Goodbye, my beloved girl
“Can’t you not go?” The girl’s question, asked knowingly, carried a tender plea, infused with a burning intensity.
Each word seared into Xiao Wanqing’s heart, scorching upon her already bleeding heart.The pain grew more distinct and unbearable.
Xiao Wanqing could no longer restrain her desire to be close to Lin Xian. Little by little, she loosened her grip, softened her body, and slowly leaned into the girl’s embrace.
She knew this was not right.
However, from this moment on, this embrace, this girl, would become an unattainable dream that she could never reclaim in her lifetime. So let her indulge for a moment longer, let her secretly yearn a little, won’t it be alright?
Her back pressed tightly against the girl’s warm chest, feeling the rise and fall of the girl’s vibrant breath, feeling every beat of the girl’s heart that throbbed for her. She pursed her lips, almost grinding her back teeth, before squeezing out a warm and familiar sentence from her throat: “Silly, why are you saying such foolish things?”
Lin Xian knew she was being unreasonable, and she knew that her question could never receive an affirmative answer. But she inexplicably felt uneasy, so uneasy that only by holding Xiao Wanqing close, feeling the fulfillment and reality that Xiao Wanqing brought to her, could she feel a little reassured and calm.
Xiao Wanqing’s less forceful movements and her closeness soothed Lin Xian. In the entanglement of their bodies, Lin Xian’s mood slightly settled. She looked at Xiao Wanqing’s petite ear, which was within reach, and affectionately and fondly nudged it with her own nose, murmuring involuntarily, “I know. But Auntie Xiao, what should I do? You haven’t even left, and I’m already missing you.” She was well aware that her words were excessively ambiguous.
In the face of the imminent separation, she couldn’t endure it any longer. She was truly afraid that if Auntie Xiao truly understood her feelings, she would push her away. But at the same time, she couldn’t resist the urge for Auntie Xiao to understand her feelings and hold her close.
She listened to Xiao Wanqing’s casual announcement, watched as Xiao Wanqing turned away without a hint of reluctance, and suddenly, an improper longing arose within her.
She yearned for an identity, the identity of a lover. She yearned for a legitimate position where she could entangle herself with Xiao Wanqing, for a role where she could openly demand tender nights before their separation. She yearned for a position where Xiao Wanqing would miss her dearly.
She longed to find her place in Xiao Wanqing’s heart, as if only then, knowing that Xiao Wanqing carried her in her heart as they departed, could she find the cure for her unease.
However, Xiao Wanqing seemed oblivious. After a moment of silence, she responded so calmly and frankly, “I will miss you too, Xianxian.”
Though her words were touching, Xiao Wanqing’s casual and straightforward manner left Lin Xian feeling devoid of any romantic sentiment. Her heart felt heavy.
Could Auntie Xiao really discern something, understand something, and respond to her so directly?
Lost in speculation about Xiao Wanqing’s thoughts, Lin Xian watched as Xiao Wanqing gently freed herself from her embrace, turned away, and with a hint of weariness, glanced at her face with watery eyes. She lowered her gaze and softly said, “Get some rest. I’ll go back to my room and continue packing. Goodnight.”
Lin Xian watched her slender figure step by step, gradually moving away, and then slumped down on her own bed, dejected.
It was only two weeks of separation, just the duration of winter break when they couldn’t meet. Why was she being so melodramatic?
Lin Xian rolled and tossed on the bed, pondering whether it was because they were currently in the intense and ambiguous stage of their relationship, with Xiao Wanqing going on a business trip to an unfamiliar city, encountering unfamiliar work, and even an unfamiliar person staying in their home. It felt as if all these factors brought about an unknown and potentially dangerous situation.
Letting out a deep sigh, Lin Xian thought about Xiao Wanqing heading to an unfamiliar city to face unfamiliar things, and she quickly sat up.
She jumped off the bed and took out the amulet that Zhou Qin specially sought for her to ensure her safety as she entered college from her backpack’s inner pocket. Holding it tightly, she headed towards Xiao Wanqing’s bedroom.
When Zhou Qin handed her the amulet, she had mockingly ridiculed Zhou Qin, “What about Professor Zhou’s materialism?” In response, Zhou Qin slapped her on the head, gave her a stern look, and scolded her not to speak nonsense. At that time, she had thought Zhou Qin was being superstitious and inexplicable. But now, without any belongings and with Xiao Wanqing going to an unseen place, she held onto the amulet, hoping, with a willingness to believe, that it would protect Xiao Wanqing’s safety and grant her smoothness in all matters. It was only then that she suddenly understood.
So this is what it means to love someone deeply, deeply.
In this state, losing one’s rationality, wanting to give everything and anything, everything that can be done, whether real or fake, as long as it is good for her.
