Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 4

The Empress Dowager is Terrifying

Due to the scare, Yao Xi went back to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, entered her room, and lay down. Since she had luckily managed to keep her life, she had to keep on living. How could the Directorate of Palace Attendants dare to be slow in carrying out an order from Her Majesty the Empress Dowager? They had sent someone over early to inform her that she was to go to Ning’an Palace tonight for night duty, guarding the palace gate. Guarding a gate wasn’t exhausting work, but it was the most draining. If she didn’t catch up on sleep now, she definitely wouldn’t be able to handle it tonight.

She had just started to feel drowsy not long after lying down when the door was pushed open with a click. Yao Xi had her own room, and figuring no one would come in during the day, she had lain down fully clothed without locking the door.

The one who opened the door was Zheng Dayun. He had changed into his official uniform, and his hair had been meticulously groomed with pomade, not a single strand out of place. And judging by his pale complexion… had he powdered his face? Yao Xi felt that eunuchs were truly different from ordinary men; even someone like Zheng Dayun, who usually seemed quite manly, was fond of dressing up.

“Zheng-dage?” Xibao hadn’t expected Zheng Dayun to come.

After kneeling to see Her Majesty the Empress Dowager off, she had returned to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, and Zheng Dayun had returned to the Directorate of Ceremonial. How long had it been? Why was Zheng Dayun here again? And he was holding a huge pile of things. She fought off her sleepiness, got up to move a chair over for Zheng Dayun, and poured him a cup of ice-cold, day-old tea. She really wasn’t in the mood to fetch hot water, so Zheng Dayun would just have to make do.

Zheng Dayun placed the items on Yao Xi’s bed before taking the tea. He didn’t drink it, however, just held the teacup and sat down on the chair. “I was worried you were scared witless by Her Majesty the Empress Dowager, so I came to see you. I also happened to bring you some little things from Zhejiang, so I brought them along.”

Some little things? Yao Xi glanced at the small amount of empty space left on her bed and recalled a song lyric with a heavy heart. “We are not the same, not the same, everyone has a different fate…” We’re all eunuchs, but look how loaded he is, and then look at me! “With so many things, why didn’t you have your subordinates deliver them?”

“Wouldn’t it be inconvenient if they came?” Zheng Dayun sized Yao Xi up with a complex, ambiguous gaze. Looking at Yao Xi’s slender waist, which was hardly thicker than his thigh, he imagined the feeling of holding it in his arms and couldn’t help but swallow. He had held back for over a year, like a man dying of thirst, and Yao Xi was the clear spring that could quench it.

The fact that he was restraining himself from pouncing on Yao Xi right now was thanks to the resilience he had honed under his adoptive father, Tang Huaili, and the deep-seated moral code instilled by years of immersion in poetry and etiquette. Eunuchs didn’t lose their desires just because they were castrated. Plenty of eunuchs with a bit of power and influence committed all sorts of misdeeds, taking whomever they fancied regardless of the other person’s willingness.

Zheng Dayun was different from them. His family had been scholars since his grandfather’s generation, and he had attended a private school before his family’s decline. The fact that he could read had a great deal to do with why his adoptive father, Tang Huaili, held him in high regard. Most of the children who entered the palace as eunuchs came from poor families, and very few were literate.

He never used force to get what he wanted. He could only find pleasure in such things if the other party was willing, and he believed that with his charm, there was no one he couldn’t win over if he was serious.

“Zheng-dage, you’re too extravagant. These fabrics and wares are of excellent quality. How could a little slave like me dare to use them?” Yao Xi was thinking how wonderful it would be if this pile of things in front of her were silver banknotes instead.

“Now that you’re with me, I can’t let you be wronged,” Zheng Dayun said, naturally taking Yao Xi’s small hand. He could envelop Yao Xi’s entire hand with just one of his. He gave it a gentle squeeze; it was so soft, making his heart tremble. He thought that since he and Yao Xi had become contracted brothers,¹ and Yao Xi’s castration wound had long since healed, it was time to get down to business. He wouldn’t feel secure until he’d had a taste.

Only then did Yao Xi sense that something was wrong. She pulled her hand free from Zheng Dayun’s grasp and took a large, wary step back. “When did I say I was with you?” Her tone was questioning, not accusatory. Zheng Dayun was not someone she could afford to provoke; or rather, there was no one in this palace she could afford to provoke.

