The Sovereign – Chapter 73

Volume Four: Opulent Splendor Like a Dream, Waters Flow East

Solitary Figure and Lonely Shadow

In this life, I only wish to be like a shadow following you

Liu Zhu felt the world spinning around her, her body as light as duckweed. She felt weightless, without an ounce of strength. Her lips turned pale as she slowly slumped against a tree. Suddenly, as if entering a dream, she saw a black silhouette arrive swiftly, descending gracefully from the treetops to catch her and pull her into an embrace.

Liu Zhu felt a cool stream flowing into her heart, and her labored breathing gradually steadied. Her drifting heart seemed to find an anchor.

“Qingyu,” Liu Zhu murmured, her brows furrowed as she softly called out the name.

Yi Qingyu’s palm moved gently, channeling her true qi into her lung transport acupoint. Liu Zhu’s weary eyes finally opened slowly, but due to her weakened state and recent emotional turmoil, she still couldn’t walk. Yi Qingyu lifted her up and carried her towards the bamboo cottage.

“Qingyu,” Liu Zhu leaned into Yi Qingyu’s embrace, her hands resting limply on her shoulders. She wanted to be closer to Qingyu, even closer.

Yi Qingyu always carried a faint scent of alcohol, the ethereal fragrance of a special loquat wine. Liu Zhu knew Qingyu had grown fond of drinking over the years. Back when they roamed the jianghu, Yi Qingyu enjoyed the occasional drink, but since Liu Zhu disliked the smell of alcohol, she had given it up. It was only after Liu Zhu’s incident that Yi Qingyu started drinking again, though never to excess, instead indulging in solitary, refined drinking amidst nature.

“Qingyu…” Liu Zhu’s originally hoarse voice was now as thin as floating silk (extremely weak). She wanted to call out her name over and over, unsure if this moment was real or an illusion. She feared that their recent wordless interactions were just a dream, and that if she closed her eyes, she’d wake up back in Changning Manor, never having met Qingyu.

“Don’t speak…” Yi Qingyu carried her with swift, steady steps. Her cool countenance showed no trace of a smile, her calm eyelids hiding a world of worry. Liu Zhu struggled to keep her eyes open, feeling as light as a swallow. Catching a glimpse of Qingyu’s sorrowful face, she felt an unbearable pain in her chest.

Why was Qingyu so heavy-hearted today?

She had forgotten that over twenty years ago, she had fallen off a cliff into the sea. Since then, this day had become her death anniversary, and the eighth day of every month was Qingyu’s most painful day.

Liu Zhu held onto Qingyu’s shoulders, her head resting slightly in the crook of Qingyu’s neck. It had been so many years since she had felt this warmth. For over two decades, there wasn’t a day she didn’t long for this embrace, nor a day she didn’t miss Qingyu. Now, they were a short distance yet worlds apart, yet she couldn’t reveal her true identity.

How could she indulge her own desires and make Qingyu experience loss again? She couldn’t bear to part with Qingyu in life or death! Perhaps one day, an attack like today’s would come, and she’d fall into eternal sleep. What would happen to Qingyu then? Back then, Qingyu didn’t follow her in death because of Yun Jin. She knew it was all for that child. If she were to easily let Qingyu experience her death again, what would become of Qingyu? She dared not think about it.

Yi Qingyu, carrying Liu Zhu, quickly returned to the bamboo cottage. She laid her on the couch and began acupuncture treatment to heal her body. Liu Zhu’s heartbeat gradually steadied, and her consciousness slowly cleared, allowing her to clearly see Yi Qingyu’s beauty that could topple a nation.

“Who let you run around? Don’t you know your health is poor?” Yi Qingyu couldn’t help but scold. She liked to stand on tree branches, swaying in the wind, one hand holding a wine jug, the other practicing martial arts.

Only in a slightly tipsy state could she experience faint illusions of seeing Liu Zhu’s figure, and occasionally Liu Zhu would appear in her dreams. The times they could meet in dreams were few and far between. Sometimes, Qingyu couldn’t distinguish between dreams and reality. She felt as if Liu Zhu had never left, never truly passed away. Perhaps Liu Zhu had always lived deep in her heart, yet that empty loneliness and yearning were still so bone-deep.

At first, when she heard a faint sound from the forest, she didn’t react. After all, this person was just Liu Qianxun’s mother; she shouldn’t have any extra emotions towards her. But that desperate cry was impossible to ignore. In the end, her heart softened, and she turned back to find her.

To her surprise, she found her collapsed in the forest, having suffered an attack due to fear and worry. Yi Qingyu felt concerned, along with an unexpected surge of heartache and pity. Since Liu Zhu’s departure, no one had stirred emotions in her heart. She was the first.

