The Sovereign – Chapter 95

Volume Five: Remembering a Lifetime in the Sound of a Breaking Heart

Parting Sorrow

She really walked away without looking back.

As soon as Liu Qianxun left the Fengluan Palace, she saw several imperial doctors rushing by. Right after, she heard a palace maid behind her saying, “Hurry up, hurry up, the emperor is coughing up blood again.”

She suddenly turned her head, wanting to rush back in, but stopped herself. Would she even have the chance to be with her at this moment? Does she still have the right? Perhaps she no longer even has the right to stand by her side. From now on, it will only be Yun Jin accompanying her. Oh well, Yun Jin is such a gentle and considerate woman; she will surely take good care of Qin Junlan. As a sister, she feels she’s not as good.

With heavy steps, she walked towards the Qixia Palace. Passing by the Iris Garden, she didn’t even have the courage to step in. Those once vibrant and beautiful flowers now felt like “dagger tips piercing her heart” (a metaphor for painful memories). The once beautiful memories were as fleeting as a night-blooming cereus.

No matter how much she couldn’t bear it and didn’t want to admit it, it was completely over between her and Qin Junlan. From the moment Bai Ruoxi died, there was no possibility left. Maybe it’s for the best. She no longer has to carry such a heavy burden by her side, or worry about the ending. Isn’t it better this way now?

Chen Qing didn’t die in vain. She took all the blame, giving Qin Junlan a chance to step her out of the prison. Without her help and without her choosing just the right moment for Qin Junlan to wake up, she might still be trapped in this deep palace prison. Now everything seems so natural and inevitable. She can rightfully leave the palace—no, she was ordered out by Yan’er herself.

This way, her heart felt a bit more at ease. She felt she deserved a harsher punishment, and now this was the best outcome. But why did Qin Junlan, who hated her so much, still want her to stay for the little princess’s funeral? Was she reluctant to let her go? Liu Qianxun held on to a sliver of hope. Otherwise, why would she show such mercy? Yet, the more this happened, the sadder Liu Qianxun felt, and the more she felt she had wronged her.

The vast Qixia Palace suddenly felt so deserted. Mujin had already packed the luggage, just waiting to leave after Bai Ruoxi’s funeral tomorrow. Leaving the palace, this place of disputes, and this place that never belonged to her.

She had more important things to do. The poison must have been administered by Ling Yu, and she needed to return to Changning Manor to ask Ling Yu for the antidote. She had to save Qin Junlan.

White silk hung high, candle flames flickered gently, and Bai Ruoxi’s coffin was placed in the main hall of Guan Yuan, the place where she lived when she was alive. Her eyes were gently closed as if she were sleeping, her delicate face peaceful. She was a breath of fresh air in the palace, like a white lotus that emerged unstained from the mud. Yet such a kind and beautiful woman was burdened by fate, tragically dying by her own brother’s sword.

“Xi’er~ Your emperor sister is sorry for you.” Qin Junlan leaned on the coffin, gazing at Bai Ruoxi lying inside, her eyes slightly reddened. Despite her frailty, she still wanted to spend a little more time with her.

“I know you want to see Ye Ming, but she’s missing now, and I can’t find her either.” Qin Junlan’s voice was gentle, completely lacking the usual authority, as if every word took all her strength.

Now, even standing was difficult for her, and she had to use her hands to support herself in front of the coffin, yet she insisted on not letting Yuan Xi come forward.

“Your Majesty, the Lady…” Yuan Xi paused and quickly corrected himself, “Miss Liu is here…”

Liu Qianxun, dressed in plain white, without any hair ornaments or makeup, her face bare, walked to the coffin and knelt down, bowing deeply. Qin Junlan could see her figure from the corner of her eye but did not turn around. In truth, she didn’t want Liu Qianxun to see Bai Ruoxi off; she simply couldn’t bear for her to leave so soon. It was laughable, even now, she wished it was all a lie, that Xun’er was still the same Xun’er, and none of these disasters had ever happened.

After Liu Qianxun finished her bows, she stepped forward, finally unable to hold back the sobs she had been suppressing as she saw Bai Ruoxi’s body. She gently bit her lip, her mind filled with memories of Bai Ruoxi teasing her and clinging to her arm, acting sweetly and asking Ye Ming to keep her company.

The words “Sister Xun’er” echoed in her ears over and over. She never knew that death could be so upsetting; for the first time, she realized that killing someone could be so painful.

“Are you also sad? I thought your heart was made of stone,” Qin Junlan’s cold voice rang out. She was too exhausted to judge whether Liu Qianxun’s sorrow was real or fake. She had been by her side for so long, disguising herself without a trace; what could these tears truly mean now?

“I’m sorry…” Liu Qianxun bowed her head, apologizing to Bai Ruoxi. Although she wasn’t the direct killer, she was indirectly responsible for her death and had hurt Qin Junlan even more.

