The Prime Minister’s Daughter and the Marquis’s Fool – Chapter 83

I’ve Been Reserved for a Long Time. I Don’t Want to Be Reserved Anymore.

Lin Xizhao stared blankly at the soulless-looking Qu Sheng. She could never guess what Qu Sheng was thinking before, and she could guess even less now. But she was certain of one thing at this moment: Qu Sheng needed her.

Lin Xizhao started walking forward. Qu Sheng, too, woke from her thoughts, and the moment Lin Xizhao moved, Qu Sheng sensed it.

“Jiejie?” Qu Sheng could make out the footsteps, but her mind had been in such a mess lately that she couldn’t be sure. “Xizhao?”

Lin Xizhao watched as Qu Sheng’s expression shifted from meekly waiting to disappointment, and only then did she speak.

“It’s me.” Lin Xizhao’s voice floated softly through the air and drifted into Qu Sheng’s ears, but it did nothing to change the look of disappointment on her face.

She still suspected it was a sound she had imagined.

Even the sound of Lin Xizhao’s footsteps had become a demon haunting her. How could she ever leave Lin Xizhao in the future?

“You only slept for a little while. How are you awake already?” Lin Xizhao asked after walking to the side of the bed and sitting down.

Qu Sheng was stunned for a few moments. It wasn’t until Lin Xizhao reached out to stroke her face, letting her feel that soft warmth, that she couldn’t help but nuzzle against Lin Xizhao’s fingers, finally believing that Lin Xizhao was back.

“I’m hungry,” Qu Sheng said, making an excuse. She hadn’t been asleep at all; she’d known when Zhao Jiayu had come by.

Hearing this, the corners of Lin Xizhao’s lips curved up slightly. In a gentle voice, she said, “I’ll go have someone prepare a meal.”

“Mm,” Qu Sheng responded faintly.

Lin Xizhao looked at Qu Sheng’s docile appearance and thought of her dejected expression from moments before, which she had now almost completely concealed.

Lin Xizhao studied Qu Sheng’s features, watching as Qu Sheng sat there listening to her voice. She gently pursed her soft lips and went out.

Lin Xizhao had someone prepare dinner and send it over, then instructed Feng Qi to go to the Zhao Residence and trouble Xiao Bingying to make a trip here.

Qu Sheng didn’t like seeing other doctors, but she wasn’t too resistant to Xiao Bingying’s examinations and questions.

When Lin Xizhao returned to the room, Qu Sheng was still sitting on the bed, carefully trying to distinguish her footsteps. “Jiejie,” Qu Sheng called out to her, her voice carrying a hint of sweet dependence. “Help me up.” As she spoke, she raised a hand, extending it in Lin Xizhao’s direction.

Seeing this, Lin Xizhao walked over in a few steps, took her hand, and helped lift the quilt. “Be careful.”

Once Qu Sheng was off the bed and standing, Lin Xizhao went to the side to get her outer robe.

Even with Lin Xizhao by her side, Qu Sheng’s expression still seemed dazed and blank. Though her eyes couldn’t see before, she had never been this lifeless.

As Qu Sheng got dressed, Lin Xizhao kept her eyes on her. Noticing how Qu Sheng’s brow was always slightly furrowed, she reached out and smoothed her forehead after dressing her.

“My Sheng’er is so beautiful.”

In the past, when Lin Xizhao had complimented her like this, Qu Sheng would always pretend to put on a stern face or shyly look away. But this time, she didn’t react at all.

It was as if such words were nothing more than the chirping of a passing bird, rather than a gentle, flower-scented breeze caressing her heart.

“Is the food here?” Qu Sheng spoke up, breaking the brief silence between them.

Lin Xizhao glanced toward the outer room where the maidservants had already started bringing in the dishes. It was almost dinnertime anyway, so everything must have been prepared in advance.

“Yes. Let’s wash your hands first,” Lin Xizhao said, reaching out to take Qu Sheng’s fingers, which were hanging by her side.

