Alone, Beautifully – Chapter 31

Green Plum, Green Plum (23)

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

“She just deceived you as a temporary measure, and you took it seriously. Do you really think she wants to date you? Wake up, she doesn’t even want to continue such a relationship, and yet you’re here deceiving yourself.”

“And you still want her to make clay for you? How could she possibly have such patience?”

“Back then when she saved you on a whim, it was just a casual act of kindness. Didn’t you realize that?”

In the elective course.

The highly cultured old professor wrote beautiful handwriting on the blackboard. Whether it was Oracle bone script, bronze inscriptions, small seal script, or clerical script, it all looked better than the printed images in the books. His extensive knowledge allowed him to stand there at his old age, still exuding a dignified and impressive demeanor. Even when explaining the scholars of the Wei and Jin dynasties, his tone carried an inherent charm.

Shen Yelan was taking notes along with his voice, looking like a diligent and serious student. However, even the classmates sitting next to her had no idea how noisy her world was at that moment.

Ever since that night—

Her symptoms had worsened.

The hallucinations that had not appeared for a long time were not only back but had intensified. It was no longer just one hallucination but even two or three appearing at the same time. Some were urging her to imprison Xu Jiao, others were like just now, analyzing those aspects of Xu Jiao she didn’t want to read, mocking, urging, tempting—everything.

But the most excessive among them were the hallucinations that always mimicked Xu Jiao’s everyday words and actions, including those drastically contrasting behaviors she exhibited in bed. Whenever she got distracted, she thought she was seeing Xu Jiao herself.

That night’s experience was, for her, as if a devout follower who had always only seen the light was suddenly lured by a dark wanderer, making her touch the robe of the god in her heart and taste that forbidden flavor. From then on…

She willingly fell into depravity.

She knew clearly that this was wrong and tried hard to resist, but deep down, she understood that a dike of a thousand miles can be destroyed by an ant’s nest. Some things just cannot be started, otherwise… the cracks will only grow larger.

(LP: “千里之堤毁于蚁穴” (a dyke of a thousand miles can be destroyed by an ant’s nest) is an idiom meaning small problems can lead to major disasters if not addressed early.)

Shen Yelan could no longer hear the teacher’s voice on the podium. The pen in her hand had been tapping on the notebook for a long time, leaving many blotches of ink. Soon, the previous note was still a line from Cao Cao’s 《Ballad of the Wicker Shield》, but after a pause, the next line was forcefully written, “Shut up.”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up, she is not that kind of person.”

A phantom sat on her lap, with clothes hanging loosely on its shoulders, almost falling off. These were the clothes Xu Jiao wore at home that she had seen once. Now, this illusion was wearing the exact same clothes, holding her neck gently, and leaned in to say:

“Why aren’t you that kind of person? You know very well in your heart that what we are talking about is exactly what you are thinking about, right?”

Knowing it was fake, but when the voice spoke, Shen Yelan felt an illusionary breath from the other party, sometimes cold and sometimes warm. Even the hand around her neck seemed to genuinely rely on her support to prevent sliding off her lap.

Shen Yelan’s gaze shifted slightly and suddenly caught sight of the large bite marks on the neck of the person sitting on her—

Those were from when she was fooling around with Xu Jiao in the hotel earlier. In an unconscious act of possession, she had bitten there, and only noticed these marks when she later helped clean up.

Therefore, Shen Yelan remembered it clearly.

Her throat moved slightly, and the pen in her hand had not moved for a long time until the person next to her accidentally knocked over a water cup while getting up, startling Shen Yelan.

“Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

The girl sitting next to her, who was also there for the elective course, apologized while tucking a strand of long hair behind her ear. She half-squatted down to pick up the thermos cup that had rolled to Shen Yelan’s feet with her other hand.

Shen Yelan remained silent for two seconds, then bent down to help her pick up the red cup, handed it over, and the other party thanked her repeatedly, but she remained indifferent.