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Xiao Wanqing’s bedroom door was open, and Lin Xian stood at the doorway, intending to knock, but she immediately noticed that there was no one inside. She heard the sound of rushing water coming from the bathroom, as if Xiao Wanqing was getting ready.
Lin Xian originally wanted to step back and wait for Xiao Wanqing to come out later. But in her peripheral vision, she caught sight of an open suitcase placed at the end of the bed. Underneath a few neatly folded clothes, a corner of a yellow, hard card was revealed.
It looked somewhat familiar…
Driven by a strange impulse, Lin Xian lifted her feet and walked step by step towards the suitcase, squatting down cautiously. She carefully picked up the clothes stacked on top, and the card lost its cover, revealing its full appearance—a photo album that she couldn’t be more familiar with.
Biting her lip, due to her speculation, the corners of her mouth involuntarily formed an uncontrollable smile. She reached out her hand and gently opened the photo album. As she had anticipated, the first page was a picture of herself, wearing camouflage military training attire, smiling lightly at the camera. It was the first photo Xiao Wanqing took of her. And then, appearing before Lin Xian’s eyes were one after another, pictures of herself laughing, playing, and running.
Lin Xian had known for a long time that this photo album was all about her, only her. It was the album where Xiao Wanqing specifically stored her photos, the only one they had flipped through together countless times.
Did Auntie Xiao put this photo album in her suitcase, equivalent to carrying her in her heart and taking her on a business trip?
When Auntie Xiao just answered her, she said she would miss her too. So, is this not just perfunctory, but actually true?
Aunt Xiao would think of her and reminisce while looking at the photos.
Lin Xian’s heart suddenly beat rapidly and passionately, and the unexpected surprise made her head feel a bit dizzy.
Subconsciously, she placed the amulet inside the photo album, neatly folded the clothes on her lap and placed them back where they were, stood up, and dazedly walked out of Xiao Wanqing’s room.
She sat on the edge of her own bed for a long time, trying to calm down and slowly process the information she had just received.
Auntie Xiao took the photo album filled with her photos on her business trip, and she responded with “I’ll miss you too.” So, does this mean that Auntie Xiao actually likes her a lot? Was her composed response just now also a sign that Auntie Xiao is willing to acknowledge the feelings between them, so she didn’t avoid or beat around the bush?
Having figured out this puzzle and captured this significant discovery, Lin Xian suddenly felt ecstatic and somewhat dizzy.
She silently blinked at the air, and two seconds later, she jumped up suddenly, jumped onto the bed, hugged the blanket, rolled around, and stifled her laughter.
Auntie Xiao really likes her so much.
Auntie Xiao really, really likes her.
Auntie Xiao wants to carry her in her heart and take her on a business trip together.
The heart she placed on Auntie Xiao finally found a place to belong and no longer wanders aimlessly.
The night is long, and dreams are plentiful. Shouldn’t she seize the opportunity now? Lin Xian suddenly stopped rolling around, and her hands holding the blanket gradually relaxed.
Xiao Wanqing had already closed the door and leaned against the bed, preparing to turn off the light and go to sleep. Suddenly, a gentle knock sounded outside the door.
“Xianxian, come in.” Xiao Wanqing responded with a warm voice, filled with curiosity.
The door slowly opened, and Lin Xian’s bright and tender face gradually appeared before Xiao Wanqing’s eyes. The girl held a snow-white pillow to her chest, her sharp chin resting on the pillow. Her round eyes blinked innocently and pitifully at Xiao Wanqing. She softly and cautiously asked, “Auntie Xiao, I know you’re leaving in two days, and then there will only be me and an unfamiliar nanny at home. Thinking about this, I’m a little scared and can’t sleep. Can… Can I sleep with you tonight?”
Xiao Wanqing stared at the doorway, at the girl whose presence stirred her heart. There was a barely noticeable movement in the slender knot on her snow-white neck, but ultimately, she softened her heart and nodded in agreement.
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When Lin Xian saw Xiao Wanqing nod, her eyebrows curved, and she swiftly closed the door. Familiar with the path, she climbed onto Xiao Wanqing’s bed, placed her own pillow, and nestled her whole body into the warm quilt that carried Xiao Wanqing’s body temperature.
This was not the first time Lin Xian slept on this bed with Xiao Wanqing, but it was the first time they lay together on this bed while both of them were awake.
Xiao Wanqing watched as Lin Xian settled herself, softly bidding her “goodnight.” She then quietly turned off the light, lay down, and closed her eyes, as if brewing sleepiness.
The night was starless, and the full moon reflected like a mirror. Bathed in the bright moonlight streaming in from the window, Lin Xian turned her body and could clearly see Xiao Wanqing’s long and densely curled eyelashes, delicately covering her eyes, gently fluttering.