“When you first entered the palace, you clearly agreed to become my contracted brother. Why have you gone back on your word as soon as I returned?” Zheng Dayun had a bad feeling. In the year or so he had been away from the capital, could it be that Yao Xi, unable to bear the loneliness, had a wandering eye?² “Have you gotten involved with someone else? Who? A eunuch or a palace maid?” Zheng Dayun looked at the sissy Yao Xi and came to a final conclusion: “Did you get mixed up with some guard?”

??????

Before she could even figure out what she had done to cause this misunderstanding, Zheng Dayun had already slapped her with the label of a cheater, and had even settled on the affair partner. “So, the meaning of ‘contracted brothers’ is actually…?” Yao Xi had a sudden realization. This misunderstanding was truly massive.

“What did you think it was?” Zheng Dayun was very disappointed. Love says its goodbyes, and just like that, the wife is gone.

“I thought it meant becoming sworn brothers! Like the Oath of the Peach Garden…”³ Seeing Zheng Dayun’s expression worsen, Yao Xi feared she would offend him too badly and be unable to survive in the palace. She reached out and gently patted his shoulder, which was trembling with grief, and carefully consoled him, “It’s all my fault for being ignorant and causing Zheng-dage to misunderstand. Please don’t hold it against me.”

“Now that you know what I mean, I’ll ask you again. Are you willing?” Zheng Dayun had initially had an ordinary liking for Yao Xi, but due to a series of mishaps, he had never managed to get his hands on him. While in Zhejiang, his longing had deepened his affection for Yao Xi, and he couldn’t let go so easily. He wasn’t the kind of scoundrel who would force others to submit, so he could only hope for Yao Xi to nod.

Yao Xi looked at Zheng Dayun’s expectant eyes and said with utmost sincerity, “How about… you be my adoptive father?” Having finally met someone rich and powerful, Yao Xi didn’t want to sacrifice her body for glory, nor did she want to lose this valuable connection so easily.

This was Yao Xi’s thinking: Today, she had nearly lost her life for offending the Empress Dowager. Who knows who she might offend in the future? If she could indirectly latch onto the great backer that was Director Tang of the Directorate of Ceremonial, things would be much easier if she ran into trouble again. If Zheng Dayun became her adoptive father, then Director Tang would be her adoptive grandfather. The thought of having such a formidable adoptive grandfather was reassuring.

Of course, this did not include the Empress Dowager. If she angered that master, it would be useless even if the Emperor himself intervened, let alone Director Tang.

Most importantly, this would make Zheng Dayun lose interest in her without causing them to become estranged.

Zheng Dayun was a man of contradictions. When she first entered the palace, Zheng Dayun came to talk to her every day, and Yao Xi had discovered back then that he was a bit hard to read. He was both a flirt and devoted, he knew propriety and shame, yet from time to time he would do things that seemed unconventional or even scandalous to the world. Yao Xi felt that Zheng Dayun’s personality was the result of two completely different life experiences.

There was one more thing about Zheng Dayun. He greatly respected his deceased father and placed extreme importance on the father-son relationship. Therefore, he was utterly loyal and filial to his adoptive father, Director Tang. Director Tang was someone who had served two emperors and could see through a person as if it were a game, which was why he placed great trust in the young Zheng Dayun.

With Zheng Dayun’s flirtatious nature, there would come a day when she would be neglected and abandoned, regardless of whether she submitted or not. It was far less reliable than a father-son relationship.

“What?” Zheng Dayun thought he had misheard.

“I said, how about you be my adoptive father?” Yao Xi beamed at Zheng Dayun with a fawning smile.

“In your dreams.” Zheng Dayun was so exasperated he laughed. “I’m only eight years older than you. How could I possibly be your adoptive father?”

Seeing that Zheng Dayun didn’t seem so angry anymore, Yao Xi smiled even more brightly, went forward, and tugged on his arm, shaking it back and forth as she pleaded coquettishly, “I, Lü Xiu—bah! I, Yao Xi, knew a thousand characters at three, could recite Tang poetry at five, was well-versed in the Four Books and Five Classics at seven, and mastered poetry and prose at eight. I can cook and do needlework. With an embroidery needle in hand, I can paint landscapes, flowers, and birds on cloth. I can carry loads on a shoulder pole and haul sacks. Everyone calls me Yao the Hero…”

Zheng Dayun burst out laughing at Yao Xi’s boasting. He had initially been attracted to Yao Xi’s good looks, but thinking back to the early days of their acquaintance, he had come to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens almost daily to talk to Yao Xi. He had even told Yao Xi about his youthful experiences at the Zheng estate, things he had never mentioned to anyone else. He was a cautious person, and at that time, he had only known Yao Xi for a few days.

