Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 3

The Terrifying Empress Dowager

Yao Xi froze on the spot as if hit by a freezing spell, unable to move an inch. Zheng Dayun, kowtowing on the ground, and the piercing gaze on her back told her everything she needed to know. Here, a song for my soon-to-be-prematurely-departed self: “Cooled.”¹

To be honest, she wasn’t the type to speak without thinking; otherwise, she never would have survived this long in the perilous palace. It was just that today, Zheng Dayun’s talk of transferring her to Ning’an Palace had so terrified her that she’d had a slip of the tongue, leading to this disaster.

You couldn’t blame her for being a coward. Not when you considered what kind of person Her Majesty the Empress Dowager was, and what kind of place Ning’an Palace was.

It had only been a few years since Yao Xi transmigrated, but even when she was outside the palace, she had heard strange tales about the current dynasty’s Empress Dowager Wan. Empress Dowager Wan Bi had a tacitly understood nickname among the officials and common folk—the Demon Empress. To earn such a title, one had to be at least on the level of bringing calamity to the nation and its people.

Two incidents had secured Wan-shi’s place in the annals of history, and the protagonists of both were the Late Emperor and the current Empress Dowager, Wan-shi.

Ten years ago, the Late Emperor, then nearing forty, publicly deposed his empress, intending to marry Wan Bi with the full rites of an empress. If the story ended there, it would have been nothing more than an ancient imperial version of a mistress getting promoted,² at most a laughingstock for the common people. But what no one could have possibly predicted, even if they scratched their heads raw, was that Wan Bi didn’t agree. Who knows who gave her the courage, but she actually refused the marriage. So, it turned out one could refuse a Son of Heaven’s marriage proposal. That was a real eye-opener for Yao Xi.

But the Late Emperor was also to blame. Announcing it to the world without even discussing a matter like marriage with the girl in question—he totally deserved it. At this point, the story had become about a scumbag heartlessly abandoning his loyal wife for a goddess, only for the goddess to spurn him. The Late Emperor was a strange one, his bizarre moves never-ending. He reinstated the deposed empress, and then came the most bizarre move of all: not long after, Wan Bi entered the palace with the status of a concubine.

When Yao Xi had heard this bloody imperial drama back then, she had felt sorry for the Late Empress and thought the Late Emperor was a scumbag. As for Wan Bi, she gave off the strong vibe of being a hypocrite.³ She could almost imagine the Wan Bi of ten years ago, snuggling pitifully in the Late Emperor’s arms and saying: I want to be with you, but I don’t want you to hurt the Empress for my sake. As long as I can be by your side, I’ll be content. I don’t want the position of Empress…

But then again, considering that men in ancient times had wives and crowds of concubines, and the man in question was the reigning Son of Heaven, perhaps the Empress Dowager back then truly didn’t want to harm the Late Empress, or didn’t want the Late Emperor to be cursed on her account. Whatever the truth was, Yao Xi sympathized most with the Late Empress. The Late Emperor and the Empress Dowager—one played the part of the deeply devoted lover, the other was a perfect “white lotus,”⁴ while only the Late Empress was the pitiful one, deposed and then reinstated. It was clearly a movie for three people, and she was stuck with all the unlucky plotlines.⁵

The other incident happened five years ago, when the current emperor had been on the throne for just over a year. What shocking and outrageous thing did our great Empress Dowager Wan Bi—who had outlived the Late Empress and then the Late Emperor—do then? She stormed into the imperial court and, in public, executed a Censor who had impeached her before the emperor. The harem cannot interfere in politics,⁶ one must not execute remonstrating officials,⁷ and so on—none of it mattered in the eyes of Her Old Ladyship the Empress Dowager.

Yao Xi felt this was just too absurd. The first incident might have been excusable, but executing a Censor was the act of a tyrant, not to mention the Empress Dowager was just an empress dowager, not the emperor. Yet the officials could do nothing about her. No law or regulation could stand against the Late Emperor’s testamentary edict. That piece of paper was Empress Dowager Wan Bi’s protective talisman.