She had written many short romantic stories before, and in those stories, when the main characters confessed their hearts to each other, sweet and beautiful words flowed effortlessly. She had once proudly thought that she was an experienced person, and in the future, if she fell in love, she would surely be able to coax the other person happily and obediently.
But now, facing Xiao Wanqing, she realized that she was actually so clumsy with her words.
It seemed that in the presence of her beloved, all the skillful words of affection turned into empty words, lacking sincerity, unable to match her profound love.
She couldn’t recall any other words. Thousands of words condensed into one sentence, the only thing she wanted to express, the only thing she wanted to reveal was: Auntie Xiao, I like you. Perhaps even, I love you.
But the word “love” felt too heavy, and she didn’t know if saying it too easily would make her seem frivolous.
She stared at Xiao Wanqing without blinking, and after a while, she called out to her firmly in the darkness, “Auntie Xiao, I know you’re still awake.” She reached out and gently shook Xiao Wanqing’s shoulder.
Xiao Wanqing couldn’t pretend to be asleep, so she turned over and opened her eyes, her gaze resembling fragmented ripples, silently locking eyes with Lin Xian.
Lin Xian involuntarily clenched her hands, biting her lip and summoning courage. Finally, with a determined resolve as if burning bridges, she fixed her gaze intensely on Xiao Wanqing and said, “Auntie Xiao, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you.”
The young girl’s tender and innocent countenance, bathed in the gentle moonlight, possessed a mesmerizing and heart-melting charm that exceeded her years. She gazed into Xiao Wanqing’s eyes, her affection as gentle as water, and for a moment, Xiao Wanqing felt as if she were about to drown in it.
Unable to breathe, afraid to breathe.
She saw the girl part her lips lightly, and in a soft voice that could only be heard in the quiet night where their hearts raced, she began, “Auntie Xiao, I like…” you.
The remaining syllables suddenly got stuck in Lin Xian’s throat, disappearing into the soft palm that Xiao Wanqing placed against her trembling lips.
“Xianxian, whatever it is, can you wait until I come back to talk about it?” In Xiao Wanqing’s expression, there was a clear understanding and a clear rejection. Her voice was hoarse, and as she looked at Lin Xian’s demeanor, it seemed to carry a hint of pleading.
Lin Xian silently locked eyes with her, the tension between them growing. Her heart felt a slight chill. But then she thought of the photo album in Xiao Wanqing’s suitcase, and she remembered Xiao Wanqing’s promise, “I’ll miss you too.” Softness overcame her once again.
Auntie Xiao didn’t outright refuse her; instead, she was asking for time. Lin Xian’s gaze softened a little. Perhaps, if she gave Auntie Xiao a little more time, when she came back, everything would become clear?
She raised her hand and firmly grasped the hand covering her lips, their fingers interlaced. “Alright, we’ll talk when you come back.” As if confirming her own speculation, she tentatively asked Xiao Wanqing, “Can you hug me first?”
Xiao Wanqing’s eyes flickered, and her throat felt tight. After a moment, she made a muffled sound of agreement, and she leaned closer to Lin Xian, extending her arms. It was as if she was holding onto a fragile dream, embracing her beloved girl with a mix of clarity and despair.
In Xiao Wanqing’s softened attitude, Lin Xian found even more comfort. She hugged Xiao Wanqing’s slender waist, their noses almost touching, sharing the same pillow, their breaths entwined, like intimate lovers.
With a bold move, she tilted her head and pressed a scorching kiss on Xiao Wanqing’s forehead, smiling radiantly under the starlight. “Goodnight, Auntie Xiao.”
Xiao Wanqing didn’t refuse her. Her hands gently rested on Lin Xian’s back as she looked at her, slowly, slowly, a faint smile appeared on her face. “Goodnight, Xianxian.”
The girl gradually fell asleep.
Xiao Wanqing opened her eyes, which had been tightly shut in feigned slumber. There was a misty moisture in her eyes, a hazy fog. She lifted her hand and kissed her own index finger, and then, with countless tender feelings, tremblingly touched the slightly raised lips in Lin Xian’s sleep.
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Tears dampened the pillowcase.
I’m sorry, Lin Xian. I deceived you with a beautiful dream.
Thank you, Lin Xian. You gave me a beautiful dream.
As she carried her luggage and stepped out of the house, under Lin Xian’s reluctant gaze, Lin Xian said with anticipation, “Auntie Xiao, I’ll wait for your return.”
Xiao Wanqing knew that she was going on a journey of a thousand mountains and ten thousand rivers, and perhaps, after a long separation, they would never meet again.
Goodbye, my beloved girl.
She gave her one final hug and only replied, “Take care of yourself.”
Forget about me.
LP: …