In fact, setting aside Yao Xi’s attractive shell, Zheng Dayun was still willing to be close to Yao Xi. He liked the focused expression and occasional frown on Yao Xi’s face when he listened to him speak. Forget it, forget it. Perhaps he and Yao Xi hadn’t spent enough time together. Perhaps this kid was slow to warm up. People who were slow to warm up were good; they were loyal. He was also afraid that this time would be like the past, that he would lose interest as soon as he got what he wanted. For some reason, he couldn’t bear to hurt Yao Xi. For the first time in his life, he felt a sense of tenderness for someone.

“If you’re really as good as you say, then I’d be even more afraid to take you as my adopted son.” Zheng Dayun reached out and ruffled Yao Xi’s hair.

Yao Xi pointed to the pile of things on the bed and asked, “Then should I help you return these things later?”

“You keep them.” How could one take back something that was given as a gift? Besides, he had personally selected every single item for Yao Xi while he was away. “Don’t be so quick to give a final answer about us. Life in the palace is hard. It’s much better with a companion. You’ve only just entered the palace, so you might not feel it yet.” Zheng Dayun also wanted to see if his feelings for Yao Xi would be different from before. Evidently, later events would prove that he had been overthinking things.

Yao Xi nodded. She understood that Zheng Dayun’s words were from the heart. She had, in fact, already experienced it—that thing called loneliness. She had no family (Sun Ergou and his wife were her enemies), no one to guide her after entering the palace, and no friends. The eunuchs actually had different circles of influence. For example, Zheng Dayun. He was Director Tang’s adopted son, so he was naturally close to the other eunuchs under Director Tang, as well as the subordinates of the other director-level eunuchs in Director Tang’s camp. They all belonged to the top circle.

As for Director Meng of the Eastern Depot, that was another circle entirely.

It wasn’t that no one had been attentive to her, but their intentions were usually of that sort. On the rare occasion that someone genuinely wanted to be friends with her, Yao Xi couldn’t get close to them because of her female identity.

“I’ll see you out.” There were faint tears glistening in Yao Xi’s eyes, because she suddenly thought that the rest of her life would likely be just like this, guarding her secret and growing old alone in this deep palace.

“No need. You should rest. You have night duty later.”

After Zheng Dayun left, Yao Xi didn’t go back to sleep, afraid she would miss the time for her shift.

She entered the inner palace half an hour early, bringing along some of the little trinkets Zheng Dayun had given her to pass on to the junior stewards in Ning’an Palace. This was called paying respects to the mountain stronghold,⁴ to prevent them from bullying the newcomer. She also tucked two steamed buns in her robes in case she got hungry in the middle of the night, and for fear of boredom, she even brought a storybook.

Yao Xi had thought of everything, except that she would get lost.

It wasn’t that she didn’t know where Ning’an Palace was, but a palace road on the way seemed to have been rebuilt. Yao Xi walked in the direction she remembered, but the path grew more and more deserted. She wanted to stop a palace maid or eunuch to ask for directions, but when she looked around, there wasn’t a soul in sight, not even a single light. There were only imposing, dark palace buildings. She didn’t even remember when she had left the main palace road.

The night grew deeper, and everything around her gradually became a blur. Yao Xi was so scared she was trembling. The palace was already full of strange tales and ghost stories. Now, without even a lamp, it was the same whether her eyes were open or closed. Yao Xi kept feeling like something was following her. Seeing that it was already time for her shift, the more anxious she became, the faster she walked. But no matter where she went, it was a dead end—either a high palace wall or a locked palace gate.

Wan Bi was resting with her eyes closed. Maiden Yuanqian, who was beside her, replied softly, “Your Majesty, the people below say that the eunuch named Yao Xi didn’t show up. We’re short-staffed tonight. Should we ask the Directorate of Palace Attendants for a new one?”

“Is this bereaved one’s palace a dragon’s pool or a tiger’s den?” Wan Bi was very displeased. It seemed that little castrated donkey would truly rather die than come to work in her palace! This feeling of being despised was something Wan Bi, who had been pampered and adored since birth, had never experienced. The feeling slowly knotted in her throat, a lump of air she couldn’t swallow.

“Send someone to his department to see if he’s dead or has fled. If he’s fled, capture him alive for this bereaved one. If he’s dead…” The thought that the little eunuch might have actually done himself in made Wan Bi suddenly feel very upset. It wasn’t pity, but the feeling that the little castrated donkey had used his own worthless life to humiliate her.

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