Glancing down at the marks on her notebook, Shen Yelan realized that the neat handwriting only covered the top half, while the bottom was filled with chaotic, desperate scribbles, like the last struggle of someone on the brink of collapse.

She slowly exhaled, calmly stuffed the notebook into her backpack, and quietly got up to walk out of the classroom.

……

“What did I say?”

“This little rascal looks well-mannered on the surface, but she’s actually full of tricks—making a clay figurine, I’ve never learned this craft. I don’t even know how long it would take me just to make a decent-looking cup. To be able to create such lifelike figures, how many years would that take? This kid has it all figured out.”

“She wants me to remember her for many years to come, killing me softly with her tricks, nothing more.”

During the entire professional English lecture, Xu Jiao listened to the English teacher speak fluently with an American accent, delivering coherent and natural content. One hand propped up her chin, while the other held a pen, pretending to be attentively listening. In reality, she was having a bored conversation with the system in her mind.

System: “That’s not how you use ‘killing me softly,’ is it?”

Xu Jiao sighed slightly, “It doesn’t matter anymore. As the person involved, I deeply regret it now. If I hadn’t fallen for the trap back then, there wouldn’t be so much mess right now, sigh.”

She now feels like she was just a passerby coming to fool around in the game, but accidentally got entangled with the game characters. In order to erase that bit of trace, pretending nothing happened, she had to do even more things.

The consequence is…

The entanglement seems to be getting deeper and deeper?

The more Xu Jiao thought about it, the more uncomfortable she felt. She secretly made up her mind that regardless of whether there is a way to eliminate Shen Yelan’s blackening value in this world, she won’t make such a huge sacrifice in the next world. Even if she accidentally sleeps with someone, she should be straightforward about it. We pay for the service and then leave, everyone is even.

Shen Yelan’s obedience, quietness, and gentleness that night were like lard, clouding Xu Jiao’s heart, making her feel a strange guilt—the guilt of treating someone as a stand-in. As a result, she agreed to Shen Yelan’s absurd request and got coaxed by the system into agreeing to strive to eliminate Shen Yelan’s blackening value.

Now look, she has to mold clay and teach someone about love. And there are still six more times to go!

Life is not easy, Jiaojiao sighs.

She recalled the techniques taught by the training instructor the last time she molded clay, reminisced about the gentle movements, and the rhythm of the constantly rotating base. After a while, she slowly slumped down from the pose of resting her chin on one hand, like a salted fish.

“So difficult.”

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She said, “Why not just let Shen Yelan screw me to death? That would settle everything once and for all. At least if I die under a peony, I’ll be a glorious ghost.”

System: “…?”

The English teacher on the podium cast a glance in Xu Jiao’s direction, intentionally or unintentionally. The originally fluent tone of her speech slowed down considerably, even taking on a rhythmic cadence, sometimes light, sometimes heavy, clearly as a reminder to certain students not to sleep in her class.

Xu Jiao felt the teacher’s earnest gaze, reluctantly straightened her previously bent back, switched to resting her head on her other hand, and said to the system:

“However, to be fair, with Shen Yelan’s once-a-day, day-after-day rhythm, as long as she doesn’t binge and purge like this, and paces it a bit more evenly, being her bed partner is actually quite fulfilling.”

System: “Sorry, I don’t need to know that piece of information.”

Xu Jiao dragged out her voice in boredom, “But I want to tell you.”

The system was quiet for a moment, and in its ordinary mechanical tone, there was a hint of what seemed like helplessness: “Alright, go ahead. Although I might not be able to hear you under shield mode, a harmonious society encourages everyone to express themselves actively.”

Upon hearing that the system, rarely, supported her mischief, Xu Jiao’s attitude instantly changed: “Oh? You want to listen? Then I won’t say it.”

System: “…” It regretted responding to her at all!

……

“Ding—Ding—Ding”

The end-of-class bell rang sluggishly. The English teacher timely stopped the lecture content and said, “I’ll assign the homework in the group chat. Remember to submit it before the next class, or I’ll deduct points from your usual grades at the end of the term.”

