When the Female Lead Becomes Obsessive – Chapter 43

Volume Two: Those Years When I Was the School Bully

What Do You Think You Are?

Sometimes Song Ci felt she was unscrupulous, thought herself shameless and base, devoid of decency.

But she could always convince herself quite well—as long as she obtained everything she wanted, everything else seemed insignificant.

Wen Nuan had seen the scar on her chest, and her reaction had been so strong; that meant this scar was very important to her, and it was also the only capital Song Ci had to keep Wen Nuan.

And today, Wen Nuan’s every change towards her fully proved the importance of this scar to her, so Song Ci had to make good use of this capital.

She had said before, regardless of her status or position by Wen Nuan’s side, as long as she could be with her forever, she could disregard anything else.

Song Ci accurately placed Wen Nuan’s hand on that scar, rested her own hands on Wen Nuan’s shoulders, narrowed her eyes, pressed her lips against Wen Nuan’s, and coaxed softly, “Wen Nuan, don’t go, okay?”

She lightly licked Wen Nuan’s lower lip, breathing raggedly, “I want you to stay and keep me company, okay?”

The room door was violently pushed open, slamming against the wall and bouncing back, clicking shut tightly.

Song Ci was pressed against the wall by Wen Nuan. She arched her waist, pressing herself tightly against Wen Nuan.

All emotions were too profound, too urgent, as if mobilizing every sense, feeling weak yet defiant, experiencing Wen Nuan’s scorching kiss.

Explosive, stimulating, everything flooded her brain, throwing her consciousness into chaos, making it unbearable….

Song Ci felt it hard to breathe, the world spinning; the cold wall, the soft sofa—clearly the most common objects, yet they felt strangely unfamiliar.

They seemed to be sinking….

Indulging…

Recklessly trying to pursue and hold on….

Song Ci called out softly, “Wen Nuan, do you like me?”

She spoke too softly; Wen Nuan couldn’t hear, only managing a muffled, “What?”

Song Ci lowered her eyes, not asking again.

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.

As long as she could be with Wen Nuan, those promises didn’t matter.

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Looking at Song Ci’s scar—or perhaps You Jiayi’s scar—Wen Nuan’s eyes would sting, filled with tenderness and an indescribable ache.

Every time Wen Nuan saw this scar, a pain that left her bewildered would surge within her.

She didn’t know where this emotion came from.

Song Ci’s gaze flickered; she yielded to Wen Nuan’s fingers.

“…Like it?”

Her tone was clearly light, yet it carried the slight tremble of arousal and a barely perceptible plea.

Song Ci’s kisses were somewhat frantic, as if she were desperate to confirm something. “Wen Nuan, do you like it? Like it? I’ll give it all to you, all of it…”

Hearing Song Ci’s words, Wen Nuan’s body froze, the heatwave-like □□ receding like the tide.

Song Ci lay on the sofa, watching Wen Nuan pull away with hazy eyes.

She snapped back to reality, hugging Wen Nuan’s waist, “Don’t go, don’t go, I was wrong, I won’t say it anymore, okay? Don’t go…”

“Song Ci, what do you think you are?” Wen Nuan said coldly.

Song Ci paused, forcing a difficult smile onto her lips. “I… I love you.”

Right, I love you, I’m the one who loves you, Zhao Wen Nuan, the most, aren’t I?!

Wen Nuan frowned, her voice heavy. “Then what’s our relationship?”

Song Ci’s lips moved, stammering, “We… we’re together, so we… we….”

What is our relationship?

She suddenly felt as if her throat had been poisoned, unable to utter a single word.

Song Ci’s evasiveness filled Wen Nuan with despair. Her chest felt tightly constricted, pain blooming at the tip of her heart.

She grabbed Song Ci’s clothes, roaring, “Song Ci, you f%cking tell me, what the hell is our relationship?!”

“Say it! Tell me, in your heart, what exactly is our relationship?!”

Song Ci lowered her head, not daring to look Wen Nuan in the eye.