*Cough, cough, cough*—Qin Junlan’s discomfort returned, pulling at her chest and abdomen, making her internal organs feel like they were being gnawed by thousands of insects, causing her unbearable pain.

“Yan’er, Yan’er, are you okay?” Liu Qianxun asked worriedly as she moved closer. It had been so long since she last touched her; she hadn’t been close to Qin Junlan for too long, and now, there was even a tiny bit of happiness in it.

“How dare you touch me in front of Xi’er!” Qin Junlan flung her hand away, turning her back. Tears welled up in her eyes, and every breath felt like she was being weighed down by something heavy, making it hard to breathe.

Liu Qianxun clasped her fingers tightly, unable to say a word or even shed another tear. She just looked at Qin Junlan’s frail appearance, feeling immense pain inside. She didn’t want to delay even for a moment; she just wanted to leave immediately.

“I have escorted the princess and have come to bid farewell to Your Majesty.” With those words, she knelt down and kowtowed three times to Qin Junlan’s back. The dull sound of her head hitting the ground felt like a heavy hammer striking Qin Junlan’s heart.

Was she in such a hurry to leave, so eager to return to Ling Yu’s side? Fine, very well, go ahead and leave, the sooner the better! Qin Junlan chuckled softly, “Go, and never come back. I don’t want to see you again!”

Liu Qianxun smiled as two lines of clear tears rolled down her face, “I shall obey the imperial decree~”

From now on, the palace will no longer have Princess of Qinghe, and the Qixia Palace will become an empty hall.

The already gloomy sky started to rain again. This deliberate encounter and scheme ultimately ended with a sad farewell. Qin Junlan ordered someone to give Liu Qianxun a gold token, fearing the Empress Dowager might make another move. As long as she’s within the borders of the Ji Kingdom, showing this token would ensure no one dares to trouble her.

She’s really gone. Qin Junlan looked at the dark, looming clouds in the distance, feeling even heavier in her heart.

“Sister, the wind is picking up. Let’s go back to the Fengluan Palace and rest.” Yun Jin fastened a cloak around her, but Qin Junlan kept her eyes on the distance. She must have left from the Qixia Palace by now. This heavy rain really came at the wrong time.

“Jin’er, help me to the city tower.” Qin Junlan wanted to see her again. She hated herself for being useless and weak, wanting to catch a few more glances at her. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, she couldn’t lie to herself.

Liu Qianxun’s departure made her feel more hopeless than anything else in the world.

The wind on the city tower howled, tousling Qin Junlan’s hair as she stood at the highest point, looking down. That pure and ethereal figure, dressed in white, blended with the misty rain, moving farther and farther away. Was she really so cold and resolute? She left without even turning back. Qin Junlan clutched her chest, the sharp pain making her breath uneven, with tears filling her eyes.

“Imperial Sister, please don’t get too upset, take care of your health,” Yun Jin held her tightly, afraid she might fall at any moment. Her eyes were fixed on the departing Liu Qianxun. It was the first time Yun Jin saw Qin Junlan like this, realizing how utterly sad and hopeless a person’s eyes could be when their heart was broken.

All the suffering was reflected in her powerless eyes, and all the longing and hope were faintly visible within them. Qin Junlan perhaps didn’t realize she was crying like rain. What kind of unwillingness was this that made an emperor like Qin Junlan shed tears on the city tower?

“Why are you putting yourself through this?” Yun Jin’s heart ached too. She wished so much that Liu Qianxun would turn back and glance, just one look, to prevent Qin Junlan from being so heartbroken.

Every step Liu Qianxun took felt like “lingchi” (a form of torture involving slow slicing), yet she continued to move forward resolutely. She told herself she couldn’t turn back. She no longer had the right to long for this place or to yearn for Qin Junlan’s warmth. This place never belonged to her, and neither did this love. It was time for her to leave, to do what she must, to make up for her past mistakes.

She knew Qin Junlan was watching her from the city tower. Even with the distance between them, she could feel Qin Junlan’s gaze.

Liu Qianxun never paused or turned back. Only she knew how much strength it took to walk away so decisively. Since she was leaving, she wanted everything to seem natural, as if she were just a cold and heartless woman. Maybe with time, Qin Junlan would slowly let her go.

Right now, the most important thing was finding the source of the poison and the antidote.

Qin Junlan kept watching Liu Qianxun’s figure as it moved farther away, disappearing into the misty distance. Finally, Qin Junlan’s willpower collapsed, her legs gave way, and she fell into Yun Jin’s arms.

“Imperial Sister, Imperial Sister, how are you doing?” Yun Jin called out anxiously, while Qin Junlan grasped her hand tightly. “Jin’er, from today onwards, you and Guo’er will move into the Fengluan Palace.”