Everyone present was a top student; no one had any objections. While the teacher tidied up the lesson plan on the podium, the students also lowered their heads to pack their textbooks, notes, and personal belongings, and then they gradually walked out of the room.

Xu Jiao received a message from Su Xi. This little girl had also gotten into a university in the same city as Xu Jiao, but their schools were a bit far apart. She probably had no classes now and was inviting Xu Jiao to go shopping for clothes.

While replying to her messages and listening to her complain about her quirky roommates and school matters, Xu Jiao walked out.

As she was walking down the stairs, Xu Jiao finally shifted her attention and started descending. She happened to see Shen Yelan, who was also attending classes in the same building. Their eyes met, but Shen Yelan averted her gaze expressionlessly, as if she hadn’t seen Xu Jiao at all.

Xu Jiao: “…?”

Weird.

Wasn’t this the person who used to stick to her like glue whenever she saw her? Even if she didn’t physically cling to her, her eyes would linger on her. That burning intensity wouldn’t change even when she was in bed; in fact, it would intensify and become scorching.

Why does she now act like she doesn’t know her and is completely indifferent?

A doubt flashed through her mind, but Xu Jiao quickly dismissed it. It’s best not to care, lest there be more difficult demands on her. As long as it doesn’t affect the reduction of her blackening value promised by the system, nothing else matters.

Out of the corner of her eye, she paid attention to her descent down the stairs. Her fingers flew over the keyboard as she quickly replied to Su Xi: “Wait for me at the main entrance for five minutes. I’m coming right away. Recently, we don’t let people in without a student ID.”

A person holding books walked past her, momentarily not paying attention to their footing. They missed a step between two stair treads and had no time to adjust their posture. The books flew into the air, and with a cry of surprise, they instinctively tried to grab something as they fell.

Xu Jiao, catching a glimpse of the person about to fall, had already stopped messaging Su Xi. Before she could react, her own backpack strap was suddenly yanked. The girl, who had a somewhat round figure, had considerable inertia. Xu Jiao only had time to lean back slightly to counteract the initial downward force. But because she couldn’t quickly step forward to lower her center of gravity in the narrow stairwell, she ended up being pulled down along with her.

The surrounding students instinctively hugged the walls, grabbed the handrails, or were pulled aside by friends if they couldn’t dodge in time. In an instant, the entire staircase echoed with the sounds of the students:

“Ah!”

“Watch out!”

“Oh my God!”

Accompanied by the sounds of shoes scraping sharply on the ground, bodies colliding, and the staircase handrail being hit.

Shen Yelan stood on the landing of the next floor, seeing several people tumbling down in her direction, among them a phantom that seemed to have slipped in as a prank. She stopped in her tracks.

The first thought that came to her mind was:

Here we go again.

These hallucinations were getting more and more excessive.

Recently, whenever she opened her eyes to get out of bed, she would see those images appearing in front of her, right next to her, sleeping. Some were of Xu Jiao in her ordinary sleeping state, while others depicted her in an exhausted state after a night of Shen Yelan’s torment, with red marks at the corners of her eyes that hadn’t faded, eyelashes still wet, and her lips swollen.

And when Shen Yelan, momentarily unable to distinguish between reality and illusion, reached out her hand to pull the person into her arms for more affection—

As her hand reached out…

All she felt was the cold, empty bed.

Moreover, when she was about to get out of bed, Xu Jiao would suddenly appear sitting on the floor, hugging her knees, looking pitifully at her, stretching out her hand and saying:

“Shen Yelan, hug me.”

“Shen Yelan, why do you only know how to bully me? Can you give me a hand?”

Just as the guilt surged in her heart and she began to reflect on her actions, her hand barely reaching out, not yet touching Xu Jiao’s fingertips, the hallucination would dissipate. In the distance, another figure, arms crossed, would stand there, curling her lips mockingly and saying:

“You really should look at yourself in the mirror right now, Shen Yelan. It was just me playing with you, teasing you.”