Because of that edict, the current emperor could not grant his own birth mother the title of Empress Dowager; she could only be a Grand Consort. Because of that edict, the laws of the Daxing dynasty were but a meaningless formality to Her Majesty the Empress Dowager. And precisely because of this, the number of people who wanted to assassinate Her Majesty the Empress Dowager over the years was countless. Anyone working in Ning’an Palace had to be prepared to take a blade for their master at any moment.

Yao Xi even suspected that the constant trouble in Ning’an Palace might have something to do with the emperor. The palace was heavily guarded, yet Ning’an Palace was as wide open as a tourist destination for assassins. Her Majesty the Empress Dowager was also astonishingly lucky to have survived so many overt and covert attacks.

“This slave, Yao Xi, pays my respects to Her Majesty the Empress Dowager.” Yao Xi dusted off her sleeves and knelt down right next to Zheng Dayun. Of course, she didn’t dare look at Her Majesty the Empress Dowager. The highest her gaze reached was the aqua-green hem of the Empress Dowager’s skirt, and on the ground, peeking out from under the fabric, was the tiny tip of a gold-embroidered shoe. She still held a sliver of hope, praying that Her Majesty the Empress Dowager hadn’t heard the treasonous words she had just spoken to Zheng Dayun.

The Empress Dowager’s age was a mystery, but Yao Xi figured that as the emperor’s stepmother, she couldn’t possibly be younger than him, right? The current emperor was over thirty, so the Empress Dowager had to be close to forty. The possibility of her hearing being a little weak due to age wasn’t zero. Unfortunately, Yao Xi was wrong, and spectacularly so.

One, the Empress Dowager was quite a bit younger than the emperor.

Two, the Empress Dowager’s hearing was excellent.

The moment Wan Bi stepped into the Cherry Blossom Forest, she heard a eunuch say he would rather die than go serve in her palace. The tone in the little eunuch’s voice was a mixture of disgust and fear. Fear was to be expected—a slave should respect and, more importantly, fear their master. But disgust??? Wan Bi truly wanted to pry open this slave’s head to see if there was anything inside at all.

Wan Bi didn’t speak, and the palace attendants behind her didn’t dare make a sound. The entire forest was terrifyingly quiet, with only the wind rustling through the cherry trees. She lowered her gaze to the two little eunuchs kneeling before her. The one who had been so disrespectful was this one named Yao Xi. Looking at his kneeling back, his figure was actually rather like a girl’s.

“Why is such a fiercely principled gonggong kneeling?” Wan Bi directed her words at Yao Xi. Life in the palace was already unbearably dull, so she deliberately decided to toy with this ill-mannered little castrated donkey.⁸ “After all, you’re someone who would rather die than enter Ning’an Palace, aren’t you? Truly, a person of integrity.”

Hearing the speaker’s voice, Yao Xi guessed the person was twenty-something at most and assumed it was a palace maid speaking on her master’s behalf. To save her life, she kowtowed and said, “Jiejie, you don’t understand. This slave has my own difficulties for not wanting to serve Her Majesty the Empress Dowager!”

Jiejie? Who’s your jiejie? Wan Bi’s expression darkened. This little castrated donkey had some nerve, trying to claim kinship with her.

Zheng Dayun kept his head bowed low, silently mourning for his little sweetheart. Yao Xi was considered a low-ranking palace servant. Forget about the proper masters, she didn’t even get a turn serving a newly entered Shuren, which was why she couldn’t recognize Her Majesty the Empress Dowager’s voice.

Wan Bi had originally intended to have this little eunuch who had offended her time and again dragged away and beaten to death. But hearing him say he had some difficulties, she couldn’t help but grow curious, wanting to hear how this person would try to exonerate himself.

Yao Xi understood that whether she could keep her little life depended entirely on what she said next. She composed herself before speaking, “Your Majesty may not know, but this slave has a hard fate. I jinx whoever I get close to. At home, I jinxed my parents and my brother and sister-in-law to death. Left with no choice, I was sold by a trafficker into the palace to become a eunuch. For fear of implicating others, I have never even taken a godfather, much less dared to entertain the thought of serving before a master.”