“What?” Yun Jin looked at her in confusion.

“Guo’er needs to improve his studies, and you’ll assist me with reviewing the memorials~”

“Imperial Sister? I…”

“Don’t worry, I will teach you to understand the court and see the world. I will…” Qin Junlan felt dizzy, and the pain in her body made her shiver slightly. It was time to set everything in order.

The palace doctors coming in and out of the Fengluan Palace were all at a loss. The recent prescriptions could keep Qin Junlan awake, but her condition remained highly unstable. Her body could collapse at any time, with frequent bouts of vomiting blood and increasing stomach pain.

“None of them are of any use. What kind of poison has the Emperor been afflicted with that there’s no solution at all?” Yi Qinghuan was furious, her heart filled with both worry and pain. She never imagined in her wildest dreams that the daughter who once ruled over all lands would one day become so fragile.

In the past, even when she was sick, she never lost her imposing presence; even when injured, she never lost her pride. But now, she was like a wilted flower, gradually withering. Her eyes, even when open, seemed dull. Though she was alive, it made people feel more heart-wrenching than death.

For the first time, Yi Qinghuan began to doubt herself, wondering if everything she had done was truly wrong.

In the deep night, Guo’er drooped his head, staring at the book in front of him, unable to keep his eyes open. “Mother, I’m so sleepy, I want to go to bed.”

“Just two more pages, then you can sleep.” Yun Jin stayed by his side, personally supervising him as he finished reading. Usually, at this time, Guo’er would already be asleep, but since Qin Junlan wanted to entrust him with important duties, how could she allow him to slack off?

“But I’m really sleepy.” Guo’er raised his little hand, trying to keep his eyelids open, showing the innocent look of a child. Yun Jin felt a pang of sorrow, gently patting his head, “Guo’er, you have to be good and study. You’re not just any ordinary child. Your imperial aunt cares so much about you; you can’t let her down.”

“But I’m really so sleepy…” Guo’er could hardly hear anything else, feeling like he was about to fall asleep at any moment.

“Don’t push him, let him sleep.” Qin Junlan’s voice sounded as she approached Guo’er and said, “Guo’er, listen to your imperial aunt and go to bed.”

Guo’er’s eyes were already half-closed. He smiled and reached out his arms to Yun Jin, “I want mother to hold me to sleep.”

“Come here, sweetie!” Yun Jin lovingly cradled him in her arms, gently patting and rocking him until Guo’er drifted off to sleep.

Yun Jin watched the sleeping Guo’er, feeling a warmth in her heart. She tenderly kissed his forehead and carefully laid him down on the bed.

Qin Junlan looked at the heartwarming scene of Yun Jin and Guo’er, feeling content but also a bit bitter inside. “Look how happy Guo’er is, still able to snuggle up and sleep in his mother’s arms.”

“He’s been used to me putting him to sleep since he was little,” Yun Jin said with a smile, gently tucking him in, glancing back a few times to make sure everything was alright.

“When I was four, the only companions I had were endless nights and piles of books,” Qin Junlan recalled. “My mother, with her sharp insight, groomed me as the heir from a young age. But she didn’t know how much I longed to be like other royal children, to have my mother’s embrace once in a while.”

“Elder sister…”

“People think being in a high position means you can control everything, but how would they know that I’ve always been afraid of the dark? During thunderstorms, I could only hug myself. When other kids had their mother’s care, I had to face everything alone. My mother gave all her love to my younger brother, leaving only strictness for me. I felt so lonely, with my life filled with endless reports and state affairs,” Qin Junlan sighed softly, “Growing up is always hard and painful. The responsibilities on my shoulders are so heavy that I can’t relax even a bit, but there are times of despair when I feel like this lonely life will never end.”

“You are the pride of heaven, and for many, they can only look up to you, not dare to get close,” Yun Jin said with a tone full of melancholy, and she counted herself among those people.

“Maybe. But the one who managed to open my heart was her, yet everything is over now, over…” Qin Junlan shook her head with a bitter smile, her emotions much calmer than before.

All of this was heard clearly by Yi Qinghuan outside the hall. She turned and left, choking back tears. How did she never know Qin Junlan was afraid of the dark, or about her thoughts and feelings? That’s right, ever since she was little, Qin Junlan always kept everything to herself, never willing to complain or show weakness.

Was she wrong? Was she too harsh?

Yi Qinghuan gazed into the long, dark night, her eyes unfocused as she looked into the distance, as if she could see that loquat forest. She murmured to herself, “Yu’er, was it my fault? I didn’t know Yan’er has been so miserable all these years, feeling so lonely even as an emperor.”

She sighed deeply and instructed, “Qiushui, send a message to the loquat forest, ask Qingyu to return to the palace.”

“Yes~”

She’ll come back, right… she cares about Yan’er so much…

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