connection to the previous two worlds, Xu Jiao felt somewhat disinterested in matters beyond acting and immediately said, “Whatever.”
The system calmly accused her, “You are very indifferent.”
Xu Jiao truly felt drowsy this time. She yawned and responded lazily, “Yes, I’m indifferent, I’m cruel, I have no heart, alright?”
The system continued to add, “You don’t understand love.”
Xu Jiao’s yawning motion paused halfway when she heard this last remark. A flicker of light appeared in her eyes, but in the end, she silently reached out to turn off the lamp on the bedside table. She wrapped herself in the quilt and then closed her eyes, softly replying:
“Yes, I don’t understand love.”
……
The next morning.
Xu Jiao was awakened early by the alarm clock. She left Feng Qingyu’s room and returned to her own, changed her clothes, put on light makeup, and headed downstairs, just in time to run into Shi Weiya, who was just throwing on a robe.
“Jiaojiao…” Shi Weiya looked in surprise at the still dark sky outside and then asked her, “Why are you up so early?”
Xu Jiao smiled slightly and said, “Auntie, I have an early shoot today and need to go prepare. You don’t need to worry about me; go back to sleep.”
Shi Weiya paused for a second before saying, “What about your breakfast?”
Xu Jiao casually opened the refrigerator and took out a packaged sandwich, smiling at her as she shook it a bit. “I’ll just heat this up and take it with me to eat on the way.”
Shi Weiya watched her efficiently finish packing and just then the microwave beeped, unable to help but say, “Heat it a bit longer; if it’s cold, you might get a stomachache… Is there a car from the company coming to pick you up? If not, I can have the driver take you.”
Xu Jiao indeed couldn’t drive, but she had already sent a message to Lina. She pushed back Shi Weiya, who was ready to take her to the door. “Auntie, just go back and rest. I have my manager, and the car is already arranged. You really don’t need to worry about me.”
Shi Weiya could only suppress her urge to care and watched her leave early in the morning.
When she woke up again after her nap, it was already past seven o’clock. Shi Weiya tidied up a bit and planned to go out for a walk in the fresh air to see the ocean view, only to see Feng Qingyu coming down the stairs.
She spoke with a hint of reproach, “Jiaojiao went to the set very early today. Why didn’t you have anyone come to pick her up?”
In Shi Weiya’s eyes, Feng Qingyu should have had a great time on her birthday yesterday; after all, even she could tell how much Xu Jiao cared about Qingyu’s birthday. Since they were sharing a room, Qingyu must have known when Xu Jiao got up. How could she not get up to see her off?
This was not good at all.
However, when Feng Qingyu raised her eyes, her expression was not particularly pleasant.
After a moment of silence, she replied softly：”I didn’t know she was up.”
Then, Feng Qingyu added, “We didn’t sleep together last night.”
Shi Weiya showed obvious surprise, blinking rapidly as if she couldn’t process what was happening. She thought Feng Qingyu had argued with Xu Jiao and immediately started to advise, “Is… something wrong?”
Feng Qingyu’s eyes revealed an undeniable weariness. She looked down at the handrail of the stairs, rubbed it a couple of times, and suddenly asked, “Mom, do you think Jiaojiao likes me?”
Shi Weiya didn’t understand why she was asking this and reflexively replied, “Of course! Have you forgotten? When you two just got married…”
Feng Qingyu interrupted, “I’m not talking about the past. I’m talking about recently.”
Shi Weiya didn’t dare to pursue the topic further because for the past few months, Xu Jiao and Feng Qingyu had spent most of their time at the filming set and hadn’t been home much. From what she observed, Xu Jiao’s attentiveness to Feng Qingyu’s birthday could only be interpreted as affection.
She thought Feng Qingyu was overthinking, and instinctively wanted to advise, “Qingyu, sometimes whether someone likes you is reflected in their actions. It doesn’t always have to be spoken out loud, nor does it need to be something grand or dramatic—”
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Feng Qingyu suddenly let out a breath.
Even though she had spoken about this matter, the bitterness in her heart didn’t lessen at all, which made her suddenly recall the saying: “In life, most things don’t go as desired; those who can share their pain are but a few.”
Some pain is beyond the understanding of others.
No matter how much one says, it can never be enough.
Because others cannot truly empathize, not even her parents.
Shi Weiya noticed the change in Feng Qingyu’s expression and abruptly stopped the topic, seemingly realizing that Feng Qingyu’s emotions were off. She changed her tone and spoke softly, “Qingyu…”
Feng Qingyu turned her gaze away, looking at the crystal chandelier in the living room.
After a while, she lowered her eyes and made eye contact with Shi Weiya on the first floor: “Mom, there’s something you might need to prepare yourself for—”
In the stunned gaze of Shi Weiya, Feng Qingyu said lightly：“When the anniversary of this marriage comes, I will agree to divorce Xu Jiao.”
Shi Weiya: “!”
Her intuition urged her to advise Feng Qingyu not to act impulsively, but seeing Feng Qingyu’s calm demeanor, she felt as if she could empathize with the heart-wrenching state of the child, ultimately saying nothing.
After Feng Qingyu had breakfast, went upstairs to do her makeup, and came back down with her bag, Shi Weiya sat in the living room and called out to her back:
“Did Jiaojiao do something wrong?”
Feng Qingyu paused, giving a bitter smile towards the villa door as she said, “No, Mom, she hasn’t done anything wrong to me.”
She just doesn’t love me.
That’s all.
Feng Qingyu took a deep breath again, steadied her emotions, and opened the door to go outside. Before she left, a maid passed by with a broom, ready to sweep the fallen leaves in the yard, and said to her, “Miss Feng, safe travels.”
She suddenly turned back and instructed, “Please tidy up my room today and throw away the black dress hanging in the center of the wardrobe.”
“And also, don’t keep the bouquet of roses on the table.”