Change
The only change
Caught speaking ill of someone behind their back, the person involved hadn’t yet been given a way out, and the straightforward words made Lan Zhou blush deeply. Embarrassed, she stood up and bowed to apologize: “Doctor, I’m sorry, I spoke out of turn, I didn’t understand the situation and shouldn’t have judged recklessly.”
Unfamiliar with the medical environment, she only felt that driving a child who wanted to stay for treatment out of the ward was truly too cruel.
Beside Lan Zhou, Chu Yan’s expression was somewhat awkward, yet his tone remained fairly calm as he also bowed to apologize: “Doctor Jian, I’m sorry, I was abrupt.”
Many years ago, he and Jian Qing were interns in the same group and department. Jian Qing was the coldest intern among their batch, always alone, cold and aloof, treating all patients as study cases rather than living patients.
That kind of aloof and indifferent attitude really left a deep impression.
He retained the impression of her lacking empathy and humanistic care until now.
Jian Qing did not look directly at Lan Zhou, glanced at her, ignored her apology, and coldly exposed Chu Yan’s scar: “You, the doctor rich in human touch, why do you not dare to hold the scalpel now?”
When poked at the scar in his heart, Chu Yan’s face turned pale, and he clenched his fists.
Having angered him, Jian Qing slightly smiled and continued to speak frankly: “You think I lack human touch, I also think you are too pretentious.”
She and Chu Yan had been placed together for discussion and comparison since their university days.
Everyone felt that they could become a couple or friends, but the two never seemed to connect. She felt that Chu Yan was hypocritical, possessing too much useless kindness, while Chu Yan thought she was cold and lacked humanistic care.
It wasn’t an irreconcilable major contradiction; they could continue to be colleagues and cooperate. It was merely a subtle disagreement, as if they were naturally incompatible, making it impossible for them to become friends in this lifetime.
Lan Zhou tried to explain and apologized again: “Doctor, I’m sorry, what I said just now was out of turn, it was my mistake, and Doctor Chu spoke well of you as well.”
Before Jian Qing could respond, Lu Yinxi defended her by saying: “Doctor Chu, it’s been many years since your internship period. After so many years, there’s no need to view her with the perspective of those times.”
Initially, Jian Qing may have indeed been cold, unable to empathize, and could not be considered warm-hearted. She lacked humanistic care for patients and only provided cold treatment, but what she offered was treatment given with all her heart, upholding medical ethics.
Although Lu Yinxi’s words were sharp, her tone remained relatively gentle. Chu Yan’s expression softened slightly as he suppressed his anger and bowed to apologize again: “I’m sorry, it was my oversight, I spoke without restraint and evaluated arbitrarily, but I still maintain that humanistic care is essential in the treatment of cancer patients.”
“When you are able to pick up the scalpel and treat patients again, then you can come and educate me.” Jian Qing didn’t care much about Chu Yan’s evaluation and apology; after delivering a small blow in return, she moved on from the matter and waved to Lu Yinxi: “Come over, let’s go eat.”
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Lu Yinxi said goodbye to Lan Zhou: “Don’t take it to heart, see you in the afternoon.”
After speaking, she walked toward Jian Qing.
As they walked to the cafeteria, Jian Qing playfully flicked Lu Yinxi’s forehead: “You can actually forgive me.”
What does it mean to not take it to heart?
Lu Yinxi rubbed her forehead, which had been flicked painfully, and with the intention of easing the tension, softly explained: “Lan Zhou doesn’t really understand the medical environment; please be more forgiving.”
Jian Qing asked in a calm voice: “Why are you speaking well of her?”
Lu Yinxi explained in a soft voice: “She isn’t a bad person; she just doesn’t understand this industry. Today, she came with me to see Sangsang because she wanted to support her family. It just so happened that Chu Yan also heard about this situation and planned to contribute some money, so he came along to take a look. I guess it’s because Sangsang just said something that made her empathize, which is why her reaction was so strong.”
“What did she say?”
“Sangsang asked me whether she could die later because she wanted to spend a few more days with her mother. Once this question was asked, everyone didn’t know how to respond.”
Hearing this, Jian Qing fell silent for a moment and softly said, “They are all good people; I am the bad-hearted evil one.”
This statement was rare and carried a bit of emotion, which Lu Yinxi keenly noticed. She took Jian Qing’s hand and gently squeezed her palm: “Are you feeling wronged again?”
The oncology department is one where doctors often have to play the role of the ‘bad guy’ and deliver bad news. It is also a department that frequently receives negative emotions. There are even specialized scholars who research the oncology medical staff group to investigate their psychological stress, the incidence of depression, and the conditions of occupational burnout.
Jian Qing did not respond, and Lu Yinxi held her hand, chattering comfortingly: “You are not a bad-hearted evil person, at least not in my eyes. Your attitude is a bit cold; you’re not very good at comforting people and don’t like to engage with them much or explain things. But you have done your best to treat them, without being perfunctory or shirking responsibility, and as a doctor, you are responsible enough.”
She was different from Jian Qing; Jian Qing did not know how to praise others, but Lu Yinxi was very good at it and could even provide detailed examples: “Moreover, the current you cannot be said to have no humanistic care at all. For instance, when Teacher Zhao was alive, there were no direct relatives to handle her admission, and many doctors were afraid to accept her treatment, but you did. Also, regarding the matters after her passing, you could have stayed out of it and simply let Wang Enyi go to Teacher Zhou to retrieve the death certificate, but you didn’t. You waded into that murky water and took on responsibilities beyond treatment. And that time in the park, when you saw Miss He collapse, your first reaction was to stand up and run over to save her. Then there’s your student who comes to you during class breaks for consultations; you always respond to them…”
No matter how Jian Qing was in the past, and no matter how the character “Jian Qing” was originally depicted in the book, the Jian Qing she interacted with now had changed significantly. She simply was not good at expressing those cares through words; she was not truly cold-blooded or unfeeling.