Lin Xizhao led Qu Sheng out, wiped her hands clean, and guided her to her seat. “What would you like to eat today?”

“Anything is fine.” Qu Sheng used to look with her eyes, and whatever dish her gaze fell upon, Lin Xizhao would serve her some. But she can’t do that anymore.

Lin Xizhao didn’t ask again. A faint smile graced her lips as she began to feed her.

Qu Sheng didn’t eat much that night. Lately, when she ate, she’d get the feeling of wanting to vomit when she smelled the rich aroma of the food, even though she wasn’t full. She didn’t know what was wrong with her.

Lin Xizhao was halfway through her bowl of rice. When she picked up some food to feed Qu Sheng, Qu Sheng originally thought she could eat it, but the moment it entered her mouth, she felt the urge to vomit. She forced back the discomfort and swallowed it.

But the way her brow locked together was taken in completely by Lin Xizhao’s eyes.

“Do you want to eat more?” Lin Xizhao asked softly.

Qu Sheng suppressed the churning in her throat and shook her head.

“Have some tea to settle it.” Lin Xizhao had noticed Qu Sheng’s slight aversion to food. She had thought it was because of the alcohol Qu Sheng had been drinking these past two days.

Qu Sheng smelled the aroma of the tea near her nose. She lowered her head slightly, and Lin Xizhao tilted the cup to her lips.

After Qu Sheng finished, she sat to the side, waiting for Lin Xizhao to finish her meal. As she waited, just as Lin Xizhao was about to finish, Feng Qi knocked on the door. Qu Sheng turned an ear to listen, and Lin Xizhao, beside her, said, “It’s Bingying. She’s here.”

“Jiejie called for her?” Qu Sheng asked, turning toward Lin Xizhao.

“Yes. I saw your appetite hasn’t been very good these last two days, so I asked Bingying to come take a look at you.”

“There’s no need. I’m fine.” Qu Sheng denied that there was anything wrong with her.

Lin Xizhao’s brow curved as she said in a gentle voice, “It’s me who has a problem. I’m just worried. So let Bingying take a look at you, if only to put my mind at ease.”

Hearing this, Qu Sheng gave a slight nod and didn’t refuse again.

Lin Xizhao got up to open the door. Feng Qi bowed his head. “Miss Bingying has arrived.”

Lin Xizhao nodded and looked at Xiao Bingying with a smile in her eyes. “Come in, quickly. Thank you for making the trip.”

“It’s no trouble,” Xiao Bingying said, the corners of her lips turning up slightly in a good-natured way.

Xiao Bingying entered the room and saw Qu Sheng sitting by the dining table. Looking at her complexion, she seemed a bit thinner and more sallow than a few days ago.

“Xiao Sheng’er, have you been drinking again recently?” Xiao Bingying asked softly as she walked over.

Qu Sheng almost never treated Xiao Bingying perfunctorily. Xiao Bingying wasn’t one for many words, so anything she asked was never nonsense.

Listening to the maidservant clearing the table nearby, Qu Sheng replied, “Mm, I begged Jiejie to grant me a few cups.”

She really hadn’t drunk much. Lin Xizhao kept it under control and wouldn’t let her have too much.

Xiao Bingying smiled and stood to the side, observing Qu Sheng carefully. “Xizhao said you’ve taken a liking to drink lately and aren’t eating much, so she asked me to come see you.”

“Mm,” Qu Sheng replied faintly.

So she didn’t think Lin Xizhao had noticed, but it turns out she was keeping track all along.

While they were talking, a maidservant brought in a square table and placed it between them. Xiao Bingying nodded her thanks to the maidservant who brought her a chair. After sitting down, she began to take Qu Sheng’s pulse.

Her medical skills weren’t that advanced, but she could handle minor problems. Xiao Bingying checked Qu Sheng’s pulse, observed her for a moment, then looked over at Lin Xizhao.

