Secrets
Sometimes, all you need is a hug.
Jian Qing’s grip was light, making it easy for Lu Yinxi to break free. She even managed to joke, “Be serious, we’re at school. You’re a teacher, remember?”
The night was deep, and only two or three people were left jogging on the track. The stands were illuminated by dim yellow lights.
Jian Qing maintained her usual calm demeanor, looking at Lu Yinxi and waiting for her response.
She rubbed her nose, thinking to herself that if she claimed she was from another world and that this world was a virtual one made of words, Jian Qing would probably haul her off to the psych ward again.
She tentatively asked, “Did you watch any time-travel TV shows or read any novels as a kid?”
Jian Qing didn’t answer.
Lu Yinxi sighed, “Alright, I can tell you didn’t have much of a childhood. What did you watch when you were young?”
Jian Qing saw through her little trick and gently flicked her forehead. “Don’t change the subject.”
Realizing she couldn’t muddle through with cleverness, Lu Yinxi rubbed her forehead and responded earnestly, “I really am Lu Yinxi. The original one was also Lu Yinxi, but you can see me as a more complete, more real version of her—what’s with that look? Are you thinking of dragging me to the psych ward again? I’m not going!”
Jian Qing reached out and ruffled her hair a couple of times, soothing her little outburst.
She asked Jian Qing, “Dr. Jian, why do people go to see a doctor when they’re sick?”
Jian Qing knew there was more to her question but didn’t look at her like she was crazy. She calmly replied, “Because of pain.”
“Yes, because of pain. Even though DID and similar psychological disorders are heavily demonized in media and literature, and people have many stereotypes about them, I have medical knowledge. I understand that the essence of illness is harm, causing physical and mental pain. Seeking scientific medical treatment is the best way to solve it.”
Jian Qing interrupted her mini-essay, “Get to the point.”
Lu Yinxi paused, then succinctly said, “I’m not sick. Don’t send me to see a doctor.”
After a moment, feeling her statement was too short and not convincing enough, she added, “If I feel pain, I will seek medical help on my own. I’m very compliant and will take my medication and get injections as instructed. Right now, I’m not in pain, so don’t send me to the psych ward. Sending me to see a doctor will only make me truly feel pain.”
Jian Qing gave her a cold glance, “You talk so eloquently. It seems you often brainwash people.”
“Thank you for the compliment. People in my line of work live in front of the camera. Speaking persuasively makes us more likable.”
Jian Qing didn’t say anything more. She leaned on the edge of the stands, her gaze drifting to the distant horizon, as if pondering the credibility of Lu Yinxi’s words.
Lu Yinxi gently tugged on her sleeve, “Please, don’t send me to see a doctor anymore, okay? I’m really not sick.”
Whenever Lu Yinxi had to say something soft, she always tugged on Jian Qing’s sleeve, swaying it back and forth.
And as she swayed, Jian Qing’s heart would soften.
Lu Yinxi knew exactly how to play her.
Sure enough, Jian Qing stopped pressing her and, worried that Lu Yinxi might catch a cold, handed her coat back to her. “Put it on.”
Lu Yinxi put on the coat and, bracing herself on the stands, tried to haul herself up. After two attempts, she still couldn’t climb up.
Jian Qing reminded her, “There are stairs on both sides.”
“I’m not going up.” Lu Yinxi, stubborn as ever, tugged on Jian Qing’s sleeve again. “You come down. I’m hungry.”
The teacher up in the stands gave Lu Yinxi a glance, then, quite unceremoniously, placed a hand on her shoulder and jumped down, landing right in her arms.
It was like throwing herself into her embrace.
Lu Yinxi instinctively raised her hands to catch her, but a second later, her arms were empty.
The lingering scent of cold faded away as Lu Yinxi watched her back and followed in her footsteps.
After a few steps, Jian Qing suddenly stopped, causing Lu Yinxi to almost bump into the back of her head.
Jian Qing turned on the spot, lowered her gaze, and looked at Lu Yinxi. “Were you trying to sneak a hug just now?”
Sneak a hug? Helping someone up doesn’t count as sneaking, does it?
Lu Yinxi stared at Jian Qing’s long lashes, shook her head, and was about to protest when Jian Qing directly wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close.
Their bodies pressed together.
(If you're not reading on littlepandatranslations.com, it means this has been stolen)
Through the thick coat, they shared a brief, gentle hug.
Though it lasted only a few seconds, Lu Yinxi could still feel Jian Qing’s cheek brush against the tip of her ear, the cold and delicate touch like a spark igniting a fire, making her entire ear burn and feel unbearably hot.
The hug barely lasted five seconds.
As she let go, Jian Qing said, “Wish granted.”
Her tone was so serious, and her expression so calm, that Lu Yinxi was stunned for several seconds before she realized she had just been teased.