A palace maid spread a square brocade cushion the size of a prayer mat on the rock where Yao Xi had been sitting moments before. Wan Bi was helped to sit down leisurely. “In that case, if this bereaved one⁹ were to kill you, wouldn’t that be considered ridding the world of a menace, and preventing you from jinxing anyone else to death?” Her interest was piqued now. She wanted to play with this little eunuch for a while. The power of life and death was in her hands; how she played this little castrated donkey to death depended entirely on her mood.

This doesn’t sound good! Yao Xi thought. Then she registered that the voice calling itself “this bereaved one” was the same one she had mistaken for a palace maid. Thinking about how she had dared to call Her Majesty the Empress Dowager “jiejie,” Yao Xi felt she was doomed. But her survival instinct made her want to struggle one last time. She hurriedly replied, “Although this slave has a hard fate, how could it be harder than the emperor’s soaring draconic aura? How could it be harder than Your Majesty’s heaven-blessed fortune? How could it be harder than our Daxing’s eternal foundation? This slave works in the palace, in close proximity to Your Majesty and the emperor day and night. The good fortune I’ve absorbed is enough to change even the rottenest of fates. But just in case, I still dare not get too close to the masters, for fear of tainting the masters with this slave’s bad luck.”

“Are you finished?” Wan Bi’s tone betrayed no emotion.

Yao Xi lifted her head uneasily, wanting to see Her Majesty the Empress Dowager’s expression. Whether she was finished, whether she should say more—it all depended on Her Majesty’s intentions!

Wan Bi was sitting directly in front of Yao Xi. The moment Yao Xi raised her face, their eyes met, and in that instant, both were slightly taken aback. Wan Bi hadn’t expected a little eunuch to be so beautiful. Yao Xi hadn’t expected Her Majesty the Empress Dowager to be so young.

What a waste of a face, to be on a eunuch. Everyone has an appreciation for beauty. Wan Bi couldn’t help but feel a sliver of pity for Yao Xi, but that tiny sliver wasn’t enough to persuade her to let Yao Xi off. “Then this bereaved one will give gonggong two choices. Will you end it yourself, or will you go to Ning’an Palace?”

Yao Xi understood. To put it bluntly, Her Majesty the Empress Dowager was asking: Do you want to die horizontally or vertically?

Choosing to end it herself was certain death. Choosing to go serve in Ning’an Palace would be an even more miserable death. Hadn’t she just claimed to have a hard fate that jinxed people? Was she now going to disregard Her Majesty the Empress Dowager’s life just to save her own skin? Yao Xi wanted to slap herself twice. It was all this wretched mouth’s fault. Why did you have to spout nonsense? Now you’ve dug your own grave!

“Hm?” Seeing Yao Xi’s expression shift from sorrow to anger to worry, a kaleidoscope of emotions in an instant, Wan Bi found it somewhat amusing. She urged maliciously, “Speak.”

“This slave…” Yao Xi gritted her teeth. “This slave has a hard fate and dares not let Your Majesty face danger. This life is not blessed enough to enter Ning’an Palace to serve Your Majesty. I would rather end it myself.” At least if she did it herself, she could choose a more comfortable and dignified way to die. If she were punished for misspeaking, who knew how much suffering she would have to endure?

A corner of Wan Bi’s lips curved up. The person was clever enough; the answer wasn’t bad. “Once you enter the palace and become a slave, your life is no longer your own. Whether you die or not is not for you to decide.” Wan Bi was feeling a little tired. She covered her mouth and yawned lightly, then said to the palace maid beside her, “Relay this bereaved one’s decree. Tell the Directorate of Palace Attendants to have this little eunuch fill the vacancy for the night-duty eunuch.”

Yao Xi let out a breath of relief; her life was saved for now. But she immediately began to worry again. Given Her Majesty the Empress Dowager’s past behavior, how could she possibly let her off so lightly? This was clearly a ploy to get her close so she could be tormented slowly!

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