Lin Xizhao stood to the side, her expression clearly worried. She had only told Feng Qi to ask Xiao Bingying to come check on Qu Sheng today, but after Xiao Bingying arrived, she hadn’t asked her a single thing, yet she had already figured out the source of her worries.

After checking Qu Sheng’s pulse, Xiao Bingying only said it was caused by drinking and that taking some medicine she prescribed for two days would fix it. Qu Sheng didn’t think much of it.

Lin Xizhao went to see Xiao Bingying out. The moment they stepped out of the courtyard, Xiao Bingying’s expression turned grave. “I noticed something was wrong when I saw her a few days ago,” she said in a low voice. “How long has this been going on?”

Hearing this, the worry on Lin Xizhao’s face deepened. “Ever since I came back after staying at my family’s residence for a few days.”

When Qu Sheng was quiet, she would always unconsciously frown. Her expression would only soften when she was talking to her.

“It’s not anything major. Just let her do whatever she wants, and make sure she takes the medicine I prescribed on time. This heart-sickness¹ of hers stems mostly from her eyes. You should set out for Haichao Kingdom as soon as possible to let that wandering physician² take a look.” Xiao Bingying’s words were very clear: Qu Sheng was lost in wild thoughts because of her eyes.

The illness truly wasn’t serious, but that was only for the early stages. If Qu Sheng’s eyes can’t be cured and she can’t get over that hurdle in her heart, she might end up spiraling into self-destruction.

To suffer such a blow in the prime of one’s youth… if it were her, she wasn’t sure she could accept it so calmly either.

Xiao Bingying explained the cause of Qu Sheng’s illness to Lin Xizhao, but she didn’t dare say the most important thing.

Lin Xizhao walked Xiao Bingying to the residence gates. Xiao Bingying lifted a corner of her skirt, stepped onto a small stool³ to get into the carriage, but just as she got on, she turned back to look at Lin Xizhao.

“Xizhao, there’s something I want to ask you.”

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After Xiao Bingying left, Lin Xizhao was completely distracted. Xiao Bingying had asked her about the relationship between her and Qu Sheng. Although she hadn’t answered truthfully, she understood the unspoken meaning behind her words.

The relationship between them would determine Qu Sheng’s current mood. Thinking back, from Qu Sheng’s relentless pursuit of her, to her avoidance after her blindness, to her later forcing her to leave… and then her attitude change after she was called away by Qu Yu and the others. It was all more than enough to show that she couldn’t accept her blindness.

Her outward emotions were just a disguise. And she, Lin Xizhao, was a knot in Qu Sheng’s heart. If she was well, Qu Sheng was well. If she wasn’t, Qu Sheng wasn’t either. If she were to leave, for Qu Sheng, it would be like twisting a sharp blade in a fatal wound, making the blood flow even faster.

Lin Xizhao returned to her room. Qu Sheng was sitting to the side with her head lowered, lost in thought about who knows what. She didn’t even notice when Lin Xizhao came in from outside.

“Sheng’er, are you bored and frustrated?” Lin Xizhao walked over and asked softly.

Qu Sheng snapped back to her senses at the sound, stunned for a moment before shaking her head with a faint expression. Even if she was frustrated, she shouldn’t tell Lin Xizhao and put her in the same state.

For a long while, Qu Sheng heard no movement from Lin Xizhao, only the sound of her rhythmic breathing. After a long time, the sound of footsteps returned. Qu Sheng listened as Lin Xizhao walked further away from her, and a moment later, the door opened.

“Go to the study and bring me that Guqin⁴,” Lin Xizhao said in a gentle voice.

In the past, when Qu Sheng was bored, she could dance for her. But she can’t do that now. Only the sound of the qin could allow Qu Sheng to see the outside world.

A maidservant quickly brought the instrument. Lin Xizhao had it set up, then poured a cup of tea for Qu Sheng. “That day of the spring festival when you were drunk, the song that Cheng Xi and Bingying played together was so beautiful. Today, I’ll play it for you.”

Qu Sheng nodded. Because she couldn’t see, she inexplicably felt that Lin Xizhao might not be able to see clearly either, so she nodded with a little more force.