“I…” Liu Zhu stammered, somewhat fearful, “I thought you had left, I thought you…”

“I thought you didn’t want me anymore…” Liu Zhu only dared to say this in her heart. Those years after meeting in Yu Kingdom were Liu Zhu’s happiest and most blissful days. But Qingyu came from the jianghu and was destined to return to it. That night, when Liu Zhu didn’t see Qingyu, she thought she had left. In her panic, she searched and called out in the darkness, not knowing that Qingyu had just gone to the street corner to buy her favorite food.

Now these memories had become like sharp weapons, and reality cruelly pulled her back. If only her body hadn’t failed her, if only she had known martial arts, she wouldn’t have been at the mercy of assassins back then, and wouldn’t have ended up in this situation.

Liu Zhu’s tone seemed familiar, her weak yet longing eyes reminiscent of the Liu Zhu from years ago. Yi Qingyu furrowed her brows, gazing at Liu Zhu in a trance, “You always remind me of her. Why?”

“Wh…what…” Liu Zhu pretended not to understand Qingyu’s words.

“What’s your name?” Yi Qingyu suddenly became curious about her. Her eyes were misty, covered with a layer of fog, trying to peer behind the mask.

“My name is…” Liu Zhu suddenly didn’t know how to answer. Looking at Qingyu, she slightly curved her lips and said, “My name is Ah Ying.”

“Ah Ying?” Yi Qingyu murmured.

Liu Zhu nodded. She only wished to be like a shadow (ying) following Qingyu for the rest of her life. Although this was all a luxury, in her remaining days, she still longed to give Qingyu a bit of warmth and care, even if it was just a minuscule influence. Even if it was just as simple as a basket of rice and a pot of soup.

Yi Qingyu’s heart was confused by her gentle and familiar aura. Ah Ying’s name was unfamiliar, but the person before her suddenly stirred a longing in her heart. She made Yi Qingyu want to cherish her, protect her, and even feel heartache for her.

Whether it was because today was the death anniversary or due to her emotional state, she felt an increasing urge to see her true face. She asked softly, probing, “May I see your face?”

“This?” Liu Zhu was startled, hurriedly sitting up from the bed, frantically touching her mask, at a loss for words. “I… I don’t dare show my true face to others.”

“I’ve seen all sorts of people. Do you think I’d be scared by your face?”

“No, I don’t have the face to face you. Please don’t put me in a difficult position,” Liu Zhu said, almost choking on her words. She was afraid she might not be able to keep up the pretense for much longer, but if there was even a sliver of possibility, she didn’t want Qingyu to recognize her.

Fearing that she might become agitated, Yi Qingyu waved her hand, “Alright, alright, I won’t force you.”

After speaking softly, she turned to leave. Liu Zhu, almost instinctively, stepped forward and grabbed her hand without thinking, anxiously asking, “Where are you going?”

“Just for a walk,” Yi Qingyu said expressionlessly. The indifference that flashed in her eyes made Liu Zhu panic instantly. She stepped forward and held onto Qingyu’s wrist, “Qingyu, are… are you angry?”

Yi Qingyu felt that her emotions were unstable, seemingly out of control, and her attitude towards herself was even stranger. Fearing she might have another attack, she could only gently pat her arm to comfort her, “No, I’m just going to pay respects to an old friend.”

“Can… can I go with you?” Liu Zhu tightened her grip on Qingyu’s hand. Qingyu glanced at the hand holding hers, slowly pulled away, and said indifferently, “You may.”

Liu Zhu’s hand, now freed, hung in the air. Even though she knew Qingyu was resisting physical contact because she saw her as a stranger, her heart still ached. Qingyu only had Zhu’er in her heart, she should be happy about that, but her heart was still so sour.

She knew that Qingyu hadn’t been doing well these years. But how could she make Qingyu a little happier? She couldn’t give her anything.

Yi Qingyu usually walked alone, her pace quick. Today, with Liu Zhu following behind, she deliberately slowed her steps. Although she walked alone in front, she would still slightly turn her head, using her peripheral vision to seek out Liu Zhu’s figure. But she was still worried and couldn’t help turning around, saying softly, “The path is slippery, be careful.”

Liu Zhu’s body was still weak, and fearing she couldn’t keep up with Yi Qingyu, she forced herself on. The ground was soft, emitting a post-rain scent. Liu Zhu’s gaze always followed Qingyu’s silhouette, sometimes neglecting her footing. The slope of the loquat forest was slightly slippery. While going uphill, she accidentally slipped, but Qingyu steadily caught her.

Liu Zhu’s heart warmed. Wasn’t Qingyu quite far away just now? When did she come back? Was she actually caring for her all along? She was still as thoughtful as before, yet never expressing it openly.

“It’s fine, I… I can walk on my own,” Liu Zhu said. Though her heart was elated, remembering Qingyu’s earlier aversion to touch, she reluctantly let go of the wrist she had grabbed.