Jian Qing, with her hands in her coat pockets, walked leisurely ahead while Lu Yinxi followed closely behind, her ears still red, muttering complaints under her breath.
“What do you mean my wish? My wish wasn’t to hug you. Don’t flatter yourself. Maybe you wanted to hug me?”
In her heart, Jian Qing silently agreed.
She did want to hug her. Ever since Lu Yinxi said, “I don’t need anyone’s protection,” she had wanted to give her a hug.
She might not need anyone’s protection, but she could still need a hug.
Jian Qing occasionally cooked herself, but most of the time she was too busy. The two of them would often end up eating in the cafeteria, at restaurants, or ordering takeout.
Today, they went to a hotpot restaurant hidden in a small alley behind the hospital.
Jian Qing preferred light food, while Lu Yinxi loved spicy flavors. They ordered a divided pot with both broths.
Amid the rising steam, Lu Yinxi’s lips turned bright red from the spice, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.
Jian Qing’s mannerisms were refined, and the steam swirling around her made her seem like an ethereal being, untouched by the mundane world.
Lu Yinxi wanted to pull this deceptive fairy down to earth. She fished out some food from the spicy hotpot and placed it in Jian Qing’s bowl. “Eat this.”
Jian Qing glanced at her, then continued to eat slowly and gracefully, her expression unchanged.
Lu Yinxi: …
Jian Qing said, “I spent my childhood in Sichuan.”
It wasn’t that she couldn’t handle spicy food; she just chose not to eat it.
Lu Yinxi rarely heard Jian Qing talk about herself voluntarily, so she silently noted this new piece of information. “Did you stay there for a long time?”
“Twelve years.”
Lu Yinxi nodded. “That’s quite a while.”
She wanted to ask Jian Qing about her age. Doctors who completed the eight-year combined bachelor’s and doctoral program were generally quite young. Jian Qing looked to be only about twenty-six or twenty-seven, but she was already an associate chief physician. No matter how young she appeared, she must be around thirty.
Then she remembered that women generally don’t like to reveal their age, especially when talking to someone older; asking about age could be quite rude.
So, Lu Yinxi decided not to ask.
“Jian Qing.”
She called out Jian Qing’s name with such gravity that Jian Qing thought she was about to announce something important. She put down her chopsticks and looked at Lu Yinxi’s brow, listening attentively.
Lu Yinxi suddenly realized another of Jian Qing’s virtues: politeness.
Her demeanor was cold and reserved, giving off an impression of aloofness and unapproachability at first glance.
But in reality, she was considerate and courteous, always responding politely when greeted. When engaged in serious conversation, she would focus on the other person’s brow and listen intently. She never forced herself to do anything she disliked, nor did she express negative emotions or make negative remarks. Colleagues and students who knew her well would joke around with her without restraint, even acting cute and playful…
The more Lu Yinxi thought about it, the more she realized how many good qualities Jian Qing had. She rubbed her face, thinking how the original story never mentioned these shining points of this so-called “villain.”
After a while without hearing Lu Yinxi speak, Jian Qing picked up her chopsticks again and continued eating.
Lu Yinxi dipped a few slices of meat into the clear soup for her, trying to provoke her sense of morality and shame by highlighting their age difference. “Dr. Jian, when you were in middle school, I was probably just born.”
“When you were studying history, geography, physics, chemistry, and biology, I was still being breastfed and having my diapers changed.”
“When you got into high school, I had just started kindergarten.”
“When you were in college, I was still in elementary school.”
(If you're not reading on littlepandatranslations.com, it means this has been stolen)
“When you graduated with your Ph.D. and started working, I was just entering high school—”
Jian Qing interrupted her softly, “Get to the point.”
Lu Yinxi placed a piece of meat in Jian Qing’s bowl, her eyes filled with familial affection. “As long as you don’t send me to the psych ward, from now on, I’ll respect and love you like an older sister from another father and mother.”
The implication was clear: There should be no inappropriate relationships between sisters; let’s not talk about sharing beds or anything like that anymore.
Jian Qing put down her chopsticks and asked, “How old is this personality of yours?”
Lu Yinxi was about to play coy and say 20 years old, but then she heard Jian Qing add, “You’re not just 20, tell the truth.”
Her tone was firm and unquestionable.
Lu Yinxi lowered her head and whispered the truth, “I’m 25…”
Jian Qing stared at her with cold eyes.
The stare was so intense that Lu Yinxi wished she could dig a hole in the ground and bury herself.
“I was wrong…” Lu Yinxi filled a plate with beef and placed it in front of Jian Qing, apologizing with her hands clasped together, “Sister, I was wrong. I won’t lie to you anymore…”
Jian Qing frowned slightly and warned in a low voice, “Don’t call me that.”
She didn’t like being addressed that way.