Seeing this, Lin Xizhao’s expression grew a bit more worried. A moment later, she lifted her slender hands, and her fingertips rested on the strings.

The music was neither sad nor cheerful. It was a duet for a man and a woman, a song about the deep affection of Jian Die birds⁵. The pauses and flows of the melody made it seem as if you could imagine the composers occasionally glancing at each other, their eyes filled with threads of love.

And if Qu Sheng could see right now, perhaps she would discover that Lin Xizhao’s eyes also held the very thing she had always wanted to see.

Qu Sheng listened from the side, her head unconsciously drooping. Her eyes, unable to see any images, also lowered, their gaze falling to the floor.

Lin Xizhao stared at Qu Sheng’s figure, and slowly, her eyes began to moisten. When a teardrop slid down, Lin Xizhao frantically raised her hand to wipe it away, and the music came to an abrupt halt.

“Why’d you stop playing?” Qu Sheng asked, lifting her head and looking around emptily.

Lin Xizhao’s fingertips trembled for a second before she realized that Qu Sheng couldn’t see her crying.

“I forgot the tune,” Lin Xizhao said, making an excuse.

“Mm, change to another song then,” Qu Sheng suggested.

Lin Xizhao hummed a soft “mm” and asked, “Is there anything Sheng’er wants to hear?”

“Anything Jiejie plays is fine.” Although Qu Sheng was listening to the music, she couldn’t control her own thoughts, which had already drifted elsewhere.

Therefore, it didn’t matter what Lin Xizhao played.

Lin Xizhao looked at Qu Sheng, whose emotions remained flat. After a moment of thought, she said, “How about I read a travelogue to Sheng’er?”

“You’re not playing anymore?” Qu Sheng asked, confused.

“No, I’m not,” Lin Xizhao said, getting up and having a servant take the qin away.

There were already books in the room. Lin Xizhao picked one up and began to read to Qu Sheng. Although it was called a travelogue, its content mostly described the customs of a certain place and the author’s own insights.

Lin Xizhao wanted to use it to get Qu Sheng to talk more, but Qu Sheng no longer raised any questions like she used to. It seemed she wasn’t listening at all.

Lin Xizhao read halfway through and then stopped again. This time, Qu Sheng didn’t even notice.

Lin Xizhao sat there, staring at Qu Sheng for a long time. It wasn’t until she closed the book, walked over to Qu Sheng, and placed a hand on her shoulder that Qu Sheng was startled into realizing someone had approached her.

Qu Sheng’s body shifted slightly. In a daze, she smelled the cool fragrance on Lin Xizhao. The hand she had started to raise was slowly pulled back into a fist.

“Did I scare you?” Lin Xizhao’s heart grew heavier as she watched Qu Sheng’s subconscious defensive gesture.

“No,” Qu Sheng denied it.

Xiao Bingying had said not to leave Qu Sheng alone. If she was left by herself, she would inevitably get trapped in a cycle of thinking about things that agitated her, which was extremely bad for her emotional state.

“It’s getting late. Let’s go bathe and rest.”

Hearing Lin Xizhao’s words, Qu Sheng suddenly remembered that she had been reading to her. “You’re not reading anymore?”

Lin Xizhao was anxious inside, but her voice was gentle as she replied, “No, I’m not.”

Lin Xizhao helped Qu Sheng to the bath. Not long after she left, she entered the washroom again. The maidservants saw Lin Xizhao come in but said nothing, simply curtsying before they left.

Qu Sheng’s body was soaking in the bath barrel⁶, half-concealed by a layer of floating red and white flower petals. Lin Xizhao saw the fine beads of sweat on Qu Sheng’s forehead and slowly walked over.

Lin Xizhao slowly rolled up her sleeves, picked up the damp towel hanging nearby, and began to wash Qu Sheng’s soft, jade-like back.

Qu Sheng was like a string puppet, showing no reaction as Lin Xizhao washed her. When Lin Xizhao gently turned Qu Sheng’s body to face her, Qu Sheng compliantly turned as well.