……

“Make way down there, everyone!”

Someone lost control and fell towards Shen Yelan. As they were about to crash into her, they couldn’t help but close their eyes, leaving only an almost ceiling-breaking, distorted warning shout.

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Shen Yelan calmly looked up but chose not to step aside. Instead, she took a slight step back, stabilizing herself while reaching out to catch the person. She retreated a bit due to the momentum but managed to catch them steadily.

Then, believing the person wouldn’t fall as hard as before, Shen Yelan turned her attention to the phantom falling down the stairs. Although she knew the phantom would disappear as soon as she raised her hand, she still earnestly reached out to grab the figure’s wrist.

However, this time when she reached out, she caught something solid.

Shen Yelan’s previously calm eyes suddenly surged with overwhelming waves of shock. If it weren’t for the reflexes she had developed through training, she would have certainly fallen heavily to the ground along with Xu Jiao’s movement.

Fortunately, her instincts kicked in. At the critical moment, after taking a few steps back with Xu Jiao, Shen Yelan’s back hit the nearby wall, but she managed to stop Xu Jiao’s forward momentum without injury.

Xu Jiao had already prepared herself to land on her shoulder to lessen her injuries. Unexpectedly, she was pulled over by Shen Yelan. Unaware, her right foot stepped on Shen Yelan’s left foot. Instinctively, she raised her head, only to collide with Shen Yelan’s chin.

Both felt instant pain.

Shen Yelan paused for a moment, tasting the metallic tang of blood spreading from her tongue. Her throat moved, and she called out lowly and hoarsely, “Sister Xu, Jiao…”

Xu Jiao raised her eyebrows slightly, smiled at her, and stepped back from her embrace: “Thanks to you, thank you.”

Around them, classmates gathered around the girl who had initially fallen down the stairs, causing many others to stumble but with no one able to catch her, and expressed their concern:

“Are you okay?”

“Did you get hurt anywhere? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

The girl shook her head, her eyes red, and looked cautiously in Xu Jiao’s direction as she apologized: “I’m sorry, classmate, I didn’t mean to pull you earlier.”

Xu Jiao shook her head, smiled at her, and gently said, “It’s okay.”

Beside her, noticing the warmth in her embrace suddenly disappearing, Shen Yelan instinctively raised her hand to stop her, grabbing Xu Jiao’s shirt hem. Once she confirmed again that this was not an illusion, she was unwilling to let go.

Xu Jiao looked at Shen Yelan, who had reverted to the clingy demeanor she remembered, with a gaze that seemed to burn her. Xu Jiao couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow, meeting Shen Yelan’s eyes, and then let her gaze shift down to her actions, wordlessly asking:

What are you doing?

Shen Yelan was silent for a moment. Her voice, somewhat hoarse, when lowered, sounded as if she had been wronged, giving a peculiar impression of acting coquettishly:

“Sister Xu Jiao, where are you going? Let me take you.”

Xu Jiao looked at her with amusement, “I’m going to the main entrance. It’s within walking distance; no need to trouble yourself.”

Under Xu Jiao’s implied gaze, Shen Yelan reluctantly let go of her hand, but her steps faithfully followed. After walking out of the first-floor lobby together, she continued to follow Xu Jiao through the green pathway outside, heading toward the main entrance.

She was using her actions to insist on her earlier offer.

Xu Jiao took a couple of steps and, seeing that they were almost at the main entrance, helplessly stopped and turned to look at Shen Yelan, “If you’re really just seeing me off, then this is far enough. It’s just a few more steps; I can walk the rest by myself.”

Shen Yelan remained silent, leaving it unclear whether she agreed or disagreed.

Xu Jiao found herself at a loss dealing with someone so tight-lipped because as long as Shen Yelan didn’t speak, no one knew how many things she was keeping bottled up inside, nor what she was pondering at any given moment.