Wen Nuan fought back tears, looking at Song Ci and gritting her teeth. “In your heart, you think our relationship can’t see the light of day. You, Song Ci, are just Zhao Wen Nuan’s underground lover, a white moonlight substitute¹, right?”

Her trembling fingertips dug into the sofa’s leather. Song Ci remained silent.

Song Ci pressed her fist to her lips. She didn’t dare speak.

Silence. Silence is better.

She was afraid saying one more word would make Wen Nuan even angrier. What if Wen Nuan left then?

“I f%cking told you to speak!” Seeing Song Ci’s silence, Wen Nuan’s anger flared, and she kicked over the coffee table in front of the sofa.

The loud scraping sound made Song Ci flinch.

In the silent living room, only Wen Nuan’s ragged breathing and Song Ci’s low whimpers could be heard.

Wen Nuan saw she had startled Song Ci, and her heart ached with reluctance. She suppressed the urge to pull Song Ci into her arms.

“Why aren’t you talking?” Wen Nuan’s neck was stiff. “Weren’t you quite talkative before? To be with me, whether as a substitute or a lover, you said you could accept any identity as long as you could be with me. Weren’t you quite eloquent then? Is it so f%cking hard for me to ask you to define our relationship?”

“Or is it that, in your heart, our relationship… is too shameful to mention, right?” Wen Nuan’s eyes reddened as she spoke, word by word.

“No,” Song Ci bit her lower lip, her voice trembling. “It’s not shameful to mention.”

“Then say it. What do you consider our relationship to be?”

Song Ci took a deep breath, lifted her head, a flicker of panic in her eyes as she met Wen Nuan’s gaze. “It doesn’t matter.”

Wen Nuan’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What do you mean, it doesn’t matter?”

Song Ci clenched her fists, looking at Wen Nuan with a pained expression before quickly looking away.

“What do you mean, it doesn’t matter?” Wen Nuan shouted.

“It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter means that regardless of the identity, as long as I can be by your side, stay with you always, even if I have to be a dog, I’m willing,” Song Ci screamed, heart-wrenching. “So, I don’t care about the identity, I don’t care how others see me, I don’t care….”

“Song Ci!” Wen Nuan cut her off abruptly, her eyes red from crying, tears streaming down uncontrollably.

She felt everything around her blurring, an irrepressible sob pleading, “Song Ci, I’m begging you, don’t be like this…”

Song Ci froze, watching Wen Nuan weep bitterly before her. Her chest felt as if it had been violently struck.

Song Ci walked over to Wen Nuan, raising trembling hands to embrace her. “Wen Nuan, don’t cry, please don’t cry, I was wrong, I was wrong….”

Wen Nuan didn’t know what was wrong with her.

The tears wouldn’t stop falling. An overwhelming grief tore at her heart, feeling like it was being pounded, crushed, twisted, shredded by something hard….

She couldn’t bear seeing Song Ci so lowly, so base before her.

That familiar burning sensation in her chest suddenly flared up, scalding hot tears rolling down Wen Nuan’s face.

They held each other like that, neither daring to squeeze too hard, afraid of shattering the fragile person in their arms, being ever so careful.

“Song Ci, I never saw you as a lover or a substitute. To me, you are my girlfriend, the person I like, my beloved. That is your identity, understand?”

Song Ci’s eyelids trembled, tears falling silently as she answered with an unsteady voice, “…Mm.”

“The scar on your chest isn’t some substitute’s mark; it’s a memory imprinted in my mind long ago.” Wen Nuan didn’t want this scar to become a permanent barrier between them.

Song Ci looked bewildered, choking out, “A memory?”

“You don’t remember? First year of high school, during gym class, you asked me to go back to the classroom with you to change. I accidentally saw this scar on your chest. I didn’t think much of it then. After going abroad, I met a girl overseas, we were classmates. During swimming class, I saw she had a scar on her chest identical to yours. At that time, I found it somewhat familiar but forgot where I’d seen that scar before. Later, when I returned home and saw a similar scar on you, I was a bit surprised. Surprised why your scars looked so similar?”