Lu Yinxi quickly adapted, “Alright, Doctor Jian, I won’t lie to you ever again…”
While trying to please Jian Qing, she was also guessing. Perhaps calling her “sister” felt too morally wrong given their relationship; or maybe, Jian Qing really did have a younger sister.
The latter guess seemed more plausible.
After all, someone as duplicitous as Jian Qing probably wouldn’t feel ashamed due to moral impropriety but might instead find it faintly exciting.
After their meal, the two didn’t head home right away. Instead, they strolled around the streets to help digest their food.
As they walked past a bookstore, Lu Yinxi stopped in her tracks.
Jian Qing noticed her interest and led her inside. “Want to buy something?”
Lu Yinxi headed to the children’s section to pick out picture books. “Sangsang’s birthday is coming up. I want to get her some books.”
Sangsang was the youngest patient in Oncology Ward Two. After her bone cancer surgery, the cancer had recurred and metastasized. Her parents were always busy working to save money for her treatment and rarely had time to keep her company, so she spent most of her time reading alone in her hospital room.
Lu Yinxi genuinely felt sorry for the quiet and well-behaved little girl.
While Lu Yinxi browsed the children’s section, Jian Qing meticulously selected items from the electronics display, her refined and cool demeanor catching the attention of many.
After picking out the picture books, Lu Yinxi went to find Jian Qing.
Jian Qing had chosen a white watch and lifted Lu Yinxi’s sleeve to try it on her left wrist.
Lu Yinxi joked, “Are you giving me a watch? This doesn’t look like a luxury brand. Not very thoughtful, is it? Isn’t this something for kids to wear?”
Jian Qing bent down to fasten the watch strap on her wrist and said calmly, “Wear it. It has GPS tracking. I’ve set myself as the emergency contact.”
With that, she took the picture books from Lu Yinxi’s hands and went to the counter to pay.
Lu Yinxi stood there, momentarily stunned, instantly understanding Jian Qing’s intention.
—She genuinely cared for her, worried that her alternate personality might resurface, forgetting everything that had happened and falling into a state of confusion and panic, or wandering the streets alone and getting lost.
Her heart felt as if it had been soaked through, a delicate and soft emotion spreading to every corner of her being.
Lu Yinxi stroked the watch strap, looking at Jian Qing.
They were destined to part ways eventually. They weren’t from the same world, like two lines intersecting at a point, briefly meeting before diverging further and further apart.
Was it meaningful to get closer?
Back home, Lu Yinxi took a shower, wrapped herself in a bathrobe, and carried a star projector from her bedroom. She squatted by Jian Qing’s bedroom door, giving herself a pep talk.
She gave her a watch, so she would give her a star projector. It wasn’t about reciprocating gifts of equal value, but rather ensuring that they owed each other nothing.
It wasn’t about exchanging tokens of affection, but about clear-cut boundaries.
(If you're not reading on littlepandatranslations.com, it means this has been stolen)
With a creak, the door suddenly opened. Lu Yinxi was squatting on the floor in a daze and looked up to see a woman in a black robe standing at the door.
Jian Qing crossed her arms and looked down at her, “Waiting for me to invite you in?”
Lu Yinxi quickly stood up, clutching the star projector, and took a step forward, trying to enter Jian Qing’s room.
Jian Qing blocked the doorway, her face stern, “What do you want?”
The last time this kid came over with a pillow, it ended with her getting slapped and needing stitches on her hand.
“I…” Lu Yinxi hesitated, then quietly said, “I’m not here to cause trouble this time.” She thrust the star projector towards Jian Qing, “This is for you.”
Jian Qing was unmoved, “What is it?”
“A projection of the stars. You can count the stars if you can’t sleep.” Lu Yinxi squeezed into the room, turned off the light, and switched on the star projector, casting the ceiling in a sea of stars.
The bright white light faded away, and a gentle wave of pale blue starlight washed over the room.
Lu Yinxi looked up at the star-filled ceiling. “I know you have things on your mind. If you don’t want to talk about them, I won’t ask. You have your secrets, and I have mine. If one day you feel like confiding in me, then tell me. And if one day I trust you enough, I’ll share my secrets with you too.”
Jian Qing stood silently under the starlight, watching Lu Yinxi.
Lu Yinxi took her hand and led her to the bed, trying to get her to lie down and look at the stars. “You shouldn’t always sleep with the lights on. The light is too bright and affects your melatonin production, which is why you have insomnia. Try lying down and see if this is bright enough. If not, I can adjust it.”
As she walked, she glanced up at the ceiling and didn’t notice the floor beneath her. Suddenly, she slipped, losing her balance and falling forward, knocking Jian Qing onto the soft bedding. Jian Qing let out a muffled grunt from the impact.
With the cool fragrance in the air, Lu Yinxi found herself lying on top of Jian Qing, utterly flustered. Staring at the face so close to hers, she stammered, “Dr. Jian, I… I really didn’t mean to…”