Suddenly, Xu Jiao stopped hurrying forward and instead stood still, looking Shen Yelan up and down, as if she were only now beginning to truly get to know the person in front of her.

She didn’t understand Shen Yelan, and Shen Yelan didn’t understand her either. However, Shen Yelan was willing to indulge her in doing anything she wanted, so when Xu Jiao wanted to look, Shen Yelan let her look.

Until Xu Jiao couldn’t hold it in any longer and was the first to break the silence:

“Hey, let me ask you—”

Xu Jiao looked around and noticed that the people passing by were quite far away. Even so, considering what she was about to say, she moved closer to Shen Yelan, lowering her voice, creating an illusion that they shared an unusually close relationship:

“Would sleeping with me make you happy?”

Shen Yelan: “…!”

She was stunned for a moment, as if she couldn’t recognize the person in front of her. Her throat moved, and instinctively she raised her hand to grab the corner of Xu Jiao’s clothes, confirming that it was a real person asking this question and not a sudden illusion tempting her.

After feeling the fabric, Shen Yelan lowered her eyes and with great difficulty squeezed out, “Sister Xu Jiao, why are you asking this all of a sudden?”

Of course, it’s to figure out how to quickly and effectively lower your blackening value!

The sooner I complete this damn system task, the sooner I can be free!

Xu Jiao loudly answered in her mind, but on the surface, she merely squinted her eyes, raised her hand to block the suddenly intense sunlight overhead, and said casually, “Just curious.”

She continued, “I just want to know, am I that delicious? That you would even think of ‘eating me ten times as compensation’?”

Shen Yelan: “…”

She stared at Xu Jiao, who spoke in such a calm tone, saying things that would surely shock and draw the attention of any passerby in broad daylight, and couldn’t help but doubt if her hallucinations had become more severe.

After all, such lewd words usually only came from those identical illusions, meant to constantly remind her of the pleasure of her fall and thus drag her deeper into it.

But now…

Shen Yelan clutched the corner of Xu Jiao’s clothes, almost deforming the fabric with her grip, as if it was the only thing distinguishing illusion from reality. Taking a deep breath, she didn’t answer Xu Jiao’s question but asked in return:

“Then, would Sister Xu Jiao be happy being pulled into this kind of thing by me?”

Xu Jiao instinctively wanted to answer logically with “Of course not,” but stopped abruptly, smiling: “Shen Yelan, I asked you first, so you have to answer first.”

Shen Yelan’s lips moved slightly, and she honestly uttered her answer:

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“Happy.”

“And delicious.”

Xu Jiao raised her eyebrows, feeling inclined to ask how she could make her even happier and more satisfied. However, before she could speak, Shen Yelan reminded her: “It’s Sister Xu Jiao’s turn to answer my question.”

Xu Jiao chuckled lightly and said, “If I were your girlfriend, and you weren’t so domineering in bed, of course I would be happy.”

Shen Yelan was stunned.

The voices in her ears began to swirl around her madly, whispering: “Hehehe, she means she’s not happy.”

“Of course she’s not happy, Shen Yelan. If you were forced like that, would you be happy?”

“This isn’t love at all. True love wouldn’t make the person you like feel pain—admit it, Shen Yelan, this is just your despicable possessiveness.”

……

Su Xi waited at the entrance for a long time, but there was no sign of Xu Jiao coming in. Anxious, she found a friendly-looking classmate and asked them to take her inside, wanting to know if Xu Jiao was caught up in something since she hadn’t responded to messages for a while.

As soon as she walked into the campus, she saw two familiar figures on the side path.

One was Shen Yelan, and the other was Xu Jiao.

Without thinking much, she intended to sneak up and scare Xu Jiao from behind. But as she slowed her pace and approached, she saw Shen Yelan look up and say something quickly.

When Su Xi got closer, she heard the next sentence:

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

Su Xi: “…”

Su Xi: “!!!”