Wen Nuan found it hard to explain the origin of this scar; besides, she herself didn’t know where the sword-wound-like scars on You Jiayi and Song Ci came from.

She could only fabricate a story to eliminate this barrier between them.

It was laughable, really. She hated being lied to the most, yet her own mouth was full of lies.

Would there be retribution?

Probably!

Points frozen, unable to be with her lover forever, having hurt her time and time again in the past—even returning to make amends, the damage remained.

The wound was clearly on Song Ci’s body, yet it was always Wen Nuan whose heart was torn apart by the pain. She had made mistakes; this was deserved.

She couldn’t cry out in pain, because she wasn’t worthy…

Ultimately, she would bury herself completely, turning to white bones with her girl. Such atonement would be her utmost honor.

Song Ci’s pupils trembled, her brow furrowing slightly, her voice hoarse. “That girl… was she the one you liked?”

Wen Nuan rested her chin on Song Ci’s shoulder, sighing. “Ah Ci, you weren’t listening carefully, were you? That girl was just my classmate. I only accidentally saw the scar on her chest, and that scar was very similar to yours, which felt familiar to me. So, all along, the girl I truly cared about in my heart was actually…”

“Me?!” Song Ci trembled lightly, her eyes instantly brightening.

“Mm, it’s you,” A faint smile appeared in Wen Nuan’s eyes. “Actually, I just realized, it’s always been you.”

You Jiayi was you, and Song Ci is also you.

She realized it too late, letting her girl suffer so much.

Song Ci’s heart pounded like thunder, so nervous she blurted out, “Then… then does that mean, the one you’ve always liked is me?”

Wen Nuan’s lips curved upwards as she hugged Song Ci’s waist tighter. “Yes, the one I’ve always liked is you.”

You are the only girl who has ever moved my heart like this.

Song Ci felt her heart beating violently, as if it were about to explode.

She wept with joy, hugging Wen Nuan tightly. “I… I… I…”

“It’s okay, I’m right here. Speak slowly, I’m listening.” Wen Nuan gently stroked her trembling back.

Song Ci clutched her clothes, asking frantically, “You like me?”

“Mm, I like you.”

“You love me too?”

“Mm, I love you.”

“You… you want me, right?” Song Ci looked at her tearfully, eyes filled with timidity and anticipation.

Wen Nuan kissed her, her voice resounding, “I want you.”

Song Ci sobbed uncontrollably, choking out, “Wen Nuan, thank you, thank… you for loving me and wanting me, thank you…”

She felt like she had always been abandoned.

Her mother abandoned her for wealth and status; her father abandoned her for pleasure.

The lively, joyous world abandoned the cold, lonely Song Ci.

Fortunately.

Fortunately, she still had Wen Nuan. This was the light she had begged Heaven for.

Even if it meant paying any price, she only wanted an inch of light, an inch bright enough to warm her.

Although Wen Nuan had cried the hardest and fiercest, it was Song Ci who was exhausted.

Wen Nuan picked Song Ci up and placed her on the bedroom bed. The little crybaby hadn’t changed; her eyes swelled up badly after crying, looking exactly like two little steamed buns.

The corners of her eyes were red, her eyelashes damp with tears.

Wen Nuan sat on the edge of the bed, gently stroking her cheek. She leaned down and placed a kiss between Song Ci’s eyebrows.

“Sweet dreams, little crybaby,” she brushed away a tear from the corner of Song Ci’s eye, her voice warm. “Tomorrow will be a beautiful day. There will be morning sun, a warm breeze, and me.”

Song Ci’s tightly furrowed brow relaxed, the corners of her lips turning up slightly.

She heard it.

Tomorrow, I’ll see Wen Nuan as soon as I open my eyes. That’s wonderful.

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The author has something to say:

Protagonist aggrieved: I don’t want to be this humble and base!
Wen Nuan helpless: Be good, don’t make trouble, a counter-attack² is not happening.

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