What she could do in this world was limited; she could not change certain outcomes or save those lives. The only change was in Jian Qing’s gloomy coldness.
She felt the warmth of Jian Qing’s presence.
Jian Qing grasped Lu Yinxi’s hand and gave a soft “mm,” not saying anything more.
She does not care about others’ evaluations; she only cares about Lu Yinxi’s perspective.
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Sangsang was transferred to the palliative care unit in the third oncology ward.
During her free time, Lu Yinxi often went to visit her.
The screenwriter of the drama group, An Ruosu, heard about this matter and used Sangsang as a prototype, adding a segment of scenes, in which Sangsang would appear and perform.
After returning, Lu Yinxi expressed to Jian Qing, “When I eventually stop being an actress, I will switch careers and become a documentary director, specifically focusing on medical documentaries, filming cancer patients and recording their stories, allowing them to live on screen.”
Jian Qing lightly tapped her forehead: “You haven’t even been filming for a few days, and you already want to change careers.”
Lu Yinxi smiled, grasped her finger, and held onto her hand, secretly rebutting in her heart, “It’s not just a few days; I’ve already been filming for several years.”
Jian Qing suddenly asked her, “What is the meaning of film and television works?”
Lu Yinxi thought for a moment and replied, “It should be similar to literary and artistic works like writing and painting. It may serve as a form of visual enjoyment, a way to relax and unwind, or even a means of conveying information, telling a story of experiences that others do not possess and showcasing emotions that have not been felt. Once it is presented on a public platform, it becomes an object that is deconstructed and scrutinized, with each person having different values and experiences. Different perceptions will lead to different interpretations. I believe that might be the romantic aspect of artistic works; they are not like scientific problems or medical reports that must have a correct answer or rigorous data. For artistic works, everyone can have their own opinions, and those opinions are infused with their values and experiences. It’s quite interesting, isn’t it?”
After spending all day dealing with dull data and reports, Jian Qing thought for a moment, nodded, and succinctly said, “Mm, interesting.”
Lu Yinxi pays attention to a lot of information in the medical industry and can discuss any medical topics with Jian Qing, such as doctor-patient relationships, medical insurance, and cancers. Jian Qing is also learning to absorb and accept information from the film and television industry so that she can talk to Lu Yinxi about movies and dramas.
Having spent a long time together, the two do not feel tired of each other at all. They can engage in lively conversations or quietly coexist in the same room, each doing their own thing, occasionally glancing up to confirm each other’s presence.
In the hospital, there continue to be a myriad of situations; some patients are actively receiving treatment, while others are delaying their conditions. Some people have limited time left, while others are wasting their lives.
After Sangsang was transferred to Ward Three, a stage III lung cancer patient moved in. Originally at stage II and eligible for surgical treatment, the family insisted on not proceeding with surgery, claiming that their grandfather died because of the surgery. They insisted on using self-picked herbal medicine for treatment, which ultimately led to the delay and progression to stage III lung cancer.
In the morning, while Jian Qing was making her rounds, the family members were once again causing a scene, wanting to discharge the patient, saying, “I want to take my mother to Tibet for a pilgrimage to purify her soul.”
Jian Qing coldly reminded, “It’s hard to say whether going to Tibet can purify the soul, but your mother’s lung function is poor, and she also suffers from asthma. She may end up lying down after standing due to altitude sickness. Of course, if you insist on going, I respect your choice, but please take responsibility for your actions and sign here.”
The family member was so taken aback by her cold and firm words that they dared not speak and silently sat to the side.
Back in the office, Jian Qing recalled Lu Yinxi’s comment, “The current you cannot be said to have no humanistic care at all.” After thinking it over, she printed some materials and called Wei Mingming over, instructing her, “Go persuade the patient in bed 10 not to discharge and not to go to Tibet to purify her soul.”
Wei Mingming had a good rapport with people, so she brought the printed materials from Jian Qing to show the patient and patiently persuaded the family members, ultimately dispelling their idea of taking their mother to Tibet for a pilgrimage.
The next day, the family members came again to ask Jian Qing, “Can I make some herbal soup for my mother to drink?”
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Jian Qing said, “I am not clear about the ingredients and effects of your herbal medicine. Today, she need to receive chemotherapy drugs, so do not drink any other medicines randomly.”
She also added a reminder: “If you want to see a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner and take Chinese medicine, you should go to a reputable traditional Chinese hospital and find a licensed traditional Chinese medicine doctor. Do not blindly trust or follow without question.”
The reputation of traditional Chinese medicine has been damaged by those who exploit it under the guise of being traditional practitioners.
The family member replied, “Then I must do something for my mother; I can’t just watch her suffer while feeling helpless.”
Jian Qing understood his filial intentions. After thinking for a moment, she compassionately suggested, “There is a temple nearby; since you believe in Buddhism, why not go there to worship?”
Two days later, after the family was discharged from the hospital, Jian Qing received a phone call from the medical department.
The medical staff officer responsible for handling patient complaints spoke with her to understand the situation: “Hello, Doctor Jian, this is Xiao Wu from the medical department. A family member of a patient has complained on the Health Commission’s online platform about your poor service attitude, alleging that you ridiculed his religious beliefs. The medical administration department has sent me a notice, so please let me know the specific situation so I can respond.”
Jian Qing: …