Seeing her lost and disappointed expression, Yi Qingyu’s heart softened again. She didn’t know why she felt pity for her, nor could she bring herself to refuse her. All the coldness and indifference she had shown others before seemed to vanish when it came to her. She flicked her long, wide sleeve towards her, saying, “Hold onto my sleeve.”

Liu Zhu’s eyes instantly lit up, her lips curling into a slight smile as she grasped Yi Qingyu’s sleeve, feeling immediately more secure. She constantly worried that Qingyu would ignore her, fearing her refusal would make Qingyu unhappy. Although Yi Qingyu didn’t let her touch her hand, she carefully kept her wrist within reach, ensuring her walk was more stable.

The three-li loquat forest was built along the mountain. Besides the bamboo cottage in the forest, there was another scenic spot in the southeast. Here, it was a cluster of brocade-like flowers, like an exquisite garden. However, what met the eye wasn’t a pleasant landscape, but a cenotaph inscribed with “Beloved Liu Zhu’s Tomb.”

In front of the cenotaph stood a wooden stake with blood-red characters that were shocking to behold, deeply piercing Liu Zhu’s heart. Her heart trembled slightly, her nose filled with a strong sense of bitterness. Had Qingyu written that with her own blood? Why? Why torture herself like that? Liu Zhu bit her lower lip hard, her heart beginning to ache violently. This feeling was more painful than having a knife carve out her heart.

Yi Qingyu would stand before the tomb for a day every month, drinking loquat wine alone, quietly accompanying Liu Zhu’s cenotaph. When she learned of Liu Zhu’s incident years ago, she dug a grave here with her bare hands and placed Liu Zhu’s clothes inside. She sprinkled her blood on the soil, cut off a lock of her hair to accompany her, hoping the journey to the Yellow Springs wouldn’t be frightening or lonely. With her fingers dripping blood, she wrote these words crookedly, then passed out drunk before the tomb. Since then, she began planting loquat trees on this land. For over twenty years, she had done this every month, thinking of the person in her heart daily.

Yi Qingyu stood silently before the tomb, where a jug of loquat wine was placed. She lightly raised her toes, and the wine jug steadily flew into her palm. Tilting her head back slightly, she poured the wine into her mouth. Rivulets of wine trickled from her mouth down her neck, soaking her collar. In an instant, she had drained the entire jug.

Though she didn’t utter a word, Qingyu’s grief was clearly transmitted to Liu Zhu’s heart. That uncontrollable pain tortured her heart over and over again.

“Qingyu, the departed have gone… why do you torment yourself…”

Yi Qingyu remained silent. The wine passed through her intestines like poison, like a sharp sword, constantly piercing her heart. Long-term pain had become a habit, yet it never numbed her. If she could hurt until she lost all sensation, perhaps it would ease some of the suffering. Time had never taken away her longing for Liu Zhu, nor diminished her deep affection.

“Cough, cough~” Qingyu choked on the wine and coughed. Her eyes reddened slightly, bloodshot. The intense grief spread throughout the loquat forest, creating an atmosphere of deep sorrow and anguish.

“Qingyu~” Liu Zhu, with courage from an unknown source, stepped forward and grasped Yi Qingyu’s arm, her tone almost pleading, “Stop drinking~”

Her gentleness and that hint of helplessness moved Yi Qingyu. She turned her head slightly, her eyes moist and filled with sorrow. But Liu Zhu’s eyes also held sadness; reluctance, bitterness, pain, and hesitation intertwined. Time seemed to freeze at this moment, with only the rustling sound of tree leaves in the air.

Yi Qingyu stared at her, unconsciously reaching out her hand, leaning forward slightly, and calling out, “Zhu’er~?”

Liu Zhu’s heart jolted. She hurriedly turned her face away, avoiding Yi Qingyu’s approach. “You… you’ve mistaken me for someone else. I’m Ah Ying, not any Zhu’er…”

“Ah Ying??” Yi Qingyu murmured, laughing bitterly. Suddenly, she let out a long howl towards the sky and smashed the wine jug heavily on the ground. She hated herself! Why did she go to the palace back then, falling into the Empress Dowager’s trap, allowing her assassins to drive Liu Zhu to her death?

A thousand-zhang high cliff, the sea like a fierce beast below. Falling off, she couldn’t even find the body. She also hated herself for not being able to kill her own elder sister, who had doted on her since childhood until she was sent to Tiancang Pavilion to learn martial arts at eight. She hated everything in this world, and hated herself even more for not being able to follow in death.

Because of the infant child, Yun Jin, she couldn’t leave her motherless, couldn’t just let go like that. If she couldn’t raise Yun Jin to adulthood, how could she face Liu Zhu in the Yellow Springs?

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