When one can’t see, one’s inner emotions can’t be fully expressed. Qu Sheng’s blank, spiritless eyes made Lin Xizhao’s nose sting.

She’d known for a long time that Qu Sheng’s eyes couldn’t see and had been sad about it. She had also thought that Qu Sheng would be able to accept this fact calmly, but things weren’t as she had imagined. It had been self-righteous of her to ignore Qu Sheng’s feelings.

Lin Xizhao crouched down, scooped up a ladle of warm water, and slowly poured it from Qu Sheng’s neck. The water slid down her snow-white skin and into the tub, scattering the flower petals gathered in front of her. The fleeting glimpse of what lay beneath made Lin Xizhao’s mind go blank for a second.

Lin Xizhao took the towel and gently washed Qu Sheng’s front. Just as her hand was about to move lower, Qu Sheng’s hand suddenly shot out of the water and gripped her wrist.

The grip wasn’t heavy, but Lin Xizhao couldn’t break free.

“When did you come in?” Qu Sheng’s slightly hoarse voice asked the person in front of her, who was now a little flustered.

Hearing Qu Sheng’s words, it seemed she had only just now realized it was her. Lin Xizhao steadied herself. “A little while ago.”

Qu Sheng couldn’t see, and the rich fragrance of the flower petals in the tub had covered up Lin Xizhao’s cool scent. The maidservants would wash her back but never touched her front. Qu Sheng had been about to scold the servant for being so bold this time, but the moment she grabbed the wrist, she was shocked to realize the person before her was Lin Xizhao.

Now, hearing the voice that appeared so frequently in her thoughts, she was certain it was Lin Xizhao.

“Jiejie, you should probably go out,” Qu Sheng said, her tone flat, not betraying her embarrassment. But the blush on her face forced her to turn away quickly.

The room was silent. As Qu Sheng turned, the water in the tub made a swish-swash sound.

Lin Xizhao stood behind her without a word, making Qu Sheng feel increasingly restless. Just as she felt the heat of her body was about to surpass the temperature of the water, Lin Xizhao’s gentle voice spoke. “Between you and me, is there still a need for such reservations?”

Qu Sheng frowned, hearing Lin Xizhao’s ambiguous words.

After she spoke, Lin Xizhao saw that Qu Sheng didn’t move, so she placed the washed towel on her again and began to gently wash her. Qu Sheng wanted to refuse but didn’t dare to move too much. When Lin Xizhao’s hand reached for her front again, Qu Sheng pressed down on it.

“Jiejie, please conduct yourself with dignity.” Qu Sheng’s voice wasn’t stern. On the contrary, it was low, as if the words had tumbled out only at the peak of her shyness.

Qu Sheng’s words left Lin Xizhao stunned for a moment, but it only took a second for her to figure out what Qu Sheng was thinking.

“You’re asking me to be reserved. Are you telling me… you don’t like me anymore?” Lin Xizhao once again directed these ambiguous words at Qu Sheng’s back.

Lin Xizhao waited for a reply, but Qu Sheng didn’t speak again. She lowered her gaze to the petals in the tub. As Qu Sheng’s breathing quickened, they drifted further away, only to float back and cling to her skin, which was now flushed from the heat.

Lin Xizhao pulled her hand back when she felt Qu Sheng’s grip loosen.

She no longer stood behind Qu Sheng, but slowly moved to stand in front of her. She looked at Qu Sheng’s furrowed brow and her cheeks, still red with embarrassment, and said in a soft voice, “I’ve been reserved for a long time. I don’t want to be reserved anymore.”

The words reached Qu Sheng’s burning ears, and she froze for a second. Lin Xizhao’s previous words could have been misinterpreted, but this sentence was impossible to misunderstand.

The moment she spoke, Lin Xizhao’s eyes were already misty. She gazed at Qu Sheng’s long eyelashes, damp with steam, and without any warning, she leaned in and kissed her.

Softness covered Qu Sheng’s lips. She instinctively tried to pull back, but Lin Xizhao seemed to have come prepared, determined to succeed.

The moment their lips met, she cupped the back of Qu Sheng’s neck. Her strength wasn’t as great as Qu Sheng’s, but Qu Sheng was blocked by the back of the tub. As Qu Sheng retreated, Lin Xizhao advanced, until she had her pinned against the inner wall of the tub with nowhere to go.

With no path of retreat, Qu Sheng experienced this kind of dominance from Lin Xizhao for the first time. Cool, soft lips gently held her feverish ones, mimicking how she had once been with her, encroaching bit by bit. Then, while she was in a daze, a nimble tongue slipped inside, tangling with her own.

It wasn’t that Qu Sheng had never experienced Lin Xizhao’s initiative before, but this was the first time she’d received such a passionate kiss.

She couldn’t bear to push her away.

After the kiss, an out-of-breath Lin Xizhao rested her forehead against Qu Sheng’s. The hot breath she exhaled sprayed across Qu Sheng’s cheeks, making the dreamlike scene feel real.

Lin Xizhao panted softly. She looked down at Qu Sheng’s disbelieving expression, her soft lips moved, and she placed a kiss on Qu Sheng’s forehead. In the gentle tone that Qu Sheng loved most, she said, “Let me help you bathe first.”

Lin Xizhao’s words were like a binding spell, making Qu Sheng, sitting in the tub, stop struggling.

Lin Xizhao helped wash Qu Sheng’s front, but when she reached the more sensitive areas, Qu Sheng seemed to snap back to her senses. “I’ll do it myself.”

She liked Lin Xizhao, but she had never imagined they would meet like this.

Lin Xizhao didn’t insist. Qu Sheng couldn’t see, but there was nothing wrong with her arms. Lin Xizhao held the dripping towel, her eyes gentle. “Okay.” After she spoke, she handed the towel to Qu Sheng.

“You go out first.” Qu Sheng didn’t want Lin Xizhao to see her unclothed. She still had a maiden’s modesty.

Lin Xizhao lowered her gaze for a second, looking at Qu Sheng’s slightly panicked state. A moment later, she said, “Okay, I’ll wait for you outside.”

Lin Xizhao looked down at the dazed Qu Sheng, standing there for a few moments, unsure if her choice to come in had been right or wrong.

When Qu Sheng heard Lin Xizhao’s footsteps, she turned her head, and it wasn’t until she heard the door close that her tense body finally relaxed.

Qu Sheng gripped the towel Lin Xizhao had given her. As she replayed what had just happened, her grip slowly tightened.

When Qu Sheng finished bathing and came out, Lin Xizhao was waiting right outside. Seeing her emerge, she walked forward a few steps and took her hand from the arm of the maidservant.

When Lin Xizhao’s fingertips touched hers, Qu Sheng flinched for a second. Lin Xizhao felt her slight resistance but didn’t let her have her way.

Lin Xizhao took Qu Sheng’s hand and held it tight.

The two returned to the room. Lin Xizhao helped Qu Sheng get ready for bed, and after helping her onto the bed, she left without another word.

She needed to bathe, too.

Qu Sheng sat on the bed, her brow tightly furrowed. She didn’t know why Lin Xizhao had suddenly become so forward with her, but she hadn’t responded at all just now.

The very thing she’d craved most was offered up by Lin Xizhao, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to accept it.

She hadn’t been swept away by Lin Xizhao’s passion. She knew her eyes couldn’t see. She couldn’t protect Lin Xizhao; she would only be a burden to her.

She remembered all of this.

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The author has something to say:

CP⁷ Fan Club Head⁸, Zhao Jiayu: “Screaming!!”

Lin Xizhao: “……”

Zhao Jiayu: “Hurry up and talk some sense into that little thing! Stop her from playing coy. Who doesn’t know what she’s really like? She’s a total pervert⁹.”

Qu Sheng: